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Subject: The Random Plot Generator (parody, sorta)
Message-ID: <91155.013222MBS110@psuvm.psu.edu>
From: MBS110@psuvm.psu.edu (Mark Sachs)
Date: 4 Jun 91 05:32:22 GMT
Organization: The Universe
Keywords: joke, hyuk, bahahahaha
Summary: Lots of sound and fury, signifying nothing
Lines: 105

Forgive me for this, but one night after watching too many Colin Baker
episodes I retired to my terminal in a fever. When I awoke the next morning
and lifted my face off the keys I saw this on the screen. Enjoy, if you can.

The DOCTOR WHO RANDOM PLOT GENERATOR... (c) 1987 Pip and Jane Baker

DIRECTIONS: Select one or more items as necessary from each list.
            Add plot devices. Season (22) to taste. Serves 3 million viewers.

    Unable to steer the TARDIS, the Doctor and his shapely but airheaded
companion land on:

A. Earth, late 1980's (again).
B. Gallifrey, thanks to those schemin' Time Lords.
C. An alien civilization where everyone looks just like humans and speaks
English.
D. An alien planet which bears an odd resemblance to a quarry.
E. An alien planet with styrofoam rocks and really bad miniature work.
F. An alien civilization with about 12 people in it.
G. Yet another autocratic and yet world-girdling medieval society.
H. A really goofy looking alien spaceship.

    There they discover that:

A. Someone's trying to invade and take over, just for the hell of it.
B. A renegade Time Lord's making a Bid for Universal Domination (tm).
C. Someone's being tricked by sneaky aliens out to take over the world.
D. Some scientific experiment is out of control, ready to Destroy the World
(or the Universe...)
E. Yet Another Omni-powerful Gallifreyan Artifact is missing here, and
about to cause lots and lots of trouble.

    The Doctor runs into:

A. the boss-people of THE WHOLE ENTIRE PLANET.
B. the Captain of the spaceship. (it's always a spaceship)
C. Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart.
D. Lots of hilarious-looking aliens.
E. Lots of people who look and dress exactly alike.
F. Lots of people who aren't going to still be around by curtain call.
G. Guards. Always guards.

    Meanwhile, his shapely companion:

A. Is captured by the bad guys and spirited off to God-knows-where.
B. Is hypnotized by the bad guys and used to cause even more trouble.
C. Catches a rare disease and looks like a goner (unless the Doctor can
synthesize a cure in time...)
D. Discovers important parts of the plot, saves herself from the baddies, and
ultimately helps to save the day...NOT!

    Eventually we discover that behind it all are:

A. The Daleks.
B. The Master, or local equivalent.
C. The Cybermen.
D. Some other alien race with nothing better to do.
E. Pip and Jane Baker.
F. John Nathan-Turner.
G. Lew Grade.

    The Doctor's attempts to save the day are made more difficult by the fact
that:

A. His shapely companion is being held hostage to keep him from accomplishing
anything.
B. The government was in on the plot from the beginning. (Surprise!)
C. It's not just some backwater planet somewhere that's in danger --
through the miracle of Balonium Physics, it's the (da-dum!) WHOLE UNIVERSE!
D. The bad guys are using Mind Control Techniques... again.
E. He is unable to avoid keeling over with laughter upon seeing the alien
costumes.

    Eventually the Doctor rescues his shapely companion and defeats the alien
menace by:

A. Blowing them up.
B. Reversing the polarity of the neutron flow.
C. Mesmerizing them with sonic screwdriver impulses.
D. Blowing them up.
E. Talking with some weirdo mystic someplace.
F. Handwaving.
G. Blowing them up.
H. Running away really fast.
I. Recklessly violating the Laws of Time.
J. Recklessly violating continuity.
K. Reading them the script, and then while they're laughing, blowing them up.

    At the end of the story, the Doctor:

A. Flees the scene before the personal injury and property damage lawyers
catch up with him.
B. Engages in witty banter with the Brigadier.
C. Engages in witty banter with K-9.
D. Exchanges shapely companions.
E. Blows something up, just in case there are still some models left intact.
F. Is fired by the BBC.

//-Mark Sachs, aka mbs110@psuvm.psu.edu --//----- Remember the 1980's? ----//
// DISCLAIMER: It's NOT MY FAULT!        /AMIGA   When things were so      //
//-Kei and Yuri forced me to say it. --\X/------- uncomplicated... - ELO --//

DISCLAIMER PT II: I love the show. Honestly. It's my favorite. The thing is,
there just aren't enough parodies and stuff of it.
- Who else wants to see a compendium of all of Chad Fogg's Top 10 lists?