X-NEWS: spcvxb.spc.edu misc.jobs.offered: 68885 Xref: spcuna alt.binaries.pictures.d:13909 alt.atari.2600:711 alt.comics.alternative:983 alt.folklore.urban:123682 alt.cult-movies:42847 misc.jobs.misc:36041 misc.jobs.offered:68885 misc.jobs.offered.entry:2138 comp.os.ms-windows.apps:32979 sci.skeptic:67558 Path: spcuna!uunet!ferkel.ucsb.edu!nntp.ucsb.edu!library.ucla.edu!europa.eng.gtefsd.com!gatech!udel!news.sprintlink.net!news.world.net!news.teleport.com!news.teleport.com!not-for-mail From: vx@teleport.com (V-X) Newsgroups: alt.binaries.pictures.d,alt.atari.2600,alt.comics.alternative,alt.folklore.urban,alt.cult-movies,sci.skeptics,misc.jobs.misc,misc.jobs.offered,misc.jobs.offered.entry,comp.os.ms-windows.apps,sci.skeptic Subject: MY DREAM CAME TRUE $$$$$ (READ) Date: 21 Mar 1994 16:30:05 -0800 Organization: Teleport - Portland's Public Access (503) 220-1016 Lines: 238 Message-ID: <2mle6d$2mh@kelly.teleport.com> NNTP-Posting-Host: kelly.teleport.com ATTENTION ALL FAST MONEY MAKING SKEPTICS! MY DREAMS CAME TRUE! SO CAN YOU! Dear Friends, My name is Rave Dhodes. Until a week ago, I was living on the beach in a shack made entirely from Postum jars, some of which were still half-full of product, which had rotted. If you don't like Postum (And I don't!), then believe me when I say that you don't want to be anywhere near it when it turns. The smell wasn't the worst thing, though--as it turns out, vermin love Postum, especially rancid Postum, and I generally spent my nights fighting off attacks on my humble home by approximately half the combined insect, rodent and reptile populations of my home state of Oregon. By day it was deer, seagulls and jellyfish, working together. The deer would do anything--cry like lost babies, pretend to be state troopers, suicide runs against the sides of the hut--all to distract my children and I (My wife died years ago.) while the seagulls flew overhead and dropped jellyfish in through the holes in our tar paper roof to sting us. The only escape I had from the pressure of failure was my computer and my modem, both of which were completely useless to me because I had no power in my little shack, and even if I'd had power, they weren't real, just models I'd built for a science fair when I was in grade school, and even if I'd had power and the equipment had been real, I HAD TO SPEND ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT TRYING TO KEEP ANIMALS FROM EATING MY HOUSE!!! WHEN WAS I GOING TO USE MY COMPUTER AND MODEM, I ASK YOU? I'm ashamed to say it, but the only food I could find for my family to eat was the maggots we picked daily from our open sores--and the winter was coming, which as you may know is a lean time, maggot-wise. Now, I'm not complaining--I know a lot of folks are in the same postion, what with that SOB [Clinton in the/Bush just out of the--YOU PICK] White House. I just couldn't stand to live that way. I wasn't brought up like that. It's not like I didn't try. Why, every day I'd send little Anthony out to beg enough money to buy me some Everclear and the daily newspaper--or the Everclear, at any rate--it's easy enough to get a paper for free, if you know what I mean (and I think you do.). I tell you, I would SCAN THOSE ADS FOR HOURS--HOURS!--before I decided all the jobs were beneath me. But you know, I've always thought that there was somebody upstairs watching over me, and last week did I ever find out I was right! I was walking down the beach, watching the sun set. I've always been partial to nature, and the Everclear and advanced malnutrition didn't hurt the view either, if you know what I mean (and I know you do.). I was sitting a spell, enjoying that last moment of light, when the parade of dancing toilets comes marching out of the sun, when all of a sudden the head and shoulders of Ross Perot popped out of the newly-risen moon! I have to tell you, I was speechless--I nearly peed my pants. Actually, I did pee my pants. Through all this, Ross just kept looking down at me, like he knew everything about me. I started to say something, and then he squinted and his head and shoulders moved like he was shifting around in his seat. At once, great bubbles broke the surface of the waves before me. From the smell, I figured it was whales, until Ross squinted again and said "'Scuse me!" and then I understood. I waited a minute, and then I waited another minute, then another, and then I lost track of time but as I remember it, I waited through all eternity before he spoke. But when he did, it was worth the wait. He said, "Son, nobody's ever gonna give you nothin'!" and then he was gone. Let me tell you, I wept, unashamed. I bawled my eyes out on that beach, but when I rose from my sorrow, I had a big old grin on my face, because I understood. Ross wasn't criticising me because I wanted people to give me things, he was pointing out that no one would ever give me anything BECAUSE I HADN'T ASKED FOR ANYTHING. I ran up the beach until I saw a man kicking out a campfire. I went to him and asked him for five dollars. I TELL YOU, HE GAVE ME FIVE DOLLARS! Then I saw another man, heading to his car. TEN DOLLARS! I spied an elderly couple coming my way, and I decided to shoot the moon. Guess what? A HUNDRED DOLLARS!!! I carried on this way for an hour or so, making ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY THOUSAND DOLLARS in the process, until I ran over a dune and smack dab into a highway patrolman. "Well this is it," I thought, "fun's over." All of a sudden, though, there was Ross Perot again, peering out at me from the back of the patrol car, with a look on his face that said, "C'mon, boy." I tell you, I was never so ashamed of myself in my life as I was at that moment, and I screwed my courage up, begged under my breath for one more chance, looked that patrolman in the eye and asked him for ONE BILLION DOLLARS!!! I don't know who was more surprised, him or me, when he pulled a wad of bills out as big around as my thigh and gave them to me! What's the secret? MAGIC, BABY. Anything you ask for, you can have. Have you ever tried it--just going up and asking a stranger for something-- money, or his house, or her jewelry? THEY CANNOT REFUSE YOU--it's a rule of the universe. And let me tell you something else--if they haven't got it, the universe will supply it--you just have to ask. I mean, you don't think that cop was traveling around with A BILLION DOLLARS in his pocket, do you? And yet, there it was. The last five days have passed just like a dream. I'm posting this from the privacy of my own office, in my own mansion, using my very own VIC-20 computer system, by Commodore!!! I think when I get done, I'll go see how the work's going on MY NEW POOL, which I'm having built in the shape of a jar ofPostum. Then I might drive around and see how little Anthony and Stephanie are doing, going around asking people for stuff for me. They're having the time of their lives, believe you me. And you can have all this, too. "But wait," you ask, "what's in this for Rave? Why is he sharing his magic secret with me? Why doesn't he just keep it to himself?" Well, like you, I've read all the stories where fishermen or beggars or grieving parents or whatnot are granted wishes, and like you, I've always screamed "WISH FOR ALL THE WISHES IN THE WORLD, YOU MORON!" First wish, baby. That way, nobody ends up with a sausage on his nose or his wife rotting at the front door of his new mansion, wanting to know who cut the brake line, if you know what I mean, and you better not. So a couple days after I found the secret, I said goodbye to Anthony and Stephanie, made sure they had a list of chores and stuff to ask people for, and I flew to Washington, DC. Do you know what I did there? I ASKED THE PRESIDENT FOR AN ETERNAL COPYRIGHT ON ASKING FOR THINGS. Now I'm a fair man, and I'm not going to charge anybody for asking for the salt or the bathroom key or a kiss, not just yet, anyway. No, it's only the magic asking I'm interested in, the kind you never would have done unless I'd told you, the kind that gets you a zillion dollars and a manision and a pool inside of five days. "Here we go, Rave. How much do you want?" Like I said, I'm a fair man. I want ten thousand dollars everytime you ask for something. "TEN THOUSAND?!?" Just ask for ten million. Pocket change. baby. And by the way, don't even bother trying to use this secret without paying me. I set up a phone room upstairs yesterday, and teenage girls, junkies and retired persons have been calling every law enforcement agency on earth non-stop for the past thirty-one hours. As of nine this morning (PST), the entire combined police forces of the Northern Hemisphere had switched their focus entirely to collecting debts owed me. I'm told that by tomorrow morning at two-thirty, the whole world'll be working for me. And all because I asked! Sincerely yours, Rave Dhodes ------------------------------------------------------ INSTRUCTIONS Follow these instructions EXACTLY, and in 20 to 60 days you will have received well over $50,000,000,000,000 000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000.00 cash, all yours. This program has remained successful because of the honesty and integrety of the participants. Please continue its success by carefully adhering to the instructions, or you will be dealt with severely, I assure you. Welcome to the New World Order! This little world is a little different than the life you've grown used to. Your life is not solid and tangible, but rather a service. You are in the business of keeping me set for life. (The money made from the fees are secondary to the income which is made from people like yourself.) 1) Immediately mail your name and address to the names listed below. These are the secret police captains that you will be reporting to and paying your required fees. 2) Within 60 days you will receive over $50,000,000 000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000.00 in CASH. This is perfectly legal. If you have any doubts, report immediately to the name at the top of the list. 1. John Gibbs 34 Dundas Brantford, Ontario Canada N3R 1R9 2. Dini Man P.O. Box 98068, T.S.T. Kowloon, Hong Kong 3. Ravi Murjani 3 Henderson Road Jardines Lookout Hong Kong 4. Sanjay Purswani 2-D, Kowloon tong garden, No.1 Cambridge rd., Kowloon, Hong Kong. 5. Pual Law Flat A,11/F Yan Yee bldg., Kin Yip Street, Yuen Long,N.T., Hong Kong. 6. Patrick Wong 9A Fung Yau Street North, Grd Flr Shop 19, Yuen Long,N.T., Hong Kong 7. Ho Chi Kit P.O.Box 428, Tuen Mun Central Post Office, Tuen Mun, NT, Hong Kong 8. Robert A. Decker 307 S. Division #4 Ann Arbor, MI 48104-2203 9. Olivier Hopp 91800 Brunoy FRANCE 10. Darren Govoni 13704 Winding Oak Cir #303 CentreVille, Va. 22020 USA  \  -- vx@teleport.COM "He felt he was in posession of some impossible good Not affiliated news, which made every other thing a triviality, with TECHBOOKS. but an adorable triviality." Not even remotely. --G.K. Chesterton, _The Man Who Was Thursday_