X-NEWS: spcvxb alt.sex: 80124 Relay-Version: VMS News - V6.1B4+SPC1 6/9/92 VAX/VMS V5.5-2; site spcvxb.spc.edu Path: spcvxb!rutgers!jvnc.net!yale.edu!spool.mu.edu!agate!usenet.ins.cwru.edu!cleveland.Freenet.Edu!bx461 Newsgroups: alt.sex Subject: [How Do You "Do It"?], Part 1 of 6 Message-ID: <1i3hrlINN1kl@usenet.INS.CWRU.Edu> From: bx461@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Leo J. Mauler) Date: 2 Jan 93 07:56:37 GMT Organization: Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, Ohio (USA) NNTP-Posting-Host: hela.ins.cwru.edu Lines: 216 ---------------------------------------------------------------- How Do People "Do It"? (Sexual Job Descriptions) edited and collected by Leo Mauler, bx461@cleveland.freenet.edu ---------------------------------------------------------------- [A] AI hackers do it artificially! AI hackers do it breast first! AI hackers do it depth first! AI hackers do it robotically! AI hackers do it with robots! AI hackers do it with rules! AI hackers make a big production out of it! AM Disc Jockeys do it with Modulated Amplitude! APL programmers do it backwards! APL programmers do it in a line! APL programmers do it with stile! AT&T does it in Long Lines! Accountants are good with figures! Accountants do it for profit! Accountants do it with double entry! Acrophobes get down! Acrophobes go down with little persuasion! Actors do it in the lime light! Actors do it on camera! Actors do it on cue! Actors do it on stage! Actors play around! Actors pretend doing it! Actors do it in the limelight! Acupuncturists do it with a small prick! Ada programmers do it by committee! Ada programmers do it in packages! Advertisers use the "new, improved" method! Aerobics instructors do it until it hurts! Agents do it undercover! Air traffic controllers do it by radar! Air Traffic Controllers do it in the dark! Air Traffic Controllers do it with their tongue! Air Traffic Controllers tell pilots how to do it! Airlifters penetrate further, linger longer, & drop a bigger load Alexander Portnoy does it alone! Algebraists do it with homomorphisms! Algebraists do it in groups! Algol 68 programmers do it od! Algol programmers block it out! Algorithmic analysts do it with a combinatorial explosion! Alpinists do it higher! Altar boys do it in the confessional! Alvin Toffler will do it in the future! Ambulance drivers come quicker! Analog hackers do it continuously! Anarchists do it revoltingly! Anesthetists do it painlessly! Anglers do it with worms! Animators do it 24 times a second Ansi does it in the standard way! Anthropologists do it with culture! Apologists do it orally! Archeologists do it with mummies! Archeologists like it old! Archers make better lovers cause they have longer shafts! Archers use longer shafts! Architects do it late! Architects have great plans! Arlo Guthrie does it on his Motorcycle! Armadilloes do it avec l'amour (Fr., "despite their armour")! Artillerymen do it with a burst! Artists are exhibitionists! Artists do it by design! Artists do it in the buff! Artists do it with emotion! Artists do it creatively! Assassins do it from behind! Assembler programmers do it one-to-one! Assembly line workers do it over and over! Astronauts do it in orbit! Astronauts do it on the moon! Astronomers do it all night! Astronomers do it in the dark! Astronomers do it all night long! Astronomers do it under the stars! Astronomers do it while gazing at Uranus! Astronomers do it with even longer tubes! Astronomers do it with long tubes! Astronomers do it with stars! Astronomers do it with Uranus! Astronomers do it with a Big Bang! Attorneys make better motions! Australians do it down under! Auditors like to examine figures! Authors do it by rote! Auto makers do it with standard equipment or optional equipment! Auto mechanics do it under hoods, using oil and grease! ---------------------------------------------------------------- [B] BASIC programmers do it all over the place! BASIC programmers GOTO it! Babies do it in their pants! Babysitters charge by the hour! Bach did it with the organ! Bailiffs always come to order! Bakers do it for the dough! Bakers knead it daily! Ballet dancers do it on tip-toe! Ballet dancers do it with toes! Banana pickers do it in bunches! Bananas do it in bunches! Band members do it all night! Band members do it in a parade! Band members do it in front of 100,000 people! Band members do it in public! Band members do it in sectionals! Band members do it on the football field! Bankers do it with interest! Bankers do it for money; there is a penalty for early withdrawal! Bank tellers do it with interest! Penalty for early withdrawl! Baptists do it under water! Barbarians do it with anything! (As do orcs!) Barbers do it with Brylcreem! Barbers do it with shear pleasure! Bartenders do it on the rocks! Baseball players do it with their bats! Baseball players hit more home runs! Baseball players make it to first base! Baseball players slide it in! Basketball players score more often! Batman does it with Robin! Bayseians probably do it! Beekeepers like to eat their honey! Beer brewers do it with more hops! Beer drinkers get more head! Beethoven did it apassionately! Beethoven was the first to do it with a full orchestra! Bell Labs programmers do it with UNIX! Bell-ringers pull it themselves! Bicyclists do it in 10 speeds! Bicyclists do it with a cadence! Bicyclists do it with chains! Bikers do it on the road! Bill Clinton does it without inhaling! Biologists do it with clones! Birds do it, bees do it, even chimpanzees do it! Blondes do it with a thermos! (from the blonde joke list) Bo Jackson knows doing it! Boardheads do it with stiff masts! Body-builders do it with muscle! Bookkeepers do it for the record! Bookkeepers do it with double entry! Bookworms only read about it! Bosses delegate the task to others! Bowlers do it in the alley! Bowlers have bigger balls! Boxers do it with fists! Boy Scouts do it in the woods! Bridge players do it with finesse! Bridge players try to get a rubber! Bridge players do it with a partner! Bricklayers lay all day! Broadcasters do it on the air! Buddhists imagine doing it! Building inspectors do it under the table! Bureaucrats do it with red tape! Bus drivers come early and pull out on time! Bus drivers do it in transit! Butchers have better meat! Butchers do it in the raw! ---------------------------------------------------------------- [C] C programmers SWITCH and then BREAK it! C programmers continue it! C programmers have good pointers! C programmers do it in libraries! C'Bers do it on the air! C++ programmers do it with class! C++ programmers do it with private members and public objects! COBOL hackers do it by committee! COBOL programmers do it very slow! COBOL programmers do it with bugs CS111 students do it in binary! CS111 students do it with ORGs! CS111 students do it with interspersed comments! Calculus students do it by parts! Californians do it laid back! Campers do it in a tent! Car customisers do it with a hot rod! Car mechanics jack it! Cardiologists do it halfheartedly! Cardiologists do it lightheartedly! Carpenters do it tongue in groove! Carpenters hammer it harder! Carpenters nail harder! Carpenters do it indoors! Carpet layers do it on the floor! Cartoonists do it with just a few good strokes! Catholics do it A LOT! Catholics talk about it afterwards! Cavaliers do it mounted! Chaos theorists do it with strange attractors! Cheerleaders do it enthusiastically! Cheerleaders do it with more enthusiasm! Chefs do it for dessert! Chefs do it in the kitchen! Chemical engineers do it in packed beds! Chemists do it periodically on table! Chemists do it reactively! Chemists do it in test tubes! Chemists do it in the fume hood! Chemists like to experiment! Chess players check their mates! Chess players do it in their minds! -- Never do this at home. Look how easily it killed this sig. /\ ___/\ ___/\ _____________________________________________ \/ \/ \/ bx461@cleveland.freenet.edu (Leo J. Mauler) DISCLAIMER: Everything I say is false, including this sentence.