From: IN%"minow@bolt.enet.dec.com" "Martin Minow, ML3-5/U26 14-May-1990 0944" 14-MAY-1990 12:01:11.39 To: _TERRY CC: Subj: cookie.003 Received: from CUNYVM.BITNET by SPCVXA.BITNET; Mon, 14 May 90 11:58 EDT Received: from CUNYVM by CUNYVM.BITNET (Mailer R2.03B) with BSMTP id 2421; Mon, 14 May 90 11:39:59 EDT Received: from decpa.pa.dec.com by CUNYVM.CUNY.EDU (IBM VM SMTP R1.2.2MX) with TCP; Mon, 14 May 90 11:39:31 EDT Received: by decpa.pa.dec.com; id AA08060; Mon, 14 May 90 08:32:03 -0700 Received: from bolt.enet; by decpa.enet; Mon, 14 May 90 08:32:04 PDT Date: Mon, 14 May 90 08:32:04 PDT From: "Martin Minow, ML3-5/U26 14-May-1990 0944" Subject: cookie.003 To: address@bolt.enet.dec.com Message-id: <9005141532.AA08060@decpa.pa.dec.com> X-Envelope-to: terry And science, we should insist, better than any other discipline, can hold up to its students and followers an ideal of patient devotion to the search for objective truth, with vision unclouded by personal or political motive. -- Sir Henry Hallett Dalt %% And though all cry down self, none means his ownself in a literal sense. -- Butler %% And thus the whirligig of time brings in his revenges. -- Shakespeare %% And virtue is her own reward. -- Prior %% And what doth the Lord require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God? %% And what is fame, that flutt'ring noisy sound, But the cold lie of universal vogue? -- H. Smith %% And where two raging fires meet together, they do consume the thing that feeds their fury. -- Shakespeare %% Andrew's Canoeing Postulate: No matter which direction you start, it's always against the wind coming back. %% Anergy-State: Any state of condition of the Universe, or any portion of it, which requires the expenditure of human effort or ingenuity to bring it into line with human desires, needs, or pleasures. -- Dr. John Gall %% Anger is blood, pour'd and perplexed into a froth. -- Davenant %% Anthony's Law of Force: Don't force it. Get a larger hammer. %% Anthony's Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll into the least accessible corner of the workshop. Corollary: On the way to the corner, any dropped tool will first always strike your toes. %% Anticipated events never live up to expectations. -- Marion J. Levy, Jr. %% Anticipation of problems is half the battle. And the only way to anticipate is to think. %% Ants would starve in your house if ants would come into it. %% Any argument worth making within the bureaucracy must be capable of being expressed in a single declarative sentence that is obviously true once stated. -- John McNaughton %% Any bus that can be the wrong bus will be the wrong bus. All others are out of service or full. -- John Corcoran %% Any college that would take your son he should be too proud to go to. -- Erma Bombeck %% Any discovery is more likely to be exploited by the wicked than applied by the virtuous. -- Marion J. Levy, Jr. %% Any dramatic series the producers want us to take seriously as a representation of contemporary reality cannot be taken seriously as a representation of anything -- except a show to be ignored by anyone capable of sitting upright in a chair and chewing gum simultaneously. -- Richard Schickel %% Any father who thinks he's all important should remind himself that this country honors fathers only one day a year while pickles get a whole week. %% Any fool can make a rule, and every fool will mind it. -- Henry David Thoreau %% Any given program costs more and takes longer. %% Any given program will expand to fill all available memory. %% Any given program, when running, is obsolete. %% Any government will work if authority and responsibility are equal and coordinate. This does not insure "good" government; it simply insures that it will work. But such governments are rare -- most people want to run things but want no part of the blame. This used to be called the "backseat-driver syndrome." -- Lazarus Long %% Any great truth can -- and eventually will -- be expressed as a cliche -- a cliche is a sure and certain way to dilute an idea. For instance, my grandmother used to say, "The black cat is always the last one off the fence." I have no idea what she meant, but at one time, it was undoubtedly true. -- Solomon Short %% Any improbable event which would create maximum confusion if it did occur, will occur. -- H. S. Kindler %% Any inanimate object, regardless of its composition or configuration, may be expected to perform at any time in a totally unexpected manner for reasons that are either totally obscure or completely mysterious. -- Dr. Fyodor Flap %% Any jackass can kick down a barn, but it takes a good carpenter to build one. -- Sam Rayburn %% Any large system is going to be operating most of the time in failure mode. -- Dr. John Gall %% Any man can prove he has good judgement by saying you have. %% Any man that can write, may answer a letter. -- Shakespeare %% Any man who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad. -- Leo Rosten %% Any man who hates dogs and loves whiskey can't be all bad. -- W. C. Fields %% Any mind that is capable of a real sorrow is capable of good. %% Any one can be great with money. With money, greatness is not a talent but an obligation. The trick is to be great without money. -- Italo Bombolini %% Any philosophy that can be put in a nutshell belongs there. -- Sydney J. Harris %% Any pitcher who throws at a batter and deliberately tries to hit him is a Communist. -- Alvin Dark %% Any plumbing pipes you choose to replace during renovation will prove to be in excellent condition; those you decide to leave in place will be rotten. -- Lew Phelps %% Any priest or shaman must be presumed guilty until proved innocent. -- Lazarus Long %% Any race that doesn't use all its potential will always stop short of its possibilities. -- Jose Torres %% Any renovation project on an old house will cost twice as much and take three times as long as originally estimated. -- Lew Phelps %% Any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way. %% Any stone in your boot always migrates against the pressure gradient to exactly the point of most pressure. -- Milt Barber %% Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable. -- Tom Gibb %% Any theory can be made to fit any facts by means of appropriate additional assumptions. -- Robert E. Schenk %% Any time you wish to demonstrate something, the number of faults is proportional to the number of viewers. %% Any tool dropped while repairing an automobile will roll under the car to the vehicle's exact geographic center. %% Any vacuum cleaner would sooner take the nap off a rug than remove white threads from a dark rug. %% Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry. -- George Ade %% Anybody has a right to evade taxes if he can get away with it. No citizen has a moral obligation to assist in maintaining the government. %% Anybody that wants the presidency so much that he'll spend two years organizing and campaigning for it is not to be trusted with the office. -- David Broder %% Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment. -- Robert Benchley %% Anyone can make an omelet with eggs. The trick is to make one with none. %% Anyone can suck a toothpick!! %% Anyone entrusted with power will abuse it if not also animated with the love of truth and virtue, no matter whether he be a prince, or one of the people. -- Jean de la Fontaine %% Anyone nit-picking enough to write a letter of correction to an editor doubtless deserves the error that provoked it. -- Alvin Toffler %% Anyone who does not look out for number one first, last, and always is a sucker. %% Anyone who has begun to think places some portion of the world in jeopardy. %% Anyone who says he isn't going to resign, four times, definitely will. -- John Kenneth Galbraith %% Anyone who uses the phrase "easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried taking candy from a baby. -- Robin Hood %% Anything free is worth what you pay for it. %% Anything good is either illegal, immoral, or fattening. %% Anything hit with a big enough hammer will fall apart. -- Robert A. Jackson %% Anything is possible, but nothing is easy. -- Bill Gray %% Anything left over today will be needed tomorrow to pay an unexpected bill. -- Betty Canary %% Anything scarce is valuable; praise for example! %% Anything that begins well ends badly. Anything that begins badly ends worse. %% Anything that satisfies its external specifications, no matter how inefficient it is, is a success; don't argue with it. %% Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly. You can do better the next time. %% Anything you can do I can do better; anything I can do YOU can do better; anything I can do I can do better; anything IBM does will cost more money. %% Anything, no matter how bad, will sound good if played back at at very high level for a short time. -- John Culshaw %% Apathy can only be overcome by enthusiasm, and enthusiasm can only be aroused by two things; first, an ideal which takes the imagination by storm, and second, a definite plan for carrying that ideal into practice. -- Arnold Toynbee %% Aphorism: a concise, clever statement. Afterism: a concise, clever statement you don't think of until too late. -- James Alexander Thom %% Appearances are all, my son. Appearances are all. %% Appearances deceive and this one maxim is a standing rule: Men are not what they seem. -- Harvard %% Applause is the spur of noble minds, the end and aim of weak ones. -- Colton %% Arbitrary systems: Systems about which nothing general can be said, save "nothing general can be said." %% Architecture is the printing press of all ages, and gives a history of the state in which it was conducted. -- Lady Morgan %% Architecture: Whatever we choose to implement. -- FMS Project Leader %% Are you a man or a mouse? Come on, squeak up! %% Arguments seem futile to me, for behind every argument I have ever heard lies the astounding ignorance of someone. -- Louis D. Brandeis %% Arithmetical proofs of theorems that do not have arithmetical bases prove nothing. -- G. O. Ashley %% Army Law: If it moves, salute it; if it doesn't move, pick it up; and if you can't pick it up, paint it. %% Art is I; science is we. -- Claude Bernard %% As I approached the intersection a stop sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign has ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident. %% As a little silvery circular ripple, set in motion by the falling pebble, expands from its inch of radius to the whole compass of a pool, so there is not a child -- not an infant Moses -- placed, however softly, in his bulrush ark upon the sea of time, whose existence does not stir a ripple, gyrating outward and on, until it shall have moved across and apanned the whole ocean of God's eternity, stirring even the river of life, and the fountains at which the angels drink. -- Elihu Burritt %% As a man may be eating all day, and for want of digestion is never nourished, so these endless readers may cram themselves in vain with intellectual food. -- Dr. I. Watts %% As a man of more than average caution, I have never felt absolutely secure until Evans and Novak have spoken. -- John Kenneth Galbraith %% As ceremony is the invention of wise men to keep fools at a distance, so good breeding is an expedient to make fools and wise men equal. -- Steele %% As charity covers a multitude of sins before God, so does politeness before men. -- Chesterfield %% As empty vessels make the loudest sound, so they that have the least wit are the greatest blabbers. -- Plato %% As every thread of gold is valuable, so is every minute of time. -- Mason %% As fresh as morning dew distill'd on flowers. -- Shakespeare %% As good almost kill a man, as kill a good book; who kills a man, kills a reasonable creature, God's image; but he who destroys a good book, kills reason itself. -- Milton %% As long as mankind shall continue to bestow more liberal applause on their destroyers than on their benefactors, the thirst of military glory will ever be the vice of the most exalted characters. -- Edward Gibbon %% As long as men are free to ask what they must -- free to say what they think -- free to think what they will -- freedom can never be lost and science can never regress. -- J. Robert Oppenheimer %% As riches and favor forsake a man, we discover him to be a fool, but nobody could find it out in his prosperity. -- La Bruyere %% As soon as you mention something, if it's good, it goes away ... if it's bad, it happens. %% As the dimensions of the tree are not always regulated by the size of the seed, so the consequences of things are not always proportionate to the apparent magnitude of those events that have produced them. -- Colton %% As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse. -- Art Buchwald %% As the language of the face is universal, so 'tis very comprehensive; no laconism can reach it: 'tis the short hand of the mind, and crowds a great deal in a little room. -- Jeremy Collier %% As the sword of the best-tempered metal is the most flexible; so the truly generous are most pliant and courteous in their behavior to their inferiors. -- Fuller %% As to the idea that advertising motivates people, remember the Edsel. %% As with liberty, the price of leanness is eternal vigilance. -- Gene Brown %% As you are old and reverend, you should be wise. -- Shakespeare %% As you are, so shall you wish. As you wish, so shall it be. %% Ask five economists and you'll get five different explanations (six if one went to Harvard). -- Edgar R. Fiedler %% Associate with well-mannered persons and your manners will improve. Run with decent folk and your own decent instincts will be strengthened. Keep the company of bums and you will become a bum. Hang around with rich people and you will end by picking up the check and dying broke. -- Stanley Walker %% Astrology Law: It's always the wrong time of the month. -- Rozanne Weissman %% At a bargain sale, the only suit or dress that you like best and that fits is the one not on sale. %% At any given moment, a society contains a certain amount of accumulated and accruing aggressiveness. If more than twenty-one years elapse without this aggressiveness being directed outward, in a popular war against other countries, it turns inward, in social unrest, civil disturbances, and political disruption. -- Professor Charles P. Issawi %% At any level of traffic, any delay is intolerable. -- Barry Bruce-Briggs %% At any one time, thousands of borough councilmen, school board members, attorneys, and businessmen -- as well as congressmen, senators, and governors -- are all dreaming of the White House, but few, if any of them, will make it. -- Mark B. Cohen %% At any public relations luncheon, the quality of the food is inversely related to the quality of the information. -- Earl Ubell %% At every trifle scorn to take offence, That always shews great pride or little sense. -- Alexander Pope %% At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his thumb with a hammer. -- Marshall Lumsden %% At some point, every faculty would certainly lynch its dean -- if it could only agree on a date. %% At some time in the life cycle of virtually every organization, its ability to succeed in spite of itself runs out. -- Richard H. Brien %% At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer you will find at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on the computer. -- Tom Gibb %% At the working-man's house hunger looks in, but dares not enter! nor will the bailiff or the constable enter; for industry pays debts, but despair increaseth them. -- Benjamin Franklin %% At twenty years of age the will reigns; at thirty, the wit; and at forty, the judgment. -- Grattan %% Atheism is rather in the life than in the heart of man. -- Bacon %% Atheism is the result of ignorance and pride; of strong sense and feeble reasons; of good eating and ill-living. It is the plague of society, the corrupter of manners, and the underminer of property. -- Jeremy Collier %% Atoms are made up of electrons and protons (protons are also nothing). Fifty billion electrons placed side by side in a straight line would stretch across the period at the end of this sentence. Protons are heavier but take up less space. Such an idea is incapable of being absorbed by the human mind. -- John Lardner and Thomas Sugrue %% Attention to detail is the watchword for gleaning information from an unsuspecting witness. -- Inspector Cleuseau %% Auditors always reject a newsman's expense account with a bottom line divisible by 5 or 10. %% Auditors are the people who go in after the war is lost and bayonet the wounded. %% Authoritarian socialism has failed almost everywhere, but you will find not a single Marxist who will say it has failed because it was wrong or impractical. He will say is has failed because nobody went far enough with it. So failure never proves that a myth is wrong. -- Jean-Francois Revel %% Authority intoxicates, And makes mere sots of magistrates. The fumes of it invade the brain, And make men giddy, proud and vain; By this the fool commands the wise The noble with the base complies. The sot assumes the rule of wit, And cowards make the base submit. -- Butler %% Authority tends to assign jobs to those least able to do them. -- Richard C. Cornuelle %% Authors (and perhaps columnists) eventually rise to the top of whatever depths they were once able to plumb. -- Stanley Kaufman %% Availability of manuscripts in a given subject area is inversely proportionalto the need for books in that area. %% Avarice is always poor, but poor by her own fault. -- Johnson %% Avert misunderstanding by calm, poise, and balance. %% Avoid fried foods which angry up the blood. -- Satchel Paige %% Avoid making irrevocable decisions while tired or hungry (nota bene: Circumstances can force your hand. So think ahead!) -- Lazarus Long %% Avoid running at all times. -- Satchel Paige %% Avoid strong drink. It makes you shoot at IRS agents -- and miss. -- Lazarus Long %% BREAKTHROUGH: we finally figured out a way to sell it %% Ba DOOM. -- Bob Dickson %% Baby's heads have no hair, Old men's heads are just as bare; Between the cradle and the grave, Lies a haircut and a shave. Back to a simpler time of skins and stones! When things go wrong -- the answer's in the stars Or evil spells or reading chicken bones Or sacrifices to all gods but Mars. -- Jack Kirwan %% Bad company is like a nail driven into a post, which, after the first or second blow, may be drawn out with little difficulty; but being once driven up to the head, the pincers cannot take hold to draw it out, but which can only be done by the destruction of the wood. -- Augustine %% Bad law is more likely to be supplemented than repealed. -- Dalin B. Oaks %% Bad money drives out good. -- Sir Thomas Gresham %% Bad news does not improve with age. -- Jody Powell %% Bad news drives good news out of the media. -- Lee Loevinger %% Bad news travels fast. %% Banish Evil from the world? Nonsense! Encourage it, foster it, sponsor it. The world owes Evil a debt beyond imagination. Think! Without greed ambition falters. Without vanity art becomes idle musing. Without cruelty benevolence lapses to passivity. Superstition has shamed man into self-reliance and, without stupidity, where would be the savor of superior understanding? -- Magnus Ridolf %% Bare feet magnetize sharp metal objects so they always point upward from the floor -- especially in the dark. -- Al Ross %% Barr's Hypothesis: Familiarity breeds content. %% Bartz's Law of Hokey Horsepuckery: The more ridiculous a belief system, the higher the probability of its success. -- Wayne R. Bartz %% Baseball is a skilled game. It's America's game -- it, and high taxes. -- Will Rogers %% Be a defensive driver. Buy a Tiger M31. %% Be alert! America needs more lerts. %% Be always displeased with what thou art, if you desirest to attain to what thou art not; for where thou hast pleased thyself, there thou abidest. But if thou have enough thou perishest. Always add, always walk, always proceed. Neither stand still, nor go back, nor deviate. -- Augustine %% Be calm in arguing, for fierceness makes error a fault, and truth discourtesy. %% Be careful who you step on on the way up; you never know who you'll pass on the way down. %% Be concise in your writing and talking, especially when giving instructions to others. %% Be courteous. Have genuine consideration for other people's feelings, wishes and situations. %% Be generous. Remember that it is the productivity of others that makes possible your executive position. %% Be just and fear not: Let all the ends thou aim'st at be thy country's, thy God's, and truth's. -- Shakespeare %% Be like a duck -- keep calm and unruffled on the surface but paddle like the devil under water. %% Be neither too early in the fashion, nor too long out of it; nor at any time in the extremities of it. -- Lavater %% Be not diverted from your duty by any idle reflections the silly world may make upon you, for their censures are not in your power, and consequently should not be any part of your concern. -- Epictetus %% Be not the first by whom the new are tried, Nor yet the last to lay the old aside. -- Alexander Pope %% Be self-reliant and your success is assured. %% Be sober and temperate, and you will be happy. -- Benjamin Franklin %% Be sure to obtain meteorological information before leaving on vacation. %% Be sure to save your money; you never know when it might be worth something again. %% Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar. -- Shakespeare %% Be tolerant of those who disagree with you -- after all, they have a right to their ridiculous opinions. %% Be very slow to believe that you are wiser than all others; it is a fatal but common error. Where one has been saved by a true estimation of another's weakness, thousands have been destroyed by false appreciation of their own strength. -- Charles C. Colton %% Be ye angry and sin not; let not the sun go down upon your wrath. -- Ephesians iv, 26 %% Beauty and harmony are as necessary to you as the very breath of life. %% Beauty is as summer fruits, which are easy to corrupt and cannot last; and for the most part it makes a dissolute youth, and an age a little out of countenance; but if it light well, it makes virtue shine and vice blush. -- Bacon %% Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone. %% Beauty seldom recommends one woman to another. %% Beauty without virtue is like a flower without perfume. %% Beauty's tears are lovelier than her smile. -- Campbell %% Because men believe not in Providence, therefore they do so greedily scrape and hoard. They do not believe in any reward for charity, therefore they will part with nothing. -- Barrow %% Beck's Motto: Functionality; All the Functionality; And nothing but the Functionality. %% Beck's Postulate: Murphy was an optimist. %% Bedfellows make strange politicians. %% Before a party or a trip, if it can, it will let rip. %% Behind every argument is someone's ignorance. %% Behind every great man is a great woman. Behind every great woman is a great behind. -- anonymous male chauvinist %% Behold how great a matter a little fire kindleth. -- James III, 5 %% Being frustrated is disagreeable, but the real disasters in life begin when you get what you want. -- Irving Kristol %% Being generous is inborn; being altruistic is a learned perversity. No resemblance ... -- Lazarus Long %% Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game and dumb enough to think it's important. -- Eugene McCarthy %% Believe not much them that seem to despise riches; for they despise them that despair of them; and none are worse when they come to them. Be not penny-wise; riches have wings, and sometimes they fly away of themselves, sometimes they must be set flying to bring in more. -- Bacon %% Benchley's Distinction: There may be said to be two classes of people in the world; those who constantly divide the people of the world into two classes and those who do not. -- Robert Benchley %% Benchley's Travel Distinction: In America there are two classes of travel: first class and with children. %% Best men are often moulded out of faults. -- Shakespeare %% Bets at the first were fool-traps where the wise Like spiders lay in ambush for the flies. -- Dryden %% Better Red than dead. -- Bertrand Russell %% Better be alone than in bad company. %% Better bend than break. %% Better to be despised for too anxious apprehensions, than ruined by too confident a security. -- Edmund Burke %% Better to die a thousand deaths than wound my honor. -- Addison %% Better to live one day as a lion than 100 years as a lamb. %% Better to throw it out -- than throw it in. -- Skinny Mitchell %% Better to use medicines at the outset than at the last moment. %% Between grief and nothing I will take grief. -- William Faulkner %% Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. -- Mae West %% Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes. -- Henry David Thoreau %% Beware of altruism. It is based on self-deception, the root of all evil. %% Beware of desperate steps! -- the darkest day Live till to-morrow, will have passed away. -- Cowper %% Beware of entrance to a quarrel; but being in, bear it that the opposer may beware of thee. -- Shakespeare %% Beware of friends who are false and deceitful. %% Beware of little expenses; a small leak will sink a great ship. -- Benjamin Franklin %% Beware of people who fall at your feet. They may be reaching for the corner of the rug. %% Beware the fury of a patient man. -- Dryden %% Beware the man who makes cream with his mouth; he winds up making butter with his nose. -- Babbaluche the cobbler %% Bicycle Law: All bicycles weigh 50 pounds: A 30-pound bicycle needs a 20-pound lock and chain. A 40-pound bicycle needs a 10-pound lock and chain. A 50-pound bicycle needs no lock and chain. %% Bid, then, the tender light of faith to shine By which alone the mortal heart is led Unto the thinking of the thought divine. -- George Santayana %% Big people are those who make us feel bigger when we are with them. %% Biochemistry expands so as to fill the space and time available for its completion and publication. -- R. T. Hersh %% Bismark's law: The less people know about how sausages and laws are made, the better they'll sleep at night. %% Blessed are the peace makers, for they shall be called the children of God. -- Matthew V, 9 %% Blessed are the young for they shall inherit the national debt. %% Blessed is he who expects no gratitude, for he shall not be disappointed. -- W. C. Bennett %% Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall not be disappointed. -- Gene Franklin %% Blessed is he who has reached the point of no return and knows it, for he shall enjoy living. -- W. C. Bennett %% Bordeaux makes you think of mischief; Burgundy makes you tease; Champagne makes you. %% Boren's Laws of Bureaucracy: 1. When in doubt, mumble. 2. When in trouble, delegate. 3. When in charge, ponder. -- James H. Boren %% Boss to employer: No, Baxter, you're not being replaced by a computer -- only a silicon chip. -- Eli Stein %% Boston State House is the hub of the Solar System. You couldn't pry that out of a Boston man if you had the tire of all creation straightened out for a crowbar. -- O. W. Holmes %% Bow to no patron's insolence; rely On no frail hopes, in freedom live and die. -- Seneca %% Bowler's dinner -- spare ribs -- Raymond D. Love %% Brave spirits are a balsam to themselves; there is a nobleness of mind that heals wounds beyond salves. -- Cartwright %% Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid. -- Franklin P. Jones %% Brevity and superficiality are often concomitants. -- Amrom Katz %% Broken Mirror Law: Everyone breaks more than the seven-year bad luck allotment to cover rotten luck throughout an entire lifetime. -- Rozanne Weissman %% Brontosaurus Principle: Organizations can grow faster than their brains can manage them in relation to their environment and to their own physiology: when this occurs, they are an endangered species. -- Thomas K. Connellan %% Brooks Atkinson described a Shubert play as "beautiful, if you are deaf and dumb." %% Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it. -- Christopher J. Shaw %% Bureaucratic Cop-Out Number 1: You should have seen it when I got it! -- Marshall L. Smith %% Burn's Hog Weighing Method: 1. Get a perfectly symmetrical plank and balance it across a sawhorse. 2. Put the hog on one end of the plank. 3. Pile rocks on the other end until the plank is again  perfectly balanced. 4. Carefully guess the weight of the rocks. -- Robert Burns %% Bus schedules are arranged so your bus will arrive at the transfer point precisely one minute after the connecting bus has left. -- John Corcoran %% But I have seen the science I worshipped and the airplane I loved destroying the civilization I expected them to serve. -- Charles A. Lindbergh, Jr. %% But an old age serene and bright, And lovely as a Lapland night, Shall lead thee to thy grave. -- Wordsworth %% But if a man happens to find himself ... he has a mansion which he can inhabit with dignity all the days of his life. %% But love is blind and lovers cannot see The pretty follies that themselves commit. -- Shakespeare %% But then her face, So lovely, yet so arch, so full of mirth, The overflowings of an innocent heart. -- Rogers %% By a careful cultural design, we control not the final behavior, but the inclination to behave -- the motives, the desires, the wishes ... we increase the feeling of freedom. -- B. F. Skinner %% By definition, when you are investigating the unknown, you do not know what you will find. %% By establishing real money, men rule out its debasement. -- Lewis E. Lehrman %% By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail. %% By following the good, you learn to be good. %% By gnawing through a dyke even a rat may drown a nation. -- Edmund Burke %% By heaven we understand a state of happiness infinite in degree, and endless in duration. -- Benjamin Franklin %% By night an atheist half believes a God. -- Edward Young %% By preserving over all obstacles and distractions, one may unfailingly arrive at his chosen goal or destination. -- Christopher Columbus %% By the data to date, there is only one animal in the Galaxy dangerous to man -- man himself. So he must supply his own indispensable competition. He has no enemy to help him. -- Lazarus Long %% By the pricking of my thumbs, Something wicked this way comes. -- Shakespeare %% By the time a person gets to greener pastures, he can't climb the fence. %% By the time a social science theory is formulated in such a way that it can be tested, changing circumstances have already made it obsolete. -- Professor Charles P. Issawi %% By the year 1984 the entire world may be run by computers. Digital Equipment Corporation will still be run by people. %% By work you get money, by talk you get knowledge. -- Haliburton %% Caesar had his Brutus -- Charles the First, his Cromwell -- and George the Third ("Treason!" cried the Speaker) may profit by their example. If this be treason, make the most of it. -- Patrick Henry %% Call him wise whose actions, words and steps are all a clear because to a clear why. -- Lavater %% Calmness is great advantage; he that lets another chafe may warm him at his fire, mark all his wand'rings and enjoy his frets, as cunning fencers suffer heat to tire. -- Herbert %% Cameras are so simple to operate now that taking pictures is much easier than getting friends to look at them. -- Hugh Allen %% Campus sidewalks never exist as the straightest line between two points. -- M. M. Johnston %% Can there be a republic that does not slump under the weight of so much human desire? -- Michael Scully %% Canada's climate is nine months winter and three months late in fall. %% Cant produces countercant. -- Arthur Herzog %% Capital Punishment: The income tax. %% Capital as such is not evil; it is its wrong use that is evil. -- Mohandas Ghandi %% Capitalism ... is outrageously unjust; it requires a continuing maldistribution of wealth in order to exist ... We live in the twilight of an epoch ... I am absolutely convinced that we are moving toward some kind of planned economy. -- Micheal Harrington %% Capitalism can exist in one of only two states: welfare or warfare. -- Bill Gray %% Capitalism did not arise because capitalists stole the land ... but because it was more efficient than feudalism. It will perish because it is not merely less efficient than socialism, but actually self-destructive. -- J. B. S. Haldane %% Capitalism in the United States has undergone profound modification, not just under the New Deal, but through a consensus that continued to grow after the New Deal ... Government in the U. S. today is a senior partner in every business in the country. -- Norman Cousins %% Care keeps his watch in every old man's eye. -- Shakespeare %% Care to our coffin adds a nail, no doubt; And ev'ry grin so merry, draws one out. -- Dr. Wolcott %% Careful planning is the key to safe and swift travel. -- Ulysses %% Celibacy is not hereditary. -- Guy Godin %% Certain things shouldn't be moved. -- Murray Teigh Bloom %% Certainly the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you; if you don't bet, you can't win. -- Lazarus Long %% Champagne is the only wine a woman can drink and still remain beautiful. -- Mme. de Pompadour %% Changing things is central to leadership, and changing them before anyone else is creativeness. -- Antony Jay %% Character is a perfectly educated will. -- Novalis %% Character is destiny. -- Heraclitus %% Charity begins at home. %% Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in truth; beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. -- I Corinthians %% Cheap things are of no value, valuable things are not cheap. %% Check the answer you have worked out once more -- before you tell it to anybody. -- Edmund C. Berkeley %% Cheop's law: Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget. %% Chicago Tribune headline: THE FAME OF PLAINS IS MAINLY ON THE WANE. %% Chide a friend in private and praise him in public. -- Solon %% Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're going to catch you in next. -- Franklin P. Jones %% Children have more energy after a hard day of play than they do after a good night's sleep. -- Dr. R. F. Gumperson %% Chill penury weighs down the heart, itself; and though it sometimes be endured with calmness, it is but the calmness of despair. -- Mrs. Jameson %% Choose such pleasures as recreate much, and cost little. -- Fuller %% Choose the company of your superiors whenever you can have it; that is the right and true pride. -- Lord Chesterfield %% Christ believed in hell. I do not myself feel that any person who is really profoundly humane can believe in everlasting punishment. -- Bertrand Russell %% Cicero's style bores me. When I have spent an hour reading him ... and try to recollect what I have extracted, I usually find it nothing but wind. -- Michel de Montaigne %% Circular Definition: see Circular Definition. %% Circumstances can force a generalized incompetent to become competent, at least in a specialized field. -- Frank R. Freemon %% Civilization advances by extending the number of important operations which we can perform without thinking of them. %% Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. -- Arthur C. Clarke %% Classified material is considered lost when it cannot be found. %% Clearly stated instructions will consistently produce multiple interpretations. -- Charles P. Boyle %% Clearly, then, the city is not a concrete jungle, it is a human zoo. -- Desmond Morris %% Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get. %% Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage. %% Collecting more taxes than is absolutely necessary is legalized robbery. %% Colors fade, temples crumble, empires fall, but wise words endure. -- Thorndike %% Colson's Law: If you've got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow. %% Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have. %% Comitas comitatum, omnia comitas. -- Professor Charles P. Issawi %% Commend a fool for his wit, or a knave for his honesty, and they will receive you into their bosom. -- Fielding %% Committee Rules: (1) Never arrive on time, or you will be stamped a beginner. -- Harry Chapman %% Committee Rules: (2) Don't say anything until the meeting is half over; this stamps you as being wise. -- Harry Chapman %% Committee Rules: (3) Be as vague as possible; this prevents irritating the others. -- Harry Chapman %% Committee Rules: (4) When in doubt, suggest that a subcommittee be appointed. -- Harry Chapman %% Committee Rules: (5) Be the first to move for adjournment; this will make you popular -- it's what everyone is waiting for. -- Harry Chapman %% Committee reports dealing with wages, salaries, fringe benefits, facilities, computers, employee parking, libraries, coffee breaks, secretarial support, etc., always call for dramatic expenditure increases. -- Thomas L. Martin %% Committee -- a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done. -- Fred Allen %% Committee -- a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours. -- Milton Berle %% Committee -- a group of the unfit, appointed by the unwilling, to do the unnecessary. -- Stewart Harrol %% Committees have become so important nowadays that subcommittees have to be appointed to do the work. %% Common and vulgar people ascribe all ill that they feel to others; people of little wisdom ascribe to themselves; people of much wisdom, to no one. -- Epictetus %% Common sense in an uncommon degree is what the world calls wisdom. -- Samuel Taylor Coleridge %% Common sense in an uncommon degree is what the world calls wisdom. -- Coleridge %% Commonly, physicians, like beer, are best when they are old, and lawyers, like bread, when they are young and new. -- Fuller %% Compared to what we ought to be, we are only half awake. We are making use of only a small part of our physical and mental resources. -- William James %% Compared with everything else in data processing, paper is cheap; use it. But the value of a report decreases as the number of its pages increases. %% Complete abstinence is easier than perfect moderation. -- St. Augustine %% Complete adaptation to environment means death. The essential point in all response is the desire to control environment. -- John Dewey %% Compliments or congratulations are always kindly taken, and cost nothing but pen, ink, and paper. I consider them as draughts upon good breeding, where the exchange is always greatly in favor of the drawer. -- Chesterfield %% Computer-based management information systems will cure most review and control problems. -- Richard F. Moore %% Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable. -- Tom Gibb %% Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up. %% Computers will not be perfected until they can compute how much more than the estimate the job will cost. %% Computing power increases as the square of the cost. If you want to do it twice as cheaply, you have to do it four times as slowly. -- Herb Grosch [It has been suggested that this is not a "law", but rather a description of IBM's pricing strategy.] %% Conceit in weakest bodies strongest works. -- Shakespeare %% Conceit is to nature what paint is to beauty; it is not only needless, but impairs what it would improve. -- Pope %% Concerning the gods, I am not able to know to a certainty whether they exist or not. For there are many things which prevent one from knowing, especially the obscurity of the subject, and the shortness of the life of man. %% Confront a child, a puppy, and a kitten with a sudden danger; the child will turn instinctively for more assistance, the puppy will grovel in abject submission, the kitten will brace its tiny body for a frantic resistance. -- H. H. Munro %% Confusion (entropy) is always increasing in society. Only if someone or something works extremely hard can this confusion be reduced to order in a limited region. Nevertheless, this effort will still result in an increase in the total confusion of society at large. -- Dr. W. L. Everitt %% Conscience has no more to do with gallantry than it has with politics. -- Sheridon %% Conscious is when you are aware of something and conscience is when you wish you weren't. %% Consider the Malevolent Universe Theory: it really IS out to get you! %% Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there. -- Josh Billings %% Consider will what your strength is equal to, and what exceeds your ability. -- Horace %% Consistency is the product of small minds. -- Merle P. Martin %% Contentment produces in some measure, all those effects which the alchymist usually ascribes to what he calls the philosopher's stone; and if it does not bring riches, it does the same thing, by banishing the desire of them. If it cannot remove the disquietudes arising from a man's mind, body, or fortune, it makes him easy under them. -- Addison %% Conversation enriches the understanding, but solitude is the school of genius. %% Corrupt, stupid, grasping functionaries will make at least as big a muddle of socialism as stupid, selfish and aquisitive employers can make of capitalism. -- Walter Lippmann %% Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy, but not expressed in fancy; rich, not gaudy; for the apparel oft proclaims the man. -- Shakespeare %% Count the day won when, turning on its axis, This earth imposes no additional taxes. %% Courage consists not in blindly overlooking danger, but in seeing it, and conquering it. -- Richter %% Courage is a quality so necessary for maintaining virtue that it is always respected, even when it is associated with vice. -- Samuel Johnson %% Courage is grace under pressure. -- Ernest Hemingway %% Courage is the complement of fear. A man who is fearless cannot be courageous. (He is also a fool.) -- Lazarus Long %% Courage is walking naked through a cannibal village. -- Leonard Louis Levinson %% Courage is your greatest present need. %% Courses of action which run only to be justified in terms of practicality ultimately prove destructive and impractical. -- Mark B. Cohen %% Courtship consists of a number of quiet attentions, not so pointed as to alarm, nor so vague as not to be understood. -- Sterne %% Coward, n. one who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs. -- Ambrose Bierce %% Coward: A man in whom the instinct of self-preservation acts normally. -- Sultana Zoraya %% Cows may come and cows may go, but the bull in this place goes on FOREVER!!! %% Crab apples may not be the best kind of fruit; but a tree which every year bears a great crop of crab apples is better worth cultivating than a tree which bears nothing. %% Crane's Rule: There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it. %% Creative intelligence in its various forms and activities is what makes man. -- James Harvey Robinson %% Creativity varies inversely with the number of cooks involved with the broth. -- Bernice Fitz-Gibbon %% Creditors have better memories than debtors; and creditors are a superstitious sect, great observers of set days and times. -- Benjamin Franklin %% Criticism is like champagne, nothing more execrable if bad, nothing more excellent if good; if meagre, muddy vapid, and sour, both are fit only to engender colic and wind; but if rich, generous and sparkling, they improve the taste, expand the heart, and are worthy of being introduced at the symposium of the gods. -- Colton %% Critics are a kind of freebooters in the republic of letters -- who, like deer, goats, and divers other gramniverous animals, gain subsistence by gorging upon buds and leaves of the young shrubs of the forest, thereby robbing them of their verdue, and retarding their progress to maturity. -- Washington Irving %% Croll's Query: If tin whistles are made of tin, what are foghorns made of? %% Cultivate a consistently pessimistic outlook. %% Cultivation to the mind is as necessary as food to the body. -- Cicero %% Cunning and deceit will every time serve a man better than force. -- Niccolo Machiavelli %% Cunning and treachery are the offspring of incapacity. -- La Rochefoucauld %% Curiosity in the humanities is a free person's humility, and a humble person's freedom. -- Joseph Duffy %% Curley's Law: As long as they spell the name right. %% Cursed is every-one who places his hope in man. -- St. Augustine %% Custom does often reason overrule And only serves for reason to the fool. -- John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester %% Custom is the law of fools. -- Vanburgh %% Custom will often blind one to the good as well as to the evil effects of any long established system. -- Bishop Richard Whately %% Customs tell a man who he is, where he belongs, what he must do. Better illogical customs than none; men cannot live together without them ... "justice" is a search for workable customs. -- Dr. Margaret Mader %% Cut 'em off at the past! %% Cut the crap. %% Cutting the space budget really restores my faith in humanity. It eliminates dreams, goals, and ideals and lets us get straight to the business of hate, debauchery, and self-annihilation. -- Johnny Hart %% Cynic: n. a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be. -- Ambrose Bierce %% Cynicism is an unpleasant way of saying the truth. -- Lillian Hellman %% Cynicism is disappointed idealism. -- Harry Kemelman %% Cynicism is disillusioned idealism. %% Cynicism is humour in ill-health. -- H. G. Wells %% Cynicism -- the intellectual cripple's substitute for intelligence. -- Russell Lynes %% Cynics are right nine times out of ten; what undoes them is their belief that they are right ten times out of ten. -- Professor Charles P. Issawi %% DEATH: The penultimate commercial transaction finalized by probate. -- Bernard Rosenberg %% DECEPTION EXPERIMENT: An experiment in which the researcher is pleased to believe that the true nature of the situation is unknown to the participants. Typically the only parties deceived are the funding agency and the journal editor. %% DESIGN SIMPLICITY: costs (manufacturer's) cut to the bone %% DIAGNOSTIC: software which runs to completion no matter how broken the hardware is %% DIPLOMACY: Lying in state. -- Ambrose Bierce %% DIPLOMACY: The patriotic art of lying for one's country. %% DIPLOMACY: The art of fishing tranquilly in troubled waters. %% DIPLOMACY: The art of jumping into troubled waters without making a splash. %% DIRECT SALES ONLY: manufacturer had argument with distributor %% DISTINCTIVE: a different color or shape than our competitors %% DOUBLE-BLIND EXPERIMENT: An experiment in which the chief researcher believes he is fooling both the subject and the lab assistant. Often accompanied by a belief in the tooth fairy. %% Damnable, both sides rogue. -- Shakespeare %% Damon Runyon's Law: The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet. %% David Merrick, displaying ... his sneaky knack for extending the life of a production beyond the reasonable expectations of the playwright's mother. -- Walter Kerr %% Deadlock's Law: If the lawmakers make a compromise, the place where it will be felt the most is the taxpayer's pocket. %% Dear God, make me a good boy, but it's all right with me if you'd like to take your time about it. %% Death comes to all But great achievements build a monument Which shall endure until the sun grows cold. -- Georg Fabricius %% Death is a comingling of eternity with time; in the death of a good man, eternity is seen looking through time. -- Goethe %% Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. -- Norman Cousins %% Death opens the gate of fame, and shuts the gate of envy after it; it unlooses the chain of the captive, and puts the bondsman's task into another man's hand. -- Sterne %% Death tugs at my ear and says: "Live, I am coming." -- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr. %% Deceit in the conduct of war outweighs valor and is worthy of merit. -- Niccolo Machiavelli %% Decision is a sharp knife that cuts clean and straight; indecision is a dull one that hacks and tears and leaves ragged edges behind it. -- Gordon Graham %% Decision of character is one of the most important of human qualities, philosophically considered. Speculation, knowledge, is not the chief end of man; it is action. -- Burnap %% Decisions of the judges will be final unless shouted down by a really overwhelming majority of the crowd present. Abusive and obscene language may not be used by contestants when addressing members of the judging panel, or, conversely, by members of the judging panel when addressing contestants (unless struck by a boomerang). -- Benjamin Ruhe %% Deep in the nature of all these noble races there lurks unmistakably the beast of prey, the blond beast, lustfully roving in search of booty and victory. -- Frederick Nietzsche %% Default is more revolutionary than ideals. -- Marion J. Levy, Jr. %% Defeated, but not dismayed -- crushed to the earth, but not humiliated -- he seemed to grow more haughty beneath disaster, and to experience a fierce satisfaction in draining the last dregs of bitterness. -- Washington Irving %% Defer not till tomorrow to be wise, Tomorrow's sun to thee may never rise. -- Congreve %% Deine schiff ist ingecommen. %% Delusions are often functional. A mother's opinions about her children's beauty, intelligence, goodness, et cetera ad nauseam, keep her from drowning them at birth. -- Lazarus Long %% Democracy can learn some things from Communism: for example, when a Communist politician is through, he is through. %% Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than we deserve. -- George Bernard Shaw %% Democracy is a government where you can say what you think even if you don't think. %% Democracy is based on the assumption that a million men are wiser than one man. How's that again? I missed something. Autocracy is based on the assumption that one man is wiser than a million men. Let's play that one over again, too. Who decides? -- Lazarus Long %% Democracy is good. I say this because other systems are worse. -- Jawaharlal Nehru %% Democracy is not a matter of sentiment, but of foresight. Any system that doesn't take the long run into account will burn itself out in the short run. -- Charles Yost %% Democracy is that form of government where everybody gets what the majority deserves. -- James Dale Davidson %% Democracy is the worst system devised by the wit of man, except for all the others. -- Winston Churchill %% Democracy means government by the uneducated, while aristocracy means government by the badly educated. -- Gilbert K. Chesterton %% Democrats buy most of the books that have been banned somewhere. Republicans form censorship committees and read them as a group. %% Democrats eat the fish they catch. Republicans hang them on the wall. %% Democrats give their worn-out clothes to those less fortunate. Republicans wear theirs. %% Democrats keep trying to cut down on their smoking but are not successful. Neither are Republicans. %% Democrats make up plans and then do something else. Republicans follow the plans their grandfathers made. %% Democrats name their children after currently popular sports figures, politicians, and entertainers. Republican children are named after their parents or grandparents, depending on where the money is. %% Depend on no man, on no friend, but him who can depend on himself. He only who acts conscientiously towards himself will act so towards others, and vice versa. -- Lavater %% Deprive a mirror of its silver and even the Czar won't see his face. %% Despise not any man, and do not spurn any thing. For there is no man that hath not his hour, no is there any thing that hath not its place. -- Rabbi Ben Azai %% Despots govern by terror. They know that he who fears God fears nothing else; and, therefore, they eradicate from the mind, through their Voltaire, the Heloetius, and the rest of that infamous gang, that only sort of fear that generates true courage. -- Burke %% Detriot made a grand try at persuading the visiting Republicans that the city is not as crime-ridden as people think. The campaign was going fine until somebody stole the governer's Lincoln Mark IV limousine. -- National Review %% Dialogue: opposing factions discussing relevant issues. Formerly called an argument. -- Paul Sweeney %% Did the Devil really create the world when God wasn't looking? %% Did you ever feel like the whole world was a tuxedo and you were a pair of white socks? %% Did you ever hear Of the frolic fairies dear? They're a blessed little race, Peeping up in fancy's face, In the valley, on the hill, By the fountain and the rill; Laughing out between the leaves That the loving summer weaves. -- Mrs. Osgood %% Did you hear about the earthquake committee meeting that was adjourned by a motion from the floor? %% Did you hear about the shepherd who drove his sheep through town and was given a ticket for making a ewe turn? %% Did you know that married men live longer than single men? So, if you want to die a slow death, get married!!! -- Dave Maynard %% Did your mother have any children that lived? %% Difficulty is a severe instructor, set over us by the supreme ordinance of a parental guardian and legislator, who knows us better than we know ourselves; and He loves us better too. He that wrestles with us strengthens our nerves, and sharpens our skill. Our antagonist is our helper. This amicable conflict with difficulty obliges us to an intimate acquaintance with our object, and compels us to consider it in all its relations. It will not suffer us to be superficial. -- Burke %% Digital is the only company where a 19 to 1 majority is a tie. %% Digging oolitic strata, Laid in the oligocene, Geologists are lost for data -- Fossils, yes! But ... A MACHINE??? %% Dimensions will be expressed in the least convenient terms, e. g.: Furlongs per (Fortnight)**2 = Acceleration. %% Diplomacy has rarely been able to gain at the conference table what cannot be gained or held on the battlefield. %% Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie!" till you can find a rock. %% Diplomacy is to do and say the nastiest thing in the nicest way. %% Diplomats are just as essential to starting a war as soldiers are for finishing it ... You take diplomacy out of war, and the thing would fall flat in a week. -- Will Rogers %% Discipline is the refining fire by which talent becomes ability. -- Roy L. Smith %% Discipline, like the bridle in the hand of a good rider, should exercise its influence without appearing to do so; should be ever active, both as a support and as a restraint, yet seem to lie easily in hand. It must always be ready to check or to pull up, as occasion may require; and only when the horse is a runaway should the action of the curb be perceptible. %% Discretion in speech is more than eloquence. -- Bacon %% Divines and dying men may talk of Hell But in my heart her several torments dwell. -- Shakespeare %% Do not attempt to do a thing unless you are sure of yourself; but do not relinquish it simply because someone else is not sure of you. -- Stwert E. White %% Do not believe in miracles -- rely on them. %% Do not clog intellect's sluices with knowledge of questionable uses. %% Do not handicap your children by making their lives easy. -- Lazarus Long %% Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. %% Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend's forehead. %% Do whatever your enemies don't want you to do. -- Gary Novak %% Do you realize how boring you are? %% Do you realize that you are responsible for making this organization a cost, rather than a profit, center? %% Doctors, dentists, and lawyers are only on time for appointments when you're not. -- Roxanne Weissman %% Documents should always be dated, listings should never be torn on the outside fold. Violation is indicative of someone's (programmer's or operator's) inability. %% Does a man speak foolishly? -- suffer him gladly, for you are wise. Does he speak erroneously? -- stop such a man's mouth with sound words that cannot be gainsaid. Does he speak truly? -- rejoice in the truth. -- Oliver Cromwell %% Does history record any case in which the majority was right? %% Don't ask the barber whether you need a haircut. -- Daniel S. Greenberg %% Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. %% Don't be overly suspicious where it's not warranted. %% Don't bite the hand that has your allowance in it. -- Lisa Tidler %% Don't care if you'r rich or not, as long as you can live comfortably and have everything you want. %% Don't disturb the perimeter (meaning don't stir a mess unless you can be sure of the result). %% Don't forget to feel sorry for yourself. %% Don't get yourself involved with persons or situations that can't bear inspection. %% Don't let the fact that you can't do all you want to do keep you from doing what you can do. %% Don't look back, something might be gaining on you. -- Satchel Paige %% Don't lose heart ... they might want to cut it out ... and they want to avoid a lengthy search. %% Don't malign the bug-eyed monster -- Oh, he kidnaps girls, it's true, But bear in mind that all he wants to Do is what YOU'RE trying to do. %% Don't permit yourself to get between a dog and a lamp-post. %% Don't play President -- you're not. The Constitution provides for only one President. Don't forget it and don't be seen by others as not understanding that fact. -- Donald Rumsfeld %% Don't praise the bread until it is baked. %% Don't push me I'm going 55 I've done 75 The fine was $49. %% Don't put all your eggs in your pocket. -- Celestine Clark %% Don't send my boy to Harvard, the dying mother said. Don't send my boy to Harvard, I'd rather see him dead. %% Don't speak ill of your predecessors (or successors) -- you did not walk in their shoes. -- Donald Rumsfeld %% Don't start something you would be afraid to see finished. %% Don't stick your foot in the ashtray, Ed. -- JWC and RCHM %% Don't stop to stomp ants when the elephants are stampeding. %% Don't store garlic near other victuals. -- Lazarus Long %% Don't talk to me about a man's being able to talk sense; everyone can talk sense -- can he talk nonsense? -- William Pitt the Elder %% Don't throw stones at your neighbors, if you expect to buy their natural gas. -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac %% Don't try to have the last word. You might get it. %% Don't turn around. %% Don't worry about avoiding temptation -- as you grow older, it starts avoiding you. -- The Old Farmer's Almanac %% Don't worry about who you step on on the way up if you don't ever plan on coming down. %% Don't worry if you're a kleptomaniac, you can always take something for it. %% Dope will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no dope. %% Dost thou love life? Then do not squander Time; for that's the stuff the Iranians have plenty of. -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac %% Dost thou love life? Then waste not time, for time is the stuff that life is made of. -- Benjamin Franklin %% Draw your salary before spending it. %% Dreading the climax of all human ills, The inflammation of his weekly bills. -- Byron %% Dream after dream ensures, and still they dream that they shall still succeed, and still are disappointed. -- William Cowper %% Dreams are the touchstones of our characters. -- Henry David Thoreau %% Dreams, indeed, are ambition; for the very substance of the ambitious is merely the shadow of a dream. And I hold ambition of so airy and light a quality that it is but a shadow's shadow. -- Shakespeare %% Drink Canada Dry! You might not succeed, but it IS fun trying. %% Drink and be whole again beyond confusion. -- Robert Frost %% Drive is more than motivation. It is self motivation. %% Drunkenness is the vice of a good constitution, or of a bad memory! of a constitution so treacherously good, that it never bends till it breaks; or of a memory that recollects the pleasures of getting drunk, but forgets the pains of getting sober. -- Colton %% Due to lack of interest, tomorrow will be canceled. %% During an exam, the pocket calculator battery will fail. -- M. M. Johnston %% During my eighty-seven years I have witnessed a whole succession of technological revolutions. But none of them has done away with the need for character in the individual or the ability to think. -- Bernard M. Baruch %% Dust breeds. %% E up x. %% ENERGY SAVING: achieved when the power switch is "off" %% EXCLUSIVE: Imported product %% Each morning puts a man on trial and each evening passes judgement. -- Roy L. Smith %% Each person has the right to take part in the management of public affairs in his country, provided he has prior experience, a will to succeed, a college degree, influential parents, good looks, a resume, two 3X4 snapshots, and a good tax record. -- Carlos Eduardo Novaes %% Each person has the right to take the subway. -- Carlos Eduardo Novaes %% Each problem solved introduces a new unsolved problem. -- U. S. Dept. of Labor %% Each profession talks to itself in its own unique language. Apparently there is no Rosetta Stone. %% Eagleson's Law: Any code of your own that you haven't looked at for six or more months, might as well have been written by someone else. (Eagleson is an optimist, the real number is more like 3 weeks.) %% Early to bed and early to rise, Makes a man heathy, wealthy and wise. -- Benjamin Franklin %% Earnestness alone makes life eternity. -- Carlyle %% Ease leads to habit, as success to ease. %% Eat a live toad first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day. %% Eat flaming death, minicomputer mongrels!!! %% Eat to live, and not on thy Diner's Club Card. -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac %% Ecologists believe that a bird in the bush is worth two in the hand. -- Stanley C. Pearson %% Economists state their GNP growth projections to the nearest tenth of a percentage point to prove they have a sense of humor. -- Edgar R. Fiedler %% Economy is of itself a great revenue. -- Cicero %% Economy makes men independent. %% Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent. -- Fred Allen %% Education begins the gentleman, but reading, good company and reflection must finish him. -- John Locke %% Education belongs pre-eminently to the church ... neutral or lay schools from which religion is excluded are contrary to the fundamental principles of education. -- Pope Pius XI %% Education has in America's whole history been the major hope for improving the individual and society. -- Gunnar Myrdal %% Education is helping the child realize his potentialities. -- Erich Fromm %% Education is the instruction of the intellect in the laws of Nature. -- Thomas Henry Huxley %% Education is the transmission of civilization. -- Ariel and Will Durant %% Education is what survives when what has been learnt has been forgotten. -- B. F. Skinner %% Education today, more than ever before, must see clearly the dual objectives: education for living and education for making a living. -- James Mason Wood %% Education: A debt due from present to future generations. -- George Peabody %% Egotism is the anesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity. -- Frank Leahy %% Eisenhower told me never to trust a Communist. -- Lyndon B. Johnson %% Electrician's breakfast -- ohmlettes -- Raymond D. Love %% Elevator Rules: 1. Face forward. 2. Fold hands in front of genitals. 3. Do not make eye contact. 4. Watch the numbers. 5. Don't talk to anyone you don't know. 6. Stop talking with anyone you do know when anyone you don't know enters the elevator. 7. Avoid brushing bodies. -- Psychologist Layne Longfellow %% Elevators traveling in the desired direction are always delayed and on arrival tend to run in pairs, threes of a kind, full houses, etc. -- Pete Maiken %% Emotion has taught mankind to reason. -- Marquis de Vauvenargues %% Emptiness on paper; Fleeting thoughts. Red Sox play at Fenway's Green park. -- Larry Sweeny (?) %% Enjoy your life. If you don't, no one else will. %% Enjoy your life; be pleasant and gay, like the birds in May. %% Enjoy your present pleasures so as not to injure those that are to follow. -- Seneca %% Enlightened people seldom or never possess a sense of responsibility. -- George Orwell %% Enough research will tend to confirm your conclusions. %% Enthusiasm without knowledge is like running in the dark. %% Entropy has us outnumbered. -- Solomon Short %% Envy is a weed that grows in all soils and climates, and is no less luxuriant in the country than in the court; is not confined to any rank of men or extent of fortune, but rages in the breasts of all degrees. -- Lord Clarendon %% Epperson's law: When a man says it's a silly, childish game, it's probably something his wife can beat him at. %% Equality is not when a female Einstein gets promoted to assistant professor; equality is when a female schlemiel moves ahead as fast as a male schlemiel. -- Ewald Nyquist %% Equality of opportunity is an equal opportunity to prove unequal talents. -- Sir Herbert Samuel %% Erma Bombeck's Rule of Medicine: Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. %% Err is basically a synonym for Murphy, but those who quote him over the better known prophet insist he is as real as Murphy. The basis for their argument: (1) his spirit, like Murphy's, is everywhere and (2) Err is human. %% Errors like straws upon the surface flow: He who would search for pearls must dive below. -- Dryden %% Ertz's observation: Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon. %% Established technology tends to persist in the face of new technology. -- Gerritt A. Blaauw %% Eternal boredom is the price of constant vigilance. -- Marion J. Levy, Jr. %% Eternal sunshine settles on its head. -- Oliver Goldsmith %% Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty. -- Wendell Phillips %% Eternity stands always fronting God; a stern colossal image with blind eyes, and dim lips, that murmur evermore, "God, God, God!" -- Mrs. Browning %% Ettorre's Observation: The other line moves faster. %% Even God cannot change the past. [which proves that historians are more powerful than God.] %% Even a hawk is an eagle among crows. %% Even a stopped clock is right twice a day. %% Even if it can't, it might. -- A. J. Barton %% Even in war, moral power is to physical as three parts out of four. -- Napoleon Bonaparte %% Even paranoids have enemies. -- Jim Pastore %% Even the boldest zebra fears the hungry lion. %% Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark. %% Even things in themselves not positively advantageous, sometimes become so, by their tendency to provoke exertion. Every new scene, which is opened to the busy nature of man to rouse and exert itself, is the addition of a new energy to the general stock of effort. -- Alexander Hamilton %% Every Tom, Dick and Harry is named William. -- Sam Goldwyn %% Every action in our lives touches on some chord that will vibrate in eternity. -- Edwin Hubbel Chapin %% Every action or decision of an institution must be intended to keep the institution machinery working. -- Robert N. Kharasch %% Every child born in America can hope to grow up to enjoy tax loopholes. %% Every dog must have its day. -- Jonathon Swift %% Every editor of newapapers pays tribute to the Devil. -- La Fontaine %% Every great improvement has come after repeated failures. Virtually nothing comes out right the first time. Failures, repeated failures, are fingerposts on the road to achievement. -- Charles R. Kettering %% Every great or original writer in proportion as he is great or original, must himself create the taste by which he must be relished. -- Wordsworth %% Every man desires to live long, but no man desires to be old. -- Jonathon Swift %% Every man has a right to his opinion, but no man has a right to be wrong in his facts. -- Bernard M. Baruch %% Every man has a scheme that will not work. %% Every man has his price. Mine is $3.95. %% Every man has in himself a continent of undiscovered character. Happy is he who acts the Columbus of his own soul. -- Sir J. Stevens %% Every man has just as much vanity as he wants understanding. -- Alexander Pope %% Every man has three characters -- that which he exhibits, that which he has, and that which he thinks he has. -- Alphonse Karr %% Every man is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists of not exceeding the limit. -- Elbert Hubbard %% Every man is a volume if you know how to read him. -- Channing %% Every man is the architect of his own fortune. -- Appius Claudius %% Every man of genius is considerably helped by being dead. %% Every man who is high up loves to think that he has done it all himself; and the wife smiles, and lets it go at that. -- James Matthew Barrie %% Every newspaper, no matter how tight the news hole, has room for a story on another newspaper increasing its newsstand price. -- Ed Zellar %% Every one complains of the badness of his memory, but nobody of his judgment. -- La Rochefoucauld %% Every organization is self-perpetuating. Don't ever ask an outfit to justify itself, or you'll be covered with facts, figures and fancy. The criterion should rather be, "What will happen if the outfit stops doing what it's doing?" The value of an organization is easier determined this way. -- Amrom Katz %% Every problem contains within itself the seeds of its own solution. %% Every purchase has its price. %% Every reform is only a mask under cover of which a more terrible reform, which dares not yet name itself, advances. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson %% Every sentence I utter must be understood not as an affirmation, but as a question. -- Niels Bohr %% Every society is divided into two classes: prostitutes and pimps, those who do and those who sell. Every successful individual is something of both. %% Every time I close the door on Reality, it comes in through the window. -- Ashleigh Brilliant %% Every time you come up with a terrific idea, you find that someone else thought of it first. -- Frank Harden %% Everybody believes in rugged individualism, but you'll do better by pleasing the boss. -- Charles Merrill Smith %% Everybody has 20/20 hindsight. %% Everybody lies about sex. %% Everybody should believe in something -- I believe I'll have another drink. -- Mary Steele %% Everybody's gotta be someplace. -- Myron Cohen %% Everyone complains of his memory, no one of his judgment. %% Everyone has talent at twenty-five. The trick is to have it at fifty. -- Edgar Degas %% Everyone has the right, without exception, to equal pay for equal work. Except women. -- Carlos Eduardo Novaes %% Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together. %% Everyone knows that the name of the game is to let the other guy have all of the little tats and to keep all of the big tits for yourself. -- Thomas L. Martin %% Everyone must see daily, instances of people who complain from a mere habit of complaining. %% Everyone needs long-range goals if for no other reason than to keep from being frustrated by short-range failures. %% Everyone who stops by with unsought advice will see it immediately. %% Everything bows to success, even grammar. %% Everything happens at the same time with nothing in between. -- Paul Hebig %% Everything has two handles; the one soft and manageable, the other such as will not endure to be touched. If then your brother do you an injury, do not take it by the hot hard handle, by representing to yourself all the aggravating circumstances of the fact; but look rather on the soft side, and extenuate it as much as is possible, by considering the nearness of the relation, and the long friendship and familiarity between you -- obligations to kindness which a single provocation ought not to dissolve. And thus you will take the accident by the manageable handle. -- Epictetus %% Everything in excess! To enjoy the flavour of life, take big bites. Moderation is for monks. -- Lazarus Long %% Everything is for sale; only the price is negotiable. %% Everything is matter. Matter is electricity. Electricity is invisible, intangible. Therefore it is nothing. Therefore everything is nothing. %% Everything is more complicated than it looks to most people. -- Frederick Lewis Allen %% Everything is nothing. Everything is all. All is one. One is inconceivable, infinite. Therefore it is nothing. Therefore everything is nothing. %% Everything is worth precisely as much as a belch, the difference being that a belch is more satisfying. -- Ingmar Bergman %% Everything needs a little oil now and then. %% Everything put together sooner or later falls apart. -- Paul Simon %% Everything should be as simple as possible, but no simpler. -- Albert Einstein %% Everything takes longer than you expect. %% Everything takes more time and money. -- Anne DeCaprio %% Everything tastes more or less like chicken. -- Jeffery F. Chamberlain %% Everything that exceeds the bounds of moderation has an unstable foundation. -- Seneca %% Everything you read in the newspapers is absolutely true except for that rare story of which you happen to have firsthand knowledge. -- Erwin Knoll %% Evil habits soil a fine dress more than mud; good manners, by their deeds, easily set off a lowly garb. -- Plautus %% Evil thoughts intrude in an unemployed mind, as naturally as worms are generated in a stagnant pool. %% Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, for the greatest fool may ask more than the wise man can answer. %% Examine the contents, not the bottle. -- The Talmud %% Example is a living law, whose sway Men more than all the written laws obey. -- Sedley %% Examples I could cite you more: But be contented with these four; For when one's proofs are aptly chosen Four are as valid as four dozen. -- Prior %% Exams will always contain questions not discussed in class. -- M. M. Johnston %% Excellence is never granted to man, but as the reward of labor. It argues, indeed, no small strength of mind to persevere in the habits of industry, without the pleasure of perceiving those advantages which, like the hands of a clock, whilst they make hourly approaches to their point, yet proceed so slowly as to escape observation. -- Sir Joshua Reynolds %% Excess of grief for the deceased is madness; for it is an injury to the living, and the dead know it not. -- Xenephon %% Excessive official restraints on information are inevitably self defeating and productive of headaches for the officials concerned. -- Edward Kennedy, AP correspondent %% Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work. -- John G. Pollard %% Executive ability is prominent in your make-up. %% Expect a letter from a friend who will ask a favor of you. %% Experience enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. %% Experience is awareness of encompassing the totality of things. %% Experience is directly proportional to equipment ruined. %% Experience is not what happens to you, it is what you do with what happens to you. -- Aldous Huxley %% Experience is the comb that Nature gives us when we are bald. %% Experience is the one thing you have plenty of when you're too old to get the job. %% Experience is the worst teacher; it gives the test before presenting the lesson. %% Experience keeps a dear school, but fools will learn in no other, and scarcely in that; for it is true, we may give advice, but we cannot give conduct. Remember this: They that will not be counseled cannot be helped. If you do not hear reason she will rap you over the knuckles. -- Benjamin Franklin %% Experience keeps a dear school, but it's a hell of a campaign tactic. -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac %% Experience teaches that men are often so much governed by what they are accustomed to see and practice, that the simplest and most obvious improvements, in the most ordinary occupations, are adopted with hesitation, reluctance, and by slow gradations. Men would resist changes, so long as even a bare support could be ensured by an adherence to ancient courses, and perhaps even longer. -- Alexander Hamilton %% Experience varies directly with equipment ruined. %% Experiments are often tricky -- There's no exception to this rule, What CAN have made that rat a sticky, Slimy, rather smelly pool? %% Experiments must be reproducible -- they should always fail in the same way. %% Expertise in one field does not carry over into other fields. But experts often think so. The narrower their field of knowledge the more likely they are to think so. -- Lazarus Long %% Experts do not like surprises. It makes them look bad at the home office. -- Vic Gold %% Experts in advanced countries underestimate by a factor of 2 to 4 the ability of people in underdeveloped countries to do anything technical. (Examples: Japanese on warplanes, Russians on the bomb, Iranians on refineries ... etc.) -- Professor Charles P. Issawi %% Exploit the inevitable (which means, take credit for anything good which happens whether you had anything to do with it or not). %% Extreme avarice is always mistaken; there is no passion which is oftener further away from its mark, nor upon which the present has so much power to the prejudice of the future. -- La Rochefoucauld %% Eyes with the same blue witchery as those of Psyche, which caught love in his own wiles. %% FAITH: An illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable. -- H. L. Mencken %% FAITH: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks, without knowledge, of things without parallel. -- Ambrose Bierce %% FIELD TEST: Putting your software out to pasture. %% FIELD TESTED: manufacturer lacks test equipment %% FOOLPROOF OPERATION: no provision for adjustment %% FUTURISTIC: can't figure out another reason why it looks as it does %% Facts and truth are often cousins -- not brothers. -- Edward Bunker %% Facts are God's arguments, we should be careful never to misunderstand or pervert them. -- Tyron Edwards %% Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable. %% Facts are stupid until brought into connection with some general law. -- Louis Agassiz %% Facts are to the mind the same thing as food to the body. On the due digestion of facts depends the strength and wisdom of the one, just as vigor and health depend on the other. The wisest in council, the ablest in debate, and the most agreeable in the commerce of life, is that man who has assimilated to his understanding the greatest number of facts. -- Burke %% Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored. -- Aldous Huxley %% Faculty purchases of equipment and supplies always increase to match the funds available, so these funds are never adequate. -- Thomas L. Martin %% Fail me again and you'll breakfast on burning coals! %% Faith builds a bridge across the gulf of death, To break the shock blind nature cannot shun, And lands thought smoothly on the further shore. -- Young %% Faith goes out through the window when beauty comes in at the door. %% Faith in a holy cause is to a considerable extent a substitute for lost faith in ourselves. -- Eric Hoffer %% Faith in immortality, like belief in Satan, leaves unanswered the ancient question: is God unable to prevent suffering and thus not omnipotent? or is he able but not willing to prevent it and thus not merciful? And is he just? %% Faith is never identical with piety. -- Karl Barth %% Faith is not reason's labor, but repose. -- Young %% Faith is one of those words that connotes, however irrationally, some kind of virtue in itself. -- Louis J. Halle %% Faith is the soul going out of itself for all its wants. -- Boston %% Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. -- Hebrews XI, 1 %% Faith lights us through the dark to Deity. -- Davenant %% Faith means belief in something concerning which doubt is theoretically possible. -- William James %% Faith means intense, usually confident, belief that is not based on evidence sufficient to command assent from every reasonable person. -- Walter Kaufmann %% Fame may be compared to a scold: the best way to silence her is to let her alone, and she will at last be out of breath in blowing her own trumpet. -- Fuller %% Familiarity breeds contempt. %% Fancy gizmos don't work. -- Jane Bryant Quinn %% Far duller than a serpent's tooth it is to spend a quiet youth. %% Farewell a long farewell, to all my greatness! This is the state of man. Today he puts forth The tender leaves of hope; tomorrow blossoms, And bears his blushing honors thick upon him; The third day comes a frost, a killing frost. -- Shakespeare %% Fast personal decisions are likely to be wrong. %% Fate steals along with silent tread, Found oftenest in what least we dread; Frowns in the storm with angry brow, But in the sunshine strikes the blow. -- Cowper %% Fathers alone a father's heart can know What secret tides of still enjoyment flow When brothers love, but if their hate succeeds, They wage the war, but 'tis the father bleeds. -- Edward Young %% Fear is the tax that the conscience pays to guilt. -- Sewell %% Feed yourself and feed others. Then, if you have to say good-bye, it won't matter. You will have shared love. -- Jeanne Moreau %% Fellows who have no tongues are often all eyes and ears. -- Haliburton %% Feminists sat 60 percent of the country's wealth is in the hands of women. They're letting men hold the other 40 percent because their handbags are full. -- Earl Wilson %% Few ever lived to a great age, and fewer still ever became distinguished, who were not in the habit of early rising. -- Todd %% Few love to hear the sins they love to act. -- Shakespeare %% Few of us ever test our powers of deduction, except when filling out an income tax form. %% Few people now believe in the devil; but very many enjoy behaving as their ancestors behaved when the Fiend was a reality as unquestionable as his Opposite Number. %% Few persons have sufficient wisdom to prefer censure which is useful to them, to praise which deceives them. -- La Rochefoucauld %% Few young men of high gifts and fine tastes look forward to entering public life, for the probability of disappointments and vexations of a life in Congress so far outweigh its attractions that nothing but exceptional ambition or a strong sense of public duty suffices to draw such men into it. Law, education, literature, the higher walks of commerce, finance, or railway work offer a better prospect of enjoyment or distinction. -- Lord James Bryce %% Fie! What a spendthrift he is of his tongue! -- Shakespeare %% Field's revelation: If you see a man holding a clipboard and looking official, the chances are good that he is supposed to be doing something menial. %% Finagle's Creed: Science is truth: Don't be misled by facts. %% Finagle's Fifth Rule: Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool discovers something that either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition. %% Finagle's Fourth Law: No matter what occurs, there is always someone who believes it happened according to his pet theory. %% Finagle's Very Fundamental Finding: If a string has one end, then it has another end. %% Finality is death. Perfection is finality. Nothing is perfect. There are lumps in it. -- James Stephens %% Find happiness in your work, or you may never find it anywhere else. %% Find out the cost before you get in. %% Fine's Corollary: Functionality breeds Contempt. %% Finish the sentence below in 25 words or less: "Love is what you feel just before you give someone a good ... " Mail your answer along with the top half of your supervisor to: P.O. Box 35 Baffled Greek, Michigan %% Fire in each eye, and papers in each hand, They rave, recite, and madden round the land. -- Alexander Pope %% Fire that's closest kept burns most of all. -- Shakespeare %% First Law of Bridge: It's always the partner's fault. %% First Law of Office Holders: Get reelected. %% First Law of Wing-Walking: Never leave hold of what you've got until you've got hold of something else. -- Donald Herzberg %% First draw your curves -- then plot your data. %% First get an absolute conquest over thyself, and then thou wilt easily govern thy wife. -- Fuller %% First impressions are of major importance in business matters. -- J. Pierpont Finch %% First must give place to last, because last must have his time to come; but last gives place to nothing, for there is not another to succeed. -- Bunyan %% Fish or cut bait! %% Flattery is a sort of bad money, to which our vanity gives currency. -- La Rochefoucauld %% Flowers are like the pleasures of the world. -- Shakespeare %% Flying saucers on occasion Show themselves to human eyes. Aliens fume, put off invasion While they brand these tales as lies. %% Food that tastes the best has the highest number of calories. -- Rozanne Weissman %% Fools are certain, but wise men hesitate. %% Fools rush in where angels fear to tread. -- Alexander Pope %% For 40 years I have analyzed stocks and other money markets. Now I have made a remarkable discovery. The Confederate dollar has risen in value 7.4 percent a year since 1965. It has outperformed the German mark, the Japanese yen and the Swiss franc. -- Vincent W. Allen %% For every credibility gap there is a gullibility fill. -- Richard Clopton %% For every credibility gap there is a gullibility gap. -- Senator Stuart Symington %% For every human problem, there is a neat plain solution -- and it is always wrong. -- H. L. Mencken %% For every inch that is not a fool is rogue. -- Dryden %% For every proverb that confidently asserts its little bit of wisdom, there is usually an equal and opposite proverb that contradicts it. -- Richard Boston %% For evil news rides post, while good news baits. -- Milton %% For forms of government let fools contest; Whate'er is best administer'd is best. -- Alexander Pope %% For good men but see death, the wicked taste it. -- Johnson %% For here we are not afraid to follow truth wherever it may lead, nor to tolerate error so long as reason is free to combat it. -- Thomas Jefferson %% For in religion as in friendship, they who profess most are ever the least sincere. -- Sheridan %% For modes of faith let graceless zealots fight, His can't be wrong whose life is in the right. -- Alexander Pope %% For my part I can compare her to nothing but the sun; for, like him, she takes no rest, nor ever sets in one place by to rise in another. -- Dryden %% For nations that waste their inheritances -- even nations that are profligate -- usually do so in ways more subtle than individuals. Bad habits and bad advice take longer to inflict their damage; nations, too, have their reckonings, but they can survive many more nights before the hangover. -- Michael Scully %% For oh! so wildly do I love him That paradise itself were dim And joyless, if not shared with him. -- Moore %% For people who like that kind of book, that is the kind of book they will like. %% For perfect happiness, remember two things: 1. Be content with what you've got. 2. Be sure you've got plenty. %% For several years more I maintained public relations with the Almighty. But privately, I ceased to associate with him. -- Jean-Paul Sartre %% For she had a tongue with a tang, Would cry to a sailor, Goe hang! She lov'd not the savour of Tar nor of Pitch Yet a Tailor might scratch her where ere she did itch: Then to Sea, Boyes, and let her goe hang! Author's Note: "This is a scurvy tune ... " %% For specialization is a process that begins as an attempt to develop experts who will then inform the whole body. It can end, however, and sometimes does, in the removal of any inclination to question the supposed "experts" -- who themselves are sometines not all that expert. -- Michael Scully %% For the first time in history, one bag of groceries produces two bags of trash. -- Robert Orben %% For the memory of love is sweet, Though the love itself were in vain And what I have lost of pleasure, Assuage what I find of pain. -- Lyster %% For the rule of the wise over the less wise to be advantageous ... it must come about by a process of consent. And the requirement of consent can be understood only in the light of, and by recognition of, natural equality. -- Harry V. Jaffa %% For the tenth time, dull Daphnis, said Chloe, You have told me my bosom is snowy; You've made much fine verse on Each part of my person, Now DO something -- there's a good boy! %% For they can conquer who believe they can. -- Virgil %% For they say, if money go before, all ways do lie open. -- Shakespeare %% For we both alike know that into the discussion of human affairs the question of justice enters only where the pressure of necessity is equal, and that the powerful exact what they can, and the weak grant what they must. -- Thucydides %% For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it. -- Luke 14, 28 %% Forbear to judge, for we are sinners all. -- Shakespeare %% Forecasters tend to learn less and less about more and more, until in the end they know nothing about everything. -- Edgar R. Fiedler %% Forecasting is very difficult, especially if it's about the future. -- Edgar R. Fiedler %% Forever floats that standard sheet! Where breathes the foe that falls before us, With freedom's soil beneath our feet, And Freedom's banner streaming o'er us. -- Joseph Rodman Drake %% Forewarned is half an octopus. %% Forget the feelings and rights of other people. %% Forget the good things in life and concentrate on the bad. %% Forget your opponents. Always play against par. -- Sam Snead %% Forgive me my nonsense as I also forgive the nonsense of those who think they talk sense. -- Robert Frost %% Forgiveness is better than revenge, for forgiveness is the sign of a gentle nature, but revenge is the sign of a savage nature. -- Epictetus %% Fortune brings in some boats that are not steered. %% Fortune is a woman. It is necessary, if you wish to master her, to take her by force before she has a chance to resist. -- Niccolo Machiavelli %% Fortune is like the market, where, many times, if you can stay a little, the price will fall. -- Bacon %% Fortune truly helps those who are of good judgment. %% Four be the things I'd have been better without: love, curiosity, freckles and doubt. -- Dorothy Parker %% Four things belong to a judge: to hear courteously, to answer wisely, to consider soberly, and to decide impartially. -- Socrates %% Fourth Law of Thermodynamics: If the probability of success is not almost one, it is damn near zero. -- David Ellis %% Free and fair discussion will ever by found the firmest friend to truth. -- George Campbell %% Free enterprise ended in the United States a good many years ago. Big oil, big steel, big agriculture avoid the open marketplace. Big corporations fix prices among themselves and drive out the small entrepreneur. In their conglomerate forms, the huge corporations have begun to challenge the legitimacy of the state. -- Gore Vidal %% Free enterprise: A huge area of the American economy is still noticable to observers with peripheral vision after they subtract the public sector, conglomerates, federally supported agriculture, monopolies, duopolies, and oligopolies. -- Bernard Rosenberg %% Freedom begins when you tell Mrs. Grundy to go fly a kite. -- Lazarus Long %% Freedom comes from human beings, rather than from laws and institutions. -- Clarance Darrow %% Freedom hath a thousand charms to show, That slaves howe'er contented never know. -- Cowper %% Freedom is not enough. -- Lyndon B. Johnson %% Freedom is nothing else but a chance to be better. -- Albert Camus %% Freedom to live one's life with the window of the soul open to new thoughts, new ideas, new aspirations. -- Harold Ickes %% Fried's 23rd Law: Ideas endure and prosper in inverse proportion to their soundness and validity. %% Friends may come and friends may go, but enemies accumulate. -- Dr. Thomas Jones %% Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, "What! You, too? I thought I was the only one." -- C. S. Lewis %% Friendship is no plant of hasty growth; Tho' planted in esteem's deep fixed soil, The gradual culture of kind intercourse Must bring it to perfection. -- Joanna Baillie %% Friendship is the only thing in the world concerning the usefulness of which all mankind are agreed. -- Cicero %% Friendship's the wine of life. -- Young %% Friendships, like marriages, are dependent on avoiding the unforgivable. -- John D. MacDonald. %% From listening comes wisdom and from speaking repentance. %% From principles is derived probability, but truth or certainty is obtained only from facts. -- Nathaniel Hawthorne %% From the crown of his head to the sole of his foot he is all mirth; he has twice or thrice cut Cupid's bowstring, and the little hangman dare not shoot at him; he hath a heart as sound as a bell, and his tongue is the clapper; for what his heart thinks his tongue speaks. -- Shakespeare %% From the errors of others a wise man corrects his own. -- Publilius Syrus %% From the time we first begin to know, We live and learn, but not the wiser grow. -- Pomfret %% From women's eyes this doctrine I derive; They sparkle still the right Promethean fire; They are the books, the arts, the academies, That show, contain, and nourish all the world, Else, none at all in aught proves excellent. -- Shakespeare %% Frugality may be termed the daughter of prudence, the sister of temperance, and the parent of liberty. He that is extravagant will quickly become poor, and poverty will enforce dependence and invite corruption. -- Johnson %% Fuch's warning: If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well enough to travel. %% Fudge Factor: A physical factor occasionally showing up in experiments as a result of stopping a stopwatch a little early to compensate for reflex error. %% Fudge Factor: The numerical factor by which experimental results must be multiplied to be in agreement with theory. %% Fuller's Law of Cosmic Irreversibility: 1 Pot T = 1 Pot P 1 Pot P <> 1 Pot T -- R. Buckminster Fuller %% Fuzzy project objectives are used to avoid the embarrassment of estimating the corresponding costs. %% GIGO: Garbage in, Gospel out. %% GOD: The contrapuntal genius of human fate. %% GOD: But a word invoked to explain the world. %% Gallantry consists in saying the most empty things in an agreeable manner. -- La Rochefoucauld %% Game is an ill you may with ease obtain, A sad oppression to be born with pain; And when you would the noisy clamor drown, You'll find it hard to lay the burden down. -- Cooke %% Gaming is the son of avarice, but the father of despair. %% Garage mechanic to customer: There's nothing mechanically wrong with your car, sir -- it's just an underachiever. -- David Brown %% Gather ye rosebuds while ye may, Old Time is still a flying; And that same flower that blooms today, To-morrow shall be dying. -- Herrick %% Generalizedness of incompetence is directly proportional to highestness in hierarchy. -- Guy Godin %% Generally he perceived in men of devout simplicity this opinion: that the secrets of nature were the secrets of God, part of that glory into which man is not to press too boldly. -- Bacon %% Generally the theories we believe we call facts, and the facts we disbelieve we call theories. -- Felix Cohen %% Generosity and perfection are your everlasting goals. %% Genius does what it must, talent does what it can. %% Genius is the ability to reduce the complicated to the simple. %% Genius is the highest type of reason -- talent the highest type of understanding. -- Hickok %% Genius means little more than the faculty of perceiving in an unhabitual way. %% Genius, in one respect, is like gold -- a number of persons are constantly writing about both, who have neither. %% Genuine religion is not so much a matter of feeling as a matter of principle. -- Alexander Pope %% Genuine status is a rare and precious jewel, and also rather easy to simulate. -- Charles Merrill Smith %% Get Ahead!!! You could use one. %% Get a shot off FAST! This upsets him long enough to let you make your second shot perfect. -- Lazarus Long %% Get the Hell out of my way! -- John Galt %% Get thee behind me, Satan, and push me along! %% Get your enemies to read your works in order to mend them, for your friend is so much your second self that he will judge too like you. -- Pope %% Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please. -- Mark Twain %% Getting on the cover of TIME guarantees the existence of opposition in the future. -- John Kenneth Galbraith %% Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will eat for the rest of his life. %% Give a small boy a hammer and he will find that everything he encounters needs pounding. -- Abraham Kaplan %% Give every man thine ear, but few thy voice. -- Shakespeare %% Give him an inch and he'll screw you. -- Dave Farber %% Give me health and a day, and I will make ridiculous the pomp of emperors. -- Emerson %% Give me liberty or give me death! -- Patrick Henry %% Give me the ready hand rather than the ready tongue. -- Giuseppe Garibaldi %% Give me to drink, Mandragora, That I may sleep away this gap of time. -- Shakespeare %% Give them a number or give them a date, but never both. -- Edgar R. Fiedler %% Give thy thoughts no tongue, nor any unproportioned thought his act. -- Shakespeare %% Give us, O give us, the man who is cheerful in his work! Be his occupation what it may, he is equal to any of those who follow the same pursuit in silent sullenness. He will do more in the same time -- he will do it better -- he will persevere longer. -- Carlyle %% Give your decisions, never your reasons; your decisions may be right, your reasons are sure to be wrong. -- Earl of Mansfild %% Given a choice between two bald political candidates, the American people will vote for the less bald of the two. -- Vic Gold %% Given enough time, what you put off doing today will eventually get done by itself. -- G. Gestra %% Go fry an egg! %% Go fry ice! %% Go kiss a Wookiee! %% Go to friends for advice; to women for pity; to strangers for charity; to relatives for nothing. %% Go very lightly on the vices, such as carrying on in society, as the social ramble ain't restful. -- Satchel Paige %% Go where the money is. -- Bank robber Willie Sutton %% God and the devil are an effort after specialization and division of labour. %% God blesses still the generous thought And still the fitting word He speeds, And truth, at His requiring taught, He quickens into deeds. -- Whittier %% God gave you that gifted tongue of yours, and set it between your teeth, to make known your true meaning to us, not be rattled like a muffin man's bell. -- Carlyle %% God gives us relatives; thank God we can chose our friends. %% God helps those who have 7 percent mortgages. -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac %% God is not a cosmic bellboy! %% God is omnipotent, omniscient, and omnibenevolent -- it says so right here on the label. If you have a mind capable of believing all three of these divine attributes simultaneously, I have a wonderful bargain for you. No checks, please. Cash, and in small bills. -- Lazarus Long %% God made man, and therefore let him pass for man. -- Shakespeare %% God moves in a mysterious way His wonders to perform; He plants His footsteps in the sea, And rides upon the storm. -- Cowper %% God will forgive me; that's His business. %% God will not give any soldier ammunition who is not willing to go into battle. %% God will not suffer man to have the knowledge of things to come; for if he had prescience of his prosperity he would be careless; and understanding of his adversity he would be senseless. -- Augustine %% Good actions ennoble us, and we are the sons of our own deeds. -- Miguel de Cervantes %% Good breeding shows itself most where, to an ordinary eye, it appears least. -- Addison %% Good conversation, like a defensive driver, yields the right of way. -- William Walter De Bolt %% Good health and good sense are two of life's greatest blessings. %% Good health will be yours for a long time. %% Good healthy attitudes are the ones everyone agrees with, because if we didn't agree with it, it wouldn't be very healthy. %% Good humor is the health of the soul, sadness its poison. -- Stanislaus %% Good intentions always randomize behavior. -- Marion J. Levy, Jr. %% Good intentions are far more difficult to cope with than malicious behavior. -- Marion J. Levy, Jr. %% Good is recognized only when it goes away, evil when it comes. %% Good judgement comes from experience. And experience -- well that comes from having bad judgement. %% Good managers learn to share decisions with others even though they alone must accept responsibility for the results. %% Good news from afar can bring you a welcome visitor. %% Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow That I shall say -- good night till it be morrow. -- Shakespeare %% Good parking places are always on the other side of the street. -- Dr. R. F. Gumperson %% Good people are good because they've come to wisdom through failure. -- William Saroyan %% Good salesmen and good repairmen will never go hungry. -- Robert E. Schenk %% Good sense about trivialities is better than nonsense about things that matter. -- Max Beerbohm %% Good wine and brave men don't last long. %% Good, the more communicated, more abundant grows. -- Milton %% Goodness is beauty in its best estate. -- Marlowe %% Goodwill is achieved by many actions; it can be lost by one. %% Goulden's Axiom of the Bouncing Can (ABC): If you drop a full can of beer, and remember to rap the top sharply with your knuckle prior to opening, the ensuing gush of foam will be between 89 and 94 percent of the volume that would splatter you if you didn't do a damned thing and went ahead and pulled the top immediately. -- Joseph C. Goulden %% Government action and inaction both gravely impair business confidence. -- Mark Epernay %% Government expands to absorb revenue -- and then some. -- Tom Wicker %% Government spending? I don't know what it's all about. I don't know any more about this thing than an economist does, and, God knows, he doesn't know much. -- Will Rogers %% Governments last as long as the under-taxed can defend themselves from the over-taxed. %% Governments, like physicians, must simultaneously be the masters and the servants of those whom they govern. -- Harry V. Jaffa %% Gratiano speaks an infinite deal of nothing, more than any man in Venice; but his reasons are as two grains of wheat in two bushels of chaff; you seek all day ere you find them; and when you have them, they are not worth the search. -- Shakespeare %% Gratitude is best and most effective when it does not evaporate itself in empty phrases. -- Magnifico Giganticus (aka the Mule) %% Gratitude is something of which none of us can give too much. For on the smiles, the thanks we give, our little gestures of appreciation, our neighbors build up their philosophy of life. -- A. J. Cronin %% Gravity is a mystery of the body, invented to conceal the defects of the mind. -- La Rochefoucauld %% Gray's Law of Programming: n + 1 trivial tasks are expected to be accomplished in the same time as n trivial tasks. %% Great errors seldom originate but with men of great minds. -- Petrarch %% Great souls by instinct to each other turn. Demand alliance, and in friendship burn. -- Addison %% Greener's Law: Never argue with a man who buys ink by the barrel. %% Grief knits two hearts in closer bonds than happiness ever can; and common sufferings are far stronger links than common joys. -- Lamartine %% Gummidge's Law: The amount of expertise varies in inverse proportion to the number of statements understood by the general public. %% H. L. Mencken suffers from the hallucination that he is H. L. Mencken -- there is no cure for a disease of that magnitude. -- Maxwell Bodenheim %% HAND CRAFTED: machine that assembles it is operated without gloves %% HIGH ACCURACY: unit on which all parts fit %% HYPOTHESIS: A prediction based on theory formulated after an experiment is performed designed to account for the ludicrous series of events which have taken place. %% Habit gives endurence, and fatigue is the best nightcap. -- Kincaid %% Habit is habit, and not to be flung out the window by any man, but coaxed down stairs one step at a time. -- Mark Twain %% Habit is the easiest way to be wrong again. %% Habit with him was all the test of truth; "It must be right: I've done it from my youth." -- George Crabbe %% Half of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at. -- Solomon Short %% Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted. -- Fred Allen (Sarcasm is the sour cream of wit.) %% Happiness at age ten was finding an empty six pack of returnable Coke bottles. The poor kids these days will never know that they missed, which is why we have a generation gap. -- Richard N. Farmer %% Happiness is a paycheck every week. %% Happiness is having friends who laugh at your stories when they're not so funny and sympathize with you in your troubles even when they're not so bad. %% Happiness is in direct proportion to the distance from the home office. Contradictory Corollary: The diner who is furthest from the kitchen is a nervous eater. -- Al Blanchard %% Happiness is in the taste, and not in the things themselves; we are happy from possessing what we like, not from possessing what others like. -- La Rochefoucauld %% Happiness is just an illusion, filled with sadness and confusion. %% Happy the man, and happy he alone, He, who can call today his own; He who, secure within, can say Tomorrow do thy worst, for I have lived today. -- Dryden %% Harris's Law: Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there. -- James Gibbons Hunekerm %% Hatred is gained as much by good works as by evil. -- Niccolo Machiavelli %% Have the courage to live. Anyone can die. -- Robert Cody %% Have you ever seen a plant with its leaves curled up? Have you watered it and watched its leaves spread out again? Almost as quick as that can be the response of a child's mind to a teacher who knows how to nourish it. -- Morris Mandel %% He alone is an acute observer who can observe minutely without being observed. -- Lavater %% He became mellow before he became ripe. -- Alexander Woollcott %% He compares your nastiness to that of a man who rises in the morning and finds that the shoe he has just put his foot in has been used the night before as a chamber pot. %% He conquers who endures. -- Persius %% He deservedly loses his own property who covets that of another. -- Phoedrus %% He doth bestrice the narrow world, Like a Colossus; and we patty men Walk under his huge legs and peep about To find ourselvs dishonorable graves. -- Shakespeare %% He doth nothing but talk of his horse; and he makes it a great appropriation to his own good parts, that he can shoe himself. -- Shakespeare %% He experienced that nervous agitation to which brave men as well as cowards are subject; with this difference, that the one sinks under it, like the vine under the hailstorm, and the other collects his energies to shake it off, as the cedar of Lebanon is said to elevate its boughs to disperse the show which accumulates upon them. -- Sir Walter Scott %% He had had had where he should have had had had. %% He had occasional flashes of silence that made his conversation perfectly delightful. -- Sydney Smith %% He has more goodness in his little finger Than you have in your whole body. -- Jonathan Swift %% He has, I know not what, of greatness in his looks, and of high fate, that almost awes me. -- John Dryden %% He hated to set precedents; those who did so were sometimes promoted, more frequently they joined their ancestors. -- Robert A. Heinlein %% He hath out-villained villainy so far, that the rarity redeems him. -- Shakespeare %% He hath riches sufficient, who hath enough to be charitable. -- Sir Thomas Browne %% He is a legend in his own mind. -- Ron Randall %% He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides. %% He is poor whose expenses exceeds his income. -- La Bruyere %% He is the encyclopedia of facts. The creation of a thousand forests is in one acorn; and Eygpt, Greece, Rome, Gaul, Britian, America, lie folded already in the first man. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson %% He is the most wretched of men who has never felt adversity. %% He is truly wise who gains wisdom from another's mishap. %% He jests at scars who never felt a wound. -- Shakespeare %% He kept him as the apple of his eye. %% He knew what's what, and that's as high As metaphysics wit can fly. -- Meta %% He lives by rule who lives himself to please. -- Crabbe %% He may look like a clown, but here is the soul of a leader. %% He must have a long spoon that must eat with the devil. -- Shakespeare %% He that despairs, degrades the Deity, and seems to intimate, that He is insufficient, or not just to his word; and in vain hath read the Scriptures, the world and man. -- Feltham %% He that falls into sin is a man; that grieves at it may be a saint; that boasteth of it is a devil. -- Fuller %% He that hath a beard is more than a youth; And he that hath none is less than a man. -- Shakespeare %% He that is without sin among you, let him cast the first stone. -- Jesus Christ %% He that lives upon Hope dies farting. -- Benjamin Franklin %% He that loses hope may part with anything. -- Congreve %% He that never changed any of his opinions never corrected any of his mistakes; and he who was never wise enough to find out any mistakes in himself will not be charitable enough to excuse mistakes in others. %% He that riseth late is not campaigning in New York today. -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac %% He that sips of many arts, drinks of none. -- Fulton %% He that spends all his life in sport is like one who wears nothing but fringes and eats nothing but sauces. -- Fuller %% He that uses many words for the explaining any subject, doth like the cuttlefish, hide himself for the most part in his own ink. -- Ray %% He that wants money, means and content, is without three good friends. -- Shakespeare %% He that will have no books but those that are scarce, evinces about as correct a taste in literature as he would do in friendship, who would have no friends but those whom all the rest of the world have sent to coventry. -- Colton %% He that will keep a monkey should pay for the glasses he breaks. -- Seldon %% He that will not apply new remedies must expect new evils, for time is the greatest innovator. -- Francis Bacon %% He that would have a cake out of the wheat must tarry the grinding. -- Shakespeare %% He thinks that he could easily win your heart. %% He travels fastest who travels alone ... but he hasn't anything to do when he gets there. %% He walks as if balancing the family tree on his nose. %% He was so narrow-minded he could see through a keyhole with two eyes. %% He wasn't exactly hostile to facts, but he was apathetic about them. -- Woollcott Gibbs %% He who can take advice is sometimes superior to him who can give it. -- Von Knebel %% He who can will. He who can't, will teach. -- M. M. Johnston %% He who comes from the kitchen, smells of its smoke; and he who adheres to a sect, has something of its cant; the college air pursues the student; and dry inhumanity him who herds with literary pedants. -- Lavater %% He who conceals a useful truth is equally guilty with the propagator of an injurious falsehood. -- Augustine %% He who envies another admits his own inferiorities. %% He who falls in love with himself will have no rivals. %% He who fights the devil with his own weapons, must not wonder if he finds him an overmatch. -- South %% He who has a shady past knows that nice guys finish last. %%