X-NEWS: spcvxb.spc.edu rec.humor.funny: 5084 Xref: spcuna rec.humor.funny:5084 Path: spcuna!uunet!convex!news.oc.com!news.kei.com!eff!news.umbc.edu!europa.eng.gtefsd.com!howland.reston.ans.net!usc!elroy.jpl.nasa.gov!decwrl!looking!funny-request Message-ID: Date: Mon, 14 Feb 94 19:30:05 EST Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny From: boyd@cs.buffalo.edu (Daniel F Boyd) Subject: Change notice -- Planck's constant upgraded Keywords: smirk, science, original Approved: funny@clarinet.com Lines: 36 [This is the actual format which our Computing Center uses for change notices.] Effective: September 15, 1993 Product: Planck's constant 'h' Version: 1.1 (Replaces 1.0) Systems: The universe as we know it Change: Upgrade to '2'. Image: Every atom and photon in the observable universe Installer: God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit Contact: Richard P. Feynman Notes: The referenced change to this physical constant will end all life as we know it on this planet and in the observable universe. From the equation E=hf which denotes the energy of a photon as the function of its frequency, we see that photons will suddenly carry much much more energy. The emissions from your TV remote will become as dangerous as gamma rays; you would shoot holes in the wall with it, except that the Uncertainty Principle says you won't be able to pick up the remote because you won't be able to determine its position (nor the position of your hand) to enough precision to tell you if it's even in the same room with you. Users inconvenienced by this change should call the Help Desk in 216 Computing center(645-3540) or the Graphics Consultant in 204 Computing Center. -- Selected by Maddi Hausmann Sojourner. MAIL your joke to funny@clarinet.com. If you mail to original@clarinet.com, it makes sure that your joke is tagged as your original work, and thus eligible for the RHF comedy awards. Always attribute the source of a joke, whether it's you, or somebody else.