From: SPCVXB::IN%"BEN@SPCVXB.BITNET" "Ben Cohen" 20-APR-1990 16:47:23.49 To: _TERRY CC: Subj: FYI: Shock bat expose (was Re: nit-pickyness) Date: Fri, 20 Apr 90 16:46 EDT From: Ben Cohen Subject: FYI: Shock bat expose (was Re: nit-pickyness) To: TERRY@SPCVXA.BITNET Message-id: X-Organization: St. Peter's College, US X-Envelope-to: TERRY@SPCVXA X-VMS-To: terry,spcvxa::kegelman_p X-News: spcvxa misc.misc:279 From: foster@jumbly.dec.com (Steven Fruitbat Foster) Subject:Shock bat expose (was Re: nit-pickyness) Date: 20 Apr 90 04:53:47 GMT Message-ID:<10429@shlump.nac.dec.com> In article <24000002@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu>, cs121dt@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu writes... > > Written 11:13 pm Apr 18, 1990 by wargopl@image.soe.clarkson.edu: > >> Gee, I was unaware of any .signature guidelines... >> (Wanna tell me what they are?) > >It's gotta be funny, or nobody loves you. :-) Oh god, the great .signature debate. Sod the net guidelines! Enjoy... A guide to the fruitbats .sig: 1. Name. Important. Make sure that I don't arrive at the bottom of the article and discover that I've turned into Tim Maroney, Diane, Mike Lohr [:-)] etc. On discovery of lobotomy, go back and remove silly comments. 2. Company. Kudos. "My company is bigger than your company". Little blue eyed university boys look wonderously into my e-eyes and say "Uncle fruitbat, you big important work company, can I suck dick?". Very useful, is company. 3. Address. All DEC buildings look the same. Make sure not come into Reading in the morning and leave in California in the afternoon. Also means that aforementioned blue-eyed creatures know where to find me. 4. Political quote. I HATE THE POLL TAX. I WANT EVERYBODY ELSE TO KNOW. The British have got excited about something. This is unusual, and should be noted by people who think we sit in restaurants, suffer bad service and enjoy it. This quote not advisable for those who don't want endless discourse on politics... 5. Email address. Unneccesary, cos at top of article, but there are always those who forget where I live by the time they reach the end of the article. 6. British path. In the UK, everything is done differently.UK people don't use same standard as rest of civilisation, so is complicated. Fills up a rather empty hole that I had left, as well.... 7. Disclaimer. Quite how anybody would mistake the opinions of the net's most illustrious Queen Fruitbat for those of The Great Lord Ken Olsen and his company is beyond me. Nonetheless, DEC may, or may not (shut up vroomfondel) agree with me. The company cannot be sued for any children or marriages that result from my news postings. 8. Lines. I'm a traditionalist. Signatures should be enclosed in little boxes, with interesting lines or attempts at recreating the mona lisa. Gives the feeling that great love and care were taken over the creation of the sig. The little plus signs give it that delightfully chinzy look. Please note that everyone doesn't use the same terminal. Eighty four wide signatures may signify big terminal, but come across as kangaroo vomit on an 80 char terminal. Also, leather representations do not always come out black, and pink triangles rarely are pink, except on my terminal which has eleven shades of it on screen at once. 9. Silly quote. I must have something to fiddle with. Periodically change quote if bored, or mailbox empty. Changing signatures always shock people into sending you mail... The silly quote is usually outrageous, obscene or a terrible in-joke. Periodical lunges for scrap paper occur during television programmes: "Hey, that'll make a great quote". Unfortunately, the paper generally gets eaten by mistake, so most witty comments lost to posterity. 10. The four-line sig. It's well known that bats can't count. And proof that the long .sig = small dick hypothesis is false. But that's another story ;-) Fruitbat. +----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ | Steve Fruitbat Foster | foster@jumbly.enet.dec.com [+@uk.ac.nsfnet-relay]| | Digital Equipment Corp. +--------------------------------------------------| | Reading, UK. | These opinions are not necessarily those of DEC, | | **STUFF THE POLL TAX** | my assorted cuddly toys or anybody whatsoever. | +----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ You're *not* using my dick to play space invaders - Kay Dekker indignantly