From: IN%"KENNEDY@Eisner.DECUS.Org" "Terry Kennedy" 29-JAN-1997 00:34:10.72 To: IN%"TERRY@spcvxa.spc.edu" CC: Subj: Borg jokes Return-path: Received: from Eisner.DECUS.Org (SYSTEM@Eisner.DECUS.Org) by spcvxa.spc.edu (PMDF V5.0-8 #19122) id <01IERL4N5KA88XFV9W@spcvxa.spc.edu> for TERRY@spcvxa.spc.edu; Wed, 29 Jan 1997 00:34:04 -0500 (EST) Received: from Eisner.DECUS.Org by Eisner.DECUS.Org (PMDF V4.2-12 #4291) id <01IERL4BSLC0001QVS@Eisner.DECUS.Org>; Wed, 29 Jan 1997 00:33:50 -0500 (EST) Date: Wed, 29 Jan 1997 00:33:50 -0500 (EST) From: Terry Kennedy Subject: Borg jokes To: TERRY@spcvxa.spc.edu Message-id: <01IERL4BV05E001QVS@Eisner.DECUS.Org> Organization: Digital Equipment Computer Users Society X-VMS-To: kennedy MIME-version: 1.0 Content-type: TEXT/PLAIN; CHARSET=US-ASCII Content-transfer-encoding: 7BIT <<< EISNER::$2$DIA7:[NOTES$HIVOL]HOBBIES_AND_INTERESTS.NOTE;1 >>> -< HOBBIES_AND_INTERESTS >- ================================================================================ Note 23.1097 Star Trek: TOS and TNG 1097 of 1097 EISNER::BROWN "Rob Brown, Who_am_I #483" 464 lines 28-JAN-1997 22:28 -< Lots of Borg Jokes, some funny >- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Here is a bunch of borg jokes reposted from the DECUS Canada system. <<< SYS$SYSDEVICE:[NOTES$LIBRARY]ADULT_READING.NOTE;1 >>> -< ADULT_READING >- ================================================================================ Note 25.20 Star Trek 20 of 32 MUKLUK::ROBERTS "Rob Slade, the famous sleep depriv" 73 lines 13-JUL-1994 17:01 -< Borg Jokes >- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "Michael D. Meyer" Forwarded from another list. You may have to be a fan of the show to understand them. No offense to any Borg out there. Q: How many Borg does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Illumination is irrelevant. __________________________ Q. What does a depressed Borg say? A. Everything's NOT futile. Q: Why did the Borg cross the road? A: Standing there was futile. _______________________________________________________________ Top 10 Reasons the Borg have NOT returned to fight the Federation again: 10. New assimilation software turned out to be vaporware; back to square one when the supplier's 1-800 number was disconnected. 9. Assimilation of Locutus caused chaos as the Borg became caught up in a massive Sam Spade adventure game craze. 8. If Earth were assimilated, the commute from Borg home planet would be a killer drive. 7. Collective Borg decided a cube was to complicated a form - awaiting building of a new pyramid ship. 6. Earth was too blue for their tastes; they were hoping for an emerald green planet, something in a teal, with tasteful lavender clouds. 5. Bidding war for exclusive appearance in Coke or Pepsi commercials too agonizing a choice... returned home to rebuild decision circuits. 4. Earth too close to the sun... would ruin their cultivated pallor. 3. They heard that Worf bragged of personally kicking their butts if they showed their face in the sector again...began laughing for first time, haven't stopped yet. 2. $29 navigation chip failed..they now have NO idea where Earth is..wandering out by the Cardassians, asking directions. And the number one reason the Borg haven't returned to Earth.... 1. WESLEY CRUSHER (Your jokes are too funny. You will be assimilated. Your piece de resistance is useless.) ----------------------------------------------------------------- Two Borg walk into a bar. One Borg says to the other, "Did you hear about that city that was burned down in Argentina?" The other Borg replies, "Yeah, just goes to show you; Resistencia is fusil." ----------------------------------------------------------------- A Borg was walking down a country road when he saw a donkey in a field nearby. Climbing over the fence, he pulled out his hand weapon, prayed loudly, and disintegrated the creature. The farmer who lived there ran out the door. "What in the world was that?" "Why," said the Borg, "What else? Ass immolation." ----------------------------------------------------------------- Best Bumpersticker on Borg ship: "Blonde Borgs have the same fun." Happy Borg: &> Sad Borg: &< Locutus: ;| Drunk or Stoned Borg: #) Borg on Acid: @) McBorg - Over Half a billion assimilated. Borger King - you will have it _our_ way. Special orders are irrevelant. FROM BARNEY THE BORG: We are we, we are we. Resistance is futility. <<< SYS$SYSDEVICE:[NOTES$LIBRARY]ADULT_READING.NOTE;1 >>> -< ADULT_READING >- ================================================================================ Note 25.22 Star Trek 22 of 32 MUKLUK::ROBERTS "Rob Slade, the famous sleep depri" 369 lines 26-AUG-1994 16:03 -< Borg one liners >- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Timothy Abicht Subject: Borgisms 1 of 5 >fairly clean< A Klingon, a Romulan, and a Borg we A Poetic Borg: You will compose assimiliated rhythms and rhymes. Alll a Borg!!!!!! And I thought the Borg were bad . . . And the only thing the Borg left was this Amiga.... And the only thing the Borg left was this Macintosh. And the only thing the Borg left was NT. And verily he said unto them, thou shalt be assimilated Assimilated, you will be. Yoda of Borg Assimilation: The new industry standard Borg Gates Barney of Borg: I assimilate you; you assimilate me... Barney of Borg: Today we learned that resistance is futile. Borg. James Borg. Vodka martini dry...olives are irrelevant. Borg! Unh! Good God, y'all! What is it good for? Borg? Where? I don't se*(#$#..NO CARRIER Borg assimilated my race and all I got was this t-shirt. Borg Cola - Not the choice of the Next Generation. Borg destroyed by Federation Death Star DS9, film at 11:00 Borg Do It Collectively. Borg do it their way. Your way is irrelevant Borg DOS 6.0 Assimilate drive C:? (Y)es, (O)k or (F)ine Borg Empire: Equal opportunity Assimilator! BORG IDIC: Incalculable Devastation for Infinite Cubes. Borg in New Jersey: "Florio is irrelevant." Borg Mail Reader v1.0 Your tagline will be assimilated. Borg Mail Reader v2.1a Tagline theft is futile. Borg Mail Reader v2.1a Taglines are irrelevent. Borg Moderator: Your Topic Is Irrelevant. Borg Nightmare: Assimilate another? NO WAIT, IT'S A PB!! Borg saying: We came. We absorbed. We left. Borg spreadsheet program: Locutus 1-2-3 Borg Wave 3.14: Your taglines have been assimilated. Borgasm: The Ecstasy of Assimilation. BorgDOS v6.0 - Assimilate Another [Y/n] Borger King - We do it our way! Your way is irrelevant! Borgs Bunny: "'What's up' is irrelevent, Doc. Borgy Pig - "th..th..th..that's irrelevent folks" Bring Arnold Schwartzenegger to play the Borg Terminator! Captain, why not just give the Borg Windows 3.1? - Worf Captain Barney's last words: Don't worry, the Borg are friendly. Cause I'm a Borg, yea, yea, yea. Chewbacca of Borg: RRWARARRHHG!! Creativity & Originality are irrelevant Barney of Borg Dances With Borgs - Starring Locutus Data is emotional because of a computer virus. The Borg Destroy the Borg? Give them Cavis Alpha IV! Destroy the Borg? Give them WINDOWS Destroy the Borg? Let's give them Windows. Distance is irrelevant - Pythagorus of Borg Drunk Borg: "Resilience is floor tile. Wan'be sim'lated?" Eat what you want. Your choice is irrelevant. SmorgasBorg Enterprise News: Borg Destroyed After Absorbing Windows. Ernest BORGnine... you be the judge... Even the Borg won't assimilate a Macintosh... Frankly my dear, you will be assimilated - Butler of Borg From this time forward, you will service...us. Locutus Fudd, of Borg: "Be vewy, vewy quiet. I'm Assimiwating." Futile, resistance is. Yoda of Borg Galactic Conquest Or Bust - The Borg GOTO, GOING TO, GONE TO ~ Borg subroutine Have it our way at Borger King! (I *am* this place!) Hi! My name is Borg. How may I assimilate you? How'm I flyin'? Dial 1-800-BORG-YOU. -Borg Huey Louis of Borg: Its Hip To Be Square! Huey Louis of Borgordi + transporter = Hewy, Lewy, & Dewey I! am! Kirkutus! of! Borg! Prepare! to! be! assimilated! I am Al of Borg. Aww, Peg, I don't wanna assimilate you. I am Barney of Borg. Prepare to be nauseated. I am Basford of Borg. Your sheep will be assimilated. I am Batman of Borg, you will be assimilated, foul fiend. I am Beavis, a Borg. Assimilation is cool. Heh-heh-heh I am Beldar of Borg. We will assimilate mass quantities. I am Bjorn of Borg. Wimbledon is irrelevant. I am Blofeld of Borg. You will be assimilated, Mr. Bond. I am Bones of Borg. Jim, I'm an assimilater, not a doctor I am Borg. James Borg. I am Borg room, who are you? I am Borgs Bunny. What's assimilation, Doc? I am Bubba of Borg. Y'all fixin' to be assimilated. I am Bud of Borg. Can I assimilate you, please, just once I am Bugs Bunny of Borg. What's up, Collective? I am Bundy of Borg. No, I won't assimilate you, Peg!!!!! I am ButtHead of Borg. Resistance sucks, duh-huh-huh I am Cat of Borg. We will assimilate your shiny things. I am Chevy Chase of Borg, and you're not! I am Chevy Chase of Borg - and I hate your guts. I am Clinton of Borg. Your wages will be assimilated... I am Clinton of Borg. You will be assimila... BIG MACS!! I am Clinton of Borg: Resistance is taxable! I am Clinton of Borg, prepare your money for assimilation I am Clinton of Borg. You may or may not be assimilated. I am CopyCat of Borg. Your tagline will be assimilated! I am Curly of Borg. Resistance is futile, woo woo woo... I am Cyrano Jones of Borg. Want to buy a borg tribble? I am Cyrus of Borg. You will be achy breaky assimilated. I am Dangerfield of Borg. Respect is irrelevant I am Dax of Borg. My slug has been assimilated. I am Descartes of Borg: I assimilate, therefore I am. I am Dirty Harry of Borg. Go ahead...resist us... I am E.T. of Borg. Home is irrelevant. I am Ed McMahon of Borg. You may already be assimilated! I am Elders of Borg: A planned and wanted assimilation I am Eliza of Borg. How does assimilation make you feel? I am Elmer Fudd of Borg. Pwepawe to be Assimiwated. I am Flintstone of Borg. You will be yabbadabbasimilated I am Fudd of Borg. Pwepare to be assimiwated. I am Fudd of Borg. Wesistance is Yusewess. Huh-huh-hut! I am Gilligan of Borg. Escape from the island is futile. I am Ginzu of Borg. You shall be amputated. But Wait! I am Gomer of Borg! Golly we are gonna assimilate ya! I am Hamlet, Prince of Borg. Prepare to be...or not to be I am Hillary of Borg. Choice is irrelevant. I am Homer of Borg. Prepare to be assimi... Oooh! Donuts! I am incapable of forgetting. * Data I am Jordon of Borg. Gravity is irrelevant. I am Kelly of Borg. Can I (what's that word, daddy?) I am Kelly of Borg. Can I oh, you know what I mean. I am Khan of Borg. From hell's heart I assimilate thee.. I am Kira of Borg. Wanna make something out of it??!!!! I am Kirk of Borg. You! Will! Be! Assimilated! I am Kirok! I am Koresh of Borg. Prepare to be immolated. I am Koresh of Borg, we will be incinerated. I am Lancelot of Borg. Resistance is feudal. I am Locutus of Borg. This tagline was assimilated. I am Locutus . . . of Borg. Resistance is futile. I am Locutus of Borg. Do you have any Grey Poupon? I am Locutus of Borg, this tagline is irrelevant. I am Locutus of Borg. I demand Earl Grey tea - for 10000. I am Macintosh of Borg. It takes a while to assimilate. I am Marvin of Borg. Guess what weapons we have. Go on, guess I am McCoy of Borg,...You will Damn well be assimilated I am McMahon of Borg. You shall be on Star Search. I am Moderator of Borg.Resistance is futile.You will obey I am Mr. T of Borg. I pity da fool that resists me. I am Opie of Borg. Can I assimilate 'em, Pa? I am Peg of Borg. Al, I need to be assimilated NOW! I am Perot of Borg. We should assimilate for the children I am Pike of Borg. Beep beep. I am Popeye of Borg. Prepare to be askimilgrated. I am Porky of Borg. You will be assim...bdeh...assim... I am Quayle of Borg. Speling is Irevelant I am Reagan of Borg. Prepare to be...uh, I don't recall I am Rush of Borg, Prepare to have meaning attached. I am Scott of Borg. Resistance dinna matter. I am Shakespeare of Borg. Prepare to be, or not to be. I am so old, I still think Borg is a tennis player I am Sybil of Borg: I will assimilate myself. I am Tagline of Borg. Go ahead! Assimilate me! I am Terminator of Borg. Hasta Lassimilation, Baby! I am Tim Allen of Borg. Prepare to be Re-wired. I am Troi of Borg. Your Chocolate will be assimilated. I am Troi of Borg. How does assimilation make you feel? I am Trojan of Borg: Assimilation is safe sex. I am Uhura of Borg. Assimilation frequencies open, sir. I am Wayne of Borg. You will be assimilated. NOT! I am Wesley of Borg. Even THEY don't like me! I am Worf of Borg. Resistance is *without* honor. I am Yoda of Borg: Assimilated will you be ... hmm? I am Zaphod of Borg. You will be...Whoa! Babes! I am Zsa Zsa of Borg. Prepare to be assimilated dahling. I canna change the laws of assimilation - Scotty of Borg I like my species the way it is. - Worf to Locutus I want your clothes, boots, and, oh yeah, you're assimilated I'd rather be assimilating. - Borg Bumper-sticker. If Ensign Ro were assimilated, she'd be a Bajoran Borg. If you can read this, you're irrelevant. -Borg Irrelevant, proper order of words is. Yoda of Borg It is irrevelent that the Borg do it. It's a futile day in the neigh-Borg-hood... It's Hip To Be Square! - Borg Chamber of Commerce It's not a human, dammit! It's a Borg!" - Picard It's the Borg!! Quick, look useless... Join the group mind - become a Borg. Let LimBORG do it. He knows everything. Life ain't easy for a Borg named Hugh. Locutus to Pontiac: Excitement is Irrelevant. Lubricant. Pennzoil. Steaming hot. - Locutus of Borg McBorgs, over half-billion assimilated. Me and you and a Borg named Hugh My other computer is a Borg. Next on Geraldo of Borg: brothers who assimilate sisters. Nice Borg. Gooood Borg. Urk! Only YOU can prevent futility. Smokey the Borg Packled Borg: We look for things. Things to assimilate. Prepare to be,like,totally assimilated,OK?Buffy of Borg Puddy Tat's are iwelevent Tweety of Borg RESISTENCE IS FUTILE... - The Borg Resistance is futile (If < .0001 Ohm). Resistance is Illogical - Spockutis of Borg. Resistance is Useless!!! if < 1 ohm Riker, AKA "Number One." A spy for the Borg? Roger Daltry of Borg: Hope I die before I'm assimilated. Running is irrelevant. Border is irrelevant. Taco Borg Rush LimBorg: Liberals are irrelevant! Screw the Prime Directive...give the Borg a copy of Windows! Seinfeld of Borg: D'juh ever notice resistance is futile? Send the Borg a copy of Windows. That'll REALLY slow 'em Sorry, the Borg assimilated my mail packet. Sylvester of Borg: Birds are irrelevant. Sylvester of Borg: Succotash is irrelevant. Tennis is irrelevant - Bjorn Borg TerminatorBorg The Borg Are Back An' Theres Gonna Be Trouble Hey Na Hey The Borg assimilated me & all I got was this t-shirt. The Borg assimilated my race and all I got was this t-shirt. The Borg assimilated my race and all I got was this tagline. The Borg Cable Co: The subscriber's wishes are irrelevant THE BORG: Calm, Cool and Collective... The Borg Express Card: Assimilation has its privileges. The Borg have neither honor or courage. The Borg is *everywhere*! "Riker" The Borg -- plastic surgery taken too far The final DOS version of Borg ... ClintonBorg! The Last Borg Scout - Starring Patrick Stewart as Locutus Tigger of Borg: Assimilatin' is what Tiggers do best! To Borg or not to Borg, the question is irrelevent! Troi of Borg: And how did assimilation make you feel? Victor Borg: Pianos are irrelevant. Vote for Locutus/Hugh: 9 of 6 of the Collective Party!!! We are FORMAT of Borg. Your hard drive is assimilated... We brake for cubes! We have engaged the Borg. The wedding will be Friday. We will not assimilate you..IF you can spell 'assimilate' Why Ask Why? Try Borg Dry Yoooouuuuu'rreee Irrelevant! Daffy Duck of Borg Your income is being assimilated Clinton of Borg Your life, as it has been, is over. Locutus of Borg You will be assimilated... during dinner. - Bates of Borg You will use Windows. Resistance is Futile. Borg "I'm Beverly...", "I'm Geordi...", "We are Barney..." "They turned me into a Borg." "A Borg?" "Well, I got better" 'Cause I'm a Borg, yea, yea, yea. * <- Tribble # <- Tribble After Borg Assimilation #1 on BORG Hit Parade: "Borg in the 'Hood'"! #1 on BORG Hit Parade: "We all sleep in a single subroutine" #1 on the Borg Hit Parade: We all sleep in a single subroutine #2 on the Borg Hit Parade: Borg in the USA. * <- Tribble # <- Tribble After Borg Assimilation All a Borg! And the only thing the Borg left behind was NT. And the only thing the Borg left behind was this Macintosh. Assimilate me tender - Elvis of Borg Bashir on Borg: I'd be hostile too if my poop was cubed! Borg Assimilation is the Best Cure for the Common Man. Borg Burgers: Your way is IRRELEVANT! Borg Mail Reader v2.1a. Tagline theft is futile. Borg Mail Reader v2.1a. Taglines are irrelevant. Borg Moderator - Your topic is irrelevant. Borg Oyster Cult: Fearing the Reaper is irrelevant. Borg in New Jersey: Florio is irrelevant Borg saying: We came. We absorbed. We left. Borg spreadsheet program: Locutus 1-2-3 Borg starter kit. Some assimilation required. Borg virus detected. (A)ssimilate? (Y/y) Borg, James Borg. Vodka martini, gin is irrelevant. Borg-Cola: Not the choice of The Next Generation. Borg-again Christian. Resistance to my sermon is futile Borg.Com found! (A)ssimilate (C)hange channel BorgBurgers. We do it our way. Your way is irrelevant. BorgDOS 5.0: Assimilate another (Y/N)? BorgDOS: Irrelevant command or filename Borganist: music maker at Borg baseball games Borgasm: The ecstacy of being assimilated. Borger King. Have it our way. Your way is irrelevant. Captain, why not just give the Borg Windows? - Worf Distance is irrelevant - Pythagoras of Borg Drunk Borg: "Rsilience in floor tile. Wan'be similated?" Ernest BORGnine... you be the judge. Evidence of an evil Borg plot: MSDOS 6.0 Forget PRIME DIRECTIVES! Give the BORG Windows! GOTO, GOING TO, GONE TO - Borg subroutines Gates of Borg: OEMs will be assimilated Geraldo of Borg: Next brothers who assimilate sisters Groucho Borg: That's the silliest thing I ever assimilated HersheyBORG: Wrappers are futile. Chocolate will be assimilated. Hillary of Borg: Choice is irrelevant. I am Al of Borg. Aww, Peg, I assimilated you last year. I am Bart of Borg, prepare to be assimilated, Man! I am Bart of Borg, who the hell are you? I am Bugs Bunny of Borg. What's up, Collective? I am Caffeine of Borg. Sleep is irrelevant. I am Clinton of Borg. Hillary says resistance is futile! I am CopyCat of Borg. Your tagline will be assimilated. I am Dangerfield of Borg. Respect is irrelevant. I am Descartes of Borg: I assimilate therefore I am I am Flatulus of Borg. Prepare to pull my finger. I am Flatulus of Borg: Here (and smell) me ROAR! I am Fudd of Borg! Pwepawe to be assimiwated! I am Fudd of Borg. Wesistance is usewess! I am Garfield of Borg - Hairballs are irrelevant.... I am Ginsu of Borg. You will be assimilated - but WAIT! There's MORE! I am Homer of Borg! Prepare to be...OOooooo! Donuts! I am Jordan of Borg. Gravity is irrelevant. I am Julian of Borg - But Jadzia why _can't_ I assimilate you? I am Locutus of Borg, this tagline is irrelevant. I am Madonna of Borg. Gender is irrelevant. I am Madonna of Borg: Justify my assimilation! ::pant::pant:: I am OS/2 of Borg. DOS will be assimilated. I am Popeye of Borg. Prepare to be askimilgrated. I am Rooney of Borg. Ever wonder why resistence is futile? I am Shakespeare of Borg. Prepare to be, or not to be. I am Shareware of Borg. Registation is useless. I am Spock of Borg... Fascinating I am Yoda of Borg: Irrelevant the Force is I am Zsa Zsa of Borg. Prepare to be assimilated dahling. I am neither human nor Borg. I am Hugh-Man! I yam Popeye of Borg, Prepare to be askimilated If Ensign Ro Were Assimilated, She'd Be A Bajoran Borg. Inhaling is irrelevant - Clinton of Borg It's not a person, damnit! It's a Borg! - Picard Lubricant. Pennzoil. Steaming hot - Locutus of Borg McBorg'ers: Over 50 million assimilated. My Borg is back, and there's gonna be trouble. Hey la... My other computer is a Borg. Number 6 of Borg - Why I resigned is irrelevant. P-Porky P-Pig of Borg: You will be assim-assim...absorbed Political correctness is a Borg plot. Q: How many Borg does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: All of them RED ALERT - Borg Fleet Approaching. Running is irrelevant. Border is irrelevant - Taco Borg Rush LimBorg: Liberals are irrelevant. Tennis is irrelevant - Bjorn Borg The Borg Cable Co: Subscriber's wishes are irrelevant. The Borg are coming! Quick, try and look useless. The Borg assimilated my race and all I got was this lousy T-Shirt! The Borg is the ultimate user - Q The Borg: Calm, Cool and Collective. The Borg: Plastic surgery taken too far. The Last Borg Scout - Starring Patrick Stewart as Locutus The Swedish Chef has been assimilated. "Borg borg borg!" The economy is irrelevant - Bush Borg The only thing the Borg left behind was this copy of Windows TheBorgAreBackAn'TheresGonnaBeTroubleHeyNaHey This is Borg. is futile is inevitable U2 will become one with the Borg. We like Bono. We are Daleks of Borg. ASSIMILATE! ASSI-MIL-ATE!!!!!!! We are Telix of Borg, no other comm programs are needed. We are the Borg. Your files will be assimilated. We have engaged the Borg. The wedding will be Friday. Welcome to Borg Burger. No pickles. Pickles are irrelevnt Whose laser thru yonder saucer section cuts? 'Tis the Borg Windows Could Crash Even A Borg! Worf: Screw the prime directive, I say give the Borg Windows. Yoooouuuuu'rreee Irrelevant! - Daffy Duck of Borg You n Me and a Borg named Hugh, living & assimilating . You named the Borg? - Guinan You will all become one with the Borg - Locutus Zsa Zsa of Borg. Prepare to be assimilated dahling. Borg Answering Machine Message: WE ARE BORG. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED. But we're not home right now. So leave a message at the tone, and we'll assimilate you later. Borg Knock Knock Joke: Knock! Knock! Who's there? OJ of Borg. OJ of Borg who? OK you're on the collective!