From: IN%"JOE@SPCVXA.SPC.EDU" 2-DEC-1991 15:31:01.32 To: IN%"terry@SPCVXA.SPC.EDU" CC: Subj: More New Cookies Received: from SPCVXA.SPC.EDU by SPCVXA.SPC.EDU (PMDF #12025) id <01GDN54JBKB8934S93@SPCVXA.SPC.EDU>; Mon, 2 Dec 1991 15:30 EDT Date: Mon, 2 Dec 1991 15:30 EDT From: JOE@SPCVXA.SPC.EDU Subject: More New Cookies To: terry@SPCVXA.SPC.EDU Message-id: <01GDN54JBKB8934S93@SPCVXA.SPC.EDU> X-Organization: St. Peter's College, US X-VMS-To: IN%"terry" X-News: spcvxb alt.startrek.creative:1378 From: sfnet@oliveb.atc.olivetti.com (Steven Ellis) Subject:Parody: Star Trek THE NEW GENERATION (continued..) Date: 2 Dec 91 15:44:38 GMT Message-ID:<76311@oliveb.atc.olivetti.com> Well as promised to all those that mailed me... Here are seasons 3-5.. Seasons 6 & 7 are in preperation to watch out!! Warning : Once again there are many in-jokes relating to life at York University, I hope you can get most of them. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ JNT: This is the best season to date without question! I shall have to set my alarm clock to remind me to come in from the garden to watch some of these classics! A new race is introduced, and many return. Fantastic. Stay tuned! Season Three of "Star Trek - The New Generation" Written by: Jonathan Burt & Edward J. Lord Produced by: John Nathan Turner 3:01 NANITE KINGDOM - In a homage to the brilliant opener to the third season of "Next Generation", the Nanites return - and this time they bringing their brother the Ganites. Together they reap havoc with the Enterprise computer, but meet their match with the now naive and stupid Data, whose wiped brain contains the properties to kill Nanites. In so doing, Data miraculously recovers his memory much to the delight of Lt Commander Tasha Yar. 3:02 "BONES" - Dr Crusher and Dr Selar/Keleyr go off on a trip with the Medical Officer's Outing Society to visit the hallowed ground where Doctor Leonard McCoy, Saint of Starfleet, was laid to rest. When they get there, it is realized that Beverly is in desperate need of a bone graft, and the only bones at hand are those of Leonard McCoy - can Selar resolve so hideous a dilemma? 3:03 TRICORDER READING - A day in the life of a tricorder. Today it is lucky enough to be chosen by Beverly Crusher for a self-diagnostic. (JNT: We continue the run of "everyday" episodes. It is fascinating just what a tricorder gets up to in a day. There is some interesting camera angles too) 3:04 AN UNEARTHLY FERENGI - During peace negiotiations after the Condom War, the Enterprise witnesses the first illicit breeding of a Ferengi and a human. 3:05 SENTINENT SAUCEPAN - Riker's obsession with home cooking takes on a new, eerie aspect when his Banzite saucepan is overheated and comes magically to life. 3:06 MIRACLES - At last success for Tasha and Data as their first child is on its way. Other miracles occur too - the remains of Ensign Ro reassemble and become human and Lt Comm O'Brien turns up at Ten Forward, none the worse! What is more he claims never to have been away and remarks "The whole Universe knows I'm indestructible!" 3:07 QUING FOR A DRINK - The omnipotent Q returns once more after the newly resurrected Lt Comm O'Brien foolishly cracks the joke in Ten Forward, "if I had the power of Q, I wouldn't need to queue!" Q turns O'Brien into a brown ale bottle, and has a party, but soon relents. 3:08 PLASTIC PULASKI - Kate Pulaski's visit to the Enterprise coincides with an unfortunate practical joke played on Riker by Worf. When she finds the inflatable sex toy in Riker's room, her renowned temper explodes, and even Commander Picard cannot calm her down. 3:09 THE THREE DOCTORS - The three Doctors, Crusher, Pulaski and Selarkeleyr, go on holiday to Risa. There Beverly's purchase of a Horgon attracts a mysterious admirer ... 3:10 JACK'S BACK - Jack Crusher turns out to be alive and well, and working on a bar on Risa. His only comment to Beverly's frantic inquiries is to the effect that the whole Universe knows that he is indestructible. He agrees to take on a bar job on the Enterprise. 3:11 THE BEARD - In a riproaring story, Wil Riker decides to shave off his beard. After much agonizing and long conversations with Troi, Guinan and Jack he changes his mind and takes up pottery instead. (JNT: This character piece gives a unique insight into one of the most popular characters in the series. It is also slightly autobiographical in that it mirrors my own soul searching before I shaved off my own beard. 3:12 Q, Q, BARLEY, McGREW, CUTHBERT, DIBBLE AND GROVE - The five aforementioned are Enterprise crewmembers put out of work by the Geordis. They call on the Q continuum, to whom they had pacted their souls in "Qing for a Drink", to help them extract their revenge ... 3:13 NURSERY - Stepping back from recent hectic events, we see the Enterprise nursery in overcrowded operation - for James Riker is already showing some of his father's natural talents ... Meanwhile Data is kitting out a nursery of his own and Lal is getting rather jealous. 3:14 THE NAKED NOW (PART II) - The conclusion to the oddly unresolved second episode of the original series. Jack realises his relationship with Guinan has become more than merely professional and Picard and Beverly explore their relationship in a more intimate manner. (JNT: I had always thought that 'The Naked Now' was a poor story, but this wraps things up perfectly! As for Jack and Guinan, what can I say? I am sure that viewers will be hooked over their illicit love." 3:15 THE FATHERS - An action packed episode in which Beverly, realizing her attraction to Jack is dwindling, plans to reveal the true identity of the father of Wesley. Meanwhile Tasha goes into labour and the Geordis plan to visit their long lost father, Scotty. 3:16 THE SONS - Beverly's information makes Picard look at Wesley in an entirely new light. Meanwhile its a boy for Data and Tasha, and Scotty is overwhelmed when the Geordis turn up on his doorstep. (JNT: I am absolutely delighted with this episode, and I'm sure the viewers will be too. The startling revelations about Picard in this episode help to create more mystery about the character.) 3:17 BANANA REPUBLIC - The Enterprise makes optimistic contact with a yellow planet torn by political strife and populated entirely by enourmous walking Bananas. (JNT: It was about time for a new race, and here they are! ILM have really surpassed themselves with the Banana VFX. Viewers will love this subtle allegory!) 3:18 FOR THE HEAD IS HOLLOW AND I HAVE TOUCHED THE SKULL - The Enterprise warps to the Skullery, planet of the Skulls. There Terbo, the chief skull, takes Jack hostage and tortures him with peculiar odours. Riker beams down at high afternoon for an encounter with the Skull. He takes with him Ensign Yo, Ensign Ro's sister. Meanwhile Wesley fails his pendulum examination. The crisis is resolved when Riker steals the Skull's religious icon, a painting of the Bones of Rucksack, and exchanges it for Jack. (JNT: A Christmas cracker of an episode. There are lots of in jokes in it too, and I think the Skulls are becoming one of the most persistent races yet!) 3:19 FUNERAL FOR THE CRUSHERS - Wesley dies after drowning his sorrows in Romulan whisky. Jack falls out of an airlock while in a passionate clinch with Guinan. Beverly is besides herself with grief, while Picard is besides himself with relief ... (JNT: A real tear-jerker.) 3:20 CHINACLAY - Recovering from yet another funeral, Riker throws himself into his pottery. Unfortunately, he is using Banzite Restricted Use Clay, which if too much is used, can take on sentinent life! It turns out that the Ferengi and the Romulans have been after the clay for years and they now attack the Enterprise while the clay vase goes on the rampage. (JNT: This is an all action thriller. It is very interesting the way that it is hinted that Banzite Clay was created by a man with thinning hair and a Roman nose many thousands of years ago.) 3:21 ENGAGED - The Enterprise is engaged by Captain Riker to full warp speed, while his first officer Picard gets hitched to widow Dr Crusher. (JNT: This episode beats even 'Gone with the Wind' for tear-jerking romance!) 3:22 GORN, BUT NOT FORGOTTEN - The hostile Gorn are reintroduced, and they kidnap Dr Daylan Quaist, Beverly's mentor. Picard declares that to interfere would breach the Prime Directive and forbids Captain Riker from chasing. Oddly Riker obeys his first officer. Even more oddly, all the Enterprise crew can't remember a single detail of the incident. 3:23 BODYSWAP - Data conducts a strange experiment in which Lt Cmdr O'Brien swaps bodies with Lt Cmdr Worf! This causes all kinds of problems, not least with O'Brien's wife! Data races against time to reverse the process as Worf is due to appear on the Klingon gameshow "Know Your P'tac", but obviously cannot if he is really O'Brien. (JNT: O'Brien and Worf are two very popular characters, which is why I am sure that viewers will be thrilled with this episode. It is particularly amusing that Worf is still only three foot tall, and so Keiko is taller than he! I am very keen to develop Data as an eccentric professor, and this is the first step along that road.) 3:24 DECK OF CARDASSIANS - There are only 52 Cardassians left after a terrible war with the Ferengi. They appeal to Riker for help, but which is the Joker in the pack? 3:25 I MARRIED A ROMULAN - In a bid to help Federation-Romulan relations, it is decided that one of the Enterprise's officers must marry a Romulan. After Worf steadfastly refuses, Troi gets the honour. Her husband is to be Commander Tomalok and she is to leave at once. There are a fistful of moving scenes before Deanna is finally bid farewell. Marina Sirtis leaves the programme with this episode, while Majel Barrett guests as her mother. (JNT: We are obviously very sorry to see Marina go, but once more this story has a strong emphasis on family.) 3:26 TRIBBLES VS BORG - In this stunning season finale, two classic foes return. Captain Riker's crew discover the frozen form of Harry Mudd floating in space. Unfortunately he has a Tribble on his person, which soon multiplies. It also transpires (as the Tribbles can now talk) that they have been waging war against the Borg for centuries and are comandeering the Enterprise to finish the job off. (JNT: A real corker of an episode to finish the season off. Viewers may be disappointed that the Borg don't actually appear in the episode, but I am sure that seein Harry Mudd will ease their disappointment. Roll on next season!) Season Four of 'Star Trek - The New Generation' 4:01 TRIBBLES VS BORG (PART II) - Arriving at the Borg planet, Relew, the Tribbles, who have multiplied faster than the Geordis, force O'Brien to beam them down to the surface where they indulge in fierce hand to hand battle with the Borg. Harry Mudd, having had trouble with Tribbles, rescues some Borg from the blood bath below. In gratitude they convert Mudd into Muddqutus. Riker, fed up with Tribbles, Borgs, and the endless rantings of Muddqutus, warps away leaving them all to it. 4:02 NEXT WEEK IS LESS THAN IDEAL - The Geordis fall asleep. A week later, they wake up to find they have no arms or legs! What is more, everyone thinks they have always been like that! Could it have something to do with the nearby Romulan vessel? Or could the danger be closer to home? (JNT: This is an excellent mystery story; who has got the Geordis' legs and why? Pip and Jane have provided us with a classic tale.) 4:03 HOME ALONE - The diminutive Worf and his wife, Dr Selarkeleyr, return to the Klingon homeworld for a ceremony to solemnize the return of Keleyr 4 years ago. However the homeworld seems to be abandoned, and Worf has to fulfil his ambition to be Emperor. However, he is only Emperor for one day as the other Klingons return from the seaside. Unfortunately it is enough time for Worf to have declared war on the Romulans, and the Enterprise has to beam him out of there in the nick of time. 4:04 JEHOVAH'S FERENGI - Reports about the increasing hostility of the Ferengi do not match with observations of the Ferengi group travelling about the Universe converting races to the Ferengi religion. Picard is sent to investigate, but is strangely reticent about his findings. 4:05 DATA PROTECTION - A high ranking Starfleet Admiral wants to dismantle Data as he claims he is a threat to the future stability of the Universe. This Admiral Lor Datasbro seems to have a personal vendetta against the android, and it is up to Picard and Riker to find out what it is before it is too late. (JNT: This story features some stunning special effects which I am sure viewers will love. As for the surprise villain, I am sure the viewers will be delighted when they find out who it is). 4:06 KEIKO'S CAKE COURSE - It is fast approaching Captain Riker's birthday, and Chief O'Brien and Keiko decide to bake him a cake. (JNT: A lovely character study, with only Keiko and O'Brien in it as they examine O'Brien's warped nature since his resurrection.) 4:07 SKIN OF EVIL (PART II) - The Enterprise warps to pick up a group of archaelogists trapped on the banned planet, Varga 2. Unfortunately Armus disguises himself as a sleeping bag and gets on the ship with the rest of the baggage. He wreaks havoc until Tasha causes him such confusion that he flies off in a shuttlecraft to rest. The Enterprise loses contact with him. (JNT: A bleak episode, but I felt Armus had such potential that I had to bring him back. As for where the shuttlecraft has gone - who knows? Stay tuned!) 4:08 REVENGE OF THE ROMULANS - After suffering Deanna Troi for a few months, the Romulans have tired of her constant harping on about suffering, sin and emotion. Tomalok is particularly fed up of her observations about his repressed childhood. They decide to take revenge on the Enterprise. It is Commander Picard they most hate so they decide to kidnap him and place him in a holodeck with only Deanna and Lwaxana for company. Meanwhile Riker and Data search for clues to Picard's whereabouts. Data, using his refined sense of smell, concludes Picard is on Romulus and the two launch a daring rescue, which is not entirely successful as they bring Deanna back too. (JNT: It is great to have Marina back as the show was missing her amazing acting talents.) 4:09 PIKE STAFF - The Enterprise encounters another rift in space through which the original Enterprise emerges, NCC 1701, commanded by Captain Chris Pike. Magically the two crews swap positions. (JNT: I love continuity, and this aspect is strongest in this fantastic tale!) 4:10 GENESIS OF THE FERENGI - A time travel story. Hearing rumours about an impending Ferengi invasion, the officers on the Enterprise find the ship being hurled back in time by a mysterious figure to prevent the development of this aggressive trait in the Ferengi. Once there, Riker is amazed to find that the renowned villain Amster is in fact the Ferengi Prime. Riker must agonize over the moral consequences before he blows Amster away with a Phaser. In so doing, the captain hopes to have changed the future for the better. However as the Enterprise departs, a mysterious figure looms over Amster's corpse ... (JNT: I have had a lot of mail asking for more Ferengi episodes, and I can exclusively reveal that this is the first of a batch. Amster fans, don't worry though, despite seeming to be killed here, he will be back!! Stay tuned!) 4:11 GIANT GEORDI - The Geordis vote to become one entity once more. However the conversion process goes a bit wrong, and although Geordi was one again, he is now 39 feet tall. He must sleep in the corridor as he keeps hitting his head on the ceiling, but all the women want to get to know him. 4:12 GUINAN'S DAUGHTERS - Guinan goes into an easy labour with Jack Crusher's children. Once born the girls (Mell and Well) grow up incredibly fast. At the same time, the Enterprise's systems start to fail. Are the girls' birth and the ship's problem connected? Riker believes so, but is struck down by a deadly virus before he can act. One by one, the crew fall until only Guinan, Well, Mell and Commander Picard are left ... (JNT: Viewers have often commented on how much they have enjoyed the 2nd season opener of the classic series "The Child", so I have decided to reuse some of the same elements here. It's a cracking episode, one which reveals a lot of Picard and Gunian's relationship." There then follows what JNT refers to as his 'Ferengi Trilogy': 4:13 PLANET OF THE FERENGI 4:14 TERROR OF THE FERENGI 4:15 FATE OF THE FERENGI In these episodes, Amster, magically revived, journeys to the Ferengi Homeworld to install himself once more as the Ferengi Prime. It transpires that the Ferengi are a collective being, and Amster uses this aspect of them to mount a revenge attack on the Enterprise. The Enterprise crew are under stress, and it is not a good time to be attacked by the Ferengi. The Ferengi capture the ship and install Amster as its commander. Wesley, trying to contact his mother, realizes something is wrong and so sets off to help. Amster is revealed to be none other than the supposed Betazoid Tam Elbrom (from "Tinman") with amazing new powers as the Ferengi Prime, who has distorted the Ferengi's time-line for his own purposes. The Enterprise crew face a massive task - they must defeat Tam the Ferengi and restore the past to it proper order ... 4:16 TAIL TALE - Q has been learning French, in which 'queue' means tail. Q therefore decides it would be a nice idea if all the Enterprise crew had tails too to celebrate this linguistic coincidence. 4:17 PEACE OF CAKE - Keiko bakes a cake to bring together Klingons and Romulans who are still at war after Worf's intervention. Having secured peace through a pacifying ingredient in her cake, Keiko is hailed as Peacemaker of all Time. 4:18 RETURN TO EDO - Wesley, who was magically seen alive in "Fate of the Ferengi" turns out to have been resurrected specially by the God of the Edo to open negiotations for the Federation with the Edo. Condoms, after the great Condom War, are again the central issue. Fortunately the Edo are specialists in this field. 4:19 BEVERLY'S BABIES - A family episode. Beverly is seen preparing to have Picard's baby, looking after James Riker, her son from Captain Riker and getting to know her eldest child Wesley again after his resurrection. 4:20 THE MARRIAGE - Captain Riker has the honour of joining Commander Picard and Dr Beverly Crusher in holy matrimony. However peeping Tom, Worf, trying to learn a thing or two to impress Dr Selerkeleyr, almost spoils the wedding night ... 4:21 BANANA SKINS - The Enterprise warps to the Banana Republic to take on board a Banana delegation. Unluckily it transpires that this is where Armus, the skin of evil, landed his shuttle craft, and it looks as though the surface of the Republic is covered in rotting banana skins ... 4:22 THE PLANET OF MYSTERY - (JNT: This is no less than the 100th episode, and it is a roaring, romping 90 minute advantage in which every single old enemy - the Ultimate Computer, the Borg, the Bananas - return!!) A mysterious forcefield drags the Enterprise to a mysterious dark planet. As the forcefield seems to emanate from a mysterious dark tower, Riker decides to beam all his officers to the mysterious planet to investigate. Mysteriously, they encounter and mysteriously overcome every old enemy they have faced. A mysterious Romulan consul, T'Pot, reveals the tower is known as the Tower of Pick Card and is the source of great power. Picard looks rather shifty, but points out the difference in spelling. The crew must get into the dark tower to switch off the forcefield, but who is really manipulating them? 4:23 FALL OF TROI - Captain Riker is overwhelmed with joy when he discovers that the Bananas have reached Betazoid and some have survived Armus' attack. Unluckily the Bananas have declared war on the Betazoids over unjust banana prices at market, and are winning. The House of Troi falls and Picard must rescue Lwaxana before the Bananas get her ... 4:24 PROMOTIONS - As a belated gesture of true thanks for all the work they have done, Starfleet promotes everyone on the Enterprise. Picard is captain once more, and picks the diminutive Worf as his new first officer. Only Ensigns Ro and Yo refuse their new commissions. 4:25 GUT FEELING - Admiral Riker can finally leave Captain Picard to guide the vessel and he returns to his natural instincts for a while. But they need honing as Lesley Ben, the woman he dates, is more interested in sharp action than any other form of action. For once, Riker's gut feelings have misled him. 4:26 DAYLIGHT BORGERY - The Enterprise finds the Borg are trying to capture Armus from the planet of the Bananas. However, as always, the Borg turn their attention away to the Enterprise when it arrives and activate a sharp cutting beam. Admiral Riker and Captain Picard frantically rack their brains as the atmosphere of the ship drains into the void of space and the Borg prepare to at last assimilate the Enterprise into their culture ... (JNT: A wonderful way to end the season. I love the way that continuity is maintained with the return of the Borg once more!) Season Five of "Star Trek - The New Generation" 5:01 BORGEORDI - As the Borg rip apart the Enterprise, the officers rack their brains for a solution. Finally Commander Picard suggests that they beam over giant Geordi from his isolation in a corridor to see what he can do. When he gets there, giant Geordi literally rips apart the Borg ship and defeats them. In being beamed back, he is reduced to normality for the first time since "Geordis" and is surrounded by congratulatory crewmates. 5:02 RO, RO, RO YOUR BOAT - Ensign Ro has been watching old logs of the Enterprise NCC1701/A. She is influenced by James T. Kirk's rendition of Row, Row, Row Your Boat Gently Down the Stream in the events about Sybok and decides to steal the Enterprise D to enact her own scene thus. Her singing is so bad that Captain Picard is forced to evacuate the bridge as Ro warps off. Luckily Ensign Yo is able to withstand the frequency and she seizes Ro, although Yo dies in the attempt. It transpires that Ro was gripped by a mysterious power. 5:03 LA FORGE'S LOCKS - Geordi is enjoying normality again when he is struck by a mysterious radiation which makes his hair grow. It is uncontrollable and Geordi is inconsolate at looking like a Space Hippy. 5:04 BLACK AND WHITE MINISTREL - A mystery disease strikes the Enterprise in which the crews' skin colour begins to change. Picard traces it back to Guinan who is contaminating the crew with her own illness - in "Clues" she is seen to have white legs, and this disorder has become contagious. 5:05 ANGEL TWO - Returning to the Angel system, the Enterprise visits the second world. This planet is dominated entirely by lustful men, who promptly kidnap all the women from the ship. The male crew are forced to beam down under the command of an enraged Commander Data to indulge in hand to hand combat to retrieve their mates. 5:05 DUSTBIN - A quiet episode following Worf's reorganization of rubbish procedures on the Enterprise. Still being only three foot tall, he gets mangled after falling into the disposal shute, but his wife, Dr Selarkeleyr, is able to save him. 5:07 QBED ROOT - Q reappears and whisks the Enterprise back to the mysterious dark planet. Riker and an uncomfortable Picard realize that Q is creating the Banana race on the planet below, but he has a firm-voiced accomplice, who orders Q to transport the Bananas to the Banana Republic in order to disguise his own identity. JNT: "A delicious mystery is building up - who really created the Bananas and why? And how can he command Q?" 5:08 TIN HAT - Tam Elbrom, alias Amster the Ferengi Prime, returns to the Enterprise. Due to some amazing new powers, he is able to cause subsidence in the ship's ceiling and Admiral Riker is forced to order everyone to wear tin hats to combat this evil. 5:09 THE LANDING - While warping back to Starbase 645 for ceiling repairs, the Enterprise is attacked by vengeful Ferengi. Further damage, Riker is forced to land the entire ship on the Banana Republic, but it proves to be a slippery operation. 5:10 HUMDRUM EXISTENCE - Mr Hum returns, having substituted himself for Mr Hom.He hates Worf and Geordi for capturing him four years earlier, so Hum attacks the small Worf and beats him up easily. However, luckily, Geordi is able to use his manipulative hair to trip Hum up and Riker court martials Hum for being a traitor to Betazoid. 5:11 SWEET SIXTEEN - Riker is frustrated when Troi leaves him for a Vulcan. Solace is at hand, however, from Guinan's new barmaid, 16 year old Busty. Riker gets on with the job in hand, but is further frustrated when Picard has to reprimand him for conduct unbecoming an Admiral. 5:12 VENGEANCE OF THE FERENGI - Geordi's father Scotty comes aboard to pay his long haired son a visit. Amongst other things he reveals that Uhura was the mother of Geordi and that he knew of the Ferengi 80 years ago but was dissuaded from mentioning it by a shadowy figure whose voice suggested a Shakespearean background. The Ferengi turn up to take revenge on Scotty for a past crime against the Ferengi race and in the resulting crossfire, Scotty dies, but not before he can whisper to Riker "Picard - Ferengi - Bananas" with his last breath. (JNT: "Stunning revelations abound in this episode. How could Scotty have known about the Ferengi, and who was the shadowy figure?") 5:13 VASH PROMISES - Vash visits and is extremely upset to find Picard has married Dr Beverly Picard. She fights with Beverly, but the Dr manages to get the upper hand by stabbing Vash with a tranquilizer. 5:14 APPLICATION OF DOOM - The Romulans make a concerted effort to break up the Federation by smuggling someone on board the Enterprise. The chosen man, Pro-consul Hemlock, is so convincing a human that he passes the interviews with ease. He is given a job as ship's chef. 5:15 THE INFILTRATOR - Hemlock starts to poison Riker's food, and Worf realizeswhat is going on. He is too small to stop Hemlock, however, but Picard phasers the Romulan in time to save the Enterprise. However a Warbird decloaks and cripples the Enterprise with an amazing new weapon ... 5:16 SKELETON IN THE CUPBOARD - The Enterprise crew are suffering from leukemia after the Romulan attack with a radiation weapon. They desperately need a bone graft so Riker hails a passing Skull ship and after some problems the Skulls supply the necessary bone material to save the crew. 5:17 SINGING A SOONG - Dr Soong wasn't killed by Lor in "Brothers" but instead it is revealed Data helped him to an escape pod. Now Soong returns, singing "The whole Universe knows I'm indestructible." Lor takes over the Enterprise, but Soong sings at such a high frequency that Lor crumbles into nothingness. (JNT: A fantastic continuity episode. Viewers will delight in Brent's three fold performance - I love the way which we've already used the idea in episode three of this season!! Great continuity!) 5:18 THE DEADLY STATUE - Riker moulds some Banzite material into a Statue, which of course comes alive. As it rampages around the Enterprise, Ferenig and Romulan ships once more decloak and demand its surrender. (JNT: This story has many similarities with the Dr Who classic "Silly Nemesis".I am very glad to reuse some of the ideas here again!) 5:19 MELLOW YELLOW - Political bust-up on the Banana Republic. Rebel Bananas attempt to overthrow the regime who appeal to Captain Picard for help. But oddly, Picard is loath to assist and switches Data off for suggesting otherwise. 5:20 CHOCKY - Deanna's love for chocolate comes close to costing her her life when she swallows a portion of Banzite expanding chocolate. She is about to explode when Picard miraculously heals her and beats up Riker for asking how he did it. 5:21 MILES APART - In a horrific accident, Lt Cmdr O'Brien's limbs and head are blown off, but he seems oddly unbothered. Beverly cannot reconstruct him, but her husband Picard mysteriously can. Picard glues Beverly's mouth together in Ten Forward when she is about to reveal this miracle. 5:22 KLINGFILM - The Tholians are now the film makers of the Universe and they want to make a documentary about the Klingons. The only surviving Emperor willing to talk to them is Worf (see "Home Alone") but he is too small and the Tholians cannot be bothered to build a miniature set. Picard magically restoresWorf to full size to resolve the dilemma, and excuses himself by pretending to be a film buff. 5:23 THE CUTTING EDGE - Geordi's hair is running amock but Picard provides a pair fo Banzite scissors with which Geordi can control his hair within bounds. Picard hyponotizes Geordi to stop him telling the barber, Mr Mott, about the magical scissors. 5:24 WILL HE STAY OR WILL HE GO? - Admiral Riker is recalled to Starfleet Command where he is offered a job to control the growing space piracy problem. He agonizes over whether to depart, but eventually leaves the Enterprise. 5:25 SUDDENLY HUMAN, AGAIN - Data is tapping a power source provided by a mysterious shadowy assistant. Data succeeds in creating a machine which turns machines into living matter - the toaster becomes intolerable after such treatment. Data turns it on himself and becomes at last a human. He announces he is to be called Jock McData, and is now a Scottish Jew. The shadowy figure vanishes ... (JNT: I decided Data was very stereotyped as an android, so I have fulfilled hiswish to be human!) 5:26 Qs and As - In an absolutely stunning season climax, Q returns to the Enterprise and kidnaps Picard. Taking him to a planet of volcanoes, Q taunts Picard to escape without losing his temper - for every fit of fury causes a tremendous explosion of lava killing some inhabitants. Meanwhile Commander McData is adjusting to humanity. Another Q turns up to offer assistance if McData will hammer a nail up his nose ... On the planet, Picard is winning! He eventually banishes Q and he himself flies off, claiming to be P of the P continuum, an older and wiser continuum than that of the Q. It was P who created the Banana race, dissuaded Scotty from mentioning Ferengis and created the omnipotent Banzite materials. The crew is stunned as P goes into orbit round a sun. (JNT: At last! The culmination of all I have been working for! I disliked the Picard character, whom I felt to be too authoritative, and now the truth about Picard has been revealed, there is no point in keeping him on. This sets up an excellent new season, with McData now captain, and no P in control!) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Be warned there is more to come.... Let us know what you think, good bad or indifferent??