Conrad, you're a goddam fool.  If you don't know why the hell
thoe files are in your directory, I'm certainly not going to 
take my valuable time to tell you.  In any case, I certainly
don't know, but you probably should just delete the goddam things
back into the hell-pit they came from.

But listen to this:

Happy Hour

Setting:  Joe's Bar.  Joe is on the bar, and George is standing
by the bar, leaning on it.  Bill and Mel are sitting at a table,
somewhat indifferent.  At some point during Joe and George's
dialogue, Bill and Mel perk up and suddenly become very happy.

George: So I don't know if I'll be able to come in on Tuesday,
Joe.  Maybe one of the other bouncers can cover for me.

Joe: Okay. That'll be fine, I'll move the schedule around.

George: I've got to go to a funeral.  My uncle died.

Joe: Oh, that's too bad.  What happened? 

George: It's really strange.  His hat exploded.

Joe: What?

George: He was wearing his hat, and it just blew up.  Apparently he had 
been having a lot of trouble with his wardrobe.  He used to be up all hours 
of the night arguing with one piece of clothing or another.  First it was 
just a slight disagreement with one of his clip-on ties, then he began to 
exchange insults with his leisure suits and pick fights with his tweed 
jacket.  Then late last month he was pretty badly burned when a pair of 
argyle socks he was wearing burst into flames.

Joe: Gee, that's really sad.

Bill: (from middle of the room)  Hey, guys it's 6:02 !

Joe: 6:02? You now what that means...

George: Happy Hour!

	At this point everyone becomes unbearably happy.  George crosses
to stage right, stands very happily, and bounces lightly (being a bouncer 
and all).  Bill gets up and goes to the bar for more drinks.

Bill: Could you make us two gin and tonics, please?


Joe: Why, I'd be happy to.

Bill: (To George) Happy New Year over there.

George: It's not New Year.

Bill: No, but I sure am Happy. (Turns to Joe.) Ya know Joe, I really like 
to come during happy hour.

Joe: Yes, everyone seems to enjoy happy hour here at Joe's Bar.

Bill: How could they not enjoy it?  But you know what, Joe?  Sometimes 
after being so happy for an hour, I go home and I feel kind of, you know, 
un-happy.

Joe: Yes, I know what you mean, Bill.  But we can't talk about that now.  
Not during Happy Hour.

Mel: Hey, Joe, why don't you just have Happy Hour all day long?

Joe: Hmmm.  If we did that, we couldn't call it Happy Hour anymore.

Bill: You'd have to call it Happy Days !

All: Happy Days !!!

	Bill sits at table with Mel.  Scott enters and walks to the bar.

Scott: (Depressed) Bartender, give me a scotch on the rocks... uh, make it 
a double.

Joe: I'd be Happy to.

Scott: What a lousy day.

Mel: You don't sound very happy, Pal.  You must be new around here.

Scott: Yeah.  I just got into town last week, and I've been having a lot of 
problems.  My car broke down, and my wife left me.

Joe: Well, we have a policy here at Joe's Bar.  At the hour of 6:00 begins 
Happy Hour, and happy hour prices are in effect until 7:00. 

Scott: Well, that's good because I don't have much money.  I just lost my 
job and ...

Joe: I'm not kidding Pal.  This is happy hour, and if you don't git a 
little happier real quick I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

Scott:  Listen, Mac...

Joe:  I can already tell that you're not going to enjoy yourself.  (to 
George)  George, would you be kind enough to escort this Un-Happy gentleman 
out of here?

George:  Sure, Joe, I'd be Happy to.  (Scott does not resist as he is 
pushed out by George)  And don't come back until you cheer up.

Bill: Hey, Joe.  What was wrong with that guy?

Joe:  I'll tell you later ... After Happy Hour.  (Mel gets real happy
and spills her drink).

Bill: Uh oh , oh no!  (Happily) Looks like my wife got a little too happy 
and spilled her drink.  Could you make her another one?

Joe: Why, I'd be Happy to.

(lights out)