From: EXOS%"ssc-vax!uvicctr!smin@beaver.cs.washington.edu" 23-JAN-1989 10:19:55.76 To: JMS CC: Subj: VAX/VMS Gurus & Wizards Return-path: Received: from CRVAX.SRI.COM by mis.arizona.edu id 20206383002 ; Mon, 23 Jan 89 10:19:06 MST Received: From KL.SRI.COM by CRVAX.SRI.COM with TCP; Thu, 12 JAN 89 08:20:18 PDT Received: from ucbvax.Berkeley.EDU by KL.SRI.COM with TCP; Thu, 12 Jan 89 08:07:04 PST Received: by ucbvax.Berkeley.EDU (5.61/1.33) id AA07588; Thu, 12 Jan 89 05:59:48-0800 Received: from USENET by ucbvax.Berkeley.EDU with netnews for info-vax@kl.sri.com (info-vax@kl.sri.com) (contact usenet@ucbvax.Berkeley.EDU if you have questions) Date: 11 Jan 89 03:00:09 GMT Organization: University of Victoria, Victoria, BC, Canada Message-Id: <598@uvicctr.UUCP> Sender: info-vax-request@kl.sri.com To: info-vax@kl.sri.com I'm posting this for a friend of mine. /*-------------------------cut here-------------------------------------*/ /* This is based on an old article for UNIX posted to USENET rec.humor. */ /* Feel free to add, delete, modify or repost. */ /* Send me a copy if you think that your version is funny. */ /* 'she' is the abbreviation for s/he. - KW January 1989 */ People who come into contact with the VAX/VMS system are often told, "If you have trouble, see so-and-so, he's a guru", or "Bob there is a real VMS hacker." What is a "VMS Wizard"? How does s/he differ from a "guru"? To explore these and other questions, here is a draft of the "VMS Hierarchy": NAME DESCRIPTION AND FEATURES beginner - insecure with the concept of a terminal - has yet to learn the basics of EDIT/EDT - has not figured out how to get a directory - still has trouble with typing after each line of input - a totally lost IBM OS/VS guru novice - knows that "DIR" will produce a directory - uses the editor, but uses QUIT instead of EXIT - has heard of "C" but never used it - has had a bad experience with DEL *.*;* - is wondering how to read mail - is wondering why the person next door seems to like VMS so very much user - uses EDIT/EDT and RUNOFF, but inexpertly - has heard of kernel mode but don't know what it is - has figured out that '/' precedes options - is wondering how to move a directory - thinks that /DEBUG is a brand of pesticide - has lots of MAIL$*.MAI's in her SYS$LOGIN - has attempted to write a C program but decided to stick with FORTRAN - knows how to read mail and is wondering how to read the news knowledgeable - uses RUNOFF with no trouble, and is beginning to learn EVE user - uses SEARCH to search for fixed strings - has figured out that RENAME will move directories - has learned that HELP usually helps - somebody has shown her how to write C programs - watched somebody use /DEBUG once - an UNIX expert looking for VMS make - has stopped creating a path more than 8 levels deep - has changed her process name - writes DCL scripts occasionally - uses SET QUEUE/REQUEUE when needed - subscribes to INFO-VAX and/or reads VAX Professional expert - has mastered the differences between symbols and logicals - has figured out to use '' inside "" - uses LEXICALs with comfort - uses EVE, uses TPU commands directly when necessary - posts news to INFO-VAX at every possible opportunity - has figured out what esc[0,7] = %x1b and exit %x848800 are for - uses RTL functions occasionally - is still wondering how to successfully reply to mail across gateways - uses large number of RMS buffers because somebody said it was faster - writes C programs using EVE and compiles with MMS or a mutant of UNIX's make hacker - starts to use MACRO - installs sharable libraries - uses undocumented features of DCL (e.g. SET WATCH) - writes C code with "CREATE" - sends mail without using MAIL - writes her own TPU macros to supplement the standard ones - rebuilds DCL with her own CLI - installs bug fixes from the net - uses appropriate number of RMS buffers because she timed it - spends New Year's Eve in front of a uVAX hacking - has anonymously FTP'ed useless software from other sites - has been to DECUS conference at least once - dispatches worms to SPAN/HEPNET - tries to crack SYSUAF.DAT - left Trojan horses in the default DECnet directory and was caught guru - uses BLISS and MACRO with ease - uses fab$ library functions with comfort - writes MACRO code with "CREATE" - customizes VMS utilities by patching the source - reads device driver source with breakfast - uses TECO instead of EVE because of nostalgia - can answer any VMS question after a little thought - has learned how to breach security but no longer needs to try - is putting her own utilities into the next DECUS tape release - uses MMS or make for anything that requires two or more commands - has the title "VMS Guru" in her signature wizard - writes device drivers with "CREATE" - fixes bugs by patching the binaries - can tell what question you are about to ask, and answer it - posts her changes to VMS/DECUS utilities to the net -- and they work - is on a first-name basis with Ruth Goldenberg, Nancy Kronenberg, Bill Strecker, etc - has the title "VMS Wizard" in her signature Ken Wong at the Ministry of Regional Development, Victoria, B.C., Canada Internet: kkwong%comet.profs@uvunix.UVic.ca (80 columns max) UUCP: {uw-beaver, ubc-cs}!uvunix!sol!kwong CDNnet: kwong@sol.uvic.cdn /*--------------------------------cut here-------------------------------*/ -- YiMin Shen ...!{uw-beaver,ubc-vision}!uvicctr!smin, smin@uvunix.bitnet smin@uvicctr.nrl-css.arpa, smin@sol.uvic.cdn