.title Gilligan's Elevator
.fg 20
.c;^&Gilligan's Elevator\&
.s
.c;Bill Bernat
.c;Michael A. Sterner
.nmpg 1
.page
.;
.nf.nj
This is the tale of our castaways,
The tale of a fateful ride.
It started on the bottom floor,
When they all got inside.
.s
The mate was an elevator man,
The Skipper brave and sure.
Five passengers got in that day,
To go to the 15th floor.
To go to the 15th floor.
.s
The cable started getting taught,
The tiny box was tossed.
If not for the courage of the fearless crew,
The elevator would be lost.
The elevator would be lost.
.s
The group got stuck between the floors
In this faulty elevator car.
.s
With Gilligan,
The Skipper too,
The millionaire,
And his wife.
.s
The movie star,
Professor and,
MaryAnn,
Here on Gilligan's Elevator.
.f.j
.s3
.lm 8.p -8.at
Mrs. Howell: Really, Thurston, this is all very silly.
 Just offer them
 enough money and they'll let us out.
Mr. Howell: Yes Lovey (Turns to professor). Listen, professor.
 The Mrs. 
 and I will spare no expense if you can get us out of here.
 We'll 
 give you your own chemistry lab, your own house, and a bank account
 with a very lofty limit.
 If you know what I mean.
Prof: Will you just be quiet, Mr. Howell? I may have a way of getting
 us out of here, but with your constant whining I can't get anywhere.
Gilligan: Gee, professor, we've been trapped in this elevator for a long time,
 do you really think you can get us out?
Prof: I don't know Gilligan.
 When I was studying particle analysis as 
 a graduate student, I was working on a project
 that could utilize common materials to form a sort of ray gun, if you
 will, that could penetrate almost any material.
 Unfortunately,
 I was forced to abandon the project in order to work on the atomic
 bomb.
MaryAnn: Would anyone like some pie?
Skipper: That wouldn't happen to be coconut cream pie, would it
 MaryAnn?
MaryAnn: It most certainly is.
Skipper: Well, I think a piece of pie will help me think a little
 better.
 I'll have a piece.
Gilligan: Yeah.
 Me too MaryAnn.
 (Gilligan fights to get some pie before 
 Skipper does, but accidentally gets the pie in Skipper's face.)
Skipper: (Hitting Gilligan with his hat) Ooooooop!!! Giiiillllllligan!!!!!
Ginger: I was in a movie once with Rock Hudson where a whole 
 football team and one cheerleader was trapped in an elevator.
 I was the cheerleader, and Rock Hudson was my leading man.
Gilligan: Golly Ginger.
 How did you get out?
Ginger: Rock Hudson pretended that he had turned into a crazed
 psychopathic killer and the other men in sheer terror squeezed 
 through a hole barely big enough for a child to fit through.
 That left only Rock and me in the elevator.
Gilligan: Didn't you get scared of Rock Hudson too?
Ginger: No Gilligan. I can be very persuasive with even the
 wildest of men.
 (As she says this she moves toward Gilligan 
 seductively and gets very close to him.)
Gilligan: Wouldn't that leave you and Rock Hudson trapped?
Ginger: Yes, but who wouldn't mind being trapped with Rock Hudson?
Prof: Everybody listen to me.
 If we all cooperate, I may be able
 to get us out of here.
.p0
All gather around the Professor and make generally excited exclamations
 while they offer their complete assistance.
.p-8
Prof: I've taken the zippers, buttons, and shoelaces that you all gave
 me a while ago.
Mr. Howell: Yes.
 I remember that all too well.
 That was a solid gold zipper
 I gave you.
Skipper: Hush, Mr. Howell, the professor is talking.
Gilligan: Yeah. Hush, Mr. Howell, the professor is talking.
Mr. Howell: Where gold is concerned, one may talk as much as one needs to
 keep track of it.
Gilligan: Golly, you're right Mr. Howell.
Skipper: The gold doesn't matter as long as it will help us get
 out of here.
Gilligan: Golly, you're right Skipper.
Prof: If you three don't listen to me we'll never get out of here.
Gilligan: Golly, you're right Professor.
Skipper: (Angrily) We can't all be right, Gilligan.
Gilligan: Golly, you're right, Skipper.
Skipper: Dub Dub (shakes his head)
Prof: Anyway, I built a sort of device which I can plug into the 
 elevator's own power supply to create a negative gravity sphere, which,
 if located concentrically around a small, animate, and very dense
 object, could work as a sort of prying mechanism on the doors.
Gilligan: Yeah.
 But where are we going to get a small, animate, very dense
 object? (All look at Gilligan) Oh no you don't.
 It's always me.
 (He kicks his legs as he is picked up and gotten ready).
Prof: OK, Gilligan.
 All you have to do is put your arms together like
 this, right in the door.
 We'll stand on the other side of the elevator to
 avoid static interference.
 Then just concentrate on opening the door.
.p 0
All but Gilligan go to the back.
 Gilligan does what he is supposed to.
 After an intense scene, Gilligan gets the door open and the others
 cheer.
.p-8
Skipper: Gilligan, little buddy, you did it!
Gilligan: Yeah, Skipper, now there's only one problem.
Skipper: What's that?
Gilligan: We're on the wrong floor.
 (He reaches for the button) We need to
 go down.
All: Gilligan, don't press that button! (Gilligan does, of course)
Skipper: It's too late.
 We're trapped again.
Prof: And that device was only good for one try.
.p 0
All are mad at Gilligan and the lights go out with 
 Gilligan being hit on the head by Skipper's hat.
.p-8
Gilligan: Owwwww, Ouch, that hurts, owwww
(End Song) Here on Gilligan's Elevator