X-NEWS: spcvxb rec.humor.funny: 2044
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Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Subject: Usenet Oracle (Warranty on RHF)
Message-ID: <S43b.2805@looking.on.ca>
From: engel@sj.ate.slb.com (Mike Engelhardt)
Date: 4 Aug 92 08:30:12 GMT
Keywords: unrated
Approved: funny@clarinet.com
Lines: 68

Editor's Note:  This Oracle question was forwarded to me by an
Oraculite, and I provided an answer, but it was not sent in on time.
He liked the answer so I'm reproducing it here.  (I don't usually
do my own stuff unless I get independent confirmation that somebody
else likes it.)

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your quesition deeply.
Your question was:

> 	Oh Great and Most Wise Oracle, whose process priorities are
> infinite; whose gargantuan disk quota is exceeded only by your IQ; and
> whose NET Purity Test Score is an irrational negative number, please
> pause for a picosecond to answer this question which has been keeping
> me from sleeping-and more importantly, worshipping thee:
> 
> 	Where has Brad Templeton's sense of humor gone, and can we
> 	  replace it?  Is this covered by the factory warranty?
> 
> Your Lowly Supplicant

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} .....Thank-you Mr. Templeton!
}
} [interesting behind the scenes interview about net joke flow,
} the origination of rec.humor, how to tell if a joke is funny
} and a phone call down the street deleted for reasons of privacy]
}
} But here's what you're after:
}  
} PLEASE READ THIS LIMITED USE NEWSGROUP LICENSE AGREEMENT FIRST 
}
} This newsgroup is provided without warranty, either expressed or implied.
} We make no warranties regarding its humour or fitness for any
} purpose, including but not limited to laughter, chuckling, filling
} spare network bandwidth, posting on walls, sexually harassing
} co-workers, picking up members of the opposite sex, wrapping fish,
} testing the "ping" program or inclusion in vice presidential campaign
} commercials.   The moderator licenses you the newsgroup but you assume
} all responsibility for subscribing too and reading the newsgroup.
} Disassembly, reverse engineering or otherwise explaining jokes in this
} newsgroup is expressly prohibited.   TeleJoke/RHF associates, in 
} association with ClariNet Communications and Looking Glass Software 
} Limited hereby waives all liability for any and all damages arising out 
} of the evolution of life on Earth or any other planet, or natural 
} causes.   Not responsible for Act of God.  (My dad wrote that, not me.) 
}
} Note that some states prohibit oral sex between consenting adults and 
} have other silly laws so this exclusion of liability may not apply to 
} you.  In the event of damages, TeleJoke/RHF's liability shall be 
} limited to payment of $1,000,000 from you to me.  No free support is 
} provided.  For support dial 1-900-328-7448.  (Figure it out) 
}
} READING OF ANY JOKES IN THIS NEWSGROUP CONSTITUTES ACCEPTANCE OF THESE
} TERMS.  iF YOU DO NOT ACCEPT THESE TERMS, PLEASE RETURN THE NEWSGROUP,
} UNOPENED, TO THE SYSADMIN OF THE NODE WHERE YOU SUBSCRIBED.   Refund?
} Sure, I'll accept one. Jokes are not repeated; if you like the jokes,
} "especially the early, funny ones," then order the books.  Any
} errors in printing are your fault.  Carpe Diem ("Fish for ten cents.")
} Vidi Vici Veni.   Wear clean underwear.  90% of Sturgeon's law is crap.
} The best things in life are disgusting.  Familiarity breeds.  It's not
} my damn planet, monkey-boy.
--
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