.title 2003 : A Stooge Odyssey
.fg 20
.c;^&2003 : A Stooge Odyssey\&
.s
.c;Paul Smitherman
.nmpg 1
.page
.;
.lm 8.p -8.at
Mo: (in dark) This is the dawn of Man. (^&Lights on\&)
.p0
Three stooges on one side of stage; three others on the other side. All
 crouched like primeval man-apes.
.p-8
Mo: (to others) This is our water, see?
Curly: Yea, ours!
Mo: Shut up ! (smacks him)
Man1: We were here frst!
Man2: We found it!
Man3: It's ours!
Larry: What do you know, you apes!
Mo: You're an ape too, meathead! (bops him)
Curly: Hey, you can't do that to him!
Mo: All right, I'll do it to you. (bops him)
Curly: Whoop, Whoop! (General argument) (^&Lights\&, the monolith has
 appeared)
Larry: Hey, what's this thing?
Mo: I don't know. I wonder how hard it is?
Curly: Yeah, let's test it.
Mo: OK (Takes Curly by ears and smashes his head against the monolith)
 Pretty hard.
Curly: I feel somehow enlightened.
Mo: How would you know, bimbo?
Curly: I don't know. Maybe I'll go club an animal.
Mo: Me too. (hits Curly over head with stick.)
.p0
^&Lights\& Enter Three Stooges, standing upright
.p-8
Larry: I wonder why Dr. Floyd wants us to go to the moon.
Mo: I don't know. The moon's a very dangerous place. What are you doing?
 (pulls Curly away from chairs.)
Curly: These chairs fell down.
Mo: You meathead, they're supposed to be that way. This is a space mission.
Larry: A apced mission? What kind of drugs do we take?
Mo: This kind (punches him)
Larry; Ooooooo.
Voice: Attention. Ten seconds to blast off, please strap in. 5 ... 4 ...
 3 ... 2 ... 1 ... Blast Off! (Blast off antics)
 You may now move about the cabin.
Curly: (floating) I feel like a bird.
Mo: And you look like one, too. (slaps Curly, who flies across the
 room, bounces on the opposite wall, and flies back to knock down
 Larry and Mo). (Stewardess walks in)
Stew: Dinner time fellas.
Curly: Woof, Woof! Whoop !
Mo: Great, I'm starving.
Larry: Hey, that doesn't look like food.
Stew: Take it or leave it.
Curly: Leave it ... with me!
Mo: Shut up, blimpo! (smacks him)
Curly: Woo, woo irrr! (I'm not sure where Paul gets these sound effects,
 but I'm going to try to reproduce them)
Larry: Hey, when do we get to the moon?
Mo: Shut up! and eat your dinner.
Larry: But how can I when it looks like toothpaste?
Curly: If you don't want it, give it to me.
Mo: Here fatso. (squeezes food into Curly's eye)
Curly: Whoop ! Hey, it's ---------, my favorite.
Voice: Attention, we are landing on the moon. Please buckle in.
Curly: (Looking through portal) Hey, it looks like bleu cheese.
Mo: Yea, just made for a rat like you (smacks him)
Curly: Rrrrrr
.p0
^&Lights\& Stooges with Floyd
.p-8
Curly: What's the beef, Dr. Floyd?
Mo: Shut up, you goon (smacks him). What's the beef, Dr. Floyd?
Floyd: Well, boys, we found this alien monolith in the Tyco crater by
 discovering an anamoly in the electomagnetic field lines of the moon;
 we excavated it, but the structure baffles us; that's why we require
 your examination.
Curly: What?
Mo: He wants us to check it out, pinhead (kicks him)
Larry: Oh, then, why didn't you say so.
Mo: He just did, lame brain (kicks him) (Larry and Curly do something to
 Mo simultaneously)
Floyd: Now stop that! (slaps all three) Your moon bus leaves in five
 minutes.
.p0
They follow him out. ^&LIGHTS\& Enter the three stooges with dim lights.
.p-8
Curly: Hey, there it is!
Mo: Wow!
Curly: It looks pretty hard!
Mo: Yea, let's test it (ditto as previous scene)
Larry: Hey, I can't see it very well, I'm gonna move these rocks so we 
 can see it in the sun! 
.p0
He moves rocks. Brighter lights; screech sound antics. ^&LIGHTS\& 
 The Discovery
.p-8
Larry: Hey, I wonder why we're following that radio signal to 
 Jupiter. 
Mo: So we can find out what's at the end (smack)
Larry: But that's Jupiter!
Mo: You idiot, I mean what's there (smack)
Curly: But we know Jupiter's there.
Mo: Stay outta this, cream puff (kicks him)
Curly: Roooar Roooar! Woof!
Mo: Now listen you (Mo and Larry exit. Curly wanders out to the other
 side of the stage)
Curly: Hey, Hal, send out a cherry pie, pronto.
HAL: I'm sorry, Curly, I can't do that.
Curly: How about just a slice, with whipped cream.
HAL: Out of the question, Curly.
Curly: How about just the whipped cream?
HAL: Of course (whipped cream sprays into Curly's face)
Curly: Woo, woo, woo, rrrrrr! Hmm! (picks up phone) Hello, Domino's Pizza,
 I'd like a large thick crust with anchovies! We're on course to Jupiter
 between Mars and the asteroids. Thanks. (Mo enters)
Mo: Hey, numbskul, wegot a problem. HAL says our antenna's busted.
Curly: Good thing I ordered that pizza.
Mo: Pizza! You fathead (punches him) Somebody's got to go outside the ship
 to fix the antenna.
Larry: Outside the ship!! Who'd be stupid enough to do that? (knocking
 is heard)
Curly: Hey, that must be the pizza. Open the pod bay door, HAL
HAL: I'm sorry, Curly, I can't do that.
Mo: Hey, what's the stint, HAL? Open the pod bay door! We're hungry!
HAL: Out of the question, Mo.
Mo: You big heap of scrap! (Kicks HAL. HAL squirts. Explosion, sound,
 and Pizza guy falls in.)
Pizza guy : Hey! The pod bay doors wouldn't open, so I had to use the
 exploding emergency hatch.
Curly: Hey, pizza! Great!
Mo: Hands off, fatso. Hey, how'd you like to make a great big tip?
Pizza guy: Yea, sure!
Mo: How about fixing our antenna?
Pizza guy: No sweat ! (leaves) (Eating pizza and watching monitor)
Larry: Boy, this guy knows his stuff.
Curly: Hey, look, that pod's heading right for him. (they all flinch)
Mo: Now he's gonna fly all the way to Pluto.
Curly: Boy, his boss sure will be steamed.
Mo: Shut up. We gotta worry about HAL. He's flipped his lid, and we
 gotta dismantle him.
Larry: How about this outlet. It says "Power for HAL."
HAL: I would suggest you reconsider, gentlemen.
Mo: No way! (Unplugs HAL, HAL squirts him again)
HAL: (hums Three Blind Mice slowly)
.p0
^&LIGHT\& On the pod
.p-8
Larry: Wow, so that's what's here. It's huge.
Mo: Yea. Hey, Blimpo. I hope you really know how to drive this thing.
Curly: Yea, sure, I'm gonna get a little closer.
Larry: My God, it's full of stars!
Curly: Yea, it reminds me of the Toledo Planetarium.
Mo: Hey, you're too close!!!
Curly: Whoop, whoop, whoop !! (lights start flashing)
Mo: You knucklehead, you were supposed to get close, not go inside!
Curly: I only read the manual yesterday.
.p0
Monolith Antics. ^&LIGHTS\&. They wake up on the floor and act like
babies. Theme Music ^&LIGHTS\&