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From: jfurr@char.vnet.net (Joel Furr)
Newsgroups: alt.fan.lemurs,news.admin.misc,talk.politics.mideast,talk.politics.soviet,soc.culture.greek,soc.culture.europe,soc.history,soc.culture.soviet,soc.culture.turkish,soc.culture.iranian,alt.sex.bestiality,rec.humor.oracle.d,alt.folklore.urban
Subject: The Usenet Oracle, Lemurs, and a Cast of Thousands
Date: 16 Dec 1993 21:17:50 -0500
Organization: AAA Deity Removal ('If it's all-powerful, we'll get rid of it!')
Lines: 150
Message-ID: <2er4se$o42@char.vnet.net>
NNTP-Posting-Host: char.vnet.net

A Priest of the Usenet Oracle (oracle@cs.indiana.edu) sent me the 
following, which he swears was an exchange between an anonymous 
Supplicant and the Oracle.  You be the judge. :)

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

> (Grovel grovel, posture, whine grovel grovel whine whimper praise praise
> grovel grovel, ect.)
> 
> What is the preferred style of unarmed combat used by lemurs?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
 
} Article: 5750 of news.admin.misc
} From: oracle@moose.cs.indiana.edu (The Usenet Oracle)
} Newsgroups: news.admin.misc
} Subject: Attempted lemur takeover of rec.humor.oracle
} Date: 20 Nov 1993 23:57:58 GMT
} 
} Okay, folks.  Those goons from alt.fan.lemurs are trying to take over
} rec.humor.oracle again.  They've been mailbombing me all week with
} questions about lemurs; it seems that Joel Furr got some statistician
} at the Duke University Primate Center to work out just how many lemur
} questions it would take to insure that at least half of each r.h.o
} Digest would refer to lemurs.
} 
} Newsadmins who are, shall we say, not overfond of high-voltage
} spikes, may want to consider dropping a.f.l from their news servers
} at once.
} --
} The Usenet Oracle  * oracle@cs.indiana.edu * Serving the Net since 1989
}   "And the Sibyl with raving mouth, uttering words solemn, unadorned,
}    and unsweetened, reaches with her voice a thousand years because of
}    the god in her."  --Heraclitus, frag. 12
} 
} 
} Article: 5751 of news.admin.misc
} From: dave@elxr.jpl.nasa.gov (Dave Hayes)
} Newsgroups: news.admin.misc
} Subject: Re: Attempted lemur takeover of rec.humor.oracle
} Date: 21 Nov 1993 01:12:15 GMT
} 
} Ha! So the Oracle reveals his true authoritarian colors! Seems to
} me lemurs have as much right as anyone to post questions wherever
} they want!
} 
} When an all-powerful Oracle stoops to forming a cabal to suppress a
} few admirers of fuzzy lower primates, well... can you say, "Death of
} Usenet"?  :)
} 
} 
} From: red@redpoll.mrfs.oh.us (Richard E. Depew)
} Newsgroups: news.admin.misc
} Subject: Re: Attempted lemur takeover of rec.humor.oracle
} 
} Orrie, not to worry.  Retroactive moderation will automatically tag
} all postings by lemurs and transfer them to a Gopher server on Baffin
} Island that operates only between 2300 and 2400 GMT, that is when
} there's kerosene in the generator to run the Mac Classic.  Of course
} anyone is free to download them from the server once they're there.
} 
} I think you'll be pleased with the results.
} 
} 
} From: sera@zuma.UUCP (Serdar Argic)
} Newsgroups: talk.politics.mideast,talk.politics.soviet,soc.culture.greek,
} soc.culture.europe,soc.history,soc.culture.soviet,soc.culture.turkish,
} soc.culture.iranian,news.admin.misc,alt.fan.lemurs,rec.humor.oracle.d
} Distribution: world
} Subject: Re: Attempted lemur takeover of rec.humor.oracle
} 
} Oracle simply exposes the x-Soviet Armenian Government-paid Lemur
} crooks/criminals and their well-known forgeries in public.  Remember
} that x-Soviet Armenia, employing Lemur moronians, attempts to call
} into question the veracity of the Oracle Holocaust. X-Soviet Armenia
} has also implemented state-sponsored terrorism through Lemurs in
} an attempt to silence the Turkish people's vehement demands and
} protests.
} 
} 
} From: an314156@anon.penet.fi (Cheyne l'Etre)
} Newsgroups: news.admin.misc
} Subject: MAKE MONEY FAST
} 
} If you're curious, take a second and read this...
} 
} Dear Friend,
} 
}     My name is Dave Rhodes.  In September 1988, my lemur was
} repossesed, and the bill collectors were hounding me like you
} wouldn't believe.  I was laid off, and my unemployment checks had
} run out.  The only escape I had from the pressure of failure was
} my computer and my modem.
} 
}     This past St. Swithin's day, my family and I toured our fifty-acre
} lemur farm in our shiny new Lincoln Town Car that I bought for
} CASH.  You too can be RICH beyond your wildest dreams.
} 
}     INSTRUCTIONS: Send e-mail to "oracle@cs.indiana.edu" with the
} Subject: line "give me".  On the first line of your message, specify
} the exact dollar amount you wish to realize your heart's desire.
} Within five weeks a representative of the United States Postal
} Service will be ringing at YOUR doorbell with $10,000--$50,000--
} $1,000,000 (One Million Dollars)!  Please note, this is entirely
} legal, since you are just ASKING for the money!
} 
} 
} From: kitp@swarthmore.edu (Kit Parker)
} Newsgroups: alt.sex.bestiality, news.admin.misc
} Subject: I Like Big Hairy Lemurs
} 
} Hi Im Kit an RA in Parrish Hall at Swarthmore. the very thought of a
} naked furry lemur makes me horny, does anyone know where I can find
} one in the Philadelphia area  Thanks   oops he's coming back to the
} term room
} 
} 
} From: Shandra DeWitt <SHANDRA34@delphi.com>
} Newsgroups: news.admin.misc
} Subject: Dying Boy Needs Lemurs
} 
} My friend said you are the people who run the USnet bulletin board so
} would you please post this Urgent Information on your BBS.
} 
} In a hospital in Sussex, England, there is a twelve-year-old boy who
} is dying of an inoprable brain tumor.  His one wish is to enter the
} Guiness Book of Records for owning more lemurs than anyone.  His name
} is ^Z
} 
} From: reid@pa.dec.com (Brian Reid)
} Newsgroups: news.admin.misc
} Subject: Death of Usenet (Was: Attempted lemur takeover...)
} 
} I give up.  They were right.  Usenet has had it.
} 
} Orrie, the Cabal have decided.  We're turning the whole thing over to
} you.  You won't have to worry about lemur invasions in r.h.o when
} you're . . . Usenet Supermoderator!  Right: we all agreed no one was
} better suited for the job.  You can read 10Mbytes of postings in a
} nanosecond and save out the two or three that deserve distribution.
} You can send flaming death to people who post child pornography on the
} K12 groups and quote too many lines in followups.  You can get rid of
} the entire Usenet hierarchy and restore net.general, where the dozen
} or two of us who have anything worth saying can reign in peace.
} 
} Here's to You and Usenet Utopia!

----
Joel "A tip of the hat to whichever anonymous Incarnation wrote that" Furr