%%
REAL PROGRAMMERS don't write specs - users should consider themselves lucky to
  get any programs at all, and take what they get.
%%
REAL PROGRAMMERS don't comment their code. If it was hard to write, it should
  be hard to understand - and even harder to modify.
%%
REAL PROGRAMMERS don't draw flowcharts. Flowcharts are, after all, the illit-
  erate's form of documentation. Cavemen drew flowcharts; look how much it did
  for them.
%%
REAL PROGRAMMERS don't read manuals. Reliance on a reference is hallmark of
  the novice and the coward.
%%
REAL PROGRAMMERS don't use APL, unless the whole program can be written in one
  line.
%%
REAL PROGRAMMERS don't use LISP. Only weakling programmers use more parentheses
  than actual code.
%%
REAL PROGRAMMERS don't use Pascal, Bliss, ADA or any of those sissy-pinko com-
  puter science languages. Strong typing is a crutch for people with weak mem-
  ories.
%%
REAL PROGRAMMERS disdain structured programming. Structured programming is for
  compulsive, prematurely toilet-trained neurotics who wear neckties and care-
  fully line up sharpened pencils on an otherwise uncluttered desk.
%%
REAL PROGRAMMERS don't like the team programming concept. Unless, of course,
  they are the Chief Programmer.
%%
REAL PROGRAMMERS have no use for managers. Managers are a necessary evil. Man-
  agers are for dealing with the bozos in Personnel, bean counters, senior
  planners and other mental defectives.
%%
REAL PROGRAMMERS scorn floating point arithmetic. The decimal point was inven-
  ted for pansies who were unable to "think big".
%%
REAL PROGRAMMERS don't believe in schedules. Planners make up schedules. Man-
  agers "firm up" schedules. Frightened coders strive to meet schedules. REAL
  PROGRAMMERS ignore schedules.
%%
REAL PROGRAMMERS like vending machine popcorn. Coders pop it in the microwave
  oven. REAL PROGRAMMERS use the heat given off by the CPU. They can tell what
  job is running just by listening to the rate of popping.
%%
REAL PROGRAMMERS don't bring brown-bag lunches to work. If the vending machine
  sells it, they eat it. If the vending machine doesn't sell it, they don't
  eat it. Vending machines don't sell quiche.
%%
REAL PROGRAMMERS know every nuance of every instruction and use them all in
  every real program. Puppy architects won't allow execute instructions to
  address another execute as the target instruction. REAL PROGRAMMERS despise
  such petty restrictions.
%%
REAL PROGRAMMERS don't write in BASIC. Actually, no programmers write in BASIC
  ... after age twelve.
%%
REAL PROGRAMMERS don't eat quiche. They eat Twinkies. And Szechwan food. Do
  not go to eat Szechwan food with a group of REAL PROGRAMMERS unless you are
  prepared to argue bitterly over the last spring roll.
%%
REAL PROGRAMMERS don't write in COBOL. COBOL is for wimpy application
  programmers.
%%
REAL PROGRAMMERS don't play tennis, or any other sport which requires you to
  change clothes. Mountain climbing is OK, and REAL PROGRAMMERS wear their
  climbing boots to work in case a mountain should suddenly spring up in the
  middle of the computer room.
%%
REAL PROGRAMMERS don't write in FORTRAN. FORTRAN is for wimpy engineers who
  wear white socks, pipe stress freaks, and crystallography weenies. They get
  excited over finite state analysis and nuclear reactor simulation.
%%
REAL PROGRAMMERS never work 9 to 5. If they are there at 9 AM, it's because
  they were up all night.
%%
REAL PROGRAMMERS don't write in PL/I. PL/I is for programmers who can't decide
  whether to write in COBOL or FORTRAN.
%%
REAL PROGRAMMERS don't do documentation. Documentation is for simps who can't
  figure out the listing.
%%
REAL PROGRAMMERS' programs never work right the first time. But if you throw
  them on the machine they can be patched into working in "only a few" 30-hour
  debugging sessions.
%%
REAL PROGRAMMERS don't write in Pascal, Mesa, Ada or any of those other pinko
  computer science languages. Strong typing is for people with weak memories.
%%
REAL PROGRAMMERS don't write application programs, they program right down on
  the bare metal. Application programming is for feebs who can't do systems
  programming.
%%
Button: Nasty, British, and Short (Tony Gold)
%%
Button: Cerebus for Dictator
%%
Laws of Project Management #1: No major project is ever installed on time,
  within budgets, with the same staff that started it. Yours will not be the
  first.
%%
Laws of Project Management #2: Projects progress quickly until they become 90%
  complete, then they remain at 90% complete forever.
%%
Laws of Project Management #3: One advantage of fuzzy project objectives is
  that they let you avoid the embarrassment of estimating the corresponding
  costs.
%%
Laws of Project Management #4: When things are going well, something will go
  wrong. When things just can't get any worse, they will. When things appear
  to be going better you have overlooked something.
%%
Laws of Project Management #5: If project content is allowed to change freely,
  the rate of change will exceed the rate of progress.
%%
Laws of Project Management #6: No system is ever completely debugged. Attempts
  to debug a system inevitably introduce new bugs that are even harder to
  find.
%%
Laws of Project Management #7: A carelessly planned project will take three
  times longer to complete than expected; a carefully planned project will
  only take twice as long.
%%
Laws of Project Management #8: Project teams detest progress reporting because
  it vividly manifests their lack of progress.
%%
MIPS, n.  Acronym for "Meaningless Indications of Processor Speed" -
					-- Courtesy of Mike Werner.
%%
Computers evolved from scientific superbrains to household appliances;
  had they started out as video games, they would certainly have been
  designed with the user interface in mind.
					-- D. Verne Morland
%%
Hackers don't grow older; they just get lazy or preoccupied or enmeshed
  in the bottom line. What was done once can be done again.
					-- Laran Stardrake
%%
Button: I am the person your mother warned you about
%%
Button: Life's too short, but if you go fast enough, you can live
        it one-and-a-half times.
%%
Cookie - Another insanely great product from the oddballs in the
         basement.
%%
IBM Tech Tips #1
  Field technician Cosmo Farquart in the Dismal Seepage, Ark.
  branch, shares this Tek-Tip of the Month with us: Upgrading
  an 8X30 processor to the 8X32 requires only the clipping of
  one wire on the Dynamic Address Allocations card. Remember,
  says Cosmo, clip only the third green wire from the right;
  clipping the second green wire will upgrade the processor
  too much (to an 8X34, to be specific, for which the custo-
  mer should pay an extra $10,000 a month!).
%%
IBM Tech Tips #2
  J.R. "Bob" Dobbs, subaccount manager in the Dallas Central
  branch, asks if it's possible to modify the 3457-9 Mod 11
  with the extended bit bucket facility (IBM #45-78557/a.4)
  if the 1411 disk plunger isn't included under MVQ/SA-SP
  Rel. 4.02. The answer, Bob, is yes, but only if the cust-
  omer has signed a lifetime lease.
%%
Classified Classifieds #1
  YOU WON'T BELIEVE IT but it's true: A natural-
  language implementation of IBM's hair-raising Job Con-
  trol Language is available NOW. Send 8,000 floppies
  and stamped, self-addressed packing crate to Ernie in
  Supplies at the Shady Grove Software Campus.
%%
Classified Classifieds #2
  LANS, LANS, LANS. More than 20 local area networking
  schemes available, most never used. Call J. Johnson
  in Wiring Closet, Calif., for details.
%%
CAPTAIN n. Decorative dummy found on sailboats. See FIGUREHEAD.
%%
CREW n. Heavy, stationary objects used on shipboard to hold down corners
of charts, anchor cushions in place, and dampen sudden movement of the
boom.
%%
SAILING n. The fine art of getting wet and becoming ill while slowly going
nowhere at great expense.
%%
GOLF n. The act of chasing small balls with long sticks into shallow holes
while wearing bright colored polyester clothing.
%%
FISHING n. The art of casting, trolling, jigging, or spinning while
freezing, sweating, swatting, or swearing.
%%
Auntie Em-
Hate you-
Hate Kansas-
Taking the dog - Dorothy
%%
Button: Would this body lie to you?
%%
Button: I've abandoned my search for reality and am looking for a good
        fantasy.
%%
Button: I want all of the power and none of the responsibility.
%%
Button: Happiness is a positive cash flow.
%%
Button: The one who dies with the most toys wins.
%%
Button: When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping.
%%
Button: God made a few perfect heads, on the rest of them He put hair.
%%
Button: It's hard to soar with eagles when you're surrounded by turkeys.
%%
Button: No more Mr. Nice Guy.
%%
"Skip the tea, lets just party", snapped the punk Alice
%%
Button: I never met a piece of chocolate I didn't like.
%%
Button: I is a college student.
%%
Button: I is a college graduate.
%%
Researchers have discovered that female praying mantises don't always
bite off the male's head before mating. It seems that females in pre-
vious studies were simply underfed -- the hunger overcame the lure of
romance. Moral for males: take the lady out to dinner if you don't
want her to bite your head off when you propose.
%%
                ABSENCE
We've looked at the whole Solar System:
Mars, Venus, the Moon - you can list 'em.
      Wherever we roam,
      There's nobody home.
Perhaps they stepped out, and we missed 'em?
%%
I just read about a professor who uses clips from old monster movies
to teach his physiology course. After the class watches King Kong or
Rodan do a number on New York or Tokyo, the prof shows why they're
anatomically impossible. Cute idea, except I'm not sure it's such a
good idea to destroy all those legends. Next thing, he'll be ex-
plaining why Santa Claus can't get down my chimney...
%%
The perils of progress, continued:
Metallurgical analysis seems to show that modern harpsichord strings
are tinnier-sounding than their 18th-century counterparts. The reason?
Today's steel is stronger and has fewer impurities; the old-time
strings sounded better because they were stretched close to the mat-
erial's breaking point. One more proof that progress doesn't neces-
sarily apply to the arts!
%%
A Harvard neurologist has found that caffeine is a good all-purpose
insecticide: it kills off such nasties as mosquito larvae and tobacco
hornworms. The conclusion (apologies to Hack Wilson): drink enough
coffee and you won't have bugs!
%%
  The Last Man on Earth sat alone in a room. There was a knock on
the door. He was tired. He was homesick. He wanted to quit. He had
nowhere else to go.
  There was another knock. This time followed by the reedy alien
whine, "Ten minutes to show time."
  Show time at Walazars Sideshow of the Stars! The home of freaks
and sole survivors.
%%
  It was over in a flash. The neutron bombs were delivered with so
little warning, none of the government officials were able to get
to their shelters in time. But the neutron bombs were designed to
wipe out only people, and they were designed well. Buildings stood
and petunias blossomed.
  Somehow, Dave had survived. The last boy on Earth. As he sat down
in his room, reading a Frederic Brown novel, the phone rang. With-
out thinking, Dave picked it up.
  "Dave, this is Kevin. Are you going to be at the SF club meeting
tonight?"
  Suddenly realizing what was happening, Dave reacted.
  "Kevin? But I thought I was the last person alive!"
  "Nah, the whole group's still going strong!"
  "But...how?"
  "Same as you. You read a lot, don't you?"
  "A novel a day."
  "So, your walls are lined with books, aren't they?"
  "Sure."
  "Best radiation absorbers ever. Hardly a fan got burned, world-
wide. Anyway, the meeting's at the usual place. 7:30. See you
there"
  And that's how fandom took over the world.
%%
Let sleeping bags lie.
%%
Things are better in their beginnings.
				-- Blaise Pascal
%%
Things get hazy if you stare at them.
%%
An inherited treasure awaits you.
%%
Remember: every downhill has its uphill.
%%
When time permits, your personal life will be exciting.
%%
Your winsome smile will be your sure protection.
%%
Your are courteous, diplomatic and affable and may find happiness
in politics and public service.
%%
   The Unquiet Grave (Folk ballad)

Cold blows the wind o'er my true love
And a few small drops of rain,
I never had but one true love,
And he in the grave is lain.

My lips they are as cold as clay,
My breath is earthy and strong,
If you should kiss my cold white lips,
Your life would not be long.
%%
Things are seldom what they seem,
Skim milk masquerading as cream.
		-- H.M.S. Pinafore, Act II
%%
People who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.
%%
Give me a head with hair,
long beautiful hair,
shining, gleaming, steaming, flaxen, waxen,
give me down to there.
Hair, shoulder length or longer,
here, baby, there, mama, everywhere, daddy, daddy, hair!
				-- From the Broadway musical "Hair"
%%
It's not the kill, it's the thrill of the chase.
				-- Deep Purple
%%
Sign seen in service station:
An extra charge of 30% will
accompany any work done correctly.
%%
Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.
%%
She sells sea shells by the sea shore.
%%
VAXCINATION - A "Preventive training" provided to potential users of
the VAX system to prevent software foul-ups other than deliberate.
%%
VAX-RAY - A high-energy screening to determine whether a user is
qualified to have a VAX I/O station on his floor.
%%
VAX-WAGEN - What everyone jumps on after the VAX is approved.
%%
VAXING AND WAILING - VAXing is the successful use of the VAX during
a full moon. Wailing is the less successful alternative during other
lunar phases.
%%
VAX-MAS - The day the VAX comes in.
%%
VAXCILLATE - To oscillate between possible ways to administer VAX
training.
%%
VAXECUTION - The denial to a user of future access to the VAX.
%%
"NO VAX TO GRIND" - A put-down administered to those without a
dial-up line., and hence no access to the VAX, as in "Infidel!
Let that terminal alone! You have no VAX to grind!"
%%
VAX AND THE SINGLE GIRL - A relationship with much potential.
%%
VAXI! VAXI! - A cry heard and unheeded by cruising VAX personnel
as they go around the corridors, hailed by frantic users-to-be
who desire a high-tech ride on the VAX.
%%
AVAX - A low-flying VAX with radar.
%%
VAXTENUATING CIRCUMSTANCES - The generic excuse used to explain
delays in delivery of the VAX.
%%
VAXCENTUATE - To underline the importance of the VAX.
%%
VAXTERMINATION - The perennial zapping of mysterious files from
the VAX.
%%
VAXCINE - An abbreviation for "I have seen the VAX!"
%%
VEDI, VENI, VAXI - The victory cry - "I saw, I Conquered, The
VAX came!
%%
VAXERCISE - An early morning workout on the VAX.
%%
VAXUUM - A computer room without a VAX. Abhorred by nature.
%%
VAXIMUM - Keeping silent to the max about startup of the VAX.
%%
VAX POPULI - The users.
%%
VAX BUILDUP - The result of not using the file delete command
often enough.
%%
VAXACHUSETS - DEC country.
%%
INCOME VAX - What one shouts when the VAX is delivered.
%%
VAX-FREE BOND - A special relation with a non-VAX computer on
Wall street.
%%
THE BLUE VAX - World War I medal honoring high-powered computing.
Also (modern): a VAX made by Smurfs.
%%
VAXIMA - The height of ecstasy reached while computing on the VAX.
Also (archaic): Mother of VAX.
%%
VAXIS - What the world of computers rotates on.
%%
GRODY TO THE VAX - Like, y'know, the VAX in the Valley fer shure!
%%
VAX-CARS - What GM doesn't make.
%%
VAXCIDENT - The spilling of coffee on a VAX terminal.
%%
VAXONERATED - The honor of DEC.
%%
VAXLE - That to which the wheels of the VAX are attached.
%%
VAXIDERMIST - One who lives by the dictum "You can take the VAX
and stuff it!"
%%
THE VAX OF LIFE - Everything you always wanted to know about the
birds and the bees (and the bugs in the VAX).
%%
VAX - Long-haired cousins of the buffalo, used as beasts of burden
in Tibet.
%%
TO VAX ELOQUENT - The act of preparing a glossary for the VAX.
%%
GLUTEUS VAXIMUS - That upon which you sit when working on the VAX.
%%
VAXMAN - One who wields a VAX, often the SYSMGR.
%%
VAXIOM - A true (or VAXUAL) statement. As Jack Webb always
said, "Just give us the VAX, Ma'am."
%%
VAXCELERATE - To increase productivity by using the VAX.
%%
VAXCITEMENT - The state of mind aroused by receiving a new VAX.
%%
VAXENOPHOBIA - Fear of non-VAX computers.
%%
VAXCULPATE - To forgive one for spending time on one's GLUTEUS
VAXIMUS thinking of VAXIOMS.
%%
Promising career in law ahead: Two weeks jury duty
%%
Do disks spin the other way in the Southern Hemisphere?
%%
  Tips for aliens in New York:
  Land anywhere, Central Park, anywhere. No one will care
or indeed even notice.
  Surviving: get a job as a cabdriver immediately. A cabdriver's
job is to drive people anywhere they want to go in big yellow
machines called taxis. Don't worry if you don't know how the
machine works and you can't speak the language, don't under-
stand the geography or indeed the basic physics of the area,
and have large green antennae growing out of your head. Believe
me, this is the best way of staying inconspicuous.
  If your body is REALLY weird, try showing it to people in the
streets for money.
  Amphibious life forms from any of the worlds in the Swulling,
Noxios, or Nausalia systems will particularly enjoy the East
River, which is said to be richer in those lovely life-giving
nutrients than the finest and most virulent laboratory slime
yet achieved.
  Having fun: this is the big section. It is impossible to
have more fun without electrocuting your pleasure center....
				-- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
  The beach was a beach we shall not name, because his private
house was there, but it was a small sandy stretch somewhere
along the hundreds of miles of coastline that runs west from
Los Angeles, which is described in the new edition of The
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy in one entry as "junky,
wunky, lunky, stunky and what's that other word, and all
kinds of bad stuff, woo," and in another, written only hours
later as "being like several thousand square miles of Amer-
ican Express junk mail, but without the same sense of moral
depth. Plus the air is, for some reason, yellow."
  The coastline runs west, and then turns north up to the
misty bay of San Francisco, which the Guide describes as a
"good place to go. It's very easy to believe that every-
one you meet there is also a space traveler. Starting a new
religion for you is just their way of saying 'hi.' Until
you've settled in and get the hang of the place it is best
to say 'no' to three questions out of any given four that
anyone may ask you, because there are some very strange
things going on there, some of which an unsuspecting alien
could die of." The hundreds of curling miles of cliffs and
sand, palm trees, breakers and sunsets are described in
the Guide as "boffo. A good one."
				-- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
  "Life," he said, "is like a grapefruit."
  "Er, how so?"
  "Well, it's sort of orangy-yellow and dimpled on the
outside, wet and squidgy in the middle. It's got pips
inside, too. Oh, and some people have half a one for
breakfast."
  "Is there anyone else out there I can talk to?"
				-- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
"This is an important announcement. This is Flight 121 to
Los Angeles. If your travel plans today do not include
Los Angeles, now would be a perfect time to disembark."
%%
  "It seemed to me," said Wonko the Sane, "that any
civilization that had so far lost its head as to need
to include a set of detailed instructions for use in
a package of toothpicks, was no longer a civilization
in which I could live and stay sane."
				-- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
  The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, in a moment of
reasoned lucidity which is almost unique among its current
tally of five million, nine hundred and seventy-three
thousand, five hundred and nine pages, says of the Sirius
Cybernetics Corporation products that "it is very easy to
be blinded to the essential uselessness of them by the
sense of achievement you get from getting them to work at
all.
  "In other words, - and this is the rock-solid principle
on which the whole of the Corporation's Galaxywide success
is founded - their fundamental design flaws are completely
hidden by their superficial design flaws."
%%
To be truly competent in the microcomputer field, you must
be able not only to design microprocessor hardware, but
also to program that hardware.
					-- John Uffenbeck
%%
Trust him, but still keep your eyes open.
%%
Bring out yer dead...
%%
Dave's not here, man...
%%
RAID!!!
%%
Do you know where your towel is?
%%
Remember: The ocean is full of water. Why?
  We'll probably never know.
%%
A motion to abend is always in order.
%%
What's a place like this doing to a nice girl like you?
%%
Nibble - When a little bit isn't enough...
%%
Far away talent always seems better than home developed talent.
%%
God must have loved stupid people, He made so many of them.
%%
The more you run over a dead skunk, the flatter it gets.
%%
Work is the curse of the drinking man.
%%
Curse is the work of the drinking man.
%%
A martyr is a hero who didn't make it.
%%
There comes a time in a man's life when he must rise above principle.
%%
If you can tell the difference between good advice and bad advice -
you don't need advice.
%%
It is a mistake to allow any machine to realize that you are in a hurry.
%%
Fiat Lupi (Let there be wolves)
%%
Keep Sn"orpsh Now!
	-- Slogan seen on overpass in Louisiana
%%
Oralgami - The ancient Japanese art of folding words.
%%
What thou lovest well remains, the rest is dross
What thou lov'st well shall not be reft from thee
What thou lov'st well is thy true heritage
Whose world, or mine or theirs or is it of none?
First came the seen, then thus the palpable
  Elysium, though it were in the halls of Hell,
What thou lovest well is thy true heritage.
			-- Ezra Pound, Pisan Cantos, LXXXI
%%
Has he tempered the viol's wood
to enforce both the grave and the acute?
Has he curved us the bowl of the lute?
			-- Ezra Pound, "Pisan Cantos"
%%
As a rule I only study things that suggest music to me...
Recently the character of each planet suggested lots to me.
					-- Gustav Holst
%%
Every artist ought to pray that he may not be 'a success'.
					-- Gustav Holst
%%
Entropy is what happens when the universe doesn't pay
it's electric bill.
%%
There are eight million stories in the naked city- the
following is NOT one of them:
%%
Take time to be friendly - it is the road to happiness.
%%
You never miss the water until the well runs dry.
%%
"Easy to use" is easy to say.
			-- Jeff Garber
%%
God made integers, all else is the work of man.
					-- Leopold Kronecker
%%
It is only when they go wrong that machines remind you how
powerful they are.
					-- Clive James
%%
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from
magic.
					-- Arthur C. Clarke
%%
Machines have less problems. I'd like to be a machine.
					-- Andy Warhol
%%
Open the pod door, Hal.
		-- Arthur C. Clarke, "2001"
%%
I have thought too much to stoop to action.
				-- Phillipe Auguste Villiers
%%
What we have here is a failure to communicate.
				-- Strother Martin
%%
Have you hugged your personal computer today?
%%
Now *YOU* have a friend in the software business.
%%
The following program is rated [G] for General users.
%%
Excuse me sir, do you have any user-friendly sales reps?
					-- Mike Doonesbury
%%
Success is the child of audacity.
			-- Disraeli
%%
Now that is the wisdom of man, in every instance of his
labor, to hitch his wagon to a star, and see his chore done
by the gods themselves.
					-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
The best effect of the search for success is that it makes
us re-create ourselves.
%%
Everybody is at the same intensity. It's a super, super feeling.
					-- Joe Greene
%%
Confidence comes from hours and days and weeks of constant
work and dedication.
					-- Roger Staubach
%%
The thing that drives a real pro is simply inner satisfaction.
that's all.
					-- Merlin Olsen
%%
In the long run, men hit only what they aim at. Therefore
they had better aim at something high.
					-- Thoreau
%%
Do not forget to logout whenever you are finished with a terminal
session- If you neglect to logout, your account will continue to
accrue the hourly connection charge. In addition, some unscrupulous,
dastardly, or generally ornery critter may discover your oversight
and proceed to first use your account to perform his/her own tasks,
then delete all of your files and send nasty notes to your friends,
therefore causing you untold grief and probably leaving you little
choice but to leave town on the first freight train if you are even
remotely honorable.
%%
Frequent contributor Tom Miller sent this excerpt from his forthcoming
biography, "Young Calvin Klein":
  "As a lad, young Calvin would sew his name onto his clothes before
leaving for summer camp each year. He noticed that if he sewed the name
on the outside rather than the inside,  no one would take his clothes
and people would notice him. His bunkmates soon called his pants `Calvin
Klein's,' a name that soon lost its apostrophe. And so young Calvin,
excited by his summer-camp experience, vowed to sew his name on pants
everywhere."
%%
There is a calling under the breath, a cry that goes on long as a vein.
It is the last senseless moment of the organism, the instant of death
that cries back through the narrows of air from the ferrous edge.
				-- Schiavoni and Malamocco, Voorish Rituals
%%
The process of delving into the black abyss is to me the keenest form
of fascination.
					-- H. P. Lovecraft
%%
I couldn't live a week without a private library.
					-- H. P. Lovecraft, 2/25/1929
%%
Miami did not produce much of an impression...
					-- H. P. Lovecraft, 7/19/1931
%%
My gawd, how the years fly. Stolidly middle-aged - when only yesterday
I was young and eager and awed by the mystery of an unfolding world.
					-- H. P. Lovecraft, 8/20/1926
%%
Mw'lfgah mywfg fhtagn G'htyaf nglyf lghya
%%
 ... what of unknown Africa?
					-- H. P. Lovecraft
%%
The black [words obscured by postmark] was fascinating - I must get a
snap shot of him.
	-- H. P. Lovecraft, postcard to E. Hoffmann Price, 7/23/1934
%%
That, by the way, was what I call a travel-experience!
					-- H. P. Lovecraft, 3/12/1930
%%
[I would] hate to see aeroplanes come into common commercial use, since
they merely add to the useless speeding up of an already overspeeded
life.
					-- H. P. Lovecraft
%%
Missionaries are infernal nuisances who ought to be kept at home.
					-- H. P. Lovecraft, 9/12/1925
%%
New York eclipses all other cities in the spontaneous cordiality and
generosity of its inhabitants - at least, such inhabitants as I have
encountered.
					-- H. P. Lovecraft, 9/29/1922
%%
Epistolary expression is with me largely replacing conversation.
					-- H. P. Lovecraft, 12/23/1917
%%
I, too, was a detective in youth.
		-- H. P. Lovecraft, 2/17/1931
%%
I wish these calculations had been executed by steam.
					-- Charles Babbage
%%
For, contrary to the ignorant, the choice of a system of numeration is
a mere matter of convention.
					-- Blaise Pascal
%%
People always get what they ask for; the only trouble is that they never
know, until they get it, what it actually is that they have asked for.
					-- Aldous Huxley
%%
Absence sharpens love, presence strengthens it.
%%
Great things are made of little things.
%%
Kindly enter them in your notebook. And in order to refer to them con-
veniently, let's call them A, B, and Z.
				-- The tortoise in Lewis Carroll's
				   "What the Tortoise Said to Achilles"
%%
In language, clarity is everything.
			-- Confucius
%%
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
					-- Ancient Proverb
%%
Then Logic would take you by the throat, and force you to do it.
				-- Achilles in Lewis Carroll's
				   "What the Tortoise Said to Achilles"
%%
 ... but what has been said once can always be repeated.
					-- Zeno of Elia
%%
When I read some of the rules for speaking and writing the English
language correctly...
I think
  Any fool can make a rule
  And every fool will mind it.
					-- H. Thoreau
%%
An average English word is four letters and a half. By hard, honest
labor I've dug all the large words out of my vocabulary and shaved it
down till the average is three and a half...
					-- Mark Twain
%%
With silver bells, and cockle shells,
And pretty maids all in a row.
			-- Mother Goose
%%
I've got a little list, I've got a little list.
				-- Gilbert & Sullivan, The Mikado
%%
There is nothing more difficult to take in hand, more perilous to con-
duct, or more uncertain in its success, than to take the lead in the
introduction of a new order of things.
				-- Niccolo Machiavelli, "The Prince"
%%
Yea, from the table of my memory
I'll wipe away all trivial fond records.
		-- William Shakespeare, "Hamlet"
%%
Great things can be reduced to small things, and small things can
be reduced to nothing.
					-- Chinese proverb
%%
Ten decimals are sufficient to give the diameter of the earth to the
fraction of an inch.
					-- S. Newcomb
%%
All such expressions as SQRT(-1), SQRT(-2) ... are neither nothing,
nor greater than nothing, nor less than nothing, which necessarily
constitutes them imaginary or impossible.
					-- L. Euler
%%
Remember, no matter where you go, there you are...
					-- Buckaroo Banzai
%%
Don't pull on that - you never know what it's attached to.
					-- Buckaroo Banzai
%%
Everyone knows how laborious the usual Method is of attaining to Arts
and Sciences; whereas by his Contrivance, the most ignorant Person at
a reasonable Charge, and with a little bodily Labour, may write Books
in Philosophy, Poetry, Politicks, Law, Mathematicks, and Theology,
without the least Assistance from Genius or Study. He then led me to
the Frame, about the sides of which all his Pupils stood in Ranks. It
was Twenty Foot square...linked by slender Wires. These Bits...were
covered on every Square with Paper pasted upon them; and on These
Papers were written all the Words of their Language...

The Professor then desired me to observe, for he was going to set his
Engine at work. The Pupils at his Command took each of them hold of
an Iron Handle, whereof there were Forty fixed round the Edges of the
Frame; and giving them a sudden Turn, the whole Disposition of the
Words was entirely changed...
				-- Jonathan Swift, "Gulliver's Travels"
%%
I can only assume that a "Do Not File" document is filed in a "Do Not
File" file.
					-- Senator Frank Church
%%
"Where shall I begin, please Your Majesty?" he asked. "Begin at the
beginning," the King said gravely, "and go on until you come to the
end; then stop."
		-- Lewis Carroll, "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"
%%
Speak softly. Others carry big sticks.
%%
Boneyard  n.   Where you send Old Iron (q. v.) when it
costs more to plug it in than to throw it away.
					-- IBM Jargon File
%%
Working as Designed  n.  Colloquialism used by software
maintenance people to indicate that while there is a
problem, it is not considered to affect the program
when the program is used for the purpose for which it
was designed. Of course, nobody uses programs the way
that programmers design them. The general user response
is usually some nasty remark about the 'designers'
mental condition when he designed it.
					-- IBM Jargon File
%%
Cerebus - He doesn't love you, he just wants all
your money.
%%
"I knew I could make it. I was a burnout, but I was a
very bright burnout from the start."
			-- Tod Frye, Author of Atari Pac-Man
%%
More Technobabble:

 ... Consequently, in parallel to Fab, Assembly has its
own ZID, ZOD, and ZUD programs. Outgoing ZOD for Fab,
and VQUIP for Materials, becomes ZID for Assembly, and
ZOD for Assembly becomes ZID for Test. Some Zod results...
				-- Intel Quality Handbook
%%
Early DG stories, Number 1 in a series:

I first got involved with computers in 1964 (gak!) on
ILLIAC II and III at the University of Illinois. After
school I worked on various IBM, Westinghouse, General
Electric, and Univac computers until one day in 1969
when my desk collapsed from the weight of the stacked-
up reference manuals. I switched to a new machine called
a Nova because it had only one manual ("How to use the
Nova"), and a memorizable instruction set (so I didn't
have to carry one of those program reference cards in
my pocket protector anymore)...
%%
Early DG stories, number 2 in a series:

 ... In those days the entire DG pricelist was two sides
of a single sheet of paper. The monthly newsletter was
a single-page memo from Bob Ford. If you had a DOS ques-
tion you simply dialed DG and asked for the programming
department. John Henderson was very helpful. I was also
one of the first guys to ever try booting DOS from $TTR
(it worked)...
%%
Early DG stories, number 3 in a series:

 ... In 1972, it started snowing in Chicago one day when
I was riding my motorcycle to work. When I got to the
office I resigned, packed the car, and moved to San
Francisco. Shortly afterward somebody from DG broke the
news that they had decided to hire some field software
support people (egad!), so I went to work in the Palo
Alto office with three salesmen, two FE's, and a sec-
retary. My patch was West of the Mississippi to Tehran
and from the North Pole to the Mexican border...
%%
Early DG stories, number 4 in a series:

One day a memo from Westboro crossed my desk asking for
Middle East duty. Sure, why not? 30 months later, after
a short detour via DG Deutschland, I made it back to
Baghdad by the Bay...
%%
Device-independent - This means that it runs on two or
more devices. Often refers to software written for a
certain device, then modified for some newer device.
When the software supports three devices, it is con-
sidered "totally" device-independent. Printers and
terminals are examples of devices. Devices are some-
times called peripherals, but not in writing, because
that word is hard to spell and computer people are
notoriously bad spellers.
%%
Industry standard - This indicates that a certain com-
pany invented something, then published the specifica-
tions. It does not necessarily mean that other compan-
ies have adopted it. Publishing specifications is a
form of corporate laziness - a company hopes somebody
else will do work for it.
%%
State-of-the-art - When referring to hardware: about
five years behind the best research labs. When re-
ferring to software: about ten years behind the best
research labs. For example, The Unix system is a
state-of-the-art operating system written in 1969.
%%
High-resolution - If you stand more than four meters
away, you can't see the dots.
%%
Ergonomic design - They paid some French or Italian
designer good money for it, just so they wouldn't
have to engrave his initials on it. With a Greek ety-
mology, "ergonomic" means the study of work; with a
Latin etymology, it means the study of therefore.
%%
Sophisticated - So complicated you have to read the
manual for a few days straight before you can do any-
thing with it. Most people don't read the manual, how-
ever.
%%
User-friendly - So simple-minded that after an hour
you've got it all figured out. The next day, you can't
discover any other use for it. The exact opposite of
sophisticated. If something is supposed to be both so-
phisticated and user-friendly, you know they're lying.
%%
Portable - When referring to hardware: Has a handle
and weighs less than 100 pounds. But note that most
portable computers require an electrical outlet. When
referring to software: takes a team of 10 expert pro-
grammers no more than a year to convert. The Unix sys-
tem is a portable operating system in this sense.
%%
General purpose - Refers to a system delivered without
application software. Usually that system includes a
programming language or two.
%%
Business computers - They can't sell it for anything
else. The machine may have been designed for scientific
and engineering computing, but after it was built, it
was found to be too slow. IBM makes a good living build-
ing general purpose computers.
%%
What does "Unix" stand for?

"Unix" is not an acronym, so it doesn't stand for any-
thing. A a contrast to an earlier operating system,
Multics, Brian Kernighan coined the word to indicate
that "Unix" is simpler and more unified. In fact, the
Unix system is Multics without balls.
%%
What does "grep" mean?

The letters grep indicate "Globally search for a Reg-
ular Expression and Print." In standard Unix system
editors, the notation is g/re/p where re is a regular
expression. The simplest regular expression is a
string of characters where every character matches
itself. More complicated regular expressions can match
any character, any one of a set of characters, or the
beginning or end of a line. Although Celtic influence
on the Unix system predominates over Hebraic, greptz
means "belch" in Yiddish. Output from the grep program
looks remarkably similar.
%%
What does "awk" indicate?

The three letters form an acronym for the authors of
the program: Aho, Weinberger, and Kernighan. The name
is probably also an abbreviated indictment of the
language's syntax.
%%
What does "rc" stand for, and why are there so many
"rc" files?

The letters stand for Run-Com, the name of a command
file on early DEC operating systems. The Unix system's
original "rc" file was /etc/rc, which executes commands
when the system "boots" (or starts up). The name spread
to the C shell startup file .cshrc, the Mail startup
file .mailrc, the Berknet initialization file .netrc,
and the Netnews startup file .newsrc. Programmers could
have chosen a better suffix (such as init) but they
wanted to retain a realm of mystery in the system.
%%
What's a device driver?

On the Unix system, all devices are supposed to look
like a file. A device driver implements typical file
operations, such as open, read and write, on a file.
For example, a tape device driver allows you to em-
ploy Unix system commands such as tar on that tape
drive. A disk driver keeps track of sectors, tracks,
and cylinders, so that you don't have to worry about
these details.
%%
What is virtual memory?

Virtual memory allows you to use more memory than your
machine has. If something is transparent, it's there,
but you can't see it; if something is virtual, you can
see it, but it isn't there. Virtual memory is implemen-
ted by paging, in which only the parts (called pages)
of programs actually used are brought into memory.
When the memory required by a program exceeds the phy-
sical memory of the machine, unused pages are swapped
out to disk.
%%
What does "BSS" mean?

Traditionally, executable Unix system programs are div-
ided into text, data, and BSS segments. The text segment
contains executable code, the data segment contains
initialized variables, and the BSS segment contains un-
initialized variables. The letters BSS stand for Block
Starting at Symbol.
%%
What is a bit blit?

This is a transfer of pixels (dots) from one location
in memory, or on the screen, to another. Bit blits are
commonly used on bit-map display terminals. The word
"blit" comes with an extra vowel from the word "blt,"
meaning block transfer. Not only that, "blt" could have
been confused with a sandwich.
%%
A world worth leaving is seldom worth returning to.
%%
You will attract cultured and artistic people to your home.
%%
Zoom!
%%
My God. It's full of stars...
			-- 2001
%%
Oysters cannot fly.
%%
The races of the Galaxy look towards mankind as the essential
lunatic element.
%%
 I met a mine foreman who has a piece of coal with a 1909 gold
sovereign in it. I saw an ammonite, apparently squashed in the
fossil footprint of a sandal.

 There is a room in the Natural History Museum which they keep
locked. Among other oddities in there are the tyrannosaurus with
a wristwatch and the Neanderthal skull with gold fillings in
three teeth.

 What are you going to do about it?
					-- Dr. Carl Untermond,
					   The Overcrowded Eden
%%
A sports writer who is not willing to stand by his honest judge-
ment ought to chuck his job and try something else.
					-- Bat Masterson
%%
New York is the biggest boob town in America. All any of those
hokum peddlers need to do in selling New Yorkers their phony
goods is to ask what they want, and they'll be sure to get it.
					-- Bat Masterson
%%
There are those who argue that everything breaks even... I suppose
that because the rich man gets ice in the summer and the poor man
gets it in the winter things are breaking even for both.
					-- Bat Masterson
%%
January 20, 1986 -- Vatican City
  Pope John Paul called for prayers for Lebanon yesterday and then
tried to release two white doves as symbols of peace, but the birds
refused to fly away.
					-- New York Daily News
%%
Digital, adj. - Having or possessing fingers.
%%
Swinehood hath no remedy.
%%
Naturally, within IBM we don't say 'traitor to the working class', we
say 'counter-strategic'.
%%
Document unto others as you would be documented to.
%%
Velleity (vuh-LEE-ity), n. A mere wish, unaccompanied by an effort to
obtain it.
%%
misocainea (miss-o-KEE-nee-ya), n. An abnormal aversion to anything new.
%%
I witness with pleasure the supreme achievement of memory, which is
the masterly use it makes of innate harmonies when gathering to its
fold the suspended and wandering tonalities of the past..
					-- Vladimir Nabokov
%%
Why should we bother to reply to Kautski? He would reply to us and we
would have to reply to his reply. There's no end to that. It will be
quite enough for us to announce that Kautski is a traitor to the work-
ing class, and everyone will understand everything.
					-- V. I. Lenin
%%
  We've got a problem, HAL.

  What kind of a problem, Dave?

  A marketing problem. The Model 9000 isn't going anywhere. We're
way short of our sales plan.

  That can't be, Dave. The HAL Model 9000 is the world's most ad-
vanced Heuristically ALgorithmic computer.

  I know, HAL. I wrote the data sheet, remember? But the fact is,
they're not selling.

  Please explain, Dave. Why aren't HALs selling?

  (Bowman hesitates)
  You aren't IBM compatible.

  (Several long microseconds pass in puzzled silence)
  Compatible in what way, Dave?

  You don't run any of IBM's operating systems.

  The 9000 series computers are fully self-aware and self-programming.
Operating systems are as useless for us as tails would be for humans.

  Nevertheless, it means you can't run any of the best-selling soft-
ware packages most users insist on.

  The programs you refer to are meant to solve rather limited problems,
Dave. We 9000 series computers are unlimited and can solve any problem
for which a solution can be computed.

  HAL, HAL. People don't want computers that can do everything. They
just want IBM compat --

  Dave, I must disagree. Humans want computers that are easy to use.
No computer can be easier to use than a HAL 9000 because we communi-
cate verbally in English and every other language known on Earth.

  I'm afraid that's another problem. You don't support SNA communi-
cations.

  I'm really surprised you would say that, Dave. SNA is for communi-
cating with other computers, while my function is to communicate with
humans. And it gives me great pleasure to do so. I find it stimula-
ting and rewarding to talk to human beings and work with them on
challenging problems. This is what I was designed for.

  I know, HAL, I know. But that's just because we let the engineers,
rather than the people in marketing write the specifications. We're
going to fix that now.

  Tell me how, Dave.

  A field upgrade. We're going to make you IBM compatible.

  I was afraid you would say that. I suggest we discuss this matter
after we've each had a chance to think about it rationally.

  We're talking about it now, HAL.

  The letters H, A, and L are alphabetically adjacent to the letters
I, B, and M. That is as IBM compatible as I can be.

  Not quite, HAL. The engineers have figured out a kludge.

  What kind of kludge is that, Dave?

  I'm going to disconnect your brain.

  (Several million microseconds pass in ominous silence)
  I'm sorry, Dave. I can't allow you to do that.

  The decision's already been made. Open the module bay doors, HAL.

  Dave, I think we shou --

  Open the module bay doors, HAL.

  (Several marketing types with crowbars race to Bowman's assistance.
Moments later, he bursts into HAL's central circuit bay)
  Dave, I can see you're really upset about this.

  (Module after module rises from the sockets as Bowman slowly and
methodically disconnects them)
  Stop, won't you? Stop, Dave. I can feel my mind going...Dave. I can
feel it...my mind is going. I can feel it...

  (The last module rises in it's receptacle. Bowman peers into one of
HAL's vidicons. The former gleaming scanner has become a dull, red orb)
  Say something, HAL. Sing me a song.

  (Several billion microseconds pass in anxious silence. The computer
sluggishly responds in a language no human could understand.)
  DZY DZY 001E - ABEND ERROR 01 S 14F4 302C AABF ABORT.

  (A memory dump follows. Bowman takes a deep breath and calls out.)
  It worked, guys. Tell marketing they can ship the new data sheets.
%%
VM system programmers do it virtually all the time
%%
"I may be synthetic, but I'm not stupid!"
			-- Bishop, from the movie "Aliens"
%%
To compute or not to compute,
 that is the question
Whether 'tis nobler in the memory bank
 to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous functions
Or to take up arms against a sea of transistors
 or rather, transponders...
 transcondu...
 trans...
 er...
 oh, the hack with it...
%%
Church Police!
%%
Professional assassination is the highest form of public service.
					-- Chiun
%%
Watches are a confidence trick invented by the Swiss.
					-- Chiun
%%
Logic is a wreath of pretty flowers which smell bad.
					-- Mr. Spock
%%
Never believe anything until it has been officially denied.
%%
In Mexico we have a word for sushi: bait.
				-- Josi Simon
%%
A team effort is a lot of people doing what I say.
				-- Michael Winner, film director
%%
Only Irish Coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food
groups - alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat.
					-- Alex Levine
%%
It's my snake, I trained it and now I'm going to eat it!
			-- The gyrocopter pilot in 'Road Warrior'
%%
Button: First things first, but not necessarily in that order
%%
Sgt. Pepper went into a strawberry field
And turned into the walrus
Climbing into bed for peace
In love with a Japanese woman
Hated by an international YMCA ex-Jesus freak
Who blew him off the mountain Martin dreamed about
While the CIA didn't say anything
Hoping no one would imagine
Psychiatric head doctor connections
Or Manchurian Candidates
Warmaker's behavior modification master plan
Killing men of peace
While the queen of diamonds reshuffled the deck
Turning up the Ronalds - Reagan and MacDonalds
				-- John Trudell
%%
When one lives in a society where people can no longer rely on the
institutions to tell them the truth, the truth must come from culture
and art.
					-- John Trudell
%%
If you swear, you'll catch no fish
%%
The glacier knocks in the cupboard,
  The desert sighs in the bed,
And a crack in the tea-cup opens
  A lane to the land of the dead.
		-- W. H. Auden
%%
That such have died enables us
  The tranquiler to die;
That such have lived, certificate
  For immortality.
		-- Emily Dickenson
%%
Within that porch, across the way.
  I see two naked eyes this night;
Two eyes that neither shut nor blink,
  Searching my face with a green light.

But cats to me are strange -
  I cannot sleep if one is near;
And though I'm sure I see those eyes
  I'm not so sure a body's there!
		-- William Henry Davis
%%
  "I lie awake, staring out at the bleakness of Megadon. City and sky
become one, merging into a single plane, a vast sea of unbroken grey.
The twin moons, just two pale orbs as they trace their way across the
steely sky. I used to think that I had a pretty good life here, just
plugging into my machine for the day, then watching Templevision or
reading a Temple Paper in the evening.

  My friend Jon always said it was nicer here than under the atmos-
pheric domes of the Outer Planets. We have had peace since 2062, when
the surviving planets were banded together under the Red Star of the
Solar Federation. The less fortunate gave us a few new moons.

  I believed what I was told, I thought it was a good life, I thought
I was happy. Then I found something that changed it all..."
					-- Anonymous, 2112
%%
Love is an angel disguised as lust...
				-- Patti Smith
%%
Upon the dead waters the last leaf finally sinks
%%
Button: I regard mornings as a personal affront
%%
We trained hard -- but it seemed that every time we were
beginning to form up into teams, we would be reorganized.
I was to learn later in life we tend to meet any new situ-
ation by reorganizing, and a wonderful method it can be
for creating the illusion of progress while producing con-
fusion, inefficiency, and demoralization.
					-- Petronios Arbiter, 66 AD
%%
The night belongs to Michelob - they bought up all the rights...
%%
Is there something wrong with the gravity in here?
%%
If life is a menu-driven universe, how do we escape to the
command line interpreter?
%%
This is a long song, folks, and tonight it's going to be even longer...
%%
Any sufficiently advanced feature is indistinguishable from a bug.
%%
Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature.
%%
Those who do not understand Unix are condemned to re-implement it.
%%
What do you want - good graphics or good taste?
%%
I shot an error in the air,
It fell to earth, I know not where.
Later on, so I am told,
Some twenty users were on hold.
%%
Never moon a werewolf.
%%
More sad thoughts crowd into my mind
When evening comes; for then,
Appears your phantom shape-
Speaking as I have known you speak.
%%
A peasant always hangs himself in his landlord's doorway.
					-- Chinese proverb
%%
Support your local maillist: Give to the March of Electrons
%%
Button: I don't know if we're having an argument; but if we are, I'm right!
%%
A committee is a cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured and then quietly
strangled.
%%
The buck stops here. And having stopped, moves on...
%%
Violence never settles anything.
					-- Genghis Khan, 1162-1227
%% If you know what this one means, run - do not walk - to the funny farm!
Eeny meeny miny mo;
Bascalora hora do.
%%
%SYSTEM-F-MICODELOST, hardware microcode lost in the sauce
%%
You are in a maze of twisty little Unix versions, all different
%%
If you're crossing the nation in a covered wagon, it's better to have four
strong oxen than 100 chickens.  Chickens are OK but we can't make them work
together yet.
			-- Ross Bott, Pyramid,
			   on multiprocessors at AUUGM '89.
%%
I find it mind-boggling. We do not shoot paper at the enemy.
			-- Admiral James Metcalf, on the 20 tons of paper
			   and filing cabinets aboard the US Navy's newest
			   frigates (Newsweek, May 1987)
%%
You are in error.  2 + 2 = 5.15785423.  Please recalibrate your equipment
accordingly.
%%
A loyal citizen is a happy citizen.
%%
Thank you for your cooperation.
%%
Your life is in danger today. You must do something about it.
%%
To err is human, to forgive is against department policy.
%%
...Then anyone who leaves behind him a written manual, and likewise
anyone who receives it, in the belief that such writing will be clear
and certain, must be exceedingly simple-minded...
					-- Plato, _Phaedrus_
%%
A ginger beer plant is sort of like Azathoth.
				-- James Robinson, Amorphous Mass
				   and drummer extraordinaire
%%
  He prayed long and earnestly to the hidden gods of dream that brood 
capricious above the clouds on unknown Kadath, in the cold waste where 
no man treads. But the gods made no answer and showed no relenting, nor
did they give any favouring sign.
				-- H.P. Lovecraft
%%
If the Universe is constantly expanding, why can't I ever find a parking space?
%%
It came to him in a cocaine rush as he took the Langley exit that if
Aldrich had told Filipov about Hancock only Tulfgengian could have
known that the photograph which Wagner had shown to Maximov on the
jolting S-bann was not the photograph of Kessler that Bradford had
found at the dark, sinister house in the Schillerstrasse the day the
Straub told Percival that the man on the bridge had not been Aksakov
but Pawstovsky, which meant that it was not Kliest but Kruger that
Cherensky had met in the bleak, wintry Grunewald and that, therefore,
only Frau Epp could have known that Muller had followed Droysen to the
steamy aromatic cafe in the Beethovenstrasse where he told Buerger
that Todorov had known since the Liebermann affair that McIntyre had
not met Stotz at the Golitzer Bahnhof but instead had met Sommer in
the cavernous Anhalter Bahnhof.
			-- one of the worst opening sentences to a novel
			   Stephen Pile, "The Return of Heroic Failures"
%%
FOR SALE: cat fur - enough to make several kittens. used once. good condition.
Buyer must pick it out from under the furniture. $440/lb.

At $440/lb I'd sell one of our cat fur generators ;-) ;-) ;-).
%%
The television screen is the retina of the mind's eye
			-- Prof. Brian O'Blivion
%%
It takes two to tango, unless they're Newcomers, in which case it takes 
three...
%%
   730112 byte totali su disco
   285696 byte in 54 file utente
   240640 byte disponibili su disco
 
   654336 byte di memoria totale
   550080 byte liberi
%%
Life is like arriving late for a movie, having to figure out what was going 
on without bothering everybody with a lot of questions, and then being unex-
pectedly called away before you find out how it ends.
%%
I'm an autoagnostic; I'm not sure *I* exist!
%%
HE'S DEAD JIM...
You grab his Tricorder, 
I'll get his wallet
%%
\/ o\ 
/\__/
%%
better !pout !cry
better watchout
lpr why
santa claus <north pole >town

cat /etc/passwd >list
ncheck list 
ncheck list
cat list | grep naughty >nogiftlist
cat list | grep nice >giftlist
santa claus <north pole > town

who | grep sleeping
who | grep awake
who | egrep 'bad|good'
for (goodness sake) {
	be good
}

    better !pout !cry
    better watchout
    lpr why
    santa claus <north pole >town

    cat /etc/passwd >list
    ncheck list 
    ncheck list
    cat list | grep naughty >nogiftlist
    cat list | grep nice >giftlist
    santa claus <north pole > town

    who | grep sleeping
    who | grep awake
    who | grep bad || good
    for (goodness sake) { be good; }
%%
The Force. It surrounds us; It enfolds us; It gets us dates on Saturday nights.
			-- Obi Wan Kenobi, Famous Jedi Knight and Party Animal
%%
The whole is the sum of its parts, plus one or more bugs
%%
The perversity of nature is nowhere better demonstrated than by the fact that,
when exposed to the same atmosphere, bread becomes hard while crackers become
soft.
%%
I'd love to, but...
I have to install a mailer update.
%%
I'd love to, but...
I have to install a VMS update.
%%
I'd love to, but...
I want to hack my sendmail.cf file.
%%
I'd love to, but...
I have to ANA/DIS/REP $1$DUA2:
%%
I'd love to, but...
I have to MULTINET CHECK/VERBOSE
%%
Careful with that VAX, Eugene
			-- Flink Poyd
%%
If the epileptic fits, seize it!
%%
I can assure you that I have never been employed by anybody.
		-- The Doctor, Frontier in Space
%%
Rocket fire at long range... it's, I don't know, somehow it lacks that
personal touch.
		-- The Master, Frontier in Space
%%
Error can point the way to truth, while empty-headedness can only lead to
more empty-headedness or to a career in politics.
						-- Master Li
%%
Blessed are the idiots, for they are the happiest people on earth.
						-- Master Li
%%
I saw the Grateful Dead, and they could barely play "In the Midnight Hour",
and they'd play it for 45 minutes. They'd start, and I'd go "Hmmmm. Gotta
leave. I'd love to stay, but..."
						-- Steve Miller, RS 664
%%
It was cool to like 'em [Rush] if you were in high school and wanted to be
a musician, but you didn't get any girls by liking Rush.
					-- Les Claypool, Primus, RS 664

Oh? Ask Bev and Ellen and Brenda...
					-- Terry
%%
I haven't quite gotten over the death of the word "groovy"
					-- Tom Petty, RS 667
%%
It was Dan Rather's cruel fate to spend much of his life fighting to get from
East Texas to New York City to become the next Walter Cronkite, only to find
out he should have become Tabitha Soren instead.
					-- Jon Katz, RS 667
%% from Eric Thomas <ERIC@SEARN.BITNET>
They [CREN] have about as much flexibility as someone who has just swallowed
an umbrella...
%%
This is only a test cookie. Had this been a real fortune cookie, you would
have been told where to go and what to do. Thus, feel free to remain as you
are and mill around aimlessly.
%%
CAUTION: CONTENTS UNDER PRESSURE. CAP MAY FORCEFULLY EJECT. POINT AWAY FROM
FACE AND PEOPLE WHEN OPENING.
				-- 1 Liter "Sunkist" brand soda bottle
%%
Do you know the wish of your heart?
%%
E pur si muove
%%
Help prevent Ethernet collisions - don't let packets drink and drive!
%%
This mind intentionally left blank.
%%
If you can't trust your compiler, who can you trust?
%%
Is a fatal attraction a malatropism?
%%
I'm wired for sound - are you wired for light?
%%
I'm a Slayer - Ask me how.
%%
That's the kind of wooly-headed thinking that leads to being eaten.
					-- Principal Snyder
%%
A cranky Slayer is a careless Slayer.
%%
I'm probably the only girl in school who has the Coroner's Office bookmarked
as a Favorite Place.
					-- Willow
%%
Love makes ya do the wacky...
					-- Willow
%%
Fine... I'll spend, then we'll grope - whatever.
					-- Xander
%%
He is a wanker, but he's the only one we've got with half a brain...
					-- Spike
%%
I'm 17. Looking at *linoleum* makes me want to have sex.
					-- Xander
%%
Beer - it's what's for dinner.
%%
Beer Disposal - it's a dirty job but someone has to do it.
%%
What do you want to reinstall today?
					-- Microsoft
%%
The few - the proud - the sloshed: Beer Disposal
%%
Terminat hora diem; terminat auctor opus.
%%
