X-NEWS: spcvxb news.admin.policy: 592 Relay-Version: VMS News - V6.1B4+SPC1 6/9/92 VAX/VMS V5.5-1; site spcvxb.spc.edu Path: spcvxb!rutgers!att-out!cbnewsd!cbnewsc!cbfsb!cbnewsf.cb.att.com!forbes Newsgroups: news.groups,alt.flame,talk.bizarre,news.admin.policy,rec.music.synth,rec.music.makers.synth,rec.humor Subject: =1= The 1992 Usenet Winter Olympics Message-ID: <1992Nov14.072212.29383@cbfsb.cb.att.com> From: forbes@cbnewsf.cb.att.com (Scott Forbes) Date: 14 Nov 92 07:22:12 GMT Sender: news@cbfsb.cb.att.com Followup-To: rec.humor References: <1992Nov13.083517.29864@cbfsb.cb.att.com> Organization: Usenet Sports Programming Network Keywords: Usenet Winter Olympics coverage -- exclusively on USPN! Summary: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Guidelines Lines: 159 Xref: spcvxb news.groups:41399 alt.flame:39183 talk.bizarre:73629 news.admin.policy:592 rec.music.synth:33537 rec.music.makers.synth:99 rec.humor:61195 \\ //// The Usenet Sports Programming Network presents... (____) \ / || || \\ || \\ || \\ || \\ //// || //// || //// || //// The 1992 Usenet (____) (____) (____) (____) W I N T E R \ / \ / \ / \ / Olympics \\ || \\ || \\ || \\ || //// || //// || //// || //// || (____) (____) (____) (____) \ / \ / \ / \ / \\ || \\ || \\ || \\ || //// || //// || //// || //// || (____) (____) (____) (____) \ / \ / \ / \ / \\ || \\ || \\ || \\ || //// || //// || //// || //// || (____) (____) (____) (____) \ / \ / \ / \ / \\ || \\ || \\ || \\ || //// || //// || //// || //// || (____) (____) (____) (____) Brought to you by \ / \ / \ / \ / the Betty Ford clinic || \\ || \\ || \\ || for chronic net.abusers || //// || //// || //// || Bryant: >Hello sports fans and welcome to the '92 Usenet Winter Olympics! >This is Bryant Gumbel here at USPN headquarters, where we've put >together one of the most exciting telecasts in Usenet Olympic >history -- featuring our new AsbestosCam (TM), a special camera >that lets you see the action as the athletes themselves see it! >And as a special treat we also have our EgoCam (TM), which lets >you see the athletes as they see themselves! >Our coverage begins with one of the most thrilling spectator >sports in the entire Usenet Olympics, one that puts 32 athletes >on the playing field at the same time, and doesn't end until >there's only one athlete remaining! Stay tuned... "HEY! You can't move in that direction! * It's against the rules!" O "Yeah? So |__| \ -+- what are you || O | gonna do ||.............-+-....................../ \...... about it?" .(__)//// //// | //// //// //// (_) ///. \ o.//// //// / \ //// //// //// . -+- //// //// //// o //// //// ////. .| // //// //// //-+- //// /|__| . ./ \ //// // o //// | // //// || //. .//// //// -+- / /// / \ //// // || . . //// //// | //// //// //// (__). .//// //// // \ //// //// //// . .................................................. C H E S S The 1992 Usenet Winter Olympics Charles Jaco: [asleep] >Hmph? Oh! Hello, sports fans, and welcome to USPN's exclusive >coverage of the 1992 Usenet Winter Olympics. We're here at the >exciting Chess competition, where things have bogged down while >the players try to settle a rules dispute. Let's go down to the >playing field and see how things are going... Chip Salzenberg: [Red Knight] >-- but paragraph 416 of the Guidelines says that no newsgroup will >be renamed on a Friday, which means that the 100-vote rule doesn't >apply unless the CFV is issued on a Saturday, so that the five day >waiting period doesn't contain a Friday. But there's a full moon >this weekend, so -- Dave Hayes: [Black King] >Wait, hold it: I can't find my copy of paragraph 416. Tim Pierce: [Red Queen] >That's too bad; you can't expect the entire net to stop what it's >doing and wait while you get your act together. The Guidelines >were followed to the letter, and that's what's important here. Gordon Van Huizen: [Black Bishop] >I could care less about the Guidelines. What's important is the >opinion of rec.music.synth's readership, not some silly rules. Jay Maynard: [Red Pope] >Blasphemy! The Guidelines are much more important that you are! Francis Uy: [Pink Elephant] >Woe! This terrible renaming has prevented one person from reading >the rec.music.synth group! The connection to SYNTH-L will be >lost, lost forever! The horror! Bill Fenner: [Scarlet Pumpernickel] >Oh, GIVE it a rest. If the readers of rec.music.synth cared about >these things, they would have learned what "CFV" stands for, read >halfway through an article with a misleading Subject line, and >mailed in a vote against the change. They didn't do this, so >obviously they choose to be ignorant of the USENET voting process. Dave Hayes: [Pearl Jam] >Are you NUTS? No one in their right mind would know to do that! John Stanley: [Indigo Girls] >*I* would have known. Joel Furr: [Red Hot Chili Peppers] >*I* would have known. Dave Hayes: [Toad the Wet Sprocket] >See? Laird Nelson: [The Replacements] >Dave, you're being unreasonable. Before posting, reading or even >subscribing to a newsgroup, every person on the net should read >and memorize the Guidelines, just like we have. It's only fair. Dave Hayes: [Peter Gabriel] >You can't be serious. You people are trying to turn the net into >a world of haves and have-nots, where the people who know the >Guidelines run the network and the ignorant are beaten down -- Chip Salzenberg: [Mojo Nixon] >Oh, stop being so melodramatic. We're just browbeating you into >conformity, that's all... Charles Jaco: [yawning] >As you can see, Bryant, the competition is running a little slow. >We may have better luck tomorrow. Then again, maybe not. Bryant: >Charles, I'm surprised this game doesn't have a referee of some >kind. Wouldn't it help in settling disputes like these? Charles: >Bryant, this is a highly intellectual game, and the players all >pride themselves on being able to work out the intricate rules >and trip each other up on minor technical points. If there were >an unbiased third party involved in these disputes, it would take >a lot of the fun and excitement out of the competition. Bryant: >I see. Well, thanks for the update, Charles. Stay tuned to USPN >for more coverage as the Usenet Winter Olympics continue! Don Pardo: >Coming up next: The Bogus Analogy competition! [stay tuned!]