X-NEWS: spcvxb news.admin.policy: 641
Relay-Version: VMS News - V6.1B4+SPC1 6/9/92 VAX/VMS V5.5-1; site spcvxb.spc.edu
Path: spcvxb!rutgers!att-out!cbfsb!cbnewsf.cb.att.com!forbes
Newsgroups: news.groups,alt.flame,talk.bizarre,news.admin.policy,rec.music.synth,rec.music.makers.synth,rec.humor
Subject: =4= Planet of the Usenet Winter Olympics
Message-ID: <1992Nov17.072636.13387@cbfsb.cb.att.com>
From: forbes@cbnewsf.cb.att.com (Scott Forbes)
Date: 17 Nov 92 07:26:36 GMT
Sender: news@cbfsb.cb.att.com
Followup-To: rec.humor
References: <1992Nov14.072212.29383@cbfsb.cb.att.com> <1992Nov15.072436.11408@cbfsb.cb.att.com> <1992Nov16.060508.16368@cbfsb.cb.att.com>
Organization: Usenet Sports Programming Network
Keywords: Usenet Winter Olympics coverage -- exclusively on USPN!
Summary: A world where metaphors collide and sanity has no meaning
Lines: 94
Xref: spcvxb news.groups:41882 alt.flame:39252 talk.bizarre:73963 
 news.admin.policy:641 rec.music.synth:33645 rec.music.makers.synth:164 rec.humor:61401


    \\
   ////     The Usenet Sports Programming Network presents...
  (____)
   \  /
    ||
    ||

             /\     /\                   /\            /\  /\
  /\        /  |_____|\/\     /\/\      /  \/\    /\  /  \/  \
 /  \  /\  /   | RFD | \ \   / /  \  /\/    \ \  /  \/    \   \  /\
/    \/  \/    |-----|    \ /     .\/ /   .    \/    \         \/
      \        |     |     \      |-------|                    /
               |     |            |  CFV  |
                                  |_______|
                                  |       |
                                  |       |
               \            |     |       |
                \___----''''|
                 \ announce |
        "Oops!"   \results  |
                 o \__---'''|
             \  -+- \       |                     "Start over."
              \  ||  \      |                   o        o
               \/ \   \     |                  -+-   o  -+-
                \ |                             |   -+-  |
                 \|                            / \   |  / \
                                                    / \
                            S L A L O M

                  The 1992 Usenet Winter Olympics

Peter Arnett:
>Welcome back to USPN's coverage of the Usenet Winter Olympics!
>Today's broadcast of the Slalom event includes interviews with
>past medal-winners in this thrilling event, including last year's
>rookie sensation from sci.virtual-worlds.apps.  But first, let's
>take a look at the history of this unusual sport, which began...


                                  *

Rich:
>I don't understand it!  News.groups should be *demanding* a way to
>enforce the Guidelines by now, some way to handle errant sysadmins
>and create a more orderly net -- but there's NOTHING!  In fact,
>there are suggestions popping up everywhere to make the Guidelines
>*easier* to read and use!

Gene:
>They don't realize the consequences of simplifying the Guidelines:
>The less intimidating the Guidelines, the more newsgroups created.
>And the more newsgroups created, the more Usenet descends into the
>lawless anarchy it is swiftly becoming.  I don't know where you
>found this "Dave Hayes" character -- he's very convincing, by the
>way -- but so far your plan appears to be backfiring.

Rich:
>We need more time!  I'll tell Dave to propose a new RFD, one that
>conflicts with the original, and deliberately forces the issue...

Gene:
>You'd better hurry.  The Cabal is losing patience.  If your plan
>fails -- YOUR plan, which the Cabal has put considerable time and
>effort into backing -- I don't need to spell out the consequences.

Rich:
>I'll do everything I can.  There must be something...


                                  *

Peter:
>--next competitor is Mansoor A. Jaffery, from soc.religion.islam.
>It looks like Mansoor is having a little trouble as he makes it
>around the second turn...

Mansoor:
>Post to groups:  news.announce.newgroups, news.groups,
>                 soc.religion.islam, soc.culture.*
>Subject:         That's not the CFV!  *This* is the CFV!
>Reply-To:        /dev/null

[...rumble...]

Peter:
>Mansoor's started an avalanche of angry postings!  It's --

[Peter is buried under several thousand tons of snow.  After a few
moments, the camera returns to USPN studios.]

Bryant:
>Thanks for that exciting update, Peter!  USPN's coverage of the
>Usenet Winter Olympics will continue right after these messages.