X-NEWS: spcvxa rec.arts.startrek: 3654 Relay-Version: VMS News - V5.9C 19/12/89 VAX/VMS V5.3; site spcvxa.spc.edu Path: spcvxa!njin!rutgers!cs.utexas.edu!uunet!wshb!calvin Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf-lovers,rec.arts.startrek Subject: Star Tek:The Wraith of Viewers. Message-ID: <642@wshb.UUCP> From: calvin@wshb.UUCP ( WSHB employee) Date: 9 Apr 90 14:43:11 GMT Followup-To: poster Organization: WSHB, Christian Science Mon. Synd., Cypress Creek, SC Lines: 228 Xref: spcvxa rec.arts.sf-lovers:2538 rec.arts.startrek:3654 ST:The Odd Generation meets ST:The Nerd Generation Our story opens with Captain Kwirk in the Command Chair of the Enterplied A with a radical new set of pink windshield wipers. (Fade to the bridge) Spook: Captain Star Fleet code 276 artical 12 forebids the wiping of boogers under the Command Chair. Kwirk: Mind your own business Spook. If I need some ones opinion I wont ask some one with pointed ears. Why are you just sitting there Get busy. Spook: I have nothing to do while we aren't incountering unknown life forms. Kwirk: Well go clean the wax out of your ears or something. A light blinks on Chickov's controls. Kwirk: How many times do I have to tell you Chickov, no personal calls while I'm sitting here. I'm supposed to get all of the women on this ship. Chickov: Sir thats not the communicator. Thats our Stinkon Bird of Prayer Detector. Kwirk: No, not those damn Bible salesmen again. How did you detect them? I thought we couldn't detect them when they were cloaked. Chickov: Spook got the detector out of a box of Buck Wheat cereal. Kwirk: Spook that was my box of cereal! It's mine, mine, mine. Chickov: Bird of Prayer is 20 Microns and closing. Kwirk: Your in the wrong damn show Chickov. Spook give him twenty Vulcoon wedgies. A chime is heard. Kwirk: Damn, they've made it to the door. Quick turn off all the lights and we'll pretend no ones home. Spook: Too late Captain there firing Bible trackts Kwirk: Evasive manuvers Betty Sue Lu. Betty Sue Lu: But Sir, we're at a school crossing. Kwirk: I don't care. Who's in control here anyway? Spook: I think Gene DeadnBurried. With this a brief pause for some reverent music. Kwirk: Your releaved Betty Sue Lu. Kwirk jumps to the steering wheel and gives it a savage twist as he shifts into second. A strange blue light fills the bridge. Kwirk: Spook what is it? Spook looks in the rear view mirror. Spook: Sir, it's the Police. You ran over two Jovian kids and failed to give a turn signal. Kwirk: I can't afford a ticket. I've only got a class 5 space scooter permit. I'll have to try to lose them, but just in case. Betty Sue Lu you can drive now. Unbelievable speed factor 46. The Enterplied warps away. Kwirks communicator whistles at him. Kwirk: Yes Snoty. Snoty: How did you know it was me? Kwirk: Your the only person that whistles at me before you speak. You sly dog you. Snoty: Sir when you warped you failed to give us warning. You cracked the It-Doesn't Matter pods. The only thing we can repair them with is empty aluminum Budwieser cans. My crew is attempting to empty as many as we possibly can, (burp) but it's gonna take time. Kwirk: Very well Snoty. Keep up the good work. Snoty: (burp) I'll try my best sir. Kwirk: Kwirk out. Kwirk's communicator bleeps. Kwirk: Kwirk here. Voice: Please deposit 23 credits for over time. Kwirk: Damn! Snoty stiffed me again. Spook: Captain due to the It-Doesn't matter imbalance we have entered a Wine O effect. Kwirk looks at the screen as it swerves and staggers. Kwirk: What does it mean Spook? Spook: It means that we will have a hell of a hangover tommorow morning. It also means that we will meet The Nerd Generation. Kwirk: How do you know this? Spook: Do you remember when I gave you that old book in one of the other movies? Kwirk: Yeah, when McCrow gave me those glasses. Spook: That was the script. Kwirk: Do I get any women? The bridge rocks violently. Kwirk: What was that? Spook: We ran into another ship Captain. Kwirk: There goes my insurance rates. Put it on the screen and wheres my pop corn. The Enterplied D appears on the screen. Kwirk: It's that bald idiot again. Spook: Sickhard Sir. Kwirk: Aguru is it past twelve yet? Aguru: No Sir. Why? Kwirk: You get cheaper long distance rates. Well make a collect Hailing frequency call. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mean while aboard the Enterplied D Sickhard and Counselor Ohboy sit in there beautiful control Love Seat. Sickhard: What was that Mr. Datar? Datar: I think you better see for yourself sir. The screen pops to life showing the Enterplied A with its pink windshield wiper. Sickhard: Its that over rated, non-director material buffon Kwirk. Comm Officer: There attempting a collect call sir. Sickhard: Hang up on them. Comm Officer: I can't sir. Sickhard: What do you feel Ohboy? Ohboy: I feel a sharp pain in my neck that says we need to sue. Just then Kwirk appears on the screen. Kwirk: You dented my fender Sickhard! Sickhard: You ran into us Kwirk. Kwirk: Did not! Sickhard: Did too. Kwirk: Did not! Sickhard: O.k. You didn't. Kwirk: Did too! Sickhard: I knew you did. Kwirk: I'm tired of talking. Sickhard: Arm all Photon Rubber Bands Chickov! Kwirk: That was my line! Sickhard: Sorry. Kwirk: I'll trade you Chickov for Ohboy! Sickhard: That wasn't in the script. Kwirk: So I have a poets liscense. Sickhard: Your a very sick man Kwirk. Kwirk: Very well! Arm all Photon Rubber Bands Chickov! Prepare to fire! Sickhard: What should I do Ohboy? Ohboy grabs his hand. Sickhard: Not now Ohboy. Ohboy: Idiot. I'm gonna read your palm. Sickhard: Oh great, Im gonna get my palm red at a time like this. Ohboy: It never failed for Ronald Raygun. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Could this be the end of the Enterplieds? Could this have a ending? Only if the E-mail is great enough too aspire to Gene DeadnBurried's ego. -- ...uunet!wshb!calvin ========= 0-----\+++++++ Kamikazi"Calvin" @ \------ From a warped mind comes warped products. These are my opinions. Quick put on the Bat Anti-Flame Goggles Robin!!!