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Newsgroups: news.groups,alt.flame,talk.bizarre,news.admin.policy,rec.music.synth,rec.music.makers.synth,rec.humor
Subject: =0= Prologue.  '92 Usenet Winter Olympics.
Message-ID: <1992Nov13.083517.29864@cbfsb.cb.att.com>
From: forbes@cbnewsf.cb.att.com (Scott Forbes)
Date: 13 Nov 92 08:35:17 GMT
Sender: news@cbfsb.cb.att.com
Followup-To: rec.humor
Organization: Usenet Sports Programming Network
Keywords: Usenet Winter Olympics coverage -- exclusively on USPN!
Summary: "Prologue" is not a computer language
Lines: 71
Xref: spcvxb news.groups:41208 alt.flame:39127 talk.bizarre:73522 
 news.admin.policy:574 rec.music.synth:33501 rec.music.makers.synth:73 rec.humor:61094

Gene:
>Okay, let's get down to business.  The 115th meeting of the USENET
>Backbone Cabal is hereby called to order, President-for-Life
>Spafford presiding.  Our first order of business is the size of
>the net:  It's *still* growing out of control, with new newsgroups
>popping up like rabbits, and the number of people reading netnews
>is going up way too fast.

Dave:
>The average IQ of the net readership is dropping like a stone.
>Most of these newbies don't even have Computer Science degrees,
>and some of them are even [shudder] Liberal Arts majors.  At this
>rate, brethren, people like ourselves -- the elite, the brilliant,
>the vanguard of the New World Order -- could become outnumbered
>and lose control of the net.

[A collective moan echoes around the table.]

Peter:
>So far all of our efforts to drive away the riff-raff have been
>unsuccessful.  I've got news.groups bent into contortions trying
>to rewrite the Guidelines -- which we still control, of course --
>and so far nobody's caught on.  But it hasn't slowed the number of
>new groups being created.

Brad:
>I've been making rec.humor.funny more and more uninteresting, and
>posting jokes that only a CS professor would understand, much less
>laugh about.  But the number of readers keeps going up.  I don't
>know what else to do:  How can we drive people away from the net?

Gene:
>Last year's noble sacrifice by Brother Kent bought us time, but
>it was far from enough to rectify our situation -- and it left us
>with a vacancy on the Cabal.  [Nods to the Cabal's fifth member,
>who is lost in thought and does not respond]  We must take action,
>and it must be soon.

Dave:
>Chaos.  The net will fall apart; complete chaos in a matter of
>years, maybe even months.  None of this would have happened if we
>hadn't broken up AT&T, Peter.

Peter:
>Don't start blaming me again.  YOU're the one who deregulated
>cable TV, and I'm not even going to bring up Ross Perot --

Gene:
>Gentlemen, this is getting us nowhere.  We need a plan, something
>that will send the rabble packing and put USENET back in the hands
>of the ruling class, of the kind of people who designed it.  Ah,
>for the good old days, when we ruled the net with an iron fist...

[A collective wistful sigh echoes around the table.]

Rich Kulawiec:  [snaps fingers]
>Gentlemen, I have it.  I've developed a cunning plan, one that
>will drive the newbies away from the net AND reduce the number of 
>readble newsgroups at the same time.  And, best of all, we'll use
>the Guidelines to make it work!

Gene:
>Brilliant!  Nefarious!  Rich, you've made a fine addition to the
>Backbone Cabal.  Do you have a particular newsgroup in mind as you
>start putting your plan into effect?  [rubs hands together]

Rich:
>I know *just* where to begin.


[Fade to black, and to the sound of evil laughter...]