X-NEWS: spcvxb news.groups: 18700 Relay-Version: VMS News - V6.0 13.10.90 VAX/VMS V5.4; site spcvxb.spc.edu Path: spcvxb.spc.edu!rutgers!usc!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!uwm.edu!linac!att!cbfsb!cbnewsf.cb.att.com!forbes Newsgroups: news.groups Subject: Usenet Olympic Games -- Day 1 Message-ID: <1991Aug25.042105.27857@cbfsb.att.com> From: forbes@cbnewsf.cb.att.com (michael.s.forbes) Date: 25 Aug 91 04:21:05 GMT Sender: news@cbfsb.att.com Organization: AT&T Bell Laboratories Keywords: 1991 Usenet Olympic Games -- exclusively on USPN! Summary: Men's Flamer Baiting and 400-Post Relay highlights Lines: 151 The Usenet Sports Programming Network presents: Exclusive coverage of the Men's Flamer Baiting Finals |9| |8| |9| |9| |4| "Four!? You sh*thead! \o \O \o \O \U I'm gonna take that card | | | | | and shove it up your--" --------------------------------- \ - o --------------------------- '--|--__ _____________________________________ | ___________________________ | / \ / | _/_ _|_ Brought to you by the Energizer. It just keeps going and going... [Fade to an ice rink.] Peter: >This is Peter Arnett here at Chuq Arena, where we're about to >witness the finals of the men's Flamer Baiting competition. > >Now stepping onto the ice is Joe Newcomer, from the comp.sys.amiga >hierarchy. Let's see what Joe's routine looks like: Joe: >Post to groups: comp.sys.* >Subject: My Amiga is faster than your computer! >(entering vi mode) >Heck, my Amiga can EMULATE your computer, and even the emulation >is twice as fast your machine! It's faster than a Cray! Peter: >Joe's melted a small puddle of ice, and the judges are giving him >a 7.4 overall. Not a very high score, I'm afraid; his theme was >not the most original we've seen here at the Usenet Olympics. > >The Zamboni machine is clearing the rink, and our next athlete is >Roger Noe, from rec.arts.startrek: Roger: >Post to groups: news.groups, rec.arts.startrek >Subject: K*nt is trying to change The Name! >(entering vi mode) >Death to the infidel running-dog pagan fool who defies the gods >and dares to insert ".sf" in The Sacred Name! Phasers on kill! Peter: >Roger's up to his neck in water! What an impressive performance! >The judges are giving him a perfect 10 -- oh no! The Soviet judge >has been overthrown in a coup, and the eight new judges are each >giving Noe's performance a 3! That lowers his overall score to a >5.3, and puts him in second place so far. Tough break for Roger. > >Next up, the defending champion: Kent Paul Dolan, from alt.flame! Kent: >Post to groups: news.groups, news.admin, alt.flame, talk.bizarre, > rec.arts.sf-lovers, rec.arts.startrek >Subject: You're a > bunch of > brain-dead > nitwits! >(entering vi mode) >You stupid >sheep couldn't >reorganize >a newsgroup >if I led you >through it >myself! > >---------- >Grand Convener, >net.* reorg Peter: >He's flooded the arena! The judges are drowning! Bryant: >Peter, are you still there? Peter... This is Bryant Gumbel in >Atlanta with USPN coverage of the Usenet Olympic Games. We're >having some technical difficulties with our Flamer Baiting crew, >and we'll go back there in a few moments. > >We're taking you now to the 400-Post Relay already in progress. >USPN's Chris Berman has an update: The Usenet Sports Programming Network presents: Exclusive coverage of the 400-Post Relay Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: o o U U __/_ __/__ O O __/_ __/__ / \===/ / __/_ __/__ / \===/ / __/| /\ / \===/ / __/| /\ / / \ - __/|-------/\------------/-------/--\----------/-------/---/----- ----/-------/--\----------/-------/---/---------------------------- ---/-------/---/ -------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------------------------- Brought to you by the Ford Pinto Historical Preservation Society. Chris Berman: >Bryant, we've got an exciting matchup here in the 400-Post Relay >semi-finals. Here are the teams: > >Lane 1: rec.arts.startrek "Tasha Yar is a Romulan Spy" thread >Lane 2: comp.sys.mac.* "Bug in System 7?" >Lane 3: rec.arts.comics "Overweight Superheroes" >Lane 4: rec.arts.sf-lovers "Orson Scott Card & Homosexuality" >Lane 5: news.groups "Look what Kent mailed out" > >Each of these threads has well over 400 posts, and with the >exception of comp.sys.mac.*'s entry, there's plenty of flaming >going on out there. They're rounding the turn now, and here comes >Peter "da gold and" da Silva in the lead, followed closely by >Tim "David" Lynch. > >Da Silva is making the handoff to "giant rat of" Subrata Sircar, >while Lynch hands his baton to "Downtown" Mike (Vidiot) Brown. >Here comes Dean "just between me and" Yu from comp.sys.mac.*... > >Uh-oh! Mike Brown has stumbled! He forgot to put a ^L at the top >of a potential spoiler post; it looks like the news.groups team >has got this one wrapped up. Back to you, Bryant. Bryant: >Thanks for the update, Chris. Stay tuned for more exclusive >coverage of the 1991 Usenet Olympic Games here on USPN. Don Pardo: >Coming up: Tape delay highlights from Beating a Dead Horse! [to be continued...]