X-NEWS: spcvxb alt.folklore.computers: 23609 Relay-Version: VMS News - V6.0-3 14/03/90 VAX/VMS V5.4; site spcvxb.spc.edu Path: spcvxb.spc.edu!rutgers!cs.utexas.edu!uunet!mcsun!Germany.EU.net!ira.uka.de!uka!iras4!hanssgen Newsgroups: alt.folklore.computers,de.talk.jokes Subject: Computer Song Collection 1.2e [part 5/7] Message-ID: From: hanssgen@ira.uka.de (Stefan Haenssgen) Date: 16 May 92 15:43:56 GMT Followup-To: alt.folklore.computers Organization: University of Karlsruhe, FRG Keywords: computer song parody NNTP-Posting-Host: iras4.ira.uka.de Lines: 1011 >>> BEGIN PART 5 <<< bring back, oh bring back my data to me, to me! Bring back, bring back, oh bring back my data to me! @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Title : My Favourite Things Original : My Favourite Things Group : ? Traditional Author : Fred Curtis Intro : Song : To be sung to the tune of "My Favourite Things" written by Fred Curtis Pointers to pointers to printf()-like functions; Unary minus and nested conjunctions; Integers, booleans, characters, strings; These are a few of my favourite things. Bach on a CD and good indentation; Not getting mugged while en route to the station; Fountains with wishes and Gnomes without slings; These are a few of my favourite things. When the bug bites! When core dumps! When the machine's had the I simply remember my favourite things And then I don't fell so sick. @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Title : Network Pie Original : American Pie Group : Don Mclean Author : Ken Kaufman Intro : Song : Copyright (c) MCMLXXXIV by Ken Kaufman (if it matters) Sung to the tune of "American Pie" (the 7 minute version) A long long time ago I can still remember how the newsgroups used to make me smile. And I knew if I'd had my way I'd have something clever to say, Or at least flame articles that weren't my style. But I found net.religion boring; Net.waterbeds left me snoring. Liberals and right wingers were net.politics mudslingers. I can't remember if I could laugh when 10 people flamed my speling gaffe. But net.women.only was undistaff the day net.wombat died. So ... Bye bye, net.records has run dry. Won't you paean net.wobegon, they ask with a sigh. net.singles readers think that I am being too shy saying If rejected I'm sure to die ... If rejected I'm sure to die. Did you say you love net.books? Are worms your name for computer crooks if "a hacker" fits you so? Now do you believe in net.jokes.d? Can you pay without an ID if your purchase is 90 bucks or so? Well I know that you can sympathize; net.tv leaves me hypnotized. But you can always choose to discuss six Doctor Whos. I wrote anonymously to net.flame; in net.jokes I used another name. But I knew it would all be the same the day net.wombat died. I started singing ... Bye bye, net.records has run dry. Won't you paean net.wobegon, they ask with a sigh. net.singles readers think that I am being too shy saying If rejected I'm sure to die ... If rejected I'm sure to die. Now for ten years we've all been on line the unix-wizards are doing fine, But that's not how it used to be When wombats were still quite unknown, before we left net.test alone And New Yorkers had to sin illegally. Oh but while our machine had gone down we could not get our mail from Brown Or the whole Pacific Coast. So could you all please repost? And while driving home I was tailgated for leaving my jokes unrotated. No sanity was demonstrated the day net.wombat died. We were singing ... Bye bye, net.records has run dry. Won't you paean net.wobegon, they ask with a sigh. net.singles readers think that I am being too shy saying If rejected I'm sure to die ... If rejected I'm sure to die. Astro.expert and/or bio.expert and soon net.battle.of.the.sexpert Because no one could find a better name. Net.caveat or net.consumer; perhaps net.ripoff or net.product.humor Or net.what.company.should.we.blame? Well, I think you should be arrested (Your parentheses were (triply) nested!) I would have followed up ... Oh, but my note was swallowed up! Vegetarians ranted and the hunters raved; the Whoppers were McMicrowaved. Do you recall what files we saved the day net.wombat died? We started singing ... Bye bye, net.records has run dry. Won't you paean net.wobegon, they ask with a sigh. net.singles readers think that I am being too shy saying If rejected I'm sure to die ... If rejected I'm sure to die. And there we were all in one place - maybe net.astro or perhaps net.space With no time left to start again. So come on - Bio fans, please be patient while physicists discuss creation and net.tv.da comes to a fiery end. And as I watched it on the screen, my hands got tense, my face grew mean. No M.O.any-S. could clean up this net.mess And the news arrived at this network site with the results of the long fight - Wombat haters chuckled with delight ... the day net.wombat died. We were singing ... Bye bye, net.records has run dry. Won't you paean net.wobegon, they ask with a sigh. net.singles readers think that I am being too shy saying If rejected I'm sure to die ... If rejected I'm sure to die. I met a woman (that's not a girl!) and asked for news from the wombat world But she just smiled and turned away. I saw a clever bumper sticker that years ago would make me snicker But it couldn't even raise a smile today. And on the net chess players gamed, joke readers laughed, and insultees flamed, But it had all been tried ... I committed net.suicide. And the newsgroups I enjoyed the most were shut down; no one cared to post. Users logged off from coast to coast the day net.wombat died. And they were singing ... Bye bye, net.records has run dry. Won't you paean net.wobegon, they ask with a sigh. net.singles readers think that I am being too shy saying If rejected I'm sure to die ... If rejected I'm sure to die. They were singing ... Bye bye, net.records has run dry. Won't you paean net.wobegon, they ask with a sigh. net.singles readers think that I am being too shy saying If rejected I'm sure to die. @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Title : Not a boolean Original : Blowin' in the wind Group : Bob Dylan Author : Joerg Anslik (janslik@leibniz.GUN.de) Intro : Song : ***************** * NOT A BOOLEAN * ***************** 1. How many code must a man type in Before you can call him a man? How many C must a compiler process Before it can sleep in the RAM? How many times must MS-DOS crash Before it is forever banned? R. The answer, my friend Is not a boolean The answer is not a boolean. 2. How many times must a man read his source Before he can see what is wrong? How many memory must his system have Before he can use 'unsigned long'? How many errors will it take till he knows That there's still some work to be done? R. 3. How many years can a program exist Before it's erased from drive C:\ ? How many years must known bugs exist Before you get an update for free? How many times can a drive move its head And pretend there's no data to read? R. @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Title : Ode to Amy (or: The Frontend Shuffle) Original : The Longest Time Group : Billy Joel Author : Nelson Bishop Intro : This is the best in a long line of songs I wrote for departing coworkers. Song : Ode to Amy or The Frontend Shuffle (To the tune of: The Longest Time, Billy Joel) If you said the deadline was tonight, There would still be functions left to write. What else could I do? I get the frontend from you. And I'll be coding for the longest time. Once I thought enhancements we all done. Now I know the battle can't be won. The boss will find me, Give me work and then remind me. That I'll be coding for the longest time. I'm that voice you're hearing in the hall. And we need a miracle that's all. Because we need you. And I know we'll want to see you. 'Cause we'll be coding for the longest time. Maybe this wont last very long, The new fix is right, but I could be wrong. Maybe I've been coding too hard, But I've come this far, and a bonus I hoped for. Who knows how much further we'll go on. Frontend will be broken when you're gone. I'll take my chances, I forgot this disk drive dances And I'll be coding for the longest time. I had second thoughts at the start. I said to myself I hope that she's smart. Now I know the woman that you are. Your coding is bizarre, But it's more that I hoped for. I don't care what consequence it brings. Kludge it and get on to other things. This code is so bad. I think you ought to know that I intend to debug for the longest time. @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Title : On our First Day on Usenet Original : The 12 days of Xmas Group : Traditional Author : Laura Glenn Intro : More than enough days of usenet Song : on our first day on usenet the mailer sent to me a reject from uucp... (an unsent message. trouble was, it kept retrying once an hour, so regular as clockwork, i got a copy of the transmit session and a random piece of my message - never enough to resend it, of course!) on the second day on usenet, upon my crt (were) two 'rot 13's and a reject from uucp... on the third day on usenet, tom truscott sent to me three new scripts, (1 patch to inews and two patches to the patch!) two 'rot 13's and a reject from uucp... on the fourth day on usenet, readnews had for me: four net.flames (what... only four?!) three new scripts, two rot 13's and a reject from uucp... on the fifth day on usenet, plain for all to see (were) five hundred lines! (all in one message, mind you...brief and to the point!) four net.flames, three new scripts, two rot 13's and a reject from uucp... on the sixth day of usenet, our postnews gave to me six orphaned responses, (darn thing never *did* get it right!) five hundred lines! four net.flames, three new scripts, two rot 13's and a reject from uucp.... on the seventh day on usenet, our adm gave to me seven added newsgroups (all dealing with the same topic, of course.) six orphaned responses, five hundred lines!! four net.flames, three new scripts, two rot 13's and a reject from uucp... on the eighth day on usenet 'sf-lovers' gave to me eight Doctor Who fans, (even after we give them their own group!) seven added newsgroups, six orphaned responses, five hundred lines!! four net.flames, three new scripts, two rot 13's and a reject from uucp... on the ninth day on usenet my mbox had for me nine chain letters, (yep... the same one that was finally posted.) eight Doctor Who fans, seven added newsgroups, six orphaned responses, five hundred lines! four net.flames, three new scripts, two rot 13's and a reject from uucp... on the tenth day on usenet, the df showed to me ten blocks of disk space (left, that is...) nine chain letters, eight Doctor Who fans, seven added newsgroups, six orphaned responses, five hundred lines! four net.flames, three new scripts, two rot 13's and a reject from uucp... on the eleventh day on usenet, the phone bill came to me: eleven calls to europe, (gee, i didn't know we had a *direct* uucp link ten blocks of disk space, ...to mcvax!) nine chain letters, eght Doctor Who fans, seven added newsgroups, six orphaned responses, five hundred lines! four net.flames, three new scripts, two rot 13's and a reject from uucp... on the twelfth day on usenet, i read despairingly: ------------------------------------------------- | | | Your USENET administrator has taken your | | site off the net. For further information | | contact Pacific Bell re: your system's | | $1300 phone bill. | | Sincerely, | | The Management. | | | ------------------------------------------------- @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Title : P-I-F-FO Original : BINGO Group : ? Author : Aubrey Philipsz Intro : Song : There is a network you can hack And AUTOVON's it's name-o P-I-F-FO P-I-F-FO P-I-F-FO And AUTOVON's it's name-o @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Title : Please Release Me Original : Please Release Me Group : Englebert Humperdinck Author : Nelson Bishop Intro : Song : Please Release Me Please release me let me go, My bugs aren't major anymore. To waste your time would be a sin. Release me, to Beta once again. I have found a new bug here, Too late to fix it now I fear, You can't boot warm, but must boot cold. Release me, the users never know. Please release me can't you see, You'd be a fool to cling to me. That's not a bug, but feature, dear. Release me, don't wait another year. @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Title : PLIate's Dream Original : Pilate's Dream Group : from Jesus Christ Superstar Author : Guy L. Steele Jr. Intro : Song : PLIate's Dream [to be sung to the tune of Pilate's Dream from Jesus Christ Superstar] I dreamed I was a brand new language, The ultimate in speed; I handled strings as fast as RPG, And twice as easily. I crunched numbers like COBOL, Trees like APL, And FORTRAN loaned its FORMATs and GO TOs, The cause of many screws. And then a man said, "Now we'll write a monitor, With Multics what it's for. Our project is begun; We'll code in PL/I." Then I saw thousands of coders Searching for their bugs, And then I heard them mentioning my name And leaving me the blame. -- The Great Quux (with apologies to Rice and Webber) @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Title : POOR PURE PERCY P Original : ? Group : ? Author : ? Intro : Song : Percy P was a mathematician whose "pureness" was never denied. But he found one day, to his sorrow, that his theorems had been applied! He had used all the standard precautions; his papers were pointedly dry! But his own esoteric notation had been solved by a physicist spy! The colloquium buzzed with the gossip; he could offer no valid excuse. Percy P was a traitor of traitors, for his work was of PRACTICAL USE! Nobody dared to defend him. Could it be that he'd plead the crime That his work was just then needed to effect quantization of time? Ignored when he joined conversations; one would think that he poisoned the air. And he felt on his way to the office - a new man might be in his chair. A committee was in operation, working twenty four hours a day, Deleting his name from the journals, and throwing his reprints away. He knew where his future was leading, no sense in prolonging the pain; He left with a handful of papers, and never was heard from again. So take heed all you mathematicians who pretend your endeavor is pure; Tho' your luck may hold for a decade, in the end you can never be sure. @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Title : The Programmer's Blues Original : Smuggler's Blues Group : Glenn Frye Author : , Mark E. Sunderlin Intro : Song : "The Programmer's Blues" by Robert J. Woodhead (Cleaned up by Dr. Megabyte) with apologies to Glen Frye There's trouble in the data now, I can feel it in my bones, I had a premonition that I should'nt code alone, I had the new dos loaded but I didn't think it'd fry, Then everything exploded and 2 weeks work blew sky-high! So baby here's a printout and a keyboard for your hand, And here's a little floppy, now do it just the way we planned, You debug for 20 days and I'll pay you 20 grand! I'm sorry it went down like this, but some chip had to fuse, It's the typing of the language, It's the Programmer's Blues... Programmer's Blues... Coder's and the Analyst's, Hackers and Sysops, Bad comments and strange bomboffs, and the bugs nobody copped, No matter if it's Pascal, Basic or Cobol, You've got to carry manuals, there's no online help at all! It's lots of rotten coffee, and lot's of lousy food, Every variable name is dangerous, it might have been pre-used, It's the lure of relaxed typing, it's so easy to be crude! Perhaps you'll understand it better, when you see my tools, It's the ultimate enhancement, it's the Programmer's Blues! Programmer's Blues... You see it in their memos, you read them every day, They say you have to fix those bugs, but they just don't go away, No matter how hard you work, it just won't run OK, You bury them in subroutines, but you know they're here to stay! You hope that none'll notice them, but they always seem to do, You beg for Beta testing, maybe one will give a clue, Down from the office of your manager, you learn the heat's on you.. Heat's on you.. It's a losing proposition, but one you can't refuse, It's policies of debugging, it's the Programmer's Blues... Programmer's Blues! @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Title : The Programmer's Viewpoint Original : My favorite things Group : ? (traditional) Author : greywolf Intro : Song : The programmer's viewpoint ( to the tune of "My favorite things" ) ( Lyrics by greywolf ) This routine sets up some pointers to functions, And this one completely reverses conjunctions, This function here turns your trees into rings, And does other rather unusual things... Pointers to longwords with external labels, Pointers to structures in segmented tables, Pointers to pointers to pointers to strings (This code does some *rather* unorthodox things...!) Unions and structures and macros included, Some of which seem to be quite convoluted, Library calls make the network go "ping!" (And other sometimes inexplicable things) When the crash comes, when the core dumps When the data fries, I simply recall these unusual things ..then I know *why* it dies. Assemblers, preprocessors, dynamic loaders, Linkers, compilers, and optimized coders, Debuggers and dumpers and archivers bring Online a programmer's favourite things... Scanners and parsers and string tokenizers, And lexicographical line analyzers, Tools that make endless arrays of the strings, These are some more of a programmer's things... Debuggers and coredumps and function backtraces, Registers, breakpoints and strange interfaces, Contexts and byte-ordering problems do cling, but these are a programmer's *favourite* things (uck!) When the core dumps, and the disk hangs, and the program dies, "Well, hey, it did just what I told it to do -- Tell the Boss that my program *flies*!" @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Title : Puff the Fractal Dragon Original : Puff the Magic Dragon Group : Peter, Paul and Mary / The Seekers? Author : ? Intro : Song : Puff the Fractal Dragon (to the tune of Puff the Magic Dragon) -------------------------------------------------------------- No plain fanfold paper could hold that fractal Puff -- He grew so fast no plotting pack could shrink him far enough. Compiles and simulations grew so quickly tame And swapped out all their data space when Puff pushed his stack frame. CHORUS: Puff the fractal dragon was written in C, And frolicked while processes switched in mainframe memory. Puff the fractal dragon was written in C, And frolicked while processes switched in mainframe memory. Puff, he grew so quickly, while others moved like snails And mini-Puffs would perch themselves on his gigantic tail. All the student hackers loved that fractal Puff But DCS did not like Puff, and finally said, "Enough!" (chorus) Puff used more resources than DCS could spare. The operator killed Puff's job -- he didn't seem to care. A gloom fell on the hackers; it seemed to be the end, But Puff trapped the exception, and grew from naught again! (chorus) @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Title : Rawhide Original : Rawhide Group : Blues Brothers Author : Michael Weber Intro : Song : (based on RAWHIDE from BluesBrothers) ------------------------------------- Rolling, rolling, rolling, When the screens are scrolling, Keep the Mouses rolling - Rawhide Cores and Shells and dither Dust bin forever Wishin` my disk was in my drive All the things I`m missin` Good Ops, Kills and Listings Are waiting at the end of my file Move `em on Hit `em up Move `em on Rawhide Cut `em out Ride `em in Cut `em out Ride `em in Rawhide Keep hackin`, hackin`, hackin` While Sysop isn`t checkin` Keep other users crackin` - Rawhide I don`t understand her My program has an error Soon I will turn that system off My C-Shell isn`t workin` The Admin catched me lurkin` Lurkin` at the end of my file Move `em on Hit `em up Move `em on Rawhide Cut `em out Ride `em in Cut `em out Ride `em in Rawhide @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Title : Script for a Hacker's Tear Original : Script for a Jester's Tear Group : Marillion Author : Thomas Koenig , Hubert Schaefer Intro : Amazing how adaptive the original is, there wasn't much to change :-) Song : Script for a Hacker's Tear So here I am once more in the playground of the broken hacks one more experience, one more entry in the logfile, self - typed yet another programming suicide overdosed on caffeine and bytes Too late to say I'll fix it too late to remount the drive abandoning the listings of projects no longer alive I'm losing on this VAX, I'm losing with these system calls I'm losing on this VAX, I'm losing with these system calls Too much, too soon, too far, to go, too late to type, this hack is over This hack is over So here I am once more in the playground of the broken hacks I'm losing on this VAX, losing with these system calls, this hack is over, over Yet another programming suicide overdosed on caffeine and bytes I'm losing on this VAX, I'm losing with these system calls, this hack is over Too late to say I'll fix it too late to remount the drive The hack is over @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Title : SIGHUP Blues Original : Bluebottle Blues Group : Milligan and Carbone Author : Russell Street Intro : Adapted from the "Bluebottle Blues" featuring Maurice Plonk and his Orchestra Fromage, with Nick Rauchen conducting "The Ball's Pond Road, near the One in Harmony". In reality written by Milligan and Carbone, recorded 24/05/56. Song : SIGHUP Blues ------------ By Russell Street (russells@ccu1.aukuni.ac.nz) P: PING 255.255.255.255! K: Just the process I've been looking for. P: Oh! K: Clamber into my disk heads, Fred Whence all but you have exec'd, Fred There is no contesting, I've no way of manefesting How much I'd prefer you dead, Fred P: Oh I'm glad you like me, my Kernel Because I trust you to. K: Gratifiy your wim, Jim. P: Jim? What happened to Fred? K: He mv'd his name. P: What to? K: Chunky. Tell me, can you catch Jim? P: No, Jim can not catch. K: Then open this named pipe, son On the file system, son Which I have carefully arranged so it will open up and throw you into thirty K of NULLs when you upset the pipe by reading from it, Jim. P: I say, it's not for deading me, is it Kernel? K: Oh course not, dear boy! Just read from it a bit further! P: Righty-ho then. Ahh. Here I am on the edge of the nice little named-type pipe. It is a lovely day for a naughty pipe. YAHHH! You've swamped me. I do not like this game. I've got those "When I say I trust you I do not want to be KILLed because I do not like those kind of signals" Blues. I don't like naughty files that give my gets(3) binary data. (They say harm can come to a growing process like that) And I do not like SIGQUITs that longjmp me back to main() Out of my reniced batch queue I don't like being woken by nasty SIGALRM showers And I do not like being nutted by Eifel and Fortran programs So I do not want to be KILLed, HUPed, TERMed, QUITed, XCPUed INTed! I don't like that kind of type blues -- I don't like that I've got them SIGHUP Blues. K: Still alive? Take this /dev/tty, pet. P: Oh tar(1). K: No, don't iocntl it yet, pet. All right, now you can iocntl it. P: Are you sure I won't be KILLed or nothing, Kernel? K: No, no -- don't be frightened! P: All right then, I'll just send a DUP to it, and .... < BOOOM> < over explosion > You rotten swine you! You HUPed me again. I shan't play this rotten game no more. Closes open files, pages out memory And exists through little hole in Mail deamon security... @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Title : Software for Nothing Original : Money for Nothing Group : Dire Straits Author : Brent CJ Britton Intro : Song : Software for Nothing ==================== by: Brent CJ Britton With appoligies to Mark Knopfler. I waaaant my.. I waaaant my... I waaaant my C-R-T...... Now look at them hackers, That's the way ya' do it. Ya' play with mem'ry that you cannot see. Now that ain't workin, that's the way ya do it. Get your software for nothing and your chips for free. Now that ain't workin, gotta CPU-it. Let me tell ya, them guys ain't dumb. Maybe crash the system with your little finger, Maybe crash the system with your thumb. We got to install micro-data-bases, Gotta make things run like a breeeeze. We gotta help these foreign students, We gotta help these mindless E.E.'s... The little Hacker with the Pepsi and the Munchos: Yeah, buddy, don't like to SHARE... The little Hacker got his own compiler, The little guy don't change his underwear. We got to install the latest debugger, Under budget, and optimiiiiiiized. We got to have more muddy-black coffee, We got a green glow in our eyyyyyyes... I shoulda' learned to play with Pascal. I shoulda' learned to program some. Look at that drive, I'm gonna stick it on the channel, Man, it's better than the old one... And who's up there, what's that? Beeping noises? He's bangin on the keyboard like a chimpanze. Oh that aint workin, that's the way ya do it, Get your software for nothin', get your chips for free. @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Title : Socket Man Original : Rocket Man Group : Elton John Author : Wes Morgan Intro : While attempting to thrash a socket-ridden BSD package to some semblance of System V-ism, the following ditty camne unbidden.... Song : Socket Man I got my source last night from FTP Compiling up at 2 AM And my system is screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaming "Undefined" at me..... I thumb through books, I use my 'man' It does no good, you see 'Cause I'm on System Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive And not BSD Chorus: And I think it's gonna take a lot of time 'Till named pipes bring me where I get to find That BSD's not worth a pile of slime (oh no no noooooooo) I'm a Socket Man..... Socket Man....burning up the CPU for days Socket Man....hacking through the SVID maze.... Verse 2: I've tried so many things, they all have failed, It's lonely in the lab And noone elllllllllsssssssssee Has a clue.... And all the techniques I don't understand It's just a kludge to make it work... A Socket Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan Socket Man..... Chorus: And I think it's gonna take a lot of time 'Till named pipes bring me where I get to find That BSD's not worth a pile of slime (oh no no noooooooo) I'm a Socket Man...... Socket Man.....Hacking through the piles and piles of C Socket Man.....Building up a hate for BSD.... @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Title : Song of the Certified Data Processor Original : When I Was a Lad Group : Gilbert and Sullivan Author : Guy L. Steele Jr. Intro : Song : Song of the Certified Data Processor [to be sung to the tune of When I Was a Lad from H.M.S. Pinafore] When I was a lad I served a term As office boy to a computing firm. I polished the handle of the big front door And swept up all the card chips from the keypunch floor. He swept up all the card chips from the keypunch floor. I swept that chad so carefullee That now I am officially a CDP. He swept that chad so carefullee That now he is officially a CDP. My office job was a heavy load, So I went to night school and learned to code. I was soon coding payroll in RPG And compiled all my programs on a System/3. He compiled all his programs on a System/3. I compiled my code so gay and free That now I am officially a CDP. He compiled his code so gay and free That now he is officially a CDP. I wrote efficient code each day, But I missed the benefits of higher pay. I asked for a raise, but my boss said, "See, Youse ain't good enuf because youse ain't a CDP." "He ain't good enuf because he ain't a CDP." So I vowed that someday I would see Myself become officially a CDP. So he vowed that someday he would see Himself become officially a CDP. >>> END PART 5 <<< -- ,-----,------,--,--, Stefan Haenssgen, Comp Sci, Uni Karlsruhe, Germany / / / / / Email: haenssgen@ira.uka.de or uk0w@dkauni2.bitnet / ---/-, ,-/ / / IRC: sth Phone: +49/721/593910 Fax: hoo nose / / / / / / Snail: Nuitsstr. 2c, W-7500 Karlsruhe 21, Germany /--- / / / / / / / / / / / / / "Use the SOURCE, Luke!" (Return of the RedEye Nights) '-----' '--' '--'--' "I feel a great disturbance in the SOURCE"