X-NEWS: spcvxb news.admin: 3408 Relay-Version: VMS News - V6.0 13.10.90 VAX/VMS V5.4; site spcvxb.spc.edu Path: spcvxb.spc.edu!njin!rutgers!gatech!mcnc!lrc!blosser_cy Newsgroups: news.admin Subject: The 25 Statments Of Fleazer Message-ID: <1217.2789863b@lrc.uucp> From: blosser_cy@lrc.uucp Date: 8 Jan 91 08:43:38 GMT Organization: Lenoir-Rhyne College, Hickory, NC Lines: 136 Please take note: The following is a copy of The 25 Statements of Fleazer, posted on this newsnet by his devoted followers and disciples that others might read it and be enlightened in his doctrine; please take heed of its wisdom, . . . This text does not reflect the opinions of Lenoir-Rhyne College or it's Faculty and Alumni, but rather are the opinions of a mere student, who has long since graduated and is now dispensing his supreme knowledge and wisdom someplace else, . . . Due to the controversial, heretical, and shocking nature of the following text, the reader should proceed with due caution (especially those who are of the female gender), . . don't say we didn't warn you. Please feel free to reply to me and express your feelings, emotions, and concerns regarding this text. We welcome your comments and criticisms. Read on, . . . THE 25 STATEMENTS by Fleazer My fellow statesmen and liberators of world bondage, I greet all of you in high salutations. May the unity that we all stand for at this humble institution reign forever in truth and friendship. To the authors of life. To our gracious and most esteemed President John Ezra Trainer, Jr., To The Lord Academicus, Doctor and Master Robert Spuuler and to The Right and Very Most Reverend Doctor, J. Larry Yoder, and to the other Masters and Lords of All Knowledge: The All Encompassing Emporor of Philosophy, Guru and Lord to us, Doctor Philip Blosser -- Blosser-San, Master Logician, King of all Courts and Legislature of the World, Doctor Richard Von Dohlen, Duke and Ruler of North Hall, Scholar of the New Testament, Doctor Rufus Moretz, Prince of the North, Master of All Directions, Apocalyptic Visionary, The Unique Most Rev. Doctor Emmanuel Gitlin, and lastly to our Lord and Master Student Government President, Holy Lutheran Council Prince and Benevolent Benefactor, Lyndon Helton. Greetings from your most humble and respected servant, Fleazer. I have come today to post not a break but to reform the abuses that have rooted again in our system of Excellence. I, Fleazer, Theologian and Philosopher Exemplar, Doctor novice, and Bishop of Lenoir Rhyne, urge you all to read and critique the following statements to be debated at the First Resselian Diet of North Hall to be held at your convenience. 1) The most real and holy of all learning is Philosophy. All else is subordinate to it. If any other system of learning becomes first above that of Philosophy let it become Anathema. 2) Learning is the key to all life. Subordinate the appetitive to the Virtue of learning. This means, take pleasure in academics and from that one may take pleasures in that of sex, drink, and roller derby. 3) Women are a negation to learning. 4) Men should abstain from the tortures of womanhood. This doesn't mean that man should abstain from the pleasures of sex, and the like. Just don't get puppy eyed by the icy cold, heart tugging games that all women play on men. Remember, Eve ate the apple first. 5) Only Lutherans are going to Heaven. 6) Fraternities should be abolished from this Christian institution due to their kinship with gnosticism. They are to be viewed as extremely detrimental to modern day Christianity just as John of Marcion was regarded in the early epoch of Christendom. 7) Beer, Wine, Liquor, and Pretzels are essential to life. 8) In regard to statement 7, Schaeffer Beer has been canonized as the "Nector of the Gods." 9) Male supremacy rests on the belief that women are defective men, since they are periodic and lack the rod of divinity. 10) Only the professors of North Hall are worthy of worship. 11) Save the whales. 12) Club Soda not seals. 13) Nature is active. It is a dynamic snowball collecting all thoughts and molding and shaping them toward a new epoch of creativity. 14) The state of Ohio is Anathema. 15) Captain Morgan spiced rum worship is not idolatry since it not only numbs the nerves and cells but makes one feel good all over. 16) Karla Hoinkes is a rebel without a cause. 17) All Catholics should be fed raw turkey (tushi) while standing on a hot bed of coals. 18) The personized center of the converging universe is Jesus Christ, the risen Lord. 19) There's more to Cape Cod than sand dunes and fresh air. 20) Time is a mystery. It is neither tangible nor understandable. 21) Let him who speaks against education be anethema and accursed. 22) To make the cross out of gold and material elements is anathema. 23) Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth . . . and then they will get the living @#$& beat out of them by some power-hungry bad ass who will end up taking over the earth. 24) Men who study Greek are Cool. 25) Feminism is a joke and a heresy to the Church and to the World. They are inferior and need to recognize that they are. To the stoves and washers, women. Make babies and listen to God's cry for male domination. Out of love and zeal for truth and the desire to bring to light, I have presented these statements in the name of our Mighty and Esteemed Institution, Lenoir Rhyne College. As our motto reeds, "And the truth shall set you free," so shall you also be free--Free from female fickleness and bondage from Jewish arrogance. Blessed peace to us all, creatures of this cosmos and inheritors of life. Peace, Love, and Oral Hygiene. FLEAZER