If you're dull as a napkin, don't sigh;
Make your name as a "deep" sort of guy.
  You just have to crib, see
  Any old book by Kripke
And publish in AAAI.
     
        ***     ***
     
A hacker who studied ontology
Was famed for his sense of frivolity.
  When his program inferred
  That Clyde is a bird
He blamed not his code but zoology.
     
        ***     ***
     
If your thesis is utterly vacuous
Use first-order predicate calculus.
  With sufficient formality
  The sheerist banality
Will be hailed by the critics: "Miraculous!"
     
If your thesis is quite indefensible
Reach for semantics intensional.
  Your committee will stammer
  Over Montague grammar
Not admitting it's incomprehensible.