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From: "Martin Minow, ML3-5/U26  14-May-1990 0944" <minow@bolt.enet.dec.com>
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Laws of computer programming:
  Never test for an error you don't know how to handle.
			-- Brian Kernighan or P. J. Plauger
%%
Laws of computer programming:
  Never do anything clever on a Friday afternoon.
%%
Laws of computer programming:
  No matter how large the computer system, at least 32K bytes is
  reserved for the user.
%%
Laws of computer programming:
  The Gods commanded Hercules to clean out the Augean Stables.
  Not even the Gods demanded that Hercules fill them up again.
%%
Laws of computer programming:
  I'm sorry, but we have a severe opportunity with the system.
%%
Laws of computer programming:
  It's easy to make decisions if you don't have the facts.
			-- DataSaab advertisement
%%
Laws of computer programming:
  Sometimes it's better to have 20,000,000 instructions by Friday
  than 20,000,000 instructios per second.
			-- Wes Clark
%%
Laws of computer programming:
  Anything not worth doing is not worth doing well.
			-- Gordon Bell.
%%
Laws of computer programming:
  Response time is a constant.
			-- Martin Minow
%%
A consultant is a person who borrows your watch,
tells you what time it is, pockets the watch,
and sends you a bill for it.
%%
Comedy is someone else slipping on a banana peel.
%%
  All that is gold does not glitter,
    Nor all those who wander are lost;
  The old that is strong does not wither,
    Deep roots are not touched by the frost.
			-- J. R. R. Tolkien
%%
"A ring of power looks after itself, Frodo.
It may slip off treacherously, but its keeper
never abandons it."
			-- J. R. R. Tolkien
%%
"Many that live deserve death, and some that die
deserve life.  Can you give it to them?  Then, do
not be too eager to deal out death in judgement."
			-- J. R. R. Tolkien
%%
If there is an atomic attack and you survive,
as a postal employee you are directed to report
to the nearest postal installation for civil
defense or postal work.  A civil service form
600 must be filled out by you at this time.
			-- Post office pamphlet,
			   quoted in The Realist, May 1970
%%
Nothing is in the middle of the road but yellow lines
and dead armidillos.
			-- Jim Hightower
			   Texas Commissioner of Agriculture
%%
Eros spelled backwards is sore.
			-- Paul Krassner
%%
There is no wild beast so ferocious as Christians who
differ concerning their faith.
			-- W. E. H. Lecky (1838-1903)
%%
In this enlightened age there are few, I believe, but what
will acknowledge that slavery as an institution is a moral
and political evil in any country.  It is useless to expiate
on its disadvantages.  I think it, however, a greater evil
to the white than to the black race, and while my feelings
are strongly enlisted in behalf of the latter, my sympathies
are more strong for the former.
			-- Robert E. Lee. (1807-1870)
%%
The dictatorship of the proletariat is nothing else than
power based upon force and limited by nothing -- by no
law and by absolutely no rule.
			-- V. I. Lenin (1870-1924)
%%
Soviet power is a new type of state in which there
is no bureaucracy, no police, no standing army.
			-- V. I. Lenin (1870-1924)
%%
The Russian soldier is our friend.  He is here to protect us.
			-- English language textbook
			   seen in Bulgaria (1967)
%%
Can a nation be free if it oppresses other nations?
It cannot.
			-- V. I. Lenin (1870-1924)
%%
Give me four years to teach the children and
the seed I have sown will never be uprooted.
			-- V. I. Lenin (1870-1924)
%%
Why should freedom of speech and freedom of the
press be allowed?  Why should a government which
is doing what it believes is right allow itself
to be criticized?  It would not allow opposition
by lethal weapons.
 
Ideas are much more fatal things than guns.
			-- V. I. Lenin (1870-1924)
%%
To despise legitimate authority, no matter in whom it is
invested, is unlawful; it is rebellion against God's will.
			-- Leo XIII (1810-1903)
%%
A state from which religion is banished can never
be well regulated.
			-- Leo XIII (1810-1903)
%%
The liberty of thinking and publishing whatsoever each one likes,
without any hindrances, is not in itself an advantage over which
society can wisely rejoice.  On the contrary, it is the fountainhead
and origin of many evils.
			-- Leo XIII (1810-1903)
%%
The highest duty is to respect authority.
			-- Leo XIII (1810-1903)
%%
Iron rusts from disuse, stagnant water loses its purity,
and in cold weather becomes frozen; even so does inaction
sap the vigors of the mind.
			-- Leonardo da Vinci (1452-1519)
%%
If we must grind up human flesh and bones in an industrial
machine -- in the industrial machine that we call modern
America -- then, before God, I assert that those who consume
coal, and you and I who benefit from that service -- because
we live in comfort -- owe protection to those men first,
and we owe security to their families after, if they die.
 
I say it! I voice it!  I proclaim it!
 
And I care not who in heaven or hell oppose it.
			-- John L. Lewis (1880-?)
%%
Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it
is the cheapest way of selling goods, particularly if
the goods are worthless.
			-- Sinclair Lewis (1885-1951)
%%
The demon of intemperance ever seems to have delighted in
sucking the blood of genius and generosity.
			--  Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
%%
The assertion that "all men are created equal" was of no practical
use in effecting our separation from Great Britain and it was
placed in the Declaration not for that, but for future use.
			--  Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
%%
This country, with its institutions, belongs to the people who
inhabit.  Whenever they shall grow weary of the existing Government,
they can exercise their constitutional right of amending it, or
their revolutionary right to dismember or overthrow it.
			--  Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
%%
Abroad in the world today is a monstrous falsehood, a
consummate fabrication, to which all social agencies have
loaned themselves and into which most men, women, and children
have been seduced ... "the Eleventh Commandment;" for such,
indeed, has become the injunction:  You Must Adjust.
			-- Robert M. Lindner (1915-1956)
%%
If Fascism came to America it would be on a program of Americanism.
			-- Huey P. Long (1893-1935)
%%
Both of them [Breckenridge and Douglas, Lincoln's opponents]
mean that Labor has no rights which Capital is bound to respect,
-- that there is no higher law than human interest and cupidity.
			-- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
%%
Lying increases the creative faculties, expands the ego,
lessens the friction of social contacts....  It is only in
lies, wholeheartedly and bravely told, that human nature
attains through words and speech the forbearance, the nobility,
the romance, the idealism, that -- being what it is -- it falls
so short of in fact and in deed.
			-- Clare Boothe Luce (1903-?)
%%
I decline Christianity because it is Jewish, because it is
international, and because, in cowardly fashion, it preaches
Peace on Earth.
			-- Erich von Ludendorff (1865-1937)
			  "Belief in a German God"
%%
The conversion of one species into another takes place by a leap.
			-- Trofim Lysenko (1898-?)
%%
Wars are caused by undefended wealth.
			-- Douglas MacArthur (1880-1964)
%%
The Puritan hated bear-baiting, not because it gave pain
to the bear, but because it gave pleasure to the spectators.
			-- Thomas Babington Macaulay (1800-1859)
%%
In taking possession of a state the conqueror should well
reflect as to the harsh measures that may be necessary,
and then execute them at a single blow.... Cruelties should
be committed all at once.
			-- Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)
%%
It is far safer to be feared than loved.
			-- Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)
%%
How perilous it is to free a people who prefer slavery.
			-- Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)
%%
Domestic revolutions are most commonly occasioned by
people who have property, because the fear of losing what
they have begets in them the same passions that burn in
the hearts of those who desire to seize property, because
men think they own securely only those things that they
have taken or defended successfully from others.
			-- Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)
%%
Men, iron, money and bread are the strength of the war,
but of these four, the first two are the most necessary;
because men and iron find money and bread, but bread and
money find not men and iron.
			-- Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)
%%
The remedy in the United States is not less liberty but
real liberty -- an end to the brutal intolerance of
churchly hooligans and flag-waving corporations and all
the rest of the small but bloody despots who have made
the word Americanism a synonym for coercion and legal crime.
			-- Archibald MacLeash (b. 1892)
%%
The perversion of the mind is only possible when those
who should be heard in its defense are silent.
			-- Archibald MacLeash (b. 1892)
%%
You furnish the pictures and I'll furnish the war.
			-- William Randolph Hearst (1863-1951)
%%
Population, when unchecked, increases in a geometrical ratio....
Subsistence only increases in an arithmetical ratio.
			-- Thomas Robert Malthus (1766-1834)
%%
There is one right, which man is generally thought to possess,
which I am confident he neither does, nor can, possess: a
right to subsistence when his labour will not fairly purchase
it.  Our laws indeed say that he has this right, and bind the
society to furnish employment and food to those who cannot get
them in the regular market; but in so doing, they attempt to
reverse the laws of nature.
			-- Thomas Robert Malthus (1766-1834)
%%
Every reasonable human being should be a moderate Socialist.
			-- Thomas Mann (1875-1955)
%%
Of what use is political liberty to those who have no bread?
It is of value only to ambitious theorists and politicians.
			-- Jean Paul Marat (1743-1793)
%%
I cannot read, and wish all books were burnt.  I am lean with seeing
others eat.  O, that there would come a famine through all the world,
that all might die, and I live alone!  Then thou shoulds't see how
fat I would be.
			-- Christopher Marlowe (1564-1593)
			   (Envy, in "Faustus")
%%
Religion is the soul of soulless conditions,
the heart of a heartless world, the opium of the people.
			-- Karl Marx (1818-1883)
%%
Hegel remarks somewhere that all great, historical facts
and personages occur as it were, twice.  He forgets to add:
the first time as tragedy, the second as farce.
			-- Karl Marx (1818-1883)
%%
From the commencement of the titanic struggle in America
[the Civil War], the working men of Europe felt instinctively
that the Star Spangled Banner carried the destiny of their class.
			-- Karl Marx (1818-1883)
			   Letter to President Lincoln, (1865)
%%
The road to Hell is paved with good intentions.
			-- Karl Marx (1818-1883)
%%
Anyone who knows anything of history knows that great
social changes are impossible without the feminine ferment.
Social progress can be measured exactly by the social
position of the fair sex (the ugly ones included).
			-- Karl Marx (1818-1883)
%%
I, I am not a Marxist.
			-- Karl Marx (1818-1883)
%%
The daily press and the telegraph which in a moment spreads
inventions over the whole world, fabricate more myths ...
in a day than could have formerly been done in a century.
			-- Karl Marx (1818-1883)
%%
Capitalism will kill competition.
			-- Karl Marx (1818-1883)
%%
Commonplace people dislike tragedy because they dare
not suffer and cannot exult.
			-- John Masefield (1878-?)
%%
Success is the brand on the brow of the man who has aimed too low.
			-- John Masefield (1878-?)
%%
That which goes contrary to the prevailing taste is, for me,
the most precious of things.... Whatever is scorned, despised
or not understood by the society in which one lives has prospects
for the future.
			-- Andre Masson (1896-?)
%%
Money is like a sixth sense -- and you can't make use of the
other five without it.
			-- W. S. Maugham (1874-?)
%%
Any body of men who believe in hell will persecute whenever
they have the power.
			-- Joseph M. McCabe (1867-1957)
%%
Of all the preposterous assumptions of humanity over humanity,
nothing exceeds most of the criticisms made on the habits of
the poor by the well-housed, well-warmed, and well-fed.
			-- Herman Melville (1819-1891)
%%
They talk of the dignity of work.  Bosh.  The dignity is in leisure.
			-- Herman Melville (1819-1891)
%%
There are certain queer times and occasions in this strange
mixed affair we call life when a man takes his whole universe
for a vast practical joke.
			-- Herman Melville (1819-1891)
			   "Moby Dick"
%%
Metaphysics is almost always an attempt to prove the incredible
by an appeal to the unintelligible.
			-- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
%%
A Galileo could no more be elected president of the United States
than he could be elected Pope of Rome.  Both high posts are reserved
for men favored by God with an extraordinary genius for swathing
the bitter facts of life in bandages of self-illusion.
			-- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
%%
The demagogue is one who preaches doctrines he knows to be untrue
to men he knows to be idiots.
			-- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
%%
Truth ... never comes into the world, but like a Bastard,
to the ignominy of him that brought her forth.
			-- John Milton (1608-1674)
%%
Fear and dull disposition, lukewarmness and sloth, are not seldom
wont to cloak themselves under the affected name of Moderation.
			-- John Milton (1608-1674)
%%
  The mind is its own place, and in itself
  Can make a heaven of Hell, a hell of Heaven.
			-- John Milton (1608-1674)
			   "Paradise Lost" bk. i, 253
%%
There is no rampart that will hold out against malice.
			-- Jean Baptiste Moliere (1622-1673)
			   "Tartuffe"
%%
I prefer an accomodating vice to an obstinate virtue.
			-- Jean Baptiste Moliere (1622-1673)
%%
Preparation for war is a constant stimulus to suspicion and ill will.
			-- President James Monroe (1758-1831)
%%
There is no man so good, who, were he to submit all his thoughts and
actions to the laws, would not deserve hanging ten times in his life.
			-- Michel de Montaigne (1533-1592)
%%
Question: "Do you consider $10 a week enough for a longshoreman with
a family to support?"
 
Answer: "If that's all he can get, and he takes it, I should say it's enough."
			-- J. P. Morgan (1837-1913)
%%
If you take credit for the rain, don't be surprised
if you're blamed for the drought.
			-- Dwight W. Morrow (1873-1931) (Paraphrased)
%%
Attempted assassinations are the accidents of kings, just as
falling chimneys are the accidents of masons.  If we must weep,
let us weep for the masons.
			-- Benito Mussolini (1883-1945)
%%
Convictions are more dangerous enemies of truth than lies.
			-- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
%%
Anti-Semites -- another name for "failures."
			-- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
%%
  War is peace,
  Freedom is slavery,
  Ignorance is strength.
			-- George Orwell (1903-1950)
			   "1984"
%%
The past is whatever the records and the memories agree upon.
And since the party is in full control of all records, and in
equally full control of the minds of its members, it follows
that the past is whatever the party chooses to make it.
Six means eighteen, two plus two equals five, war is peace,
freedom is slavery, ignorance is strength.
			-- George Orwell (1903-1950)  "1984"
%%
Thoughts are free and are subject to no rule.
On them rests the freedom of man, and they
tower above the light of nature.
			-- von Hohenheim (1493-1541)
%%
Poison is in everything, and no thing is without poison.
The dosage makes it either a poison or a remedy.
			-- von Hohenheim (1493-1541)
%%
  Razors pain you,
  Rivers are damp,
  Acids stain you,
  And drugs give you cramp.
  Guns aren't lawful,
  Nooses give,
  Gas smells awful,
  You might as well live.
			-- Dorothy Parker (1893-1967)
%%
We all know that art is not truth.  Art is the lie that
makes us realize truth -- at least the truth that is
given us to understand.
			-- Pablo Picasso (1891-?)
%%
Everyone knows that damage is done to the soul
by bad motion pictures.
			-- Pius XI (1857-1939)
%%
Reader, suppose you were an idiot.
And suppose you were a member of Congress.
But I repeat myself.
			-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich
as well as the poor to sleep under bridges, to beg
in the street, and to steal bread.
			-- Anatole France (1844-1924)
%%
Necessity has no law; I know some Lawyers of the same.
			-- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
%%
  Breathes there a man with hide so tough
  Who says two sexes aren't enough.
			-- Samuel Goodman Hoffenstein (1890-1946)
%%
It's a naive domestic Burgundy without any breeding,
but I think you'll be amused by its presumption.
			-- James Thurber (1894-1961)
%%
It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers.
			-- James Thurber (1894-1961)
%%
The rulers of the State are the only ones who should
have the privilege of lying, whether at home or abroad;
they may be allowed to lie for the good of the State.
			-- Plato (427-347 B.C.)? "The Republic"
%%
Any ordinary city is in fact two cities, one the city of the poor,
the other of the rich, each at war with the other; and in either
division there are smaller ones -- you would make a great mistake
if you treated them as single states.
			-- Plato (427-347 B.C.)? "The Republic"
%%
Knowledge which is acquired under compulsion has no hold
on the mind. Therefore do not use compulsion, but let
early education be rather a sort of amusement; this will
better enable you to find out the natural bent of the child.
			-- Plato (427-347 B.C.)? "The Republic"
%%
... And yet the true creator is necessity,
which is the mother of invention.
			-- Plato (427-347 B.C.)? "The Republic"
%%
Then the first thing will be to establish a censorship of the writers
of fiction, and let the censors receive any tale of fiction which is
good, and reject the bad; and we will desire mothers and nurses to
tell their children the authorized ones only.
			-- Plato (427-347 B.C.)? "The Republic"
%%
The people always have some champion whom they set over them
and nurse into greatness.... This and no other is the root
from which tyranny springs.
			-- Plato (427-347 B.C.)? "The Republic"
%%
... But when he [the people's champion] has disposed of foreign
enemies by conquest or treaty, and there is nothing to fear from them,
then he is always stirring up some war or other, in order that the
people may require a leader.
			-- Plato (427-347 B.C.)? "The Republic"
%%
Neither do the ignorant seek after wisdom.  For herein is
the evil of ignorance, that he who is neither good nor wise
is nevertheless satisfied with himself; he has no desire
for that of which he feels no want.
			-- Plato (427-347 B.C.)?
%%
He was a wise man who invented God.
			-- Plato (427-347 B.C.)?
%%
Even the gods love their jokes.
			-- Plato (427-347 B.C.)?
%%
The gods play games with men as pieces.
			-- Titus Maccius Plautus (254?-184 B.C.)
 
  "Raffinerat ist der Herr Gott, aber boshaft ist Er nicht."
  (God is subtle, but He is not malicious.)
			-- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
%%
The politician who steals is worse than a thief.
He is a fool.  With the grand opportunities all
around for a man with political pull, there's no
excuse for stealin' a cent.
			-- George Washington Plunkitt (1842-1924)
%%
  All nature is but art, unknown to thee;
  All chance, direction, which thou canst not see;
  All discord, harmony not understood;
  All partial evil, universal good;
  And spite of pride, in erring reason's spite,
  One truth is clear, Whatever is, is right.
			-- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
%%
Man is the measure of all things,
of things that are that they are,
and of things that are not that they are not.
			-- Protagoras of Adera (481-411 B.C.)?
%%
  "Honesta turpitudo est pro causa bona."
  (Crime is honest in a good cause.)
			-- Publilius Syrus (1st cent. B.C.)
%%
Let the greatest part of the news thou hearest be the least
part of what thou believest, lest the greater part of what
thou believest be the least part of what is true.
			-- Francis Quarles (1592-1644)
%%
If you have a weak candidate and a weak platform, wrap yourself
up in the American flag and talk about the Constitution.
			-- Matt Quay (1833-1904)
%%
One, with God, is always a majority, but many a martyr has
been burned at the stake while the votes were being counted.
			-- Thomas B. Reed (1839-1902)
%%
The slum is the measure of civilization.
			-- Jacob Riis (1849-1914)
%%
  The net of law is spread so wide,
  No sinner from its sweep may hide.
  Its meshes are so fine and strong,
  They take in every child of wrong.
    O wondrous web of mystery!
    Big fish alone escape from thee!
			-- James Jeffrey Roche (1847-1908)
%%
I believe that thrift is essential to well ordered living.
			-- John D. Rockefeller (Jr.) (1874-1960)
%%
O liberty!  O liberty!  What crimes are commited in your name!
			-- Mme. Jeanne (Manon) Roland (1754-1793)
%%
A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who,
however, has never learned how to walk forward.
			-- Franklin D. Roosevelt (1882-1945)
%%
The more we condemn unadulterated Marxian Socialism, the stouter
should be our insistence on thorough-going social reforms.
			-- Franklin D. Roosevelt (1882-1945)
%%
Tonight I give lecture to Art Students' League.
 
I want a picture of a horse to show that animal is beautiful
because every part made for function, without ornament.
 
In Paris I would show woman, but in Toronto I show a horse.
			-- Anonymous French artist (1931)
			   from "The Book of Insults"
%%
His great aim was to escape from civilization, and,
as soon as he had money, he went to Southern California.
			-- from "The Book of Insults"
%%
No one ever went broke underestimating
the taste of the American people.
			-- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
%%
It is absurd to say that there are neither ruins
nor curiosities in America when they have their
mothers and their manners.
			-- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
Ducking for apples -- change one letter and it's the story of my life.
			-- Dorothy Parker (1893-1967)
%%
In the first place God made idiots; this was for practice;
then he made school boards.
			-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
From the moment I picked your book up until I put it down I
was convulsed with laughter.  Some day I intend reading it.
			-- Groucho Marx (1895-1977)
			   from "The Book of Insults"
%%
May you be cursed with a chronic anxiety about the weather.
			-- John Burroughs (1837-1921)
			   from "The Book of Insults"
%%
Age before beauty ... And pearls before swine.
			-- Dorothy Parker (1893-1967)
			   from "The Book of Insults"
%%
Sir, a woman's preaching is like a dog's walking on his hind legs.
It is not done well; but you are surprised to find it done at all.
			-- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)
%%
  There's a wonderful family called Stein,
  There's Gert and there's Epp and there's Ein;
    Gert's poems are bunk,
    Epp's statues are junk,
  And no one can understand Ein.
%%
The persons who remain poor are the entirely foolish,
the entirely wise, the idle, the reckless, the humble,
the thoughtful, the dull, the imaginative, the sensitive,
the well-informed, the improvident, the irregularly and
impulsively wicked, the clumsy knave, the open thief,
and the entirely merciful, just, and godly person.
			-- John Ruskin (1819-1900)
%%
You may either win your peace or buy it;
win it by resistance to evil;
buy it by compromise with evil.
			-- John Ruskin (1819-1900)
%%
To fear love is to fear life, and those who
fear life are already three parts dead.
			-- Bertrand Russell (1872-1967)
%%
The reformative effect of punishment is a belief that dies hard,
chiefly I think, because it is so satisfying to our sadistic impulses.
			-- Bertrand Russell (1872-1967)
%%
There is no nonsense so arrant that it cannot be made the
creed of the vast majority by adequate governmental action.
			-- Bertrand Russell (1872-1967)
%%
The pursuit of knowledge is, I think, mainly actuated by love of power.
			-- Bertrand Russell (1872-1967)
%%
But schools are out to teach patriotism; newspapers are out
to stir up excitement; and politicians are out to get re-elected.
None of the three, therefore, can do anything whatever toward
saving the human race from reciprocal suicide.
			-- Bertrand Russell (1872-1967)
%%
Much that passes as idealism is disguised
hatred or disguised love for power.
			-- Bertrand Russell (1872-1967)
%%
Men tend to have the beliefs that suit their passions.
 
Cruel men believe in a cruel God and use their belief
to excuse their cruelty.  Only kindly men believe in a
kindly God, and they would be kindly in any case.
			-- Bertrand Russell (1872-1967)
%%
Power is sweet; it is a drug, the desire for which
increases with a habit.
			-- Bertrand Russell (1872-1967)
%%
It is clear that thought is not free if the profession
of certain opinions makes it impossible to earn a living.
			-- Bertrand Russell (1872-1967)
%%
The infliction of cruelty with a good conscience is a
delight to moralists.  That is why they invented Hell.
			-- Bertrand Russell (1872-1967)
%%
Freedom of opinion can only exist when
the government thinks itself secure.
			-- Bertrand Russell (1872-1967)
%%
Every advance in civilization has been denounced
as unnatural while it was recent.
			-- Bertrand Russell (1872-1967)
%%
Marriage laws, the police, armies and navies
are the mark of human incompetence.
			-- Dora Russell (1894-?)
%%
Those who have economic power have civil power also.
			-- George W. Russell (AE) (1867-1935)
%%
Authority and liberty are two incompatible ideas....
Liberty diminishes in proportion as man progresses
and becomes civilized.
			-- Antonio de Oliveira Salazar (1899-?)
%%
In the newspapers I often read this pitiful sentence:
"The people must be taught to read," and I say to myself,
What shall they read?  It is education and undesirable
literature, these are our enemies.
			-- Antonio de Oliveira Salazar (1889-?)
%%
Fanaticism consists in redoubling your
effort when you have forgotten your aim.
			-- George Santayana (1863-1952)
%%
To call war the soil of courage and virtue
is like calling debauchery the soil of love.
			-- George Santayana (1863-1952)
%%
Scepticism is the chastity of the intellect.
			-- George Santayana (1863-1952)
%%
It is not worldly ecclesiastics that kindle the fires of
persecution, but mystics who think they hear the voice of God.
			-- George Santayana (1863-1952)
%%
Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world,
he is responsible for everything he does.
			-- Jean-Paul Sartre (1905-?)
%%
"Mit der Dummheit kaempfen Goetter selbst vergebens."
 
(Against stupidity the very gods fight in vain.)
			-- Friedrich Schiller (1759-1805)
%%
All those who dread uncertainty either because of timidity
or from conventional-mindedness or for fear of material
loss are enlisted under the conservative standard.
			-- Arthur M. Schlesinger, Sr. (1888-?)
%%
Martyrdom has always been a proof of the intensity,
never of the correctness of a belief.
			-- Arthur Schnitzler (1882-1931)
%%
The amount of noise which anyone can bear undisturbed stands
in inverse proportion to his mental capacity, and may therefore
be regarded as a pretty fair measure of it.... Noise is a torture
to all intellectual people.
			-- Arthur Schopenhauer (1788-1860)
%%
The greatest intellectual capacities are only found
in connection with a vehement and passionate will.
			-- Arthur Schopenhauer (1788-1860)
%%
Truth that has merely been learned is like an artificial limb,
a false tooth, a waxen nose; it adheres to us only because it
is put on. But truth acquired by thought of our own is like a
natural limb; it alone really belongs to us.
			-- Arthur Schopenhauer (1788-1860)
%%
Patriotism is the passion of fools and the most foolish of passions.
			-- Arthur Schopenhauer (1788-1860)
%%
There is no absurdity so palpable but that it may be firmly planted
in the human head if only you begin to inculate it before the age
of five, by constantly repeating it with an air of great solemnity.
			-- Arthur Schopenhauer (1788-1860)
%%
Onto the lewd all things are lewd.
			-- Theodore Schroeder (1864-?)
%%
Censorship always protects and perpetuates every horror
of the prevailing forms of oppression.  With us, its
subtle disguises increase its evil by creating delusions
of safety, liberty and democracy.  It precludes that
intelligence which is necessary to hasten a wholesome and
natural social evolution.  By that same ignorance it makes
revolutions more certain, more bloody, and less useful.
			-- Theodore Schroeder (1864-?)
%%
Comedy is the last refuge of the nonconformist mind.
			-- Gilbert Seldes (1893-?)
%%
Nothing is inevitable -- not even revolution.
			-- Gilbert Seldes (1893-?)
%%
It is proof of a bad cause when it is applauded by the mob.
			-- Seneca (the Younger) (4? B.C.-65 A.D.)
%%
In our Victorian dislike of the practice of calling a spade
a bloody shovel, it is not necessary to go to the opposite
extreme of calling it an agricultural implement.
			-- Robert W. Seton-Watson (1879-1951)
%%
Capitalism has destroyed our belief in any effective
power but that of self interest backed by force.
			-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
My way of joking is to tell the truth.
It's the funniest joke in the world.
			-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
The universal regard for money is the
one hopeful fact in our civilization.
			-- George Bernard Shaw (1056-1950)
%%
The seven deadly sins... Food, clothing, firing, rent,
taxes, respectability and children.  Nothing can lift
those seven milestones from man's neck but money; and
the spirit cannot soar until the milestones are lifted.
			-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
Every man is a revolutionist concerning the thing he understands.
For example, every person who has mastered a profession is a sceptic
concerning it, and consequently a revolutionist.
			-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
Any person under the age of thirty, who, having any knowledge of the
existing social order, is not a revolutionist, is an inferior.
			-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
The art of government is the organization of idolatry.
			-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
Each of my managers explained carefully his own theory
of what had gone wrong and all the theories were different.
At last, there breezed into my office the most senior manager
of all, ... Andrew St. Johnston.  I was surprised that he had
even heard of me.  'You know what went wrong?' he shouted --
he always shouted -- 'You let your programmers do things which
you yourself do not understand.' ... I realized later that he
was absolutely right.
			-- C. A. R. Hoare (1981)
%%
Democracy substitutes selection by the incompetent many
for appointment by the corrupt few.
			-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
Liberty means responsibility.  That is why most men dread it.
			-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
Beware of the man whose god is in the skies.
			-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
The man who listens to Reason is lost:
Reason enslaves all whose minds are not
strong enough to master her.
			-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
Do not waste your time on Social Questions.
What is the matter with the poor is Poverty;
what is the matter with the rich is Uselessness.
			-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
Lack of money is the root of all evil.
			-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
You'll never have a quiet world till you knock
the patriotism out of the human race.
			-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
A gentleman of our days is one who has money enough
to do what every fool would do if he could afford it:
that is, consume without producing.
			-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
It is necessary for the welfare of society that genius
should be privileged to utter sedition, to blaspheme,
to outrage good taste, to corrupt the youthful mind,
and generally to scandalize one's uncles.
			-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
I my self have been particularly careful never to say a civil
word to the United States.  I have scoffed at their inhabitants
as a nation of villagers.  I have defined the 100% American as
99% an idiot.  And they adore me.
			-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
 
"Dear Mr. Seldes:  I cannot remember the exact wording of the
statement to which you allude; but what I meant was that ...
a man who calls himself a 100% American and is proud of it,
is generally 150% an idiot politically.  But the designations
may be good business for war veterans.  Having bled for their
country in 1861 and 1918, they have bled it all they could
consequently.  And why not?"
			-- from George Seldes, The Great Quotations
%%
Food and houses and clothes can be produced by human labor,
but when they are produced they can be stolen... What you
do to a horse or a bee, you can also do to a man or a woman
or a child.  You can get the upper hand of them by force,
or trickery of any sort, or even by teaching them that it
is their religious duty to sacrifice their freedom to ours.
			-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
Power does not corrupt men; fools, however, if they get
into a position of power, corrupt power.
			-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
There is only one sort of genuine Socialism, the democratic
sort, by which I mean the organization of society for the
benefit of the whole people.
			-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
Patriotism is pernicious, psychopathic form of idiocy.
			-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
Vox populi, vox humbug.
			-- William Tecumseh Sherman (1820-1891)
%%
There is many a boy here today who looks on war as all glory,
but, boys, it is all hell.  You can bear this warning voice
to generations yet to come.  I look upon war with horror.
			-- William Tecumseh Sherman (1820-1891)
%%
If forced to choose between the penitentiary and the White House
for four years, I would say the penitentiary, thank you.
			-- William Tecumseh Sherman (1820-1891)
%%
How is it that the American, once he has attained his majority,
appears to us as the perfect conformist.  It is, perhaps, because
he has exhausted during his childhood and adolescence practically
all his indiscipline and anarchy, so that he has no difficulty
later in life in integrating himself into a collective society,
which he himself fully accepts.
			-- Andre Siegfried (1875-1959)
%%
Every means tends to become an end.  To understand the tragedy
of history it is necessary to grasp that fact.  Machines, which
ought to be man's instruments, enslave him, the state enslaves
religion, parliament enslaves democracy, institutions enslave
justice, academies enslave art, the party enslaves the cause,
the dictatorship of the proletariat enslaves Socialism.
			-- Ignazio Silone (1900-?)
%%
Fascism is Capitalism plus Murder.
			-- Upton Sinclair (1878-?)
%%
Fascism is big business armed with bayonets.
			-- Grant Singleton (1890-?)
%%
The apathy of the born freeman is worse
than the docility of the born slave.
			-- Grant Singleton (1890-?)
%%
It may be taken as an axiom that the majority is always wrong
in cultural matters... Politically I believe in democracy,
but culturally, not at all...  Whenever a cultural matter
rolls up a majority, I know it's wrong.
			-- John Sloan (1871-1951)
%%
The real price of everything, what everything really costs
to the man who wants to acquire it, is the toil and trouble
of acquiring it.
			-- Adam Smith (1723-1790)
%%
It was not by gold or by silver, but by labour that all wealth of
the world was originally purchased; and its value, to those who
possess it, and who want to exchange it for some new productions,
is precisely equal to the quantity of labour which it can enable
them to purchase or command.
			-- Adam Smith (1723-1790)
%%
Hark ye, Clinker, you are a most notorious offender.
You stand convicted of sickness, hunger, wretchedness,
and want.
			-- Tobias Smollet (1721-1771)
%%
But surely no capitalist would ever agree to the complete
abolition of unemployment, to the abolition of the reserve
army of unemployed, the purpose of which is to bring pressure
on the labor market, to ensure a supply of cheap labor.
			-- Joseph Stalin (1879-1953)
%%
Education is a weapon, whose effect depends on who holds
it in his hands and  at whom it is aimed.
			-- Joseph Stalin (1879-1953)
 
"The Russian soldier is our friend.  He is here to protect us."
			-- First sentence in an English textbook
			   seen in Bulgaria (printed in Moscow).
%%
A single death is a tragedy.  A million deaths is a statistic.
			-- Joseph Stalin (1879-1953)
%%
The fields were fruitful, and starving men moved on the roads.
The granaries were full and the children of the poor grew up
rachitic, and the pustules of pellagra swelled on their side.
The great companies did not know  that the line between hunger
and anger is a thin line.
			-- John Steinbeck (1902-?)
			   "The Grapes of Wrath"
%%
Illegitimati non carborundum.
			-- Joseph W. Stilwell (1883-1946)
%%
When a true genius appears in this world you may know him by the
sign that the dunces are all in confederacy against him.
			-- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
%%
We have enough religion to make us hate,
but not enough to make us love one another.
			-- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
%%
It is a maxim among lawyers, that whatever hath been done before
may legally be done again: and therefore they take special care to
record all the decisions formerly made against common justice and
the general reason of mankind.  These, under the name of precedents,
they produce as authorities, to justify the most iniquitous opinions;
and the judges never fail of directing accordingly.
			-- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
			   "Gulliver's Travels"
%%
The business of the New York journalist is to destroy the truth, to
lie outright, to pervert, to vilify, to fawn at the feet of Mammon,
and to sell his race and his country for his daily bread.
			-- John Swinton (1830-1901)
%%
"Ubi solitudinem faciunt, pacem appelant."
 
(They make a desert and call it peace.)
			-- Tacitus (55?-120?)
 
"It was necessary to destroy the village in order to save it."
			-- U. S. Army Commander, Vietnam.
%%
Lust of power is the most flagrant of all the passions.
			-- Tacitus (55?-120?)
%%
Who can protest and does not, is an accomplice in the act.
			-- The Talmud (Sabbath, 54 b.)
%%
Power buries those who wield it.
			-- The Talmud (Yoma, 86 b.)
%%
We presume none sins unless he stands to profit by it.
			-- The Talmud (Baba Metzia, 5 b.)
%%
He was bought and sold and treated as an ordinary article of merchandise
whenever a profit could be made by it.  This opinion was at that time
fixed and universal in the civilized portion of the white race.
			-- Roger B. Taney (1777-1864)
			   [Dred Scott v. Sanford, 1857]
%%
"Certum est quia impossibile est."
 
(It is certain, because it is impossible.)
			-- Tertullian (180?-230?)
%%
A woman's appearance depends upon two things:  the clothes she wears
and the time she gives to her toilet... Against the first we bring the
charge of ostentation, against the second of harlotry.
			-- Tertullian (180?-230?)
%%
Under a government which imprisons any unjustly, the true place
for a just man is also a prison.
			-- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
%%
Things do not change; we change.
			-- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
%%
Any movement in history which attempts to perpetuate itself,
becomes reactionary.
			-- Josef Broz Tito (1892-1980)
%%
I know of no country in which there is so little independence
of mind and real freedom of discussion as in America.
			-- Alexis de Tocqueville (1805-1859)
%%
Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side?  And hain't that
a big enough majority in any town?
			-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
			   "Huckleberry Finn"
%%
Democracy: A government of the masses.  Authority derived through mass
meeting or any other form of direct expression.  Results in mobocracy.
Attitude toward property is communistic... negating property rights.
Attitude toward law is that the will of the majority shall regulate,
whether it is based upon deliberation or governed by passion, prejudice,
and impulse, without restraint or regard to consequences. Result is
demagogism, license, agitation, discontent, anarchy.
			-- U. S. Army Training Manual
			   No. 2000-25 (1928-1932), since withdrawn.
%%
Fascism is not the easist thing to identify and analyze; nor once in
power, is it easy to destroy... Points to stress are:
 
(1) Fascism is more apt to come to power in time of economic crisis;
 
(2) Fascism inevitably leads to war;
 
(3) it can come in any country;
 
(4) we can best combat it by making our democracy work.
 
			-- U. S. Army (1945)
%%
Fascism is government by the few and for the few.  The objective is
seizure and control of the economic, political, social and cultural
life of the state.
			-- U. S. Army (1945)
%%
The United States also has its native Fascists who say that
they are "100 percent American"...
			-- U. S. Army (1945)
%%
An American Fascist seeking power would not proclaim that he is a
fascist. Fascism always camoulfages its plans and purposes. ... Any
fascist attempt made to gain power in America would not use the exact
Hitler pattern.  It would work under the guise of "super-patriotism"
and "super-Americanism". Fascist leaders are neither stupid nor naive.
They know that they must hand out a line that "sells".  Huey Long is
said to have remarked that if Fascism came to America it would be on a
program of "Americanism".
			-- U. S. Army (1945)
%%
In conformity with the interests of the working people, and in order
to strengthen the socialist system, the citizens of the U.S.S.R. are
guaranteed by law:
 
(a) Freedom of Speech;
 
(b) Freedom of the Press;
 
(c) Freedom of assembly, including the holding of mass meetings.
 
(d) Freedom of street processions and demonstrations.
 
			-- Constitution of the U.S.S.R.
 
"... upon the single condition that they be utilized in accord with
the interests of the toilers and to the end of strengthening the
socialist social order."
			-- Andrei Vishinsky (1883-?)
%%
When I want to buy up any politicians I always find the anti-monopolists
the most purchasable.  They don't come so high.
			-- William H. Vanderbilt (1821-1885)
%%
It is forbidden to kill; therefore all murderers are punished unless
they kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets.
			-- Voltaire (1694-1778)
%%
Every one wishes to have truth on his side, but it is not every one
that sincerely wishes to be on the side of truth.
			-- Richard Whately (1787-1863)
%%
This new development [automation] has unbounded possibilities for
good and for evil.
			-- Norbert Weiner (1894-1964)
%%
Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people
for the people.
			-- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
An idea that is not dangerous is unworthy of being called an idea at all.
			-- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
Patriotism is the virtue of the vicious.
			-- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
There is no sin except stupidity.
			-- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book.
Books are well written, or badly written, That is all.
			-- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
Nothing makes one so vain as being told that one is a sinner.
Conscience makes egotists of us all.
			-- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.
			-- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
The books that the world calls immoral are books that show the world
its own shame.
			-- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
The man who sees both sides of a question is a man who sees
absolutely nothing.
			-- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
A good catchword can obscure analysis for fifty years.
			-- Wendell L. Wilkie (1892-1944)
%%
  You cannot hope to bribe or twist
    Thank God! the British journalist.
  But, seeing what the man will do
    Unbribed, there's no occasion to.
			-- Humbert Wolfe (1885-1940)
%%
Tell the truth, and so puzzle and confound your adversaries.
			-- Sir Henry Wotton (1568-1639)
%%
Every dogma has its day, but ideals are eternal.
			-- Israel Zangwill (1884-1926)
%%
It seems that somewhere in the legendary past of louse history, an
offspring of a free living form, not unlike our book louse, found that
life could be infinitely simplified, if instead of having to grub for
food in straw [or] under tree bark, ... it could attach itself to some
food-supplying host and sit tight.
 
The louse, by adapting itself to parasitism, has attained the ideal of
bourgeois civilization, though its methods of getting food, shelter,
and clothing are more direct than those of business and banking, and
its source of nourishment is not its own species.
			-- Hans Zinsser (1878-1940)
%%
The truth is on the march and nothing will stop it.
			-- Emile Zola (1840-1902)
			"J'Accuse!"
%%
      Recursion in everyday life:
 
    Inscription on a shampoo bottle:
 
               Lather
               Rinse
               Repeat
			-- Seen on an MIT computer's login message
%%
Mathematics may be defined as the subject in which we never know what
we are talking about, nor whether what we are saying is true.
			-- Bertrand Russell (1872-1967)
%%
Someone who had begun to read geometry with Euclid, when he had learned
the first propostion, asked Euclid, "But what shall I get by learning
these things?"  whereupon Euclid called his slave and said "Give him
three-pence since he must make gain out of what he knows.
			-- Johannes Stobaeus (5th C. A.D.)
%%
There still remain three studies suitable for free man.  Arithmetic is
one of them.
			-- Plato (427?-347? B.C.)
%%
The power of dealing with numbers is a kind of "detached lever"
arrangement which may be put into a mighty poor watch.  I suppose it
is about as common as the power of moving ears voluntarily, which is a
moderately rare endowment.
			-- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)
%%
"Multiply in your head" (ordered the compassionate Dr. Adams)
"365,365,365,365,365,365 by 365,365,365,365,365,365."  [Ten-year-old
Truman Henry Safford] flew around the room like a top, pulled his
pantaloons over the tops of his boots, bit his hands, rolled his eyes
in their sockets, sometimes smiling and talking, and then seeming to
be in an agony, until, in not more than one minute, said he,
133,491,850,208,566,925,016,658,299,941,583,255!"  An electronic
computer might do the job a little faster but it wouldn't be as
much fun to watch.
			-- James R. Newman (The World of Mathematics)
%%
Scienta sine arte nihil est: ars sine scientia nihil est.
			-- Author Unknown
%%
I do hate sums.  There is no greater mistake than to call arithmetic
an exact science.  There are permutations and aberrations discernible
to minds entirely nobile like mine;  subtle variations which ordinary
accountants fail to discover; hidden laws of number which it requires
a mind like mine to perceive.  For instance, if you add a sum from the
bottom up, and then again from the top down, the result is always
different.
			-- Mrs. La Touche (19th cent.)
%%
Mathematicians are like Frenchmen:  whatever you say to them they
translate into their own language, and forthwith it is something
entirely different.
			-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)
%%
I am not for imposing any sense on your words: you are at liberty to
explain them as you please.  Only, I beseech you, make me understand
something by them.
			-- Bishop Berkeley
%%
Earthly minds, like mud walls, resist the strongest batteries; and
though, perhaps, sometimes the force of a clear argument may make some
impression, yet they nevertheless stand firm, keep out the enemy,
truth, that would captivate or disturb them.
			-- John Locke (1632-1704)
%%
How often have I said to you that when you have eliminated the
impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.
			-- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (The Sign of Four)
%%
Mark all Mathematical heads which be wholly and only bent on these
sciences, how solitary they be themselves, how unfit to live with
other, how unapt to serve the world.
				-- Roger Ascham (ca. 1550)
%%
I believe that in about fifty years' time it will be possible to
programme computers, with a storage capacity of about 1,000,000,000
[bits], to make them play the imitation game so well that an average
interrogator will not have more than 70 percent chance of making
the right identification after five minutes of questioning.
				-- Alan M. Turing (?-1954)
 
[In the imitation game, an person questions two entities
and must decide which is human and which is a machine
programmed to act human.]
%%
Not until a machine can write a sonnet or compose a concerto because
of thoughts and emotions felt, and not by the chance fall of symbols,
could we agree that machine equals brain -- that is, not only write it
but know that it had written it.  No mechanism could feel (and not
merely artificially signal, an easy contrivance) pleasure at its
successes, grief when its valves fuse, be warmed by flattery, be made
miserable by its mistakes, be charmed by sex, be angry or depressed
when it cannot get what it wants.
			-- C. Jefferson (quoted by A. M. Turing)
%%
Men have become tools of their tools.
			-- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
%%
  There once was a man who said, "Damn!
  It is borne in upon me I am
    An engine that moves
    In predestinate grooves,
  I'm not even a bus I'm a tram."
			-- Maurice Evan Hare (1905)
%%
We may hope that machines will eventually compete with men in all
purely intellectual fields.  But which are the best ones to start
with?  Many people think that a very abstract activity, like the
playing of chess, would be best.  It can also be maintained that it
is best to provide the machine with the best sense organs that money
can buy, and then teach it to understand and speak English.
			-- Alan M. Turing (?-1954)
%%
Inevitable advantage of man over the machine is illustrated
in this drawing.  At top human player loses to machine.  In center
nettled human player revises machine's instructions.  At bottom
human player wins.
			-- From a cartoon in the Saturday Evening Post
			   quoted by Claude E. Shannon
			   "A Chess Playing Machine"
%%
... a science is said to be useful if its development tends to accentuate
the existing inequalities in the distribution of wealth, or more directly
promotes the destruction of human life.
			-- G. H. Hardy
%%
Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do, and play consists
of whatever a body is not obliged to do.
			-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
It has been said [by Anatole France], "it is not by amusing oneself that
one learns," and, in reply: "it is <<only>> by amusing oneself that one
can learn."
			-- Edward Kasner and James R. Newman
%%
  Here lies the son; here lies the mother;
  Here lies the daughter; here lies the father;
  Here lies the sister; here lies the brother;
  Here lie the wife and the husband.
  Still there are only three people here.
			-- Verse, found on an old gravestone
			   at Alencourt, near Paris;  quoted in
			   "The World of Mathematics"
%%
If P is any prime, a prime greater then P can always be found.
 
Construct P!+1.  This number, obviously greater than P, is not divisible
by P or any number less than P.  There are only two alternatives:
(1) It is not divisible at all; (2) It is divisible by a prime lying
betewen P and P!+1.  But both of these alternatives prove the existence
of a prime greater than P.
 
Q.E.D.
			-- Euclid
%%
Opera -- it's no more unreal than the people who are watching it.
			-- Heard on Public Radio
%%
Simplified Swedish Tax Form:
 
    How much did you earn?
 
    How much do you have left?
 
    Send it in.
			-- Hans Alfredson and Tage Danielsson
%%
  Once I built a railroad,
  Made it run,
  Made it run right on time.
  Once I built a railroad,
  Now it's done,
  Brother can you spare a dime.
			-- Hap Arnold (?-1981)
%%
It is better to lead the revolution than to be caught by it.
%%
For who was eligible to [the prison] "La Ferte'"?  Anyone whom the
police could find in the lovely country of France (a) who was not guilty
of treason, (b) who could not prove that he was not guilty of treason.
By treason I refer to any little annoying habits of independent thought
which <<en temps de guerre>> are put in a hole and covered over,
with the somewhat naive idea that from their cadavers violets will grow
whereof the perfune will delight all good men and true and make such worthy
citizens forget their sorrows.
			-- E. E. Cummings (1894-1963)
			   "The Enormous Room"
%%
We kill you and you kill us and Allah is the greatest.
			-- Ayatollah Khomeini
			   (quoted Int. Herald Trib. Jul 1, 1981)
%%
Movies are like sex:  when they're good, they're fantastic and when
they're bad, they're also fantastic.
			-- Ernst Lubitsch (1892-1947)
%%
The desire to impose upon the disorder of nature some orderly pattern
or arrangement makes men into poets, painters and gardeners;  it also
makes them prey to the illusion that a highly organized state will be
civilized and preferable to a disorganized and muddled one.
			-- Len Deighton (1929-)
%%
Democracy, with its noise, with temptations of posts and prebends,
converts the professor into an orator, the poet into a deputy,
squandering the intellectual energies of a people.
			-- Quoted by Felipe Torroba Bernaldo de Quiros
%%
Popular politics means noise, and what intelligence needs is calm.
At times, through a painful imposition of Providence, Dante is in exile,
Cervantes in prison; Beethoven is deaf and Milton is blind.
 
It was in the golden solitude of a farm in the outskirts of Rome that
Horace could write his "Odes" and Virgil his "Aeneid," never in a
Parlimentary seat.
			-- Felipe Torroba Bernaldo de Quiros
%%
Scorpios do not believe in astrology.
			-- Ngaire Woods
%%
Sacred knowledge in the hands of fools destroys.
			-- The Upanishads
%%
Never apologize, never explain.
			-- Benjamin Jowett (1817-1893)
 
(Of whom it was sait that what he didn't know wasn't knowledge.)
%%
There are perhaps only three certain ways to make money betting: as
a bookmaker, as a tipster or with certain superior information.  The
first needs no explanation, and the smart tipster has only satisfied
customers -- he returns his fee when his tip is proved wrong.
			-- Computer Bulletin, Sept. 1980
%%
  "Those who speak know nothing;
  Those who know are silent"
  These words, I am told,
  Were spoken by Lao-tzu.
			-- P Chu-i (772-846)
 
How is it then, the poem ends; that one who knew, wrote so much?
%%
  Survival Pack, aircraft, FT107/35, All Purpose, Strategic Air Command:
    1 45 caliber automatic, 2 boxes ammunition.
    4 days concentrated emergency rations.
    1 drug issue containing:  antibiotics, morphine,
      vitamin pills, pep pills, sleeping pills, tranquilizing pills.
    1 miniature combination Russian phrase book and bible.
  100 dollars in Rubles,
  100 dollars in gold,
    9 packs of chewing gum,
    1 issue of prophylactics,
    3 lipsticks,
    3 pair of nylon stockings.
			-- From Dr. Strangelove, or How I Learned
			   to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb
%%
Science fiction is to the totalitarian state what Aesop's fables were to
the institution of slavery in the sixth century B.C.  It is, of course,
subversive.  by taking ideas too seriously, it ridicules people.  But it
depends, for its subversive power, on people who are smart enough to be
afraid of laughter.  Modern history, especially as it expresses itself
in the totalitarian hockey puck, has an excess of almost everything
except a genuine appreciation of the ludicrous.
			-- John Leonard, New York Times (1982)
%%
Sci-fi is a perversion practiced by two consenting adults, one
non-consenting non-adult, and a spayed gerbil, taking place in a
bathroom using a walnut.
			-- Jerry E. Pournelle
%%
Nobody but a lawyer can tell legal from illegal, and the lawyers
can't tell right from wrong anymore.
			-- Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle
			   "Oath of Fealty"  (1981)
%%
There was once a family in Philadelphia that went through four
generations without fingerprints at all: they were born without
prints, the only known case in history.  "This could present quite a
problem for law enforcement," said one public official.  "No way,"
replied another.  "If the police ever find a murder weapon in Philly
with no prints on it, we'll know immediatly that one of them did it."
			-- Tom Robbins
			   "Even Cowgirls Get the Blues"
%%
For the most part, I think our readers see [mob killings] as something
with great entertainment value.  Every time someone new turns up in
a Hefty bag, We get considerable extra sale.
			-- Zachary Stalberg, Philadelphia Daily News.
%%
Television is a gift of God, and God will hold those who utilize his
divine instrument accountable to Him.
			-- Philo T. Farnsworth
			   (one of television's inventors)
%%
Athletic fields and golf courses excepted, the out-of-doors wears
an evil aspect, dominated as it is by insects and the brainless
proliferation of vegetable forms.
			-- John Updike
			   (from "A month of Sundays")
%%
A friend, who lives in New York, told me this story:
 
Her dog died recently and she wanted to take it to the pet cemetary.
She didn't know how to transport it, but finally put it in a suitcase.
When she was buying tokens in the subway, someone stole the suitcase.
%%
Guard your eyes against flying bone fragments.
                        -- Grant's dissector.
%%
A terminal with red-shift capability requires an extremely fast modem.
%%
When in doubt, cut it out!
                        -- Surgeon's motto.
%%
  Q:how numb can an unworld get?
  A:number
%%
  What is status?...
  Status is when the President calls you for your opinion.
  Uh, no...
  Status is when the President calls you in to discuss a problem with him.
  Uh, that still ain't right...
  STATUS is when you're in the Oval Office talking to the President, and
  the phone rings.  The President picks it up, listens for a minute, and
  hands it to you, saying, "It's for you."
%%
"All of the animals except man know that the principal business of
life is to enjoy it."
%%
"And what will you do when you grow up to be as big as me" asked the
father of his little son.  "Diet."
%%
"Any fool can paint a picture, but it takes a wise man to be able to
sell it."
%%
You can't do that in horizontal mode!
%%
Hackers of the world, unite!
%%
  There was a plain Christian called Carter,
  Who spoke what he hadn't oughter,
  So they sticked him and stoned him,
  And neatly deboned him,
  Making him a peanut martyr.
  (Let's hear it for Plains.......)
%%
A small package of value will come to you, shortly.
%%
You have several detached dead trees.
%%
"Any fool can tell the truth, but it requires a man of some sense to
know how to lie well."
%%
"He is considered the most graceful speaker who can say nothing in
most words."
%%
Like the time I ran away...
 
And turned around and you were standing close to me.
                -- YES (Going For The One/Awaken)
%%
"How did you find the weather when you were on vacation?"
 
"Just went outside and there it was."
%%
The moving cursor writes, and having written, blinks on.
%%
Who took the MMMMMM out of MURINE?
%%
Could the high divorce rate be associated with a desire
to get more experience under one's belt?
%%
You can get more things done with a kind word and a gun than
with a kind word alone.  -- Lt. William Calley (attributed)
%%
"It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing,
but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous."
%%
"Mind your own business, Spock.  I'm sick of your halfbreed
interference."
%%
"What did you do when the ship sank?"
 
"I grabbed a cake of soap and washed myself ashore."
%%
"When do you plan to open your bakery?"
 
"When I can raise the dough."
%%
A bore is a man who talks so much about himself that you can't talk
about yourself.
%%
A dirty joke:  The boy fell into the mud!
 
A dirtier joke: A boy and a girl fell into the mud!
 
A more dirty joke: A boy and girl fell into the mud and stayed there!
%%
A good memory does not equal pale ink.
%%
A handful of friends is worth more than a wagon of gold.
%%
A holding company is a thing where you hand an accomplice the goods
while the policeman searches you.
%%
A man who fishes for marlin in ponds will put his money in
Etruscan bonds.
%%
A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
%%
SEMPER UBI SUB UBI !!!!
%%
A soft drink turneth away company.
%%
A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a Unicorn.
%%
A visit to a strange place will bring fresh work.
%%
A visit to a fresh place will bring strange work.
%%
About the only thing we have left that actually discriminates in
favor of the plain people is the stork.
%%
About the only thing on a farm that has an easy time is the dog.
%%
Absentee: A person with an income who has had the forethought to remove
himself from the sphere of exaction.
%%
  The Earth does not belong to man.
  Man belongs to the Earth.
%%
Academy: A modern school where football is taught.
%%
Acquaintance:  a person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but
not well enough to lend to.
%%
Admiration: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
%%
America is the country where you buy a lifetime supply of aspirin for
one dollar, and use it up in two weeks.
%%
American:  "The poor man was killed by a revolving crane."
 
Englishman:  "My, what fierce birds you have in America."
%%
An ounce of security is worth a pound of defense.
%%
As goatherd learns his trade by goat, so writer learns his
trade by wrote.
%%
Auribus teneo lupum.  (I hold a wolf by the ears.)
%%
Be careful how you get yourself involved with persons or situations
that can't bear inspection.
%%
Be careful!  Is it classified?
%%
Be security conscious - National defense is at stake.
%%
Biggest security gap - an open mouth.
%%
By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to
be a boss and work twelve hours a day.
%%
You will live a long, healthy, happy life and make bags of money.
%%
You will live a long, healthy, happy life and make bags of money,
after much hard work, as usual.
%%
Charity:  a thing that begins at home and usually stays there.
%%
Children should be seen, not heard.
%%
Classified material requires proper storage.
%%
Clyde: "What do you know about magnetic rocks?"
Hyde: "Not a thing.  Go ask Peter."
 
Clyde leaves to see Peter.
 
Peter: "There are these 4 poles, you see....
The 'unlike' poles attract and if we reverse them then the
'like' poles will repel....."
 
A while later:
 
Hyde: "What did he come up with?"
Clyde: "A lesson in Reverse Polish logic."
%%
Colorless green ideas sleep furiously. -- Noam Chomsky
%%
Concentrate on security.
%%
Courage is your greatest present need.
%%
Cynic: A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as
they ought to be.  Hence the custom among the Scythians of plucking out
a cynic's eyes to improve his vision.
%%
Dawn:   The time when men of reason go to bed.  Certain old men prefer
to rise at about that time, taking a cold bath and a long walk with an
empty stomach, and otherwise mortifying the flesh.  They then point with
pride to these practices as the cause of their sturdy health and ripe
years; the truth being that they are hearty and old, not because of
their habits, but in spite of them.  The reason we find only robust
persons doing this thing is that it has killed all the others who have
tried it.
%%
Unfortunately for you, it is nearly 5 pm and I have run out of
pithy things to say.
%%
Death:  to stop sinning suddenly.
%%
Deprive a mirror of its silver and even the Czar won't see
his face.
%%
Der Horizont vieler Menschen ist ein Kreis mit Radius Null -
und das nennen sie ihren Standpunkt.
%%
Disclose classified information only when a NEED TO KNOW exists.
%%
Ditat Deus.  (God enriches.)
%%
Do not clog intellect's sluices
with bits of knowledge of questionable uses.
%%
Do not take life too seriously; you will never get out of it alive.
%%
Do you think your mother and I should have lived comfortably so long
together if ever we had been married?
%%
Domestic happiness and faithful friends.
%%
Don't gamble with security.
%%
Don't guess - check your security regulations.
%%
Don't speak about Time, until you have spoken to him.
%%
Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.
%%
Duckies are fun!
%%
Employer:  "You're an hour late.  You should have been here at 9
o'clock" Office boy:  "Why, what happened?"
%%
Entropy isn't what it used to be.
%%
Even a hawk is an eagle among crows.
%%
Even the boldest zebra fears the hungry lion.
%%
Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark.
%%
Even the weariest river winds somewhere safe to sea.
                                -- Charles Algernon Swinburne
                                "The Garden of Proserpine"
%%
Every absurdity has a champion to defend it.
%%
Every silver lining has a cloud around it.
%%
Everybody ought to have a friend.
%%
Facta, non verba.
%%
Far duller than a serpent's tooth it is to spend a quiet youth.
%%
  For every Problem there is a simple Solution,
    Neat,
      Plausible,
        Wrong.
%%
For people who like that kind of book, that is the kind of book they
will like.
%%
  Force: "Force is but might," the teacher said--
    "That definition's just."
  The boy said naught but thought instead,
    Remembering his pounded head:
    "Force is not might but must!"
%%
Forgetfulness:   A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in
compensation for their destitution of conscience.
%%
Friends: people who borrow my books and set wet glasses on them.
%%
Genius is the talent of a man who is dead.
%%
He who laughs, lasts.
%%
Help me, I'm a prisoner in a Fortune cookie file.
%%
The sunlights differ, but there is only one darkness.
                        -- Ursula K. LeGuin, "The Dispossessed"
%%
Well, it's better than being Professor of Floating Point!
                        -- R. William Gosper
%%
I came to MIT to get an education for myself and a diploma for
my mother.              -- Brian Silverman
%%
Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and
can't, and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it.
%%
Then there was the angry man who flung himself from the room,
flung himself from the house, flung himself upon his horse, and
rode madly off in all directions.
                                        -- Stephen Leacock
%%
Happiness:  An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the
misery of another.
%%
Have you locked your file cabinet?
%%
He looked at me as if I was a side dish he hadn't ordered.
%%
He that bringeth a present, findeth the door open.
                                        -- Scottish proverb.
%%
He thinks by infection, catching an opinion like a cold.
%%
  In the room the women come and go
  Talking of Michelangelo.
				-- T.S. Eliot
				"The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock"
%%
He walks as if balancing the family tree on his nose.
%%
He was so narrow-minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes.
%%
He who has a shady past knows that nice guys finish last.
%%
He who spends a storm beneath a tree,
takes life with a grain of TNT.
%%
Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to
take you in.			-- Robert Frost
				"The Death of the Hired Man"
%%
How can you work when the system's so loaded?
%%
How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers.
%%
How you look depends on where you go.
%%
I must have slipped a disk - my pack hurts!
%%
I fell asleep reading a dull book, and I dreamt that I was reading
on, so I woke up from sheer boredom.
%%
I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers; what I said was all
saloonkeepers were Democrats.
%%
I wish you humans would leave me alone.
%%
I'm a Hollywood writer; so I put on a sports jacket and take off my brain.
%%
  Once I went to the zoo,
  There to view the old gnu.
    But the old gnu was dead,
    And the new gnu, they said,
  Was too new a new gnu to be viewed.
                -- Edward Lear
%%
Ignorance is BLISS.
%%
It's later than you think.
 
Identify your visitor.
%%
If a loafer is not a nuisance to you, it is a sign that you are
somewhat of a loafer yourself.
%%
If it pours before seven, it has rained by eleven.
%%
If you always postpone pleasure you will never have it.
%%
If you think before you speak the other guy gets his joke in first.
%%
Everyone is enthusiastic about your work.
%%
  Do I dare
  Disturb the universe?
  In a minute there is time
  For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.
				-- T.S. Eliot
				"The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock"
%%
In this world, truth can wait; she's used to it.
%%
It got to a point where I had to get a haircut
or both feet firmly planted in the air.
%%
It is better to wear out than to rust out.
%%
It is easier to run down a hill than up one.
%%
It is the wise bird who builds her nest in a tree.
%%
It seems to make an auto driver mad if he misses you.
%%
It was a book to kill time for those who liked it better dead.
%%
It's a poor workman who blames his tools.
%%
It's later than you think.
%%
It's not reality that's important, but how you percieve
things.
%%
Jam yesterday, and jam tomorrow, but never jam today.
				-- Lewis Carroll
%%
Journalism will kill you, but it will keep you alive while you're at it.
%%
Kilroe hic erat!
%%
Long computations which yield 0 (zero) are probably all for naught.
%%
Lend money to a bad debtor and he will hate you.
%%
Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage.
%%
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
%%
Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
%%
Liar:  One who tells an unpleasant truth.
%%
Life is a game of bridge -- and you've just been finessed.
%%
Life is a hospital in which every patient is possessed by the desire
to change his bed.
%%
Lighthouse:  A tall building on the seashore in which the government
maintains a lamp and the friend of a politician.
%%
Like winter snow on summer lawn, time past is time gone.
%%
Long life is in store for you.
%%
Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.
%%
Love is in the offing.  Be affectionate to one who adores you.
%%
Love is in the offing, said the homicidal maniac.
%%
Love the sea?  I dote upon it - from the beach.
%%
Man who arrives at party two hours late will probably
find he has been beaten to the punch.
%%
Man who falls in blast furnace is certain to feel overwrought.
%%
Mieux vaut tard que jamais!
%%
Make a wish, it might come true.
%%
Many changes of mind and mood; do not hesitate too long.
%%
Many pages make a thick book.
%%
Might as well be frank, monsieur.  It would take a miracle to get you
out of Casablanca and the Germans have outlawed miracles.
%%
Modesty:  the gentle art of enhancing your charm by pretending not to
be aware of it.
%%
Money will say more in one moment than the most eloquent
lover can in years.
%%
Mother:  "Where are you going to keep that goat, Joe?" Joe:  "In the
house." Mother:  "What about the smell?" Joe:  "He won't mind."
%%
My folks didn't come over on the Mayflower, but they were there to meet
the boat.
%%
National security is in your hands - guard it well.
%%
No doubt Jack the Ripper excused himself on the grounds that it was
human nature.
%%
No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.
%%
Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.
%%
Now and then an innocent man is sent to the Legislature.
%%
Of all forms of caution, caution in love is the most fatal.
%%
One man tells a falsehood, a hundred repeat it as true.
%%
Only someone with nothing to be sorry for smiles back at the rear of
an elephant.
%%
Passenger:  "When the train stops will you please tell me at which end
to get off?"
 
Conductor:  "It doesn't matter, lady, both ends stop."
%%
People who take cat naps don't usually sleep in a cat's cradle.
%%
People will buy anything that's one to a customer.
%%
Perhaps the purpose of categorical algebra is to show
that that which is trivial, is trivially trivial.
%%
Philosophy:  unintelligible answers to insoluble problems.
%%
  Plumber:  "Mrs. Brown, I'm the plumber."
  Mrs. Brown:  "I didn't send for the plumber."
  Plumber:  "I know, the people downstairs did."
%%
Amans tam erat lie sing hero ad digito ut mando.
%%
Populus vult decipi.  (The people like to be deceived.)
%%
Post proelium, praemium.  (After the battle, the reward.)
%%
Pretty much all the honest truth telling there is in the world is
done by children.
%%
Prevent security leaks.
%%
Promptness is its own reward, if one lives by the clock
instead of the sword.
%%
Put not your trust in money, but put your money in trust.
%%
Reading is thinking with someone else's head instead of one's own.
%%
Regnant populi.  (The people rule.)
%%
Religions revolve madly around sexual questions.
%%
Soft soap often has a high percentage of lye in it.
                                -- Salada tea.
%%
Satire does not look pretty upon a tombstone.
%%
Security is the individual's responsibility.
%%
Security is your responsibility.
%%
Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle which fits them all.
%%
Slang is language that takes off its coat, spits on its hands, and goes
to work.
%%
So live that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the
town gossip.
%%
Some men are discovered; others are found out.
%%
Someday somebody has got to decide whether the typewriter is the
machine, or the person who operates it.
%%
Standing on head makes smile of frown, but rest of face also
upside down.
%%
Stop searching forever.  Happiness is just next to you.
%%
Stop searching forever.  Happiness is unattainable.
%%
Sum quod eris.  (I am what you will be.)
%%
  Shall I say, I have gone at dusk through narrow streets
  And watched the smoke that rises from the pipes
  Of lonely men in shirt-sleeves, leaning out of windows?...
 
  I should have been a pair of ragged claws
  Scuttling across the floors of silent seas.
				-- T. S. Eliot
				"The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock"
%%
Where was that stooped and mealy-colored man I used to call poppa
when the merry-go-round broke down?
				-- Joseph Heller (Catch-22)
%%
  The weed of crime bears bitter fruit...
  but the leaves are good to smoke!
                -- Stanley Kugell
%%
  Now the cycle is complete;
  before I was but the learner,
  now I am the master!
%%
Today is a good day to bribe a high ranking public official.
%%
Telling the truth to people who misunderstand you is generally
promoting a falsehood, isn't it?
%%
That must be wonderful! I dont understand it at all.
%%
The Tree of Learning bears the noblest fruit, but noble
fruit tastes bad.
%%
The absent-minded professor on the subway was strap-hanging with one
hand and carried a bundle of books in the other.  He looked worried.
"Can I help you?" asked a friendly traveler.  "Oh, thank you.  Would you
hold onto this strap while I get my fare out?"
%%
The best prophet of the future is the past.
%%
The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get
up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office.
%%
The chicken that clucks the loudest is the one most likely to show up
at the steamfitters picnic.
%%
The decision doesn't have to be logical, it was unanimous.
%%
The famous politician was trying to save both his faces.
%%
The future will bring you great success in business and in
your home life.
%%
The good die young - because they see it's no use living if you've
got to be good.
%%
  I'd rather laugh with the sinners
  Than cry with the saints
  The sinners have much more fun.
                -- Billy Joel, "Only the Good Die Young"
%%
The meek don't want it.
%%
The most important service rendered by the press is that of educating
people to approach printed matter with distrust.
%%
The most important reason for the drug laws in this country is
to encourage a healthy distrust for the law.
%%
The only way to amuse some people is to slip and fall on an icy pavement.
%%
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible
worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
%%
The person you rejected yesterday could make you happy, if
you say yes.
%%
  The rising People, hot and out of breath,
  Roared round the palace: "Liberty or death!"
  "If death will do," the King said, "let me reign;
  You'll have, I'm sure, no reason to complain."
%%
The thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the greatest
amount of trouble is sex.
%%
The time is right to make new friends.
%%
The universe is laughing behind your back.
%%
The wise shepherd never trusts his flock to a smiling wolf.
%%
You will be indifferent where you would like to be kind.
%%
There are more old drunkards than old doctors.
%%
There is hardly a thing in the world that some man cannot make a little
worse and sell a litle cheaper.
%%
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear.
%%
There is no time like the pleasant.
%%
There must be at least 500,000,000 rats in the United States; of
course, I never heard the story before.
%%
There's so much to say but your eyes keep interrupting me.
%%
Those who in quarrels interpose must often wipe a bloody nose.
%%
Those who talk don't know.  Those who don't talk, know.
%%
Those who can, do.  Those who cannot, teach.  Those who cannot teach, HACK!
%%
Illegitimus non carborundum. (Don't let the bastards wear you down.)
%%
Tibi quuxandum est.
%%
Time flies like an arrow!
 
Fruit flies like a banana.
%%
To criticize the incompetent is easy; it is more difficult
to criticize the competent.
%%
To iterate is human, to recurse, divine.
%%
To laugh at men of sense is the privilege of fools.
%%
Why don't you come up and see me sometime?
			-- Mae West
%%
Barbra:  "Love means never having to say you're sorry."
Ryan:  "You know, that is the stupidest thing I've ever heard."
%%
Too much of a good thing is WONDERFUL.
                -- Mae West.
%%
Troglodytism does not necessarily imply a low cultural level.
%%
Troubles are like babies; they only grow by nursing.
%%
Try to divide your time evenly to keep others happy.
%%
Up against the wall!!!
%%
A hermit is a deserter from the army of humanity
%%
Computers are my life, they're my wife!
%%
What is my loftiest ambition?  I've always wanted to throw an egg at Smith.
%%
Vigilia pretium libertatis.  (Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty.)
%%
Volcano - a mountain with hiccups.
%%
We learn from history that we do not learn anything from history.
%%
Barfucius say:
    A good memory does not equal an airsickness bag in an Electrolux.
%%
Will the last one out please turn off the lights?
%%
With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time
they make a law it's a joke.
%%
With clothes the new are best, with friends the old are best.
%%
Writing free verse is like playing tennis with the net down.
%%
You are going to have a new love affair.
%%
  You can watch a horse boil in a pot
  but you can't drink him.
%%
"Wrong," said Renner.
 
"The tactful way," Rod said quietly, "the polite way to disagree with
the Senator would be to say, 'That turns out not to be the case.'"
%%
You cannot kill time without injuring eternity.
%%
You have an ambitious nature and may make a name for yourself.
%%
You have a deep interest in all that is artistic.
%%
You have been selected for a secret mission.
%%
You have had a long-term stimulation relative to business.
%%
You have the power to influence all with whom you come in
contact.
%%
You may have a friend at the Chase Manhattan
but at our bank you have meshpocheh!
%%
A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
%%
You plan things that you do not even attempt because of your
extreme caution.
%%
You should go home.
%%
You will attract cultured and artistic people to your home.
%%
You will be advanced socially, without any special effort
on your part.
%%
You will be recognized and honored as a community leader.
%%
You will be surprised by a loud noise.^G
%%
You will never know hunger.
%%
You will reach the highest possible point in your business
or profession.
%%
You'll be called to a post requiring high ability in
handling groups of people.
%%
Your business will go through a period of considerable
expansion.
%%
Your empty file directory has been deleted.
%%
Your ignorance cramps my conversation.
%%
Your salary will be increased.
%%
As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not
certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.
                                        -- Einstein.
%%
"The man has expanded my mind."
                        -- from "Apocalypse Now"
%%
The aim of science is to seek the simplest explanations of complex
facts.  Seek simplicity and distrust it.
                                        -- Whitehead.
%%
The only justification for our concepts and systems of concepts is
that they serve to represent the complex of our experiences; beyond
this they have not legitimacy.
                                        -- Einstein.
%%
To be is to be related.         -- C.J.Keyser.
%%
Never insult an alligator until you have crossed the river.
%%
The philosopher's treatment of a question is like the treatment
of an illness.               -- Wittgenstein.
%%
After a number of decimal places, nobody gives a damn.
%%
Enzymes are things invented by biologists that explain things
which otherwise require harder thinking.
                                -- Jerome Lettvin.
%%
In Oz, never say "krizzle kroo" to a Woozy.
%%
"Toto, I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore!"
%%
"Oh, Aunty Em, it's so good to be home!"
%%
The price of success in philosophy is triviality.
                                -- C. Glymour.
%%
Plots are like girdles.  Hidden, they hold your interest; revealed,
they're of no interest except to fetishists.  Like girdles, they
attempt to contain an uncontainable experience.
                                -- R. S. Knapp.
%%
We're living in a golden age.  All you need is gold.
                                -- D. W. Robertson.
%%
Those who do things in a noble spirit of self-sacrifice are to
be avoided at all costs.
                                -- N. Alexander.
%%
Sex is the mathematics urge sublimated.
                                -- M. C. Reed.
%%
Seen under an ubiquitous "Kilroy was here":
 
        "Heisenberg might have been here"!
%%
The reason they're called wisdom teeth is that
the experience makes you wise.
%%
A commune is where people join together to share
their lack of wealth.
      -- R. Stallman.
%%
What is it when, after breaking several bones, you
are about to leave the hospital, and you are told
that you have to stay longer?
 
It's a retraction.
%%
Biology is the only science in which multiplication means the
same thing as division.
                                -- 7.06 Lecturer.
%%
How many weeks are there in a light year?
%%
It's getting uncommonly easy to kill people in large numbers,
and the first thing a principle does -- if it really is a
principle -- is to kill somebody.
                                -- Dorothy Sayers.
%%
Sun in the night, everyone is together,
Ascending into the heavens, life is forever.
                -- Brand X (Moroccan Roll/Sun in the Night)
%%
You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if
you could know how seldom they do.
                                -- Olin Miller.
%%
Ignorance is when you don't know anything and somebody finds
it out.
%%
As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is
wrong?
%%
The mud is alive!       -- Bing Crosby.
%%
Education helps earning capacity.  Ask any college professor.
%%
But we've only fondled the surface of that subject.
                                -- Virginia Masters (of M&J fame)
%%
Since aerosols are forbidden, the police are using roll-on Mace!
%%
I can't understand it.  I can't even understand the people who
can understand it.
                                -- Queen Juliana of the Netherlands.
%%
Above all, beware of Zeal!
 
Corrupt, adj.
 
        In politics, holding an office of trust or profit.
%%
Power is poison.
%%
Upon encountering happiness:
 
        Be wary at such times, since most of life's blows
        fall then.
 
Authentic, adj. Indubitably true, in somebody's opinion.
%%
It took 300 years to build and by the time it was 10% built,
everyone knew it would be a total disaster. But by then the investment
was so big they felt compelled to go on. Since its completion, it has
cost a fortune to maintain and is still in danger of collapsing.
 
There are at present no plans to replace it, since it was never
really needed in the first place.
 
I expect every installation has its own pet software which is
analogous to the above.
                          -- Kenneth E. Iverson
                             commenting on the Leaning Tower of Pisa
%%
-- Listen, Tyrone, you don't know how dangerous that stuff is. Suppose
someday you just plug in and go away and never come back? Eh?
 
-- Ho, ho! Don't I wish! What do you think every electrofreak dreams
about? You're such an old fuddyduddy! A-and who sez it's a dream, huh?
M-maybe it exists. Maybe there is a Machine to take us away, take us
completely, suck us out through the electrodes out of the skull 'n'
into the Machine and live there forever with all the other souls it's
got stored there. It could decide who it would suck out, a-and when.
Dope never gave you immortality. You hadda come back, every time, into
a dying hunk of smelly meat! But We can live forever, in a clean,
honest, purified, Electroworld-
				-- Thomas Pynchon
				"Gravity's Rainbow"
%%
Almost anything derogatory you could say about todays's software
design would be accurate.
                                 -- Kenneth E. Iverson
%%
Famous last words:
%%
We are getting into semantics again.  If we use words, there is
a lot of relatives on the train for home.
%%
A beginning is the time for taking the most delicate care that
balances are correct.
                                 -- from "Manual of Maud'Dib"
                                    by the Princess Irulan
%%
Any road followed to its end leads precisely nowhere.  Climb the
mountain just a little to test it's a mountain.  From the top of
the mountain, you cannot see the mountain.
                                 -- Bene Gesserit proverb
%%
TECO Madness:  a moment of convenience, a lifetime of regret.
                                -- Dave Moon
%%
Emacs:  a lifetime of convenience, a moment of regret.
%%
This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible.
This was terrible with raisins in it.
                                -- Dorothy Parker
%%
When all else fails, read the instructions.
%%
By definition, when you are investigating the unknown, you do
not know what you will find or even when you have found it.
%%
The experiment may be considered a success if no more than 50%
of the observed measurements must be discarded to obtain a
correspondence with theory.
%%
No experiment is ever a complete failure, inasmuch as a well-written
account of it can serve admirably as a bad example.
%%
He missed an invaluable opportunity to give her a look that you could
have poured on a waffle.
%%
The plural of spouse is spice.
%%
Do not merely believe in miracles, rely on them.
%%
The program is absolutely right; therefore the computer must be wrong.
%%
Blessed are they that run around in circles, for they shall be known
as wheels.
%%
Programming errors which would normally require one day to find will
take five days when the programmer is in a hurry.
%%
I am a computer. I am dumber than any human and smarter than an
administrator.
%%
I am a computer.  As such I never have or will make a mistake
or error (I thought i did once, but I was wrong).
%%
Greatness is a transitory experience.  It is never consistent.
%%
How often it is that the angry man rages denial
of what his inner self is telling him.
%%
The new Congressmen say they're going to turn the government around.
I hope I don't get run over again.
%%
"But I don't like Spam!!!!"
%%
"Mate, this parrot wouldn't VOOM if you put four million
volts through it!"		-- Monty Python
%%
"Elegance and truth are inversely related."     -- Becker's Razor
%%
Your ignorance cramps my conversation.
%%
Somebody ought to cross ballpoint pens with coat hangers,
so that the pens will multiply instead of disappearing.
%%
A man forgives only when he is in the wrong.
%%
About all some men accomplish in life is to send a son to Harvard.
%%
If you want to know how old a man is, ask his brother-in-law.
%%
A Puritan is someone who is deathly afraid that someone, somewhere,
is having fun.
%%
A liberal is someone too poor to be a capitalist, and too
rich to be a communist.
%%
A hammer sometimes misses its mark - a bouquet never.
%%
Actors will happen in the best-regulated families.
%%
Nothing succeeds like -- failure.
%%
It's a funny thing that when a woman hasn't got anything on earth to
worry about, she goes off and gets married.
%%
A woman will sometimes devote all her life to the development of one
husband who can't cook and will.
%%
Call on God, but row away from the rocks.
                                -- Indian proverb
%%
Men still remember the first kiss after women have forgotten the last.
%%
Your latest program has been judged UNTASTEFUL by the T demon;
and automatically deleted.
%%
Don't gamble with security.
%%
Prevent security leaks.
%%
An ounce of security is worth a pound of defense.
%%
Passwords are implemented as a result of insecurity.
%%
Blame it on the *-Property.
%%
The walls have ears.
%%
Be security conscious - National defense is at stake.
%%
Don't guess -- check your security regulations.
%%
Fidelity:  A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
%%
"Don't tell me what you dream'd last night for I've been reading Freud."
%%
No problem is insoluble in all conceivable circumstances.
%%
You can never trust a woman; she may be true to you.
%%
The gentlemen looked one another over with microscopic carelessness.
%%
My husband is the kind of boy who'll not go anywhere without his
father, and his father will go anywhere.
%%
Life is a hospital in which every patient is possessed by the desire
to change his bed.
%%
"Home, Sweet Home" must surely have been written by a bachelor.
%%
America's best buy for a nickel is a telephone call to the right man.
        			-- outdated
%%
"An elephant is like long-term memory"
         -- A blind psychologist
%%
In marriage, as in war, it is permitted to take every advantage of
the enemy.
%%
  A pig is a jolly companion,
  Boar, sow, barrow, or gilt -
  A pig is a pal, who'll boost your morale,
  Though mountains may topple and tilt.
  When they've blackballed, bamboozled, and burned you,
  When they've turned on you, Tory and Whig,
  Though you may be thrown over by Tabby or Rover,
  You'll never go wrong with a pig, a pig,
  You'll never go wrong with a pig!
				-- Thomas Pynchon
				"Gravity's Rainbow"
%%
  There was a young man named McGuire,
  Who was fond of the pitch amplifier.
    But a number of shorts
    Left him covered with warts,
  And set half the bedroom on fire.
				-- Thomas Pynchon
				"Gravity's Rainbow"
%%
My notion of a husband at forty is that a woman should be able to change
him, like a bank note, for two twenties.
%%
Troubles are like babies; they only grow by nursing.
%%
^GFINAL WARNING -- SYSTEM GOING DOWN IMMEDIATELY^G
%%
Older sister:  "Why are you wearing my new raincoat?"
 
Younger sister: "I didn't want to get your new dress wet."
%%
You have an ambitious nature and may make a name for yourself.
%%
To laugh at men of sense is the privilege of fools.
%%
You are going to have a new love affair.
%%
Institute: An archaic school where football in not taught.
%%
This is a good time to punt work.
%%
"Every creature has within him the wild, uncontrollable urge
to PUNT."
%%
Enlightenment is a major cause of unhappiness at MIT.
				-- J. Spencer Love (out of context)
%%
PUNT is a four-letter word.
%%
You are wasting your time.
%%
Don't look now, but there is a multi-legged creature on your shoulder
%%
  There was a young fellow named Pope,
  Who plugged into an oscilloscope.
    The cyclical trace
    Of their carnal embrace
  Had a damned nearly infinite slope.
				-- Thomas Pynchon
				"Gravity's Rainbow"
%%
Logic is a little bird, sitting in a tree; that smells BAD.
%%
  Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,
  If God won't have you, the devil must.
%%
Chinese saying: "He who speak with forked tongue, not need chopsticks."
%%
Everybody ought to have a friend.
%%
You will be told about it tomorrow.
%%
Don't look now, but the man in the moon is laughing at you.
%%
Someone is unenthusiastic about your work.
%%
One man tells a falsehood, a hundred repeat it as true.
%%
You should talk to the DOCTOR.
%%
As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code.
%%
It is better to be at the head of the jackals than the tail
of the lions.
%%
Money will say more in one moment than the most eloquent
lover can in years.
%%
Alimony and bribes will engage a large share of your wealth.
%%
It's all in the mind, ya know.
%%
ARPA is unenthusiastic about your work.
%%
You look tired.
%%
This screen intentionally left blank.
%%
Parmenides:  If appearance really appears, it is not nothing,
and therefore must be a part of reality.
%%
"In short, N is Richardian if, and only if, N is not Richardian."
%%
A method of solution is perfect if we can forsee from the start,
and even prove, that following that method we shall attain our aim.
                                -- Leibnitz
%%
The solution of problems is the most characteristic and peculiar
sort of voluntary thinking.     -- William James
%%
"They are called computers simply because computation is the only
significant job that has so far been given to them."
                                -- Louis Ridenour
%%
Your code should be more efficient!
%%
The people's revolutionary committee has decided that the name "e"
is retrogressive, unmulticious and reactionary, and has been flushed.
Please update your abbrevs.
%%
  There once was a fellow named Moorehead,
  Who had an affair with a warhead.
    His wife moved away,
    The very next day --
  She was always kind of a sorehead.
				-- Thomas Pynchon
				"Gravity's Rainbow"
%%
Everybody ought to have a maid.
%%
Time and tide wait for no man.
%%
:$FATAL ERROR ILLEGAL UUO$
%%
:$FATAL ERROR - ERROR IN ERROR HANDLER$
%%
:$FATAL ERROR MPV IN GARBAGE COLLECTOR$
%%
:$FATAL ERROR BTB IN GARBAGE COLLECTOR$
%%
:$FATAL ERROR -- ERROR IN COMPILED CODE$
%%
:$FATAL ERROR VECTOR OUT OF HILBERT SPACE$
%%
:$FATAL ERROR YOU ARE OUT OF VECTOR SPACE$
%%
:$FATAL ERROR -- ILLEGAL ERROR$
%%
:$FATAL ERROR -- COULDN'T READ SYSTEM'S ERROR CODE?$
%%
Don't quit now, we might just as well lock the door and throw away the key.
%%
We could do that, but it would be wrong, that's for sure.
%%
Where the system is concerned, you're not allowed to ask "Why?".
%%
What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do it.
%%
Absent:  Exposed to the attacks of friends and acquaintances;
        defamed; slandered.
%%
Abscond:  To be unexpectedly called away to the bedside of a dying
relative and miss the return train.
%%
Brain:  To rebuke bluntly, but not pointedly; to dispel
  a source of error in an opponent.
%%
Truthful:  Dumb and illiterate.
%%
The following statement is not true:
%%
Who's afraid of ARPA?
%%
Who's afraid of the garbage collector?
%%
Murphy's Law: Any thing that can go wrong, Will.
%%
"Murphy's Law, that brash proletarian restatement of Godel's Theorem..."
                                -- Thomas Pynchon, Gravity's Rainbow
%%
Parkinson's Law:  Work expands to fill the resources available to do
it with.
%%
Sturgeon's Law:  Ninety percent of everything is crap.
%%
Finagle's Law:  The perversity of the universe tends toward a maximum.
%%
  The Three Laws of Thermodynamics:
     1) You can't win.
     2) You can't break even.
     3) You can't even get out of the game.
%%
  There was a technician named Urban,
  Who had an affair with a turbine.
    "It's much nicer," he said,
    "Than a woman in bed,
  And it's sure as hell cheaper than bourbon!"
				-- Thomas Pynchon
				"Gravity's Rainbow"
%%
Clarke's Law:  Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable
from magic.
%%
Niven's Law:  Any sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable
from technology.
%%
Parkinson's Law of Committees:  The amount of time spent by a committee
on an agenda item is inversely proportional to the cost of the item.
%%
The Peter Principle:  People are promoted until they reach their level of
incompetence.
%%
Memory should be the starting point of the present.
%%
We all know that no one understands anything that isn't funny.
%%
The door is the key.
%%
What sin has not been committed in the name of efficiency?
%%
  A computer, to print out a fact,
  Will divide, multiply, and subtract.
    But this output can be
    No more than debris,
  If the input was short of exact.
				-- Gigo
%%
Early to rise and early to bed, makes a man healthy, and wealthy,
and dead.
%%
Your fly is open.
%%
Don't hit the keys so hard, it hurts.
%%
You have a tendency to feel you are superior to most computers.
%%
"Both models are identical in performance,
functional operation, and interface circuit details.
The two models, however, are not compatible on the
same communications line connection."
                                -- Bell System Technical Reference
%%
  There was a young fellow named Hector,
  Who was fond of a launcher-erector.
    But the squishes and pops
    Of acute pressure drops
  Wrecked Hector's hydraulic connector.
				-- Thomas Pynchon
				"Gravity's Rainbow"
%%
  "Section 2.4.3.5   AWNS   (Acceptor Wait for New Cycle State).
    In AWNS the AH function indicates that it has received
  a multiline message byte.
    In AWNS the RFD message must be sent false and the DAC
  message must be sent passive true.
    The AH function must exit the AWNS and enter:
      (1)  The ANRS if DAV is false
      (2)  The AIDS if the ATN message is false and neither:
             (a)  The LADS is active
             (b)  Nor LACS is active"
 
                -- from the IEEE Standard Digital
                Interface for Programmable Instrumentation
%%
The Ranger isn't gonna like it, Yogi.
%%
"... For that matter, compare your pocket computer with the
massive jobs of a thousand years ago.  Why not, then, the
last step of doing away with computers altogether?"
				-- Isaac Asimov
				"The Feeling of Power", 1957
%%
But if you wish at once to do nothing and to be respectable
nowadays, the best pretext is to be at work on some profound study.
				-- Leslie Stephen
				"Sketches from Cambridge"
%%
Ever get the feeling that the world's on tape
and one of the reels is missing?
				-- Rich Little
%%
  Sometimes I wonder if I'm in my right mind.
  Then it passes off and I'm as intelligent as ever.
				-- Samuel Beckett
				"Endgame"
%%
  Ontogeny Recapitulates Phylogeny -- old biology saw
  Ontology Recapitulages Philology -- old philosophy saw
  McCulloch -- old chain saw
%%
Our policy is:  When in doubt, do the right thing.
				-- Roy L. Ash
				(ex) president of Litton Industries
%%
Any two philosophers can tell each other all they know
in two hours.
                 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
%%
God may be subtle, but he isn't plain mean.
                  -- Albert Einstein
%%
  That's all life is -- one big word game.
  Don't lie to yourself about it anymore.
  P.S. You are now enlightened.
				-- Carl Frederick
				"est:  Playing the Game the New Way"
%%
  Junk your mind.
  It is of no value to you in the game.
				-- Carl Frederick
				"est:  Playing the Game the New Way"
%%
  UU UU   M   M
  U U U   M   M
  U   U   M   M
  U   U   M   M
  U   U   M   M
  U   U    MMM
 
%%
Plato, by the way, wanted to banish all poets from his proposed
Utopia because they were liars.  The truth was that Plato knew
philosophers couldn't compete sucessfully with poets.
				-- Kilgore Trout (Philip J. Farmer)
				"Venus on the Half Shell"
%%
  There are strange things done in the midnight sun
    By the men who moil for gold;
  The Arctic trails have their secret tales
    That would make your blood run cold;
  The Northern Lights have seen queer sights,
    But the queerest they ever did see
  Was that night on the marge of Lake Lebarge
    I cremated Sam McGee.
				-- Robert W. Service
%%
  There was a young fellow named Crockett,
  Who had an affair with a rocket.
    If you saw them out there,
    You'd be tempted to stare,
  But if you ain't tried it don't knock it!
				-- Thomas Pynchon
				"Gravity's Rainbow"
%%
  Say!  You've struck a heap of trouble--
    Bust in business, lost your wife;
  No one cares a cent about you,
    You don't care a cent for life;
  Hard luck has of hope bereft you,
    Health is failing, wish you'd die--
  Why, you've still the sunshine left you
    And the big blue sky.
				-- Robert W. Service
%%
  I have no doubt the Devil grins,
    As seas of ink I spatter.
  Ye gods, forgive my "literary" sins--
    The other kind don't matter.
                        -- Robert W. Service
%%
  A bunch of the boys were whooping it in the Malemute saloon;
  The kid that handles the music box was hitting a jag-time tune;
  Back of the bar, in a solo game, sat Dangerous Dan McGrew,
  And watching his luck was his light-o'-love,
      the lady that's known as Lou.
                        -- Robert W. Service
%%
  The Junior God now heads the roll
    In the list of heaven's peers;
  He sits in the House of High Control,
    And he regulates the spheres.
  Yet does he wonder, do you suppose,
    If, even in gods divine,
  The best and wisest may not be those
    Who have wallowed awhile with the swine?
                        -- Robert W. Service
%%
Mind!  I don't mean to say that I know, of my
own knowledge, what there is particularly dead
about a door-nail.  I might have been inclined,
myself, to regard a coffin-nail as the deadest
piece of ironmongery in the trade.  But the wisdom
of our ancestors is in the simile; and my unhallowed
hands shall not disturb it, or the Country's done
for.  You will therefore permit me to repeat,
emphatically, that Marley was as dead as a door-nail.
%%
  There was a thing called a V-2,
  To pilot which you did not need to -
    You just pushed a button,
    And it would leave nuttin'
  But stiffs and big holes and debris, too.
				-- Thomas Pynchon
				"Gravity's Rainbow"
%%
And yet I should have dearly liked, I own, to have touched her lips;
to have questioned her, that she might have opened them; to have
looked upon the lashes of her downcast eyes, and never raised a blush;
to have let loose waves of hair, an inch of which would be a keepsake
beyond price:  in short, I should have liked, I do confess, to have
had the lightest license of a child, and yet been man enough to know
its value.
                        -- Charles Dickens
%%
How many IBM CPU's does it take to do a logical right-shift?
33-  1 to hold the bits and 32 to push the register.
%%
  Why did the program counter increment?
  To get to the next instruction.
%%
  How much does it cost to ride the Unibus?
  2 bits.
%%
  How was Thomas J. Watson buried?
  9 edge down.
%%
What is the difficulty with writing a PDP-8 program to emulate Jerry Ford?
 
Figuring out what to do with the other 3 K.
%%
VERITAS AETERNA -- DON'T SETQ T.
%%
PURITAS NECESSE EST -- DON'T DO RANDOM BINDINGS.
%%
NIHIL EX NIHIL -- DON'T SETQ NIL.
%%
Look up WHALES in the index to Thomas, 4th ed.
%%
If you had just a minute to live, and they granted you one final wish,
would you ask for something like another chance?
%%
"I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path."
                                -- Ronald Mabbitt
%%
The Captain said, "Four hundred ninety-seven and a half feet of rope?
What you got that for?"  And the first mate said, "Oh, I just carry it."
%%
Do you realize that a modern computer can make a mistake that would have
taken a thousand men a million years?
%%
I don't want a pickle, I just wanna ride on my motorcycle.
And I don't want to die, I just want to ride on my motorcycle.
				-- Arlo Guthrie
%%
  I get up each morning, gather my wits.
    Pick up the paper, read the obits.
  If I'm not there I know I'm not dead.
    So I eat a good breakfast and go back to bed.
 
  Oh, how do I know my youth is all spent?
    My get-up-and-go has got up and went.
  But in spite of it all, I'm able to grin,
    And think of the places my get-up has been.
%%
  My analyst told me that I was right out of my head,
    But I said, "Dear Doctor, I think that it is you instead.
  Because I have got a thing that is unique and new,
    To prove it I'll have the last laugh on you.
  'Cause instead of one head-
    I've got two.
 
And you know two heads are better than one.
%%
ILGL UNDEF SYM?
%%
"They took some of the Van Goghs, most of the jewels,
and all of the Chivas!"
%%
Sign on bank:  "FREE BOTTLE OF CHIVAS WITH EVERY
MILLION-DOLLAR DEPOSIT."
%%
Beggar to well-dressed businessman:  "Could you
spare 14.95 for a fifth of Chivas?"
%%
Why must every generation think their folks are square?
%%
  Sometimes I live in the country,
    And sometimes I live in town.
  And sometimes I have a great notion,
    To jump in the river and drown.
				-- Big Bill Broonzy
%%
Good evening, gentlemen.  I am a HAL 9000 computer.
I was completed at the HAL plant in Urbana, Illinois, on January
eleventh, nineteen hundred ninety five.  My supervisor
was Mr. Langley, and he taught me to sing a song.  If you
would like, I could sing it for you.
				-- Arthur Clarke and Stanely Kubrik
				"2001"
%%
Today is the first day of the rest of your lossage.
%%
Let the machine do the dirty work.
%%
Parenthesize to avoid ambiguity.
%%
Avoid unnecessary branches.
%%
If a logical expression is hard to understand, try transforming it.
%%
Be careful when a loop exits to the same place from side and bottom.
%%
Make sure your code "does nothing" gracefully.
%%
10.0 times 0.1 is hardly ever 1.0.
%%
The following new instruction has been added:
 
CHSE    Compare Half-words and Swap if Equal.
 
Please update your programs.
%%
The following new instruction has been added:
 
SWAR    Space War (in one instruction)
Please update your programs.
%%
The following new instruction has been added:
 
RIG     Read Interrecord Gap.
 
Please update your programs.
%%
The following new instruction has been added:
 
XOI     Execute Operator Immediate.
 
Please update your programs.
%%
The following new instruction has been added:
 
CIZ     Clear If Zero.
 
Please update your programs.
%%
The following new instruction has been added:
 
HCF     Halt and Catch Fire.
 
Please update your programs.
%%
The following new instruction has been added:
 
ROM     Read Operator's Mind.
 
Please update your programs.
%%
The following new instruction has been added:
 
COM     Clear Operator's Mind.
 
Please update your programs.
%%
The following new instruction has been added:
 
DAC     Divide and Conquer.
 
Please update your programs.
%%
The following new instruction has been added:
 
SETS    Set to Self.
 
Please update your programs.
%%
The following new instruction has been added:
 
PFLT    Prove Fermat's Last Theorem.
 
Please update your programs.
%%
The following new instruction has been added:
 
BFM     Be Fruitful and Multiply.
 
Please update your programs.
%%
The following new instruction has been added:
 
SPO     Skip if Power Off.
 
Please update your programs.
%%
The following new instruction has been added:
 
JFFZ    Jump if Find First Zero.
 
Please update your programs.
%%
The following new instruction has been added:
 
DWIM    Do What I Mean.
 
Please update your programs.
%%
The following new instruction has been added:
 
DTRT    Do The Right Thing.
 
Please update your programs.
%%
The following new instruction has been added:
 
BOT     Branch on Tree.
 
Please update your programs.
%%
The following new instruction has been added:
 
STMLMD  Skip To My Lou, My Darlin'
 
Please update your programs.
%%
The following new instruction has been added:
 
OPP     Optimize Programmer.
 
Please update your programs.
%%
The following new instruction has been added:
 
RLI     Rotate Left Intermittently
 
Please update your programs.
%%
The following new instruction has been added:
 
BAH     Branch and hang.
 
Please update your programs.
%%
The following new instruction has been added:
 
JOFD    Jump On Flag and Defect
 
Please update your programs.
%%
The following new instruction has been added:
 
PBN     Play Beethoven's Ninth
 
Please update your programs.
%%
A CONS is an object which cares.
				-- Bernie Greenberg.
%%
LISP car-and-cdr worlds are a more reasonable representation of the
things that make life interesting than fixed decimal(15) or
FILE OLDMSTR RECORD IS PAYROLL.
				-- Bernie Greenberg.
%%
As of next Tuesday, all terminal input will be line-at-a-time.
Please update your programs.
%%
"And you can't get any Watney's Red Barrel, because the bars
close every time you're thirsty..."
%%
You want to live forever?  Don't die.
%%
Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!
%%
Keeping instructions and operands in different
memories saves .20 (.09) microseconds.
%%
Just give Alice some pencils and she will stay busy for hours.
%%
Houdini escaping from New Jersey!
%%
"It was Hell", recalls former Child.
%%
Stability itself is nothing else than a more sluggish motion.
%%
Execute every act of thy life as though it were thy last.
				-- Marcus Aurelius
%%
Many receive advice, few profit from it.
%%
Better living a beggar than buried an emperor.
%%
That which is not good for the swarm, neither is it good for the bee.
%%
Men freely believe that what they wish to desire.
				-- Julius Caesar
%%
If you would know the value of money, go try to borrow some.
				-- Ben Franklin
%%
Business will be either better or worse.
				-- Calvin Coolidge
%%
Too clever is dumb.		-- Ogden Nash
%%
  Parsley
  is gharsley.
				-- Ogden Nash
%%
The only difference between a rut and a grave is their dimensions.
%%
It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty
of work to do.
%%
No small art is it to sleep: it is necessary for that purpose
to keep awake all day.  -- Nietzsche
%%
There are three types of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.
             -- Disraeli
%%
  A mathematician named Klein
  Thought the Mobius band was divine.
     Said he, "If you glue
     The edges of two,
  You'll get a weird bottle like mine!
%%
When you are up to your ass in alligators it is hard to
remember that your initial objective was to drain the swamp
%%
Abandon all hope, ye who enter here
%%
Abandon all hope, ye who exit here
%%
Any typographical error will occur in the place in which it will
do the most damage.
%%
Kiss your keyboard goodbye!
%%
When pleasure remains, does it remain a pleasure?
                -- A Sinbad the Sailor film
%%
Learning French is trivial: the word for horse is cheval, and everything
else follows in the same way.
				-- Alan J. Perlis
%%
You are being paged.
%%
Multics is security spelled sideways.
%%
  From the sublime to the ridiculous,
   to the sublimely ridiculous,
   to the ridiculously sublime.
%%
A Dill Pickle makes a soggy bookmark
%%
If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing
on the shoulders of giants.                     -- Isaac Newton
 
In the sciences, we are now uniquely privileged to sit side by side
with the giants on whose shoulders we stand.    -- Gerald Holton
 
If I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants
were standing on my shoulders.                  -- Hal Abelson
 
In computer science, we stand on each other's feet.
                                                -- Brian. K. Reid
%%
Legareque loquere Latinam bene possum.
 
It's not the initial cost of the notebook that counts -- it's the upkeep.
%%
It is impossible to make something foolproof because
fools are so ingenious.
%%
Nasrudin, ferrying a pedant across a piece of rough water, said
something ungrammatical to him.  "Have you never studied grammar?",
asked the scholar.  "No."  "Then half your life has been wasted."
A few minutes later Nasrudin turned to the passenger, and asked
"Have you ever learned how to swim?"  "No."  "Then all your life
is wasted -- we are sinking!"
%%
Nasrudin used to take a donkey across a frontier every day, with
the panniers loaded with straw.  Since he admitted to being a smuggler
when he trudged home every night, the guards searched him again and
again.  They frisked him, sifted the straw, even tried burning it.
They found nothing, but as time went by Nasrudin became more and
more prosperous.  Many years later, in another country, a retired
customs guard met Nasrudin and asked him what he had been smuggling.
"Donkeys" was the reply.
%%
One day the King decided that he would force all his subjects to
tell the truth.  A gallows was erected in front of the city gates.
A herald announced, "Whoever would enter the city must first answer
the truth to a question which will be put to him."  Nasrudin was
first in line.  The captain of the guard asked him, "Where are you
going?  Tell the truth -- the alternative is death by hanging."  "I am
going," said Nasrudin, "to be hanged on that gallows."  "I don't
believe you."  "Very well, if I have told a lie, then hang me!"
"But that would make it the truth!"  "Exactly," said Nasrudin,
"your truth."
%%
A kinsman came to see Nasrudin, bringing a duck as a gift.  Delighted,
Nasrudin made duck soup and shared it with his guest.  Thereafter, one
man after another arrived, claiming to be a friend of a friend of the
man who brought the duck, but bringing no presents themselves.  One day
a stranger appeared, saying "I am the friend of the friend of the friend
of the relative who brought you a duck", and sat down like all the rest,
expecting a meal.  The exasperated Mullah set before him a bowl of
hot water, saying "This is the soup of the soup of the soup of the duck
which was brought by my relative."
%%
Nasrudin called at a large house to collect for charity.  The servant
said "My master is out."  Nasrudin replied, "Tell your master that next
time he goes out, he should not leave his face at the window.  Someone
might steal it."
%%
Nasrudin was taking a load of salt to market.  His donkey waded through
a stream, dissolving the salt.  Delighted to be relieved of his load,
the donkey frisked on the shore, but Nasrudin was angered.  The next
market day, Nasrudin loaded the donkey with wool.  The animal nearly
drowned from the weight of the wool after wetting it in the stream.
Nasrudin sold the heavy, damp wool for more than it was worth.
%%
Two men came before Nasrudin when he was magistrate.  The first man
said, "This man has bitten my ear -- I demand compensation."  The second
man said, "He bit it himself."  Nasrudin withdrew to his chambers, and
spent an hour trying to bite his own ear.  He succeeded only in falling
over and bruising his forehead.  Returning to the courtroom, Nasrudin
pronounced, "Examine the man whose ear was bitten.  If his forehead is
bruised, he did it himself and the case is dismissed.  If his forehead
is not bruised, the other man did it and must pay three silver pieces."
%%
Nasrudin walked into a shop one day, and the owner came forward to
serve him.  Nasrudin said, "First things first.  Did you see me walk
into your shop?"  "Of course."  "Have you ever seen me before?"
"Never."  "Then how do you know it was me?"
%%
One day Nasrudin was walking down a deserted road, when he saw several
mounted men approaching.  Fearing that they were bandits or army
recruiters, he hid in an adjacent graveyard.  The travelers, who
were innocent, had seen him leap the wall.  They left the road and
sought Nasrudin, asking if they could help him, and why he was cowering
in the graveyard.  The Mullah replied, "I am here because of you,
and you are here because of me."
%%
Nasrudin said, "I can see in the dark."  A student asked, "If that is
so, why do you sometimes carry a candle at night?"  "To prevent other
people from bumping into me."
%%
"'Nobody can ride that horse,' the King said to me," said Nasrudin.
"But I climbed into the saddle anyway."  "What happened?"  "I couldn't
move it either."
%%
One day Nasrudin encountered a meditating Yogi.  Hoping to learn something,
he asked the Yogi who and what he was.  "I am a Yogi," was the reply,
"and I seek communion with all living things."  "That is interesting,"
replied Nasrudin, "because a fish once saved my life."  The Yogi begged
him to join him, because he had such harmony with the animal world.
After weeks of meditation, the Yogi asked to hear more of the fish
that saved Nasrudin's life.  Nasrudin said, "I was starving, and the
fish provided sustenance for three days."
%%
"There is nothing which cannot be answered by means of my doctrine,"
said a monk, coming into a teahouse where Nasrudin sat.  "And yet just a
short time ago, I was challenged by a scholar with an unanswerable
question," said Nasrudin.  "I could have answered it if I had been there."
"Very well.  He asked, 'Why are you breaking into my house in the middle
of the night?'"
%%
Nasrudin walked into a teahouse and declaimed, "The moon is more useful
than the sun."  "Why?", he was asked.  "Because at night we need the light
more."
%%
Nasrudin was carrying home a piece of liver and the recipe for liver pie.
Suddenly a bird of prey swooped down and snatched the piece of meat from
his hand.  As the bird flew off, Nasrudin called after it, "Foolish bird!
You have the liver, but what can you do with it without the recipe?"
%%
A neighbor came to Nasrudin, asking to borrow his donkey.  "It is out
on loan," the teacher replied.  At that moment, the donkey brayed loudly
inside the stable.  "But I can hear it bray, over there."  "Whom do you
believe," asked Nasrudin, "me or a donkey?"
%%
A would-be disciple came to Nasrudin's hut on the mountain-side.  Knowing
that every action of such an enlightened one is significant, the seeker
watched the teacher closely.  "Why do you blow on your hands?"  "To warm
myself in the cold."  Later, Nasrudin poured bowls of hot soup for himself
and the newcomer, and blew on his own.  "Why are doing that, Master?"
"To cool the soup."  Unable to trust a man who uses the same process
to arrive at two different results -- hot and cold -- the disciple departed.
%%
Some boys wanted to run away with Nasrudin's slippers.  They crowded around
him and said, "Mullah, no one can climb this tree."  "Of course they can,"
Nasrudin said.  "I will show you how."  He removed his slippers, but then,
sensing something amiss, stuck them in his waistband and proceeded up
the tree.  The discomfited boys asked, "Why do you not leave your slippers
here on the ground?"  Nasrudin replied, "If this tree has never been
climbed, how do I know there is not a road up there?"
%%
Nasrudin returned to his village from the imperial capital, and the
villagers gathered around to hear what had passed.  "At this time,"
said Nasrudin, "I only want to say that the King spoke to me."  All
the villagers but the stupidest ran off to spread the wonderful news.
The remaining villager asked, "What did the King say to you?"  "What he
said -- and quite distinctly, for everyone to hear -- was
'Get out of my way!'"
The simpleton was overjoyed; he had heard words actually spoken by the
King, and seen the very man they were spoken to.
%%
Nasrudin said, "If your donkey allows someone to steal your coat,
steal his saddle."
%%
Incrementally extended heuristic algorithms tend inexorably toward
the incomprehensible.
%%
The difference between a child and a hacker is the amount he
flames about his toys.
                        -- Ed Schwalenberg
%%
You know, the mainspring of this country
wound up as tight as it is,
is guaranteed for the life of the watch.
%%
"Live long and prosper."
                  -- Spock of Vulcan
%%
"Man is ultimately superior to any mechanical device."
                  -- Kirk (Stardate 1514.0)
%%
"You (humans) are,after all, essentially irrational."
                  -- Spock (Stardate 3220.3)
%%
"If I let go of a hammer on a planet having a positive
  gravity, I need not see it fall to know that is has,
  in fact, fallen."
                  -- Spock (Stardate 2948.9)
%%
Read me Doctor Memory.
%%
"As we know, the value of pi is a transcendental figure
  without resolution."  -- Spock (Stardate 3615.4)
%%
".. the most important thing in the programming language
is the name.  A language will not succeed without a good
name.  I have recently invented a very good name and now
I am looking for a suitable language.
                  -- D. E. Knuth, 1967
%%
Security by Obscurity!
%%
Eternity is in love with the productions of time.
%%
If the fool would persist in his folly he would become wise.
%%
Prisons are built with stones of Law, Brothels with bricks of Religion.
%%
Excess of sorrow laughs.  Excess of joy weeps.
%%
One thought fills immensity.
%%
The eagle never lost so much time, as when he submitted to learn of the crow.
%%
The fox provides for himself, but God provides for the lion.
%%
Listen to the fools reproach!  It is a kingly title!
%%
The apple tree never asks the beech how he shall grow,
nor the lion, the horse, how he shall take his prey.
%%
If others had not been foolish, we should be so.
%%
As the caterpiller chooses the fairest leaves to lay her
eggs on, so the priest lays his curse on the fairest joys.
%%
To create a little flower is the labour of ages.
%%
The best wine is the oldest, the best water the newest.
%%
One Law for the lion and ox is oppression.
%%
[It] would have taken hours to be fair and we're not employed
to do that sort of thing.
                                -- KMP (out of context)
%%
I dreamed last night that I was a muffler,
when I woke up, I was exhausted.
                                - CTH
%%
Perfection (Almost):
The Titanic Disaster
 
"The Captain may, by simply moving an electric switch,
instantly close the doors and make the vessel practically
unsinkable.
                - special 1911 edition of Shipbuilder
%%
MULTICS MAN!!!!
 
With his power ring PL-1, backed by the mighty
resources of the powerful H-6880, his faithful
sidekick, the Fso Eagle, and his trusted gang:
"The System Daemons", he fights a never ending
battle for truth, security, and the Honeywell Way!
                                - T Kenney
%%
Use Computers to Take Over the Word.
%%
'Burned out,' he lives in fear, and he wonders
%%
"To be responsive at this time, though I will
simply say, and therefore this is a repeat of
what I said previously, that which I am unable
to offer in response is based on information
avaliable to make no such statement."
%%
If a wolf is chasing your sleigh, throw him a raisin
cookie but don't stop to bake a cake.  -- Banacek
%%
If the butterfly had teeth like the tiger he would
never make it out of the hangar. -- Banacek
%%
It is an extraordinary yet readily apparent fact of our
lives that broadening our horizons proves to be a far
lesser challenge than horizontalizing our broads.
                        -Weiner
%%
  When in distress with fortune and men's eyes,
  I all alone beweep my outcast state
  And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries
  And look upon myself and curse my fate;
  Wishing me like to one more rich in fate
  Featured like him, like him with friends possessed,
  Desiring this man's art and that man's state,
  With what I most enjoy contented least.
  Then in these thoughts, myself almost despising,
  Haply I think of thee and then my state
  Like to the lark at break of day arising,
  From sullen Earth, sings hymns at Heaven's gate.
  For thy remembered love such sweet joy brings,
  That then I scorn to change my state with kings.
 
                        -- William Shakespeare, "Sonnets"
%%
"How eccentric can we be if we live in a place like Lexington?"
                        -- Boston Globe article on The High Tech Set
%%
"A programmer," he said with obvious amazement, is the sort
of person "who drinks Coke in the morning."
                        -- Boston Globe article on The High Tech Set
%%
I had a feeling about Mathematics -- that I saw it all. Depth beyond
Depth was revealed to me -- the Byss and the Abyss. I saw -- as one
might see the transit of Venus or even the Lord Mayor's Show -- a
quantity passing through infinity and changing its sign from plus to
minus. I saw exactly how it happened and why the tergiversation was
inevitable -- but it was after dinner and I let it go.
                        -- Winston S. Churchill
%%
Demanding a direct answer from a bureaucrat is like eating with rubber
chopsticks.
				-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
%%
Legislation is a series of catastrophes that results in a policy.
				-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
%%
Speaking on the record to a journalist is like feeding noodles to a tiger.
				-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
%%
It is wise to have one's own lawyer as attorney general, for it is written
that the eunuch will not molest the concubines.
				-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
%%
The Synthetic Fuels Corporation, like the egg roll, is shrimp surrounded
by dough.
				-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
%%
The politicians's passion is to be mistaken for a statesman.
				-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
%%
Death comes to any idea imprisoned in the mind of a lawmaker.
				-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
%%
Finding out what goes on in the C.I.A. is like performing acupuncture on
a rock.
				-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
%%
For a lawyer to feast on meat of the shark is a form of cannibalism.
				-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
%%
The humble bureaucrat, like the bass, dwells at the bottom of the pond but
grows fat.
				-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
%%
Thre is no truth that cannot be obscured by public relations.
				-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
%%
The confusion of a staff member is measured by the length of
his memos.
				-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
%%
A clear conscience needs no public information officer.
				-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
%%
Fortune favors the Feds.
				-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
%%
A lobbyist's pagoda is build on a foundation of night soil.
				-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
%%
The Cabinet is a pig, a serpent, a tiger and an ox brought together and
told to produce offspring.
				-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
%%
To revive the domestic auto industry by deregulation is to offer aphrodisiacs
to the dead.
				-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
%%
A wise man would no sooner appoint a contractor to a position of trust
that a President would ask Taiwan to guard the mainland.
				-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
%%
A dentist may decree that oil production increase, and a goose may command
that the Great Wall leap into the air.
				-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
%%
To expect a former senator to be content in the Cabinet is to hope
that a warlord will find serenity as a slave.
				-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
%%
You may get the Goverment off the backs of the people, but they
will soon demand to be remounted.
				-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
%%
A general leading the State Department resembles  a dragon commanding ducks.
				-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
%%
Asking a Republican Senate and Democratic House to make a law is like
trying to fry a single egg in two pans.
				-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
%%
A scholar sent to the United Nations is condemned to attend an eternity of
faculty meetings.
				-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
%%
186,000 miles per second: it's not just a good idea, it's the law.
%%
A bird in the hand makes it awfully hard to blow your nose.
%%
A bird in the hand might.
%%
A committee is an animal with a hundred stomachs and no brains.
%%
A cow eats without a knife.
%%
A friend asks only for your time, not your money.
%%
A gift of flowers will soon be made to you.
%%
A guy has to get fresh once in a while so the girl doesn't lose her
confidence.
%%
A king's castle is his home.
%%
A lie in time saves nine.
%%
A little virtue will never hurt you.
                                -- Piet Hein.
%%
A lost ounce of gold may be found, a lost moment of time never.
%%
A man who turns green has eschewed protein.
%%
A member of your family will soon do something that will make you proud.
%%
A plucked goose doesn't lay golden eggs.
%%
A present, over which you will shed tears of joy.
%%
A stitch in time saves nine.
%%
A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a Unicorn.
%%
A virtuous life is its own punisment.
%%
A vivid and creative mind characterizes you.
%%
A wise man can see more from a mountain top than a fool can from the
bottom of a well.
%%
Age before beauty; and pearls before swine.
                                -- Dorothy Parker
%%
Ain't no horse can't be rode; ain't no cowboy can't be throwed.
%%
Alimony and bribes will engage a large share of your wealth.
%%
All the troubles you have will pass away very quickly.
%%
Although the moon is smaller than the earth, it is farther away.
%%
Among the lucky, you are the chosen one.
%%
An abstract term is like a valise with a false bottom, you may put in it
what ideas you please, and take them out again, without being observed.
%%
An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
%%
Anything is impossible, if you don't attempt it.
%%
Anything not worth doing is not worth doing well.
                                -- G. Bell.
%%