To: All Soveset' types (and typos)
Subject: Chernenko jokes

Now let us test our data gathering ability on a really important matter, the
latest Chernenko jokes. Here at HI we have 5 or 6 good ones. 
 
	The most cynical of which is: One day Kostantin Ustinovich tells his
secretary Ivanov, "Ivan Ivanovich, I want to abolish time zones." I.I.I.
responds, "Konstantin Ustinovich, you can't simply abolish time zones. They
serve an important function and are tied to geographical features. They are
not simply some ideological rag that you can toss away." Kostia insists,
"Look, Ivan Ivanovich, I hate the bloody things they simply confuse and
embarrass me. Just last week I called New Delhi to offer my regrets on Indira
Gandhi's death and they told me I was a day late. And not too long before that
I called Rome to offer my condolences on the Pope's death and it turned out I
called too early." 

	There is also the old bromide about Konstantin Ustinovich walking in
to the Kremlin barber to get a haircut. The loyal barber is stropping his
razor and has his back to the door, so he only hears Chernenko walk in. 
Without turning around the genial barber questions his customer, "Hey comrade,
want to hear the latest Chernenko joke?" Konstantin Ustinovich wheezes, "I'm
Chernenko." "That is ok," the barber offers, "I'll tell it slowly." 


Very cute, Joel. Where are you getting these? Surely not out of the
collected works of Kostya. Here's one gang, ready. To be told with
a thick Russian accent. "I am Russian teacher of English language.
Today, class, we do tragedy. Now class please to tell me what is
tragedy. "I know," says Nikolai. "Tragedy, it is when they plant much
wheat in the Ukraine, then no rain, so harvest fails." "Ah, no, Kolya,"
says the teacher, "that's a terrible misfortune, but it is not tragedy.
Now class, please to tell me, what is tragedy?" "I know vat is tragedy,"
says Ivan. "Tragedy, it is when Aeroflot plane blows up, everybody
killed." "Ah, nyet," says the teacher, "that is a terrible accident, but
it is not tragedy. Now, class think carefully, what is tragedy?"
"Da, I know what is tragedy," says one smart little kid. "It is when
Chernenko and Ustinov, they stand in middle of Red Square. Terrible
bomb goes off, everybody killed." "Ah, da," says the teacher, "that is
tragedy, now do you know why?" "It is tragedy," says the kid, "because
it is not a terrible accident and it not a terrible misfortune."