X-NEWS: spcvxb comp.dcom.telecom: 5405Relay-Version: VMS News - V6.0 10/3/90 VAX/VMS V5.3; site spcvxb.spc.edu Path: spcvxb.spc.edu!njin!rutgers!mailrus!accuvax.nwu.edu!nucsrl!telecom-request Newsgroups: comp.dcom.telecom Subject: Last Laugh! Re: Answering Machine Messages Message-ID: <12390@accuvax.nwu.edu> From: spaf@cs.purdue.edu (Gene Spafford) Date: 20 Sep 90 23:23:09 GMT Reply-To: Gene Spafford Sender: news@accuvax.nwu.edu Organization: Department of Computer Science, Purdue University Approved: Telecom@eecs.nwu.edu X-Submissions-To: telecom@eecs.nwu.edu X-Administrivia-To: telecom-request@eecs.nwu.edu X-Telecom-Digest: Volume 10, Issue 663, Message 6 of 6 Lines: 81 This has always been a topic of interest to netters. From my archives: From: spaf@gatech.UI@iUCP (Gene Spafford) Newsgroups: net.followup,net.humor Subject: Re: Boring answering-machine recordings Date: Sun, 20-May-84 19:46:11 EDT Posted: Sun May 20 19:46:11 1984 Well, I try to keep mine from getting too boring. The following recordings seem to have been enjoyed by most of our callers. Fun recordings just take a little imagination and a little time. Anybody else got any good ones they'd like to share? (BTW, Dave is my roommate, and Waldo is our cat.) "Hi, this is Gene. Neither Dave, Waldo, nor I can come to the phone right now. We're being detained by the authorities due to a misunderstanding about some underage sheep. If you'll leave your name, phone number, and the time of your call after the tone, we'll get back to you just as soon as we can post bail. Baaah-baaahh." "Hi, this is Gene. Dave, Waldo and I are currently on Neptune helping to thwart an invasion by the evil lizard men and their sinister companions, the brain moles. If you'll leave your name and number after the tone, we'll get back to you as soon as we return victorious....or as soon as the drugs wear off and reality reasserts itself." "Hi, this is Gene. Dave, Waldo and I aren't exactly here exactly now. We're out testing a new time machine. If you'll leave your name and number after the tone, we'll get back to your as soon as we return. In fact, if the test is successful, we may even call you before we leave!" "Hi, this is Gene. Dave, Waldo and I are on a secret mission with the galactic patrol and we can't answer the phone. Since call forwarding doesn't extend outside the solar system, we've set up this little miracle of modern electronics. Just recite your name, phone number, and planet of origin after the 'beep', and we'll call you back upon our return." At Christmas: "Ho, ho, ho! This is Santa. Dave, Gene, and Waldo can't come to the phone right now because they're out practising pulling my sleigh. It seems those new elves I hired were actually fairies, and all my reindeer are down with AIDS. The boys have agreed to pull my sleigh in return for my not releasing the photos which illustrate why they're not getting anything but coal in their stockings this year. Leave your name and number after the tone, and I'll unhitch them and have them call. Merry Christmas!" And for the next few weeks: "Hi, this is Gene. Dave, Waldo and I can't come to the phone right now, because we're taking a hypnotism lesson. But you don't mind, because you're feeling so relaxed. Your eyelids are feeling heavy and you are getting very drowsy. You're asleep. After you hear the tone, you'll leave your name and telephone number. Then you'll hang up and mail us all your money. Then you'll dress up in a rubber chicken suit and gather twigs to build a nest in your front lawn. After that, we'll either return your call or visit you in the home." Not at all a well duck, (long ago, when this message was written) Off the Wall of Gene Spafford The Clouds Project, School of ICS, Georgia Tech, Atlanta GA 30332 CSNet: Spaf @ GATech ARPA: Spaf%GATech @ CSNet-Relay uucp: ...!{akgua,allegra,ihnp4,masscomp,ut-ngp}!gatech!spaf ...!{rlgvax,sb1,uf-cgrl,unmvax,ut-sally}!gatech!spaf (at present, fall, 1990) Gene Spafford NSF/Purdue/U of Florida Software Engineering Research Center, Dept. of Computer Sciences, Purdue University, W. Lafayette IN 47907-2004 Internet: spaf@cs.purdue.edu uucp: ...!{decwrl,gatech,ucbvax}!purdue!spaf