From:	STUMP_D      "Fr.Dave" 22-JAN-1998 11:11:59.23
To:	terry
CC:	
Subj:	Is this your type of humor?

From:   STUMP_D      "Fr.Dave"
To:     terry
Cc:     STUMP_D
Subj:   Is this your type of humor?

I was out driving and a cop stopped me.  He said, "Don't you know
that the speed limit here is 55 miles per  hour?" I said, "Yes, but I
wasn't going to be out that long."

You can't have everything - where would you put it?

I bought powdered water, but didn't know what to add.

I once met a subliminal advertising executive.  But just for a second.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines

Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol

I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.

Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.

Wear short sleeves!  Support your right to bare arms!

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.


Several friars at a monastery decided to start a business so they could
make donations to a local charity which they deemed a worthy cause.
After much deliberation, the friars decided that, due to their gardening
expertise, they should start a flower business.

After a couple months, the friars' flower business was doing extremely
well - so well, in fact, that the local florist was beginning to suffer.
The florist, realizing that his livelihood might be in jeopardy,
approached the friars and asked them to find another business so that he
might continue operating profitably. The friars politely said, "No."

After a couple more months, the florist's business was very bad and
things looked bleak.  Realizing that her son's business was failing, the
florist's mother approached the friars and asked them to cease the
floral business so that her son could continue.  The friars were polite
but once again said, "No."

A couple months more passed and the local florist had lost most of his
customers to the friars.  His family was suffering badly since the
florist had practically no income.  In desperation, the florist hired
Hugh McNally, a local strongman to "convince" the friars to stop.  Hugh
went to the monastery and asked the friars to please discontinue selling
flowers because they had taken most of the business of the village
florist.  Once again, the friars politely said, "No."

Hugh, a man of great actions but few words and less temper, beat up a
half dozen of the friars.  He destroyed their flowers and trampled their
gardens.  Immediately, the friars had a meeting and decided that it was
in everyone's best interests to terminate the business.

The moral to this story is very simple:
Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.