X-NEWS: spcvxb news.admin.policy: 614 Relay-Version: VMS News - V6.1B4+SPC1 6/9/92 VAX/VMS V5.5-1; site spcvxb.spc.edu Path: spcvxb!rutgers!att-out!cbfsb!cbnewsf.cb.att.com!forbes Newsgroups: news.groups,alt.flame,talk.bizarre,news.admin.policy,rec.music.synth,rec.music.makers.synth,rec.humor Subject: =3= Attack of the Usenet Winter Olympics Message-ID: <1992Nov16.060508.16368@cbfsb.cb.att.com> From: forbes@cbnewsf.cb.att.com (Scott Forbes) Date: 16 Nov 92 06:05:08 GMT Sender: news@cbfsb.cb.att.com Followup-To: rec.humor References: <1992Nov13.083517.29864@cbfsb.cb.att.com> <1992Nov14.072212.29383@cbfsb.cb.att.com> <1992Nov15.072436.11408@cbfsb.cb.att.com> Organization: Usenet Sports Programming Network Keywords: Usenet Winter Olympics coverage -- exclusively on USPN! Summary: Only the spectators survive. Lines: 54 Xref: spcvxb news.groups:41699 alt.flame:39212 talk.bizarre:73797 news.admin.policy:614 rec.music.synth:33592 rec.music.makers.synth:135 rec.humor:61262 \\ //// The Usenet Sports Programming Network presents... (____) \ / || || Vin Scully: | _ _ >Hello again, sports fans! This is | ||| | | ||| >Vin Scully with an update on today's | (||| |==============| |||) >events in the Usenet Winter Olympics. | ||| | \ O / | ||| > | '-' '__|__' '-' >The Altlifting competition, after a | | >fast start by Michael Nolan of the | | >group alt.humor.oracle (now "rec"), | | >was marred by tragedy when athlete | / \ >Joel Furr was crushed during an | / \ >attempt to move the alt.folklore.* | / \ >hierarchy. Furr is in critical but | >stable condition, and is expected to | "Put that DOWN!" >recover. | o o o > | o -+-' -+- o -+- >A subsequent attempt by Mark Brader | -+- | | '-+- | >of comp.society.folklore to move only | | / \ / \ | / \ >the alt.folklore.computers group also | / \ / \ >met with failure today, leaving Nolan | >as the only athlete to have succeeded | A L T L I F T I N G >at this difficult, challenging event. | |1992 Usenet Winter Olympics Vin: |============ @ =========== >Meanwhile, the semifinal round of the |||||||||| o / * |||||||||| >Hockey competition began today as the ||||||||| -+- -+- ||||||||| >group soc.religion.islam.ahmadiyya |========= | == | ========== >was flattened 17-0 by news.groups. | / | / \ @__ : > | \ / : >When asked for an explanation of the | .__|_o : >lopsided victory, news.groups team | \ : >captain G. Wolfe Woodbury told us, | @ : >"We had the regular ice replaced by | "Where's the >frozen Holy Water, and while the SRIA | #%$!! PUCK?!" o >people were standing around arguring | : -+- >over who would still be able to skate,| : / | >we scored 17 goals." | @ : @ / \ > | o / : >News.groups goes on to face the | -+- : >heavily favored rec.sport.hockey team | | "What puck?" >in the championships. | / \ : > | >Stay tuned to USPN for more updates | H O C K E Y >and for exclusive coverage of the | >Downhill Arguing competition, coming |1992 Usenet Winter Olympics >up right after these messages. |