X-NEWS: spcvxb rec.humor.funny: 1765 Relay-Version: VMS News - V6.0-3 14/03/90 VAX/VMS V5.4; site spcvxb.spc.edu Path: spcvxb.spc.edu!rutgers!jvnc.net!yale.edu!qt.cs.utexas.edu!cs.utexas.edu!uunet!looking!funny-request Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny Subject: FORTRAN Message-ID: From: ib09@rz20.rz.uni-karlsruhe.de (Thomas Koenig) Date: 7 Apr 92 08:30:05 GMT Organization: University of Karlsruhe, Germany Keywords: smirk Approved: funny@clarinet.com Lines: 69 Here's a little ditty I dreamt up to go with Billy Joel's song 'Pressure', about one of the joys of scientific computing. FORTRAN You have to learn to pace yourself FORTRAN You're just like everybody else FORTRAN You've only had to write Pascal So far But you will come to the day When the only thing that counts Are megaflops on a Cray And you'll have to deal with FORTRAN You used to call me paranoid FORTRAN But even you can not avoid FORTRAN You swore that ENTRY's a sure road to ruin Now here you are with old code COMMON blocks are misaligned Assigned GOTOs disturb your mind And you cannot handle FORTRAN All grown up and no place to go Pascal, Prolog, What do you know? All your life is a Lisp machine, Linked lists, quicksort, What does it mean? FORTRAN FORTRAN Don't ask me for help You're all alone FORTRAN You'll have to code it On your own FORTRAN I'm sure you'll have some cosmic rationale But here's your program, incomplete, Two weeks late, three times too slow Nothing to do but log on now And write all your code in FORTRAN FORTRAN All your life is Byte Magazine I read it too What does it mean? FORTRAN I'm sure you'll have some cosmic rationale But here you are with old code COMMON blocks are misaligned Assigned GOTOs disturb your mind And you have to code in FORTRAN FORTRAN, FORTRAN One, two, three, four FORTRAN -- Selected by Brad Templeton. MAIL your joke (jokes ONLY) to funny@clarinet.com. Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. A Daemon will auto-reply. Remember: Only ONE joke per submission. Extra jokes may be rejected.