X-NEWS: spcvxb news.groups: 18826 Relay-Version: VMS News - V6.0 13.10.90 VAX/VMS V5.4; site spcvxb.spc.edu Path: spcvxb.spc.edu!rutgers!ub!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!pacific.mps.ohio-state.edu!linac!att!cbfsb!cbnewsf.cb.att.com!forbes Newsgroups: news.groups,rec.arts.startrek,rec.arts.sf-lovers,talk.bizarre,alt.flame Subject: More Usenet Olympics Coverage Message-ID: <1991Aug27.032046.27901@cbfsb.att.com> From: forbes@cbnewsf.cb.att.com (michael.s.forbes) Date: 27 Aug 91 03:20:46 GMT Sender: news@cbfsb.att.com Organization: AT&T Bell Laboratories Keywords: 1991 Usenet Olympics coverage -- exclusively on USPN! Summary: Medal count, Flameball, and the "Asbestos Man" triathlon! Lines: 183 Xref: spcvxb news.groups:18826 rec.arts.startrek:45598 rec.arts.sf-lovers:32667 talk.bizarre:32225 alt.flame:22008 The Usenet Sports Programming Network presents: \\ \\ \\ //// //// //// \\\\\\ \\\\\\ \\\\\\ //////// //////// //////// (________) (________) (________) The 1991 \ / \\ \ / \\ \ / \ / //// \ / //// \ / Usenet Olympic Games \ / \\\\\\ \ / \\\\\\ \ / || //////// || //////// || || (________) || (________) || || \ / || \ / || || \ / || \ / || \ / \ / || || || || || || || || Brought to you by IBM, because we're sick of all this complacency. [Fade to Bryant Gumbel, at Usenet Olympic Headquarters.] Bryant: >It's Day Three of the 1991 Usenet Olympic Games, and we've got a >medal count for the top five teams based on the events so far: > > TOTAL Gold Silver Bronze > >news.groups 58 29 17 12 >rec.arts.startrek 55 32 9 14 >alt.flame 53 41 11 2 >rec.arts.sf-lovers 52 25 18 9 >alt.humor.oracle 43 42 0 1 > >We also have an update on Bernard Shaw's condition, after he told >The Usenet Oracle that he'd only won the bronze medal in the >Long Post. Shaw was turned into a newt, but is getting better. > >Also remember that today is the Individual Flaming competition, >which could mean a big jump in the standings for alt.flame. >But first, we take you to Bob Eucher and Emil Jacobs at the >Flameball championships: The Usenet Sports Programming Network presents: .__________. | | | ____ | | ^____^ | '---\\//---' \\// "Did not!" "Did too!" U U U O O O -+- U -+- U -+- -+- O -+- o -+- | -+- | -+- | | -+- | -+- | / \ | / \ | / \ / \ | / \ | / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ Exclusive Coverage of the Flameball Championships Brought to you by Stanford U. We'll just put it under "Research." [Cut to a basketball court.] Bob Eucher: >Hey, sports fans, I love ya! We're here at Stallman Gymnasium >watching the matchup you've been waiting for: rec.arts.sf-lovers >against rec.arts.startrek in the Flameball championships! Emil Jacobs: >Bob, both teams have displayed the rough, physical style most >common to this kind of competition, and they're really wearing >each other down. It's a question of which team exausts their >energy first, but there's enough bitterness to keep them both >going for a long while yet. Bob: >Yeah, right now the referees look like they're about ready to >throw in the towel. Let's see if we can pick up some of the >taunting that's going on underneath the backboards: Jay Maynard: >If it hadn't been for Jim Griffith's post, none of this would have >ever happened! Ryan Mathews: >Look, your crazy convener started flaming away during a CFV! Jay: >It's still your fault! Griffith *forced* him to start flaming! Ryan: >What, by gluing his hands to the keyboard? Jay: >Same difference! Ryan: >Up yours! Bob: >What rivalry! Boy, I'm glad it wasn't ever like this when I was >in the game. Emil: >You were never really "in the game," Bob. Over to you, Bryant. Bob: >Hey, wait a minute-- Bryant: >We're back at USPN Olympic Headquarters with another update: >Tragedy struck the rec.nude bobsledding team this afternoon when >all four members suffered a severe case of frostbite. Also, the >rec.arts.startrek rowing team appears to have gone off course >to make a rescue attempt on another vessel, the Kobyashi Canoe. > >Meanwhile, USPN live coverage continues with the "Asbestos Man" >Triathlon. We're taking you now to Guy Steele Plaza: The Usenet Sports Programming Network presents: \\ // / \\\\\\ "EEEYYYAAAAAAAGGGHH!" //////// \\\\O\\\\\ FLAMING ////-+/-//// SADISM \\\\\\|\\\\\\\ / //////\/////// \\\\\\/\\\\\\\\ \\ //////////////////// MASOCHISM Exclusive Coverage of the "Asbestos Man" Triathlon Brought to you by the Yugoslavia Ministry of Tourism and Commerce. Willard Scott: >Hoo, boy! I just *love* toasted marshmallows. Mmmm-mm! >And with all these flames going around, all you need is a stick! >It's going to be a hot one today, Bryant, without much relief in >sight for as long as the "Asbestos Man" competition goes on. Bryant: >Yes, Willard, but what's happening in the competition? Willard: >Oh, yes! Jim Griffith of rec.arts.startrek is still holding out >in his effort to beat yesterday's performance by rec.arts.movies. >Judges (from misc.legal) are still reviewing the official protests >and have yet to rule whether the r.a.m entry, a liquid metal T1000 >from "Terminator 2", is qualified to compete in the Olympics. > >But Jim's putting in a great performance, and hasn't posted a word >in spite of the best efforts of alt.flame and rec.arts.sf-lovers. >It's as if he wasn't even reading the posts! What an incredible >display of intolerance to pain. Bryant: >Thanks, Willard. We'll be back with more exclusive coverage of >the 1991 Usenet Olympic Games in a moment. Don Pardo: >Stay tuned for live coverage of the Mental Gymnastics finals! >Exclusively on USPN. [...]