X-NEWS: spcvxb rec.arts.drwho: 4044 Relay-Version: VMS News - V6.0 13.10.90 VAX/VMS V5.4; site spcvxb.spc.edu Path: spcvxb.spc.edu!njin!princeton!udel!wuarchive!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!caen!uflorida!mailer.cc.fsu.edu!prism!gt1759c Newsgroups: rec.arts.drwho Subject: RnD Parody v. 2.04b Message-ID: <17363@hydra.gatech.EDU> From: gt1759c@prism.gatech.EDU (Haydon) Date: 20 Nov 90 15:37:56 GMT Organization: Georgia Institute of Technology Keywords: romana,dave,RAT-A2E,parody,lame,silly Lines: 172 Well, folks I've had some favorable response, but there were two things wrong with the original posting. 1) This one is edited so that it SHOULD not scroll off the screen. 2) Romana 'N Dave was originally done by Tom Golden, who I meant to originally mention, but I couldn't remember his name at the time. Anyway, these are his ideas, I'm just trying to pick up where he left off. (And no, I'm not collaborating with him. Sorry, but it's true.) In any event, if you folks seem to like it, I'll work on some more. Bye! ============================================================================ R O M A N A ' N D A V E An Unauthorized Doctor Who/LATE NIGHT --------------------------- Parody featuring characters originally Season 2, #1 Written by Haydon portrayed by Lalla Ward and David Letterman ============================================================================ THE SHORT, BRIGHT T-TIME OF THE SOUL, Part 1 OUR STORY SO FAR: Romana and Dave, after an extended vacation on the planet Macr oss, have just set off in Romana's TARDIS (configured as a 9 ft. tall streetlig ht), bound for strange new worlds, to seek out new Life and New Civilizations, TO BOLDLY GO......(oops, sorry, wrong script.) Anyway, they are on their way back to Earth, so that Dave can get his show out of re-runs before the holidays. ============================================================================ SCENE 1: INSIDE THE TARDIS Our heroes are in the Console Room. Romana and the repaired RAT-A2E are playing 3 Dimensional Time Travel Chess, Dave is brushing his hair and looking in the viewscreen that he's using as a mirror. Romana is in one of her standard Sailor Suits From Hell, and Dave is wearing a T-Shirt which says 'WAXERS DO IT IN THE BUFF'. ROMANA: Dave, we are apporoaching Earth. You could start your broadcast now if you wanted to. DAVE: From here? And not have Paul Shaffer and my audience to talk to? Perish the thought. RAT-A2E: (Now in the voice of Harrison Ford. RAT-A2E's been overhauled.) Look, Gap-Face, this could be your Big Chance. We could override Arsenio................ if you're nice. DAVE: Whoa! Whatch your mouth you little tin weasel. I'll feed you to Accounting. ROMANA: If your *quite* finished, David, we can begin. --------Dave's Theme Music comes on and we zoom over London(?!) as RAT-A2E intros: Live from London! -New York -Denver -San Francisco -Peking. Anyway, it's the One and Only (thank your Primitive Deities!) DAAAAAAVVVIIDDD Letterman! --------Dave rolls into his spiel and monologue. Mainly Driver's Lisence jokes and comments on New York society. Finally, he gets to the best part of the show: THE TOP TEN LIST!!!!! DAVE: -and tonight, Ladies and gentleRATS, we have the top ten reasons why intelligent life has not visited Earth. (RAT-A2E provides the customary Drum Roll) 10) E.T. gave us a bad rep. 9) They're still watching all the old Twilight Zones. 8) They lost their Driver's Liscences. 7) Ted Kennedy scared them away. 6) They're waiting until they figure out the Colonel's Secret Re cipe. 5) Jesse Helms scared them away. 4) They're still trying to figure out Gary Coleman's popularity. 3) They actually want to visit Earth, but they lost the Road Map 2) They're a little busy right now, but if we leave a name and number.. And the NUMBER ONE reason why Intelligent Life has not visited Earth.. They are INTELLIGENT life! Well, folks, we've got a good show tonight........ --------Dave is interrupted by a roll of thunder through the TARDIS. A black-clad figure appears on the viewscreen. BLACK-CLAD FIGURE: I am The Black Gaurdian of Arsenio Hall's ratings! You have violated the precepts of the Universe! ROMANA: And just how did we do that? BGoAHR: Be quiet! Stupid git. Anyway, you have altered the fabric of Late Night Comedy. You shall pay the price............. --------The TARDIS shakes and rocks, and the film is edited to a negative picture repeatedly. Romana and Dave hit the console with their heads and black out. SCENE 2: INSIDE THE TARDIS, BUT SOMEWHERE ELSE! --------Romana is the first to stir. She moves to check the Console readings... ROMANA: Ouch. RAT-A2E, do you have any idea where we are? RAT-A2E: Negative, Mistress. DAVE: (stirring) Whoa, did anyone catch the number of that truck? Where are we? RAT-A2E: As I was *saying*, I don't know, goofball. DAVE: How'd you like to be overhauled into Programmable Toasters, Gooe y? RAT-A2E: Just try me..... ROMANA: SHUT UP! I am not going to spend the rest of this stupid Episode keeping both of you quiet. And the Author is sick of it too! RAT-A2E: I apologize for myself and the Inferior One. DAVE: Can it, Screwy. ROMANA: Allright now, RAT-A2E, can you make any sense of these readings? RAT-A2E: Affirmative. ROMANA: Well? RAT-A2E: They indicate.......that the Writer has not yet made up his mind DAVE: Great, so how do we find out where we are? ROMANA: Give it a second......there! We now have readings. We seem to be in a parallel dimension of sorts. DAVE: E-Space? ROMANA: No, this seems to be a Tetrizoidal Temporal Dimension. Or T-Time DAVE: Not that again. I'm getting sick of those damn crumpets....... ROMANA: No, no David. T as in Thickheaded. Well, I guess we better look around. RAT-A2E: Planetary mass detected. ROMANA: Well, let's try there. SCENE 3: ON A PLANET IN T-TIME. The TARDIS materializes, taking the shape of a giant bat. Romana, Dave, and RAT-A2E exit. The planet appears to be rather similar to Southern England (surprise!), with a temperate climate. ROMANA: There appears to be agricutlure, but it seems a little primitive ... DAVE: Wonder where everybody is? Maybe they've been listening to my writers, hee, hee, hee...... --------Suddenly, and with a great rush of Incindental Music, a Strange Man bursts from the Brush! STRANGE MAN: Halt! Who goes there! Dave: Boy is this guy original. hee, hee, hee............ ================================================================================ Who is the Strange Man? How will Romana and Dave escape T-Time in time for Tea? Will there in fact BE an Episode 2? Find out soon.............. Donald (Haydon,Veidt,Don) Morris gt1759c@prism.gatech.edu vapspze@prism.gatech.edu ======================================== "If there's nothing wrong with me, there must be something wrong with the Universe." - Doc Crusher, STTNG, "Remember Me" ========================================